You probably couldn't see through the lights (for teddyescher) [5/5]

[critcapmods]

Seoul doesn't make it easy for nighttime drivers to make their way from one place to another. Bucheon's streets are easy to navigate at night, but Cheongdam's much too far away, a two-hour drive that feels twice as long on the limbs. Jongdae pulls up his driving playlist to keep him awake, but it's Joonmyun's voice recordings that get him through most on the drive home.

He tumbles into his bed as soon as he strips of his suit, and curls up in the middle, phone clutched to his chest as the last few notes of Joonmyun's song play. you still up? he texts Joonmyun after a while, and it takes under a minute for Joonmyun to reply.

yeah, i'm good to talk. what's up, hyung? c:

He normally wouldn't call people past nine in the evening, but his mind is much too clouded with Baekhyun's and Kyungsoo's voices, a cacophony that sometimes interrupts Joonmyun's slow humming in his head. It's been easier to drown out while he was still in Bucheon, talking to people left and right, but now, in the silence of his room with nothing but the white noise to fill his ears, there's nothing to keep him from hearing the dissonance again and again.

He takes a deep breath, then dials Joonmyun's number, pressing his phone close to his ear as he waits for the dial tone to be replaced with a familiar voice.

"Hyung?" Some static in the background, then, "You're… calling."

"Yeah, I just-" Jongdae rolls over, lying flat on his back, and he grabs one of the pillows nearby to hug it close to his chest. "Tell me about your day? Have you been working again? It's the weekend, Joonmyun; you should getting some-"

On the other end of the line, Joonmyun chuckles. It sends a familiar sizzle of heat down his stomach, and Jongdae wants to hang up and curl in on himself again, throw the covers over his head and try to drown out Baekhyun and Kyungsoo's voices in his head. That, and the sinking sensation in his stomach that each and every sound Joonmyun makes gives him. "You're rambling. Are you okay?," Joonmyun asks, and for a moment Jongdae's thankful that Joonmyun can't see him burying his face in the sheets.

"Just talk, Joonmyun." He worries bottom lip, suddenly all too aware of the silence on the other end of the line, and he feels a surge of heat rush to his cheeks when he hears Joonmyun's light laughter. "Please, Joonmyunnie?"

"Ah…" Joonmyun takes a deep breath. "Well… My day wasn't that exciting. I mean…" He does that small noise, the half-amused, half-shy one, and he hums a little before he continues, "I work at a hagwon. I mean I own one, so… What do you want me to teach you?"

Jongdae laughs a little. "Anything but music?" He pushes himself off the bed so he can sit, back against the pillow resting near the headboard. "Because I know more about that than you do."

"Won't that be a great test to see if you've been an effective teacher, though?"

Jongdae rolls his eyes, and he doesn't have to press his ear even closer to hear Joonmyun laughing. He's got that sound filed in his mind, a melody he's come to find comforting at weird, odd moments. "Then you'll have to sing me to sleep," Jongdae teases, and Joonmyun only laughs harder, his voice reaching that sweet high note that haunts Jongdae even in his sleep.

"What do you want me to start with then?"

"Anything. I just…" Jongdae takes a deep breath and sinks into the pillow. "I just want to hear your voice."

Jongdae can't make out the faint sound at the other end of the line, but Joonmyun starts humming a few seconds after, singing a song that Jongdae recognizes from the set Joonmyun had performed in ZZYZX. He closes his eyes, imagining Joonmyun playing the guitar, fingers strumming the strings and plucking from time to time. He imagines the way Joonmyun tilts his head just slightly when he hits a high note, imagines the slow upward tug at the corners of Joonmyun's lips, the gentle slope of the bridge of his nose. The smooth curve of his face and the stretch of his neck and how soft his skin had been when Jongdae accidentally-on purpose brushed his hand against Joonmyun's skin.

Jongdae sings the last few lines with Joonmyun, taking his voice one octave lower as their voices blend into one solid tune.

He takes a deep breath and smiles.

Chuseok draws dangerously nearer, and by the end of the first week of September the winds starts blowing harder, a cool blanket wrapping around Jongdae when he slips out of his car to give Baekhyun and Sunyoung a tight hug before seeing them off. The sun is up high and his shirt sticks to his back, but Baekhyun lets his hand linger on the thin veil of clothing keeping their skins from making contact.

"You two give me a call or text when you get there, okay?" he says, then waves at the two, a newly wedded couple out to conquer even greater challenges.

"Yeah, yeah, we will." Baekhyun jabs Jongdae on the arm, and Jongdae chokes down the tiny yelp that almost escapes his lips. "Don't spend the whole of Chuseok worrying about us, okay?"

"I won't think about you at all!" Jongdae calls out, and they both disappear into the corner, luggages in tow.

The past three Chuseok celebrations have been spent finishing new album tracks for his comeback, but he'd asked Joonmyun if he had plans for the next three days and Joonmyun had said, as if it was obvious, "Do I look like a person who actually has enough time to do something on Chuseok?" Taking a break is mandatory if you're not working in the service industry, though, and Jongdae ends up inviting Joonmyun to do something on Chuseok. He'll work out the specifics later.

The agreement was to meet in Hongdae to catch brunch at Organic, but Joonmyun had called to say he had something to fix in the Apgeujong office before he could fully put his mind at ease. "Just let me know when you're already in the area," Joonmyun had said, and Jongdae asked for the exact address, knowing all too well that in Joonmyun's current state, he'd give it away without question.

So three in the afternoon finds him walking down the streets of Apgeujong, crossing a few familiar coffee shops he'd once hung out at when he was much younger, when he was still fresh from debuting. Joonmyun's office shouldn't be far off, and when he spots a tall, yellow building in the midst of all the low-rise ones and the small cafes, he walks in its direction without a second thought.

He takes the elevator to the third floor, letting out an exhale as the doors open. The signage in front of him reads "Ecclus Learning Center". He double-checks, pulling up the text from Joonmyun, then smoothes out his top when he confirms that he's in the right place. He then presses the buzzer, and a man who doesn't look much older than Joonmyun answers the door.

"Um, does a Kim Joonmyun work here?" Jongdae asks, taking a step closer. The place looks smaller than the average hagwon from the outside, but soon Jongdae catches sight of a passageway and he's thoroughly convinced that, like Joonmyun, this place has a couple of tricks up its sleeve.

"Ah, Joonmyun's working on a couple of documents at the moment." The man smiles at him, then gestures for him to take a seat. "I'll let him know he has a visitor, though. Can I get your name, please?"

"Kim- Jongdae-" comes a voice from behind the man who has welcomed him. "You're Kim Jongdae, right? The singer from SM Entertainment?"

Jongdae laughs a little, and he briefly forgets that there is standard idol behavior to be followed. This isn't Joonmyun, or Baekhyun or Kyungsoo, people Jongdae has known for a while already, people who have seen past Jongdae's prim and proper idol front and have left a mark in Jongdae's life with the voices that haunt him day and night. "Yes, that's right," he simply says, then wears his best smile as he extends a hand in the newcomer's direction. "It's nice to meet-"

"Hyung?" A more familiar voice this time, and Jongdae stands from his seat, the corners of his lips tugging up automatically. "I told you I'll just meet you somewhere! You didn't need to-"

Jongdae had expected a different kind of Joonmyun - maybe one in a more formal attire, a better-fitted blazer, hair brushed to the sides - but the Joonmyun right in front of him isn't any different from the one he has seen performing in Blue Moon and Heaven and ZZYZX, the same Joonmyun whose voice sets the staccato of his heartbeats in one fluid melody. "I was getting impatient," he reasons out, grinning, and Joonmyun just shakes his head and exhales loudly.

"So this is the same Jongdae-"

"Yes, hyung," Joonmyun tells the man smaller than the other. Jongdae doesn't know why there's collective laughter, but Joonmyun gives the two a stern look and the taller man bites his bottom lip in an attempt to suppress his laughter. "Oh, uh, Jongdae-hyung-" Joonmyun tugs at his wrist, and he takes a step closer. "These are some of the teachers here in the hagwon. This is Kim Minseok. Best math teacher around. This tall kid over here is Kim Jongin. He… is the unassuming physics wizard."

"It's all the soccer going on in his brain," Minseok whispers, and Jongdae chuckles in response. "Nice to finally meet you, Kim Jongdae-ssi. Joonmyunnie speaks highly of you."

Joonmyunnie. Jongdae feels his throat tighten. "Highly and fondly," Jongin quips, and the tension in Jongdae's throat eases just a little.

"Okay, that's enough. You two still have to finish the syllabus for next week." Joonmyun ushers them back inside the main hall of the hagwon, eyes narrowed at Jongin as Jongin whispers something and bursts into a peal of laughter. Minseok gives him one last wave, then snakes an arm around Jongin's shoulder as they walk straight ahead, then split at the end of the corridor. "I still can't believe you're actually here. I mean…" Joonmyun turns to him now, eyes fixed on the floor, and Jongdae watches as Joonmyun worries his bottom lip, trapping it between his teeth.

The curl at the corners of Joonmyun's lips is pretty. Jongdae takes a step forward, and Joonmyun finally looks up.

"Sorry, I just…" Jongdae laughs a little. He scratches the back of his ear a little, and he can feel a rush of heat to his cheeks. "I wanted to see you in your natural habitat, I guess?"

Joonmyun snorts, a small sound that isn't anything like his soft, soothing voice. "Habitat? I'm not an animal, hyung."

"You're a teeny, tiny cat. A fluffy cat." Jongdae turns on his heel even before he can see his reflection just behind Joonmyun, on the metal surface. "Ready to go?"

"Just… gonna get my bags and leave the keys with Minseok-hyung." He can hear Joonmyun giggling, and he briefly wonders if Joonmyun can see right through him. "I'll be back in a while."

"Yeah, sure." Jongdae rubs the tip of his nose and stays rooted where he is. He can't wipe the crazy grin off his lips yet. "I'll be waiting."

The trip to Gangeung takes a little over three hours, and Joonmyun falls asleep on his shoulder halfway through the bus trip, a book in his right hand and his left hand warm on Jongdae's lap. Joonmyun had stolen one of Jongdae's earbuds earlier, and Jongdae becomes more conscious of the music playing in their ears when he feels the weight on his right arm shift.

He skips a few fast songs and puts his 'rainy days' playlist on shuffle. He can feel Joonmyun nuzzling his arm. He keeps his head hung low, face buried in Joonmyun's bright blond hair. He smells like coffee and mint and the pages of a book, but then Jongdae hasn't touched a real book in a while; maybe Joonmyun just smells like Joonmyun, and his voice is like a warm quilt wrapped around him on a cool winter afternoon.

He wakes up with a tiny jerk of the body when he feels someone holding his other hand, and it takes a few blinks to register that Joonmyun's reaching over to take control of the music. "Not feeling the slow songs?" he asks, voice still sticky with sleep, and Joonmyun shakes his head weakly, craning his neck until their noses bump.

"There's a fine line between boring and slow, hyung," Joonmyun teases, but he chokes on the last syllable and Jongdae finds himself laughing. There's a kid sitting opposite them, too busy with his DS, and there's a couple a few seats away, and Joonmyun's lips look so inviting in the soft afternoon light, and Joonmyun's holding onto his wrist tightly, his free hand snatching the iPod from Jongdae's grasp.

"Sneaky," Jongdae says, seething, but his speech dissolves into laughter when Joonmyun sticks out his tongue.

"Oh, hyung-" Joonmyun stops, then turns to him with a peculiar smile. He hasn't spend that much time in the daylight with Joonmyun yet, but he finds himself slowly growing fond of this smile, favoring it over the sly, teasing ones Joonmyun gives him when they're in the club and they're doing an assessment of Joonmyun's performance. Slowly, Joonmyun draws the iPod closer to Jongdae, flashing a series of songs in a playlist. "Really? You have these songs here?"

Jongdae remembers transferring the recordings from his phone to his iPod so he can play them in his car whenever he goes out for a drive. He remembers laughing at himself silly while syncing it and everytime he loads the playlist, remembers Joonmyun's expectant smile whenever he sits down with Jongdae after a performance. "I put those there so I can… study your voice better," he mumbles, and Joonmyun looks up at him, crinkles forming at the corners of his mouth as he bites hard on his lower lip.

They arrive at the terminal just as the playlist ends, and they transfer to bus 202, alighting only at the very last station. Joonmyun nearly hits Jongdae with his backpack when he tries wearing it on his back, and Jongdae sneaks a photo just before Joonmyun looks over his shoulder to see if Jongdae has already caught up. "You look extra tiny with that backpack you're wearing," Jongdae says between small fits of laughter, and Joonmyun pouts at him, bottom lip jutted and eyes squinted as he slaps Jongdae lightly on the arm.

They take a quick cab ride to check in their bags, then walk all the way to Gyeongpo Beach, a little under ten minutes from where their hotel is. It's almost five in the afternoon when they arrive, and the crowd has begun to thin when they set foot on the beach. The sand is warm the waters are calm, and steady blowing of the wind lifts some of the tension in Jongdae's muscles that travel has left there. "I haven't been on a trip recently, definitely not on Chuseok," Joonmyun says, and Joonmyun bends his knees, then sits on the sand.

He pats the space beside him and Jongdae follows suit, legs extended in front of him as they watch the waves crash to the shore.

The companionable silence stretches for another thirty minutes, and Joonmyun sinks into the sand, closing his eyes as he lets the warmth engulf him. "I'm glad we took a bus to Gangneung," Joonmyun says after a while. Jongdae shifts, turning in Joonmyun's direction, and he catches Joonmyun wiggling his fingers. "If you drove us all the way to the hotel, it probably would have been torture."

"You hate private cars that much? Jeez…" Jongdae waits for the perfunctory slap on the arm or a pinch, but Joonmyun stays still, breathing even and measured.

"I lost my parents to a car crash on Chuseok, around six years ago." Jongdae inches closer, and Joonmyun opens his eyes for a while, then raises his right hand in front of him, fingers spread out. "And then, two years ago, I was supposed to go on a trip with a good friend and he… he got into an accident."

"Still alive?"

"Barely," Joonmyun quickly answers. The laughter that spills from his lips is dry. "It was a pretty stupid move, though. I told him not to drink because I knew he was driving and that it was going to be a long drive, but he still kept at it, and he was supposed to pick me up after work and then he got into this really nasty crash-"

"You don't have to continue if you don't have to, you know," Jongdae whispers. He cocks his head, eyes now fixed on Joonmyun, and from where he is Joonmyun looks years older, all the youth in his eyes swallowed by the sand.

"Nah, it's- I'm okay, it's been two years. And he's… changed. I can barely recognize him." He brings his hand down, resting it atop Jongdae's own. Joonmyun's fingers are cold in contrast with the sand, but the familiar warmth begins to surface on his lips again. "Being sad gets really draining after a while. I can't afford to be sullen in front of students."

"The books drain them enough as it is," Jongdae comments, and Joonmyun finally chuckles. His eyes disappear into half-moon crescents. Jongdae sighs.

They have dinner at a restaurant nearby, where the sand meets the shore, and Joonmyun makes the funniest sounds as he tries to crack a crab open and only ends up chipping off a bit of the shell. "There's a reason why I hate seafood!" he squeals, and Jongdae simply laughs at him, offering him the crab meat he has already gotten out of the shell, instead.

They walk along the stretch of the shoreline after dropping by a convenience store, each a bottle of soju to themselves. Joonmyun has the sparklers tucked under his arm, and he's walking far too fast, closer to the waves and further away from Jongdae. Jongdae's mind goes back to Seoul where Kyungsoo's probably discussing the details of his comeback album before curling up at home, because Seoul is always much easier to enjoy with all the noise flocking elsewhere, to provinces and tourist spots or even to other countries. "I feel like I'm getting a foot spa here, hyung!" Joonmyun calls out, and Jongdae's brought back to Gyeongpo, to his feet sinking in the wet sand, to Joonmyun waving one hand in the air, the bottle of soju gleaming just lightly when a sliver of light hits it.

"You get those often?" Jongdae asks once he's caught up. He wraps a hand around Joonmyun's wrist, dragging him closer to the shore. The waves are beginning to get stronger, and the wind tousles Joonmyun's already unmanageable hair.

"Not recently. I've been…" Joonmyun tilts his head, the corner of his lips tugging up as he looks at Jongdae. "Really busy." He clicks his tongue, but there's still the hint of amusement in the lilt of his his voice. "I wonder why."

"Tell me about it. There's this kid who keeps ruining my sleeping schedule-" Joonmyun pinches him in his side, and Jongdae erupts into a peal of laughter even as he trips and falls on the sand.

The waves have already calmed down by the time they uncap their soju bottles, and they each take a swig after bumping the bottles together. Joonmyun has fallen completely silent now, only humming occasionally. Jongdae can't find a pattern in the sudden burst of sound, not yet, and after another sip, he rests his hand on top of Joonmyun's, slipping his fingers between Joonmyun's own.

Joonmyun makes an indiscernible sound at the back of his throat and takes a long drink off his bottle.

Jongdae isn't drunk enough yet, but he slowly sinks in the sand, pulling Joonmyun down with him, on top of him. When he decided on a whim to head to Gyeongpo for Chuseok, away from his busy like in Gangnam and the noise he can't seem to get rid of, he'd somehow already made a decision to come back with a renewed sense of gratification. When he decided to pull Joonmyun with him on such short notice, he'd already set himself up for trouble, but Joonmyun hadn't complained despite the late night call, hadn't even questioned his choice of location or how they were going to get there. He'd only asked, "What time are we meeting up?", and Joonmyun had somehow known what to bring with him, what Jongdae needed.

Joonmyun is the cacophony that, strangely enough, sounds like music in Jongdae's ears.

Joonmyun gasps, hands trembling as he releases his hold from the bottle and the soju leaves a cool patch on his shirt. "Hyung, I'm sorry, I-" He can hear the panic and shock in the lilt of Joonmyun's voice, in the dissonance, but he pays no heed to it and simply snakes a hand up Joonmyun's nape, fingers tugging lightly on Joonmyun's hair.

He closes his eyes and lets the small gurgling sounds Joonmyun makes ease the fatigue in his limbs, but he opens his eyes wide when he feels the warm press of Joonmyun's lips - soft, light, tentative - on the underside of his jaw.

"For getting your shirt wet," Joonmyun whispers, then buries his face in Jongdae's chest.

Jongdae takes a deep breath and hopes, really wishes hard, that Joonmyun can't hear the heavy beats in Jongdae's chest.

"Apology accepted."

Jongdae wakes up to the heavy press of Joonmyun's lips, warm and wet, on this neck.

He trembles a little at the sensation. Joonmyun stirs a bit, humming as he moves closer and catches some of Jongdae's skin between his lips. He remembers getting up from the sand last night after losing all the feeling in his arms, remembers Joonmyun apologizing for drooling on his shirt, remembers linking his fingers with Joonmyun's as they made their way back to the hotel, the five-minute walk turning into a fifteen-minute journey, steps stuttered and slowed down by tickling and tripping over each other's feet, laughter muffled by the press of the mouth on the arm, Joonmyun burying his face in Jongdae's chest.

He remembers tumbling into bed with Joonmyun, remembers pulling Joonmyun closer until Joonmyun was nuzzling his chest, remembers Joonmyun humming until he fell asleep.

He remembers the dull ache in his chest as he watched Joonmyun deep in slumber. It's the same ache that claws at his stomach when Joonmyun looks up at him, the corners of his lips pulled down by lethargy, and says, "Hey. Good morning."

"You were right when you said you sing in your sleep," Jongdae whispers, then presses his lips where the furrow of Joonmyun's eyebrows is deepest. "I kept waking up."

Joonmyun frowns, bottom lip jutting out as he blows some air. "I was just kidding when I said that. I didn't know it was actually-"

"I'm kidding," Jongdae interrupts. Joonmyun snarls, but his voice is much too honeyed with sleep for it to even sound the slightest bit offending. "Get up, sleepyhead. Breakfast is only until 10:30."

Joonmyun's left hand finds a home on Jongdae's lap for most of breakfast, the tips of his fingers dipping every so often. Jongdae can't even count the number of times he almost chokes on his coffee, and Joonmyun only chuckles whenever Jongdae does, bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

Joonmyun's shirt is too big for him, and it drops too low in front, exposing his collarbones. Jongdae wonders how it would feel to touch them again, skin on skin, Joonmyun's heat seeping through every part of his body that touches Joonmyun's.

The plan is to try out some water activities, but the winds are too strong and the waves are bigger than the usual. Walking along the shoreline becomes more of a risk than a relaxing journey, so Joonmyun drags them to the spa even before Jongdae can protest. They manage to secure a private room for two, and when the masseuses draw the curtains closed and the lights dim, Jongdae takes a deep, deep breath.

It takes every bit of control to not watch Joonmyun pull his shirt over his head, to not follow the dip Joonmyun's fingers take when he tugs at the waistband of his pants and slowly pulls them down. There's a challenge in Joonmyun's eyes when he meets Jongdae head on, and Jongdae clenches his fists, purposely digging his nails into his skin in an effort to keep himself in check.

Joonmyun darts out his tongue, swiping along his upper lip slowly, a small curve surfacing on a corner of his lips. He shucks off his pants, and Jongdae traces the length of Joonmyun's legs with his gaze.

"Excuse me, sir. Are you ready?" one of the masseuses asks, and Joonmyun grins as he climbs onto the massage table, lying in his stomach.

Joonmyun stays focused as Jongdae gets undressed, shirt coming off in one fluid motion, as he pulls his pants down and exhales loudly and lies flat on his belly. When he looks up at Joonmyun again, Joonmyun has already ducked his head into the small opening, and his hands are relaxed on the frame of the table.

Their arms slide against each other on their way back to the room, still slick with oil and the heat of the massage room. Joonmyun's hair is a mess, strands all tangled up, and Jongdae reaches over, running his fingers through the unmade hair. A faint mewl escapes Joonmyun's lips just before they reach their floor, and a sound gets trapped in Jongdae's throat as Joonmyun grabs him by the wrist, dragging him all the way to their room.

Joonmyun makes quick work of the lock and pushes him against the wall as soon as they're inside.

Joonmyun kicks the door shut, and his hands grab onto Jongdae's shirt, pulling him closer until Joonmyun's lips meet his skin. Joonmyun trails kisses down his neck, sucking on the underside of his jaw, the base of his throat, then the skin just below his collarbones. The tips of his fingers are cold and Joonmyun skin is so, so hot, feverish, sticky against his own, and Jongdae lets out a low groan as Joonmyun sucks hard on the skin where jaw meets neck, again and again until a choked ah slips Jongdae's lips.

"Joon… myun…" His breathing is ragged when Joonmyun pulls away, lips trembling, and Joonmyun mumbles something about going to bed and please don't wake me up even before Jongdae can reach out to pull him back in.

Jongdae stares at his reflection in the mirror, the bright red mark on his neck stealing all the attention. It hadn't burned that much minutes ago, just before Joonmyun disappeared behind the sheets, but now, in the silence of their shared hotel room, the voices haunt him again, and everything that Joonmyun had touched stings.

He looks over his shoulder, at the lump on the bed, and takes a deep breath. A part of him can't help but think that this - the whole trip, that dragging Joonmyun all the way from Apgeujong here to Gangneung, that hoping, even if only for a while, for a bit of respite so willingly offered in Joonmyun's soothing voice and soft smile - is a selfish move, but people do stupid things sometimes when they're lonely, or when they're too happy.

Joonmyun's the best thing that has happened to him in a while. Now, Joonmyun has retreated back into his cocoon, curled up on the bed with all of his shields up.

Joonmyun doesn't rouse from his sleep until nine in the evening. Jongdae had picked up take out food earlier along with a couple of bottles of soju, and he's already halfway through the first bottle when Joonmyun emerges from the sheets. "I hope you're okay with pizza," Jongdae says, softly so that he won't startle Joonmyun, and Joonmyun looks up at him with a soft, tired smile.

"What time is it?"

"Time for dinner." Joonmyun shifts in his position, reaching out to ruffle Joonmyun's hair. Joonmyun flinches for a moment, but soon he sinks into the touch, humming a little as Jongdae massages Joonmyun's scalp. "Want me to feed you?"

"I can eat on my own, hyung," Joonmyun retorts, bumping his shoulder into Jongdae's. He leans his head on Jondgae's and, for a moment, all his worries disappear, fading out and under the sweet allure of Joonmyun's voice.

It's there, though, the tension, in the small space between their thighs, in the way their elbows don't rub against each other, in the way Joonmyun bites off the crust and doesn't move closer to press his lips on Jongdae's fingers. Jongdae sort of misses the warmth, like it has taken root in him, but Joonmyun's still generous with touches - the light brush of knuckles against Jongdae's thigh, or the way the tips of his fingers craze Jongdae's side.

"I… still haven't thanked you," Jongdae says after a while. The taste of soju is thick on his tongue, and the scent reeks in the air. Joonmyun has just begun uncapping his own bottle, a small piece of pizza snug between his lips. "For agreeing to come here with me on such short notice and for getting my mind off of work."

He means Baekhyun's wedding and the way Sunyoung had looked so beautiful and happy when they met at the altar, means Kyungsoo arriving at the reception unannounced and waltzing his way back into Jongdae's life without preamble, but quickly retreating at the slightest sign of attachment. He means distancing himself from his own feelings even if he's brought Joonmyun here with him, trouble and a problem all in one.

Joonmyun looks up at him, eyebrows furrowed, and he takes a swig of his drink before he asks, "You hate your job? I didn't see that coming."

"I don't hate it. It's more of-" No longer feeling the thrill of performing in front of people, the excitement in preparing for a huge event or researching on a TV show before heading there for a guest appearance, more of being worn out to the bone that he has to drag his ass to the office just so he can show up on time. It's more of not feeling it anymore, in the same way that Taeyeon can't feel the song she's being forced to promote for the next sixth months because it isn't her. "It's wearing me out more than it should, faster than it should."

Joonmyun laughs a little, but mumbles an apology soon after. "You've been in the industry far too long already, hyung. I don't think there's such a thing as fast for you anymore."

There is - the way Joonmyun had caught his attention with his distinct tone, the way Joonmyun had weaseled his way into his mind and his life, the way Joonmyun had known the right parts to lick on and suck and kiss like he'd been studying Jongdae's body and the way he moves for the longest time already.

"I'm just tired, really, really tired." He exhales loudly, then takes a long swig of his drink. "I'm not sure if a vacation can solve this."

"Are you tired of me, then?" Joonmyun asks, voice steady and low.

Jongdae turns to his side, twisting his torso so that they're face. Joonmyun's has just woken up and the sleep hasn't left his eyes yet, but he hears the request in Joonmyun's tone, curling on his nape and drawing him closer for him to whisper the answer in Joonmyun's ear. He studies the downward tug of Joonmyun's lips, the years written on Joonmyun's skin, the way Joonmyun's eyes soften as he looks up at Jongdae. Joonmyun's gaze is scrutinizing, and Jongdae suddenly feels like he's twenty-one again, stepping on stage for the first time, the fear of the lights drowning him out wrapping around his throat and keeping him from singing.

"You're not my job, Joonmyun," he finally answers.

"What- Who am I to you, then, hyung?"

"You're-" My voice, he wants to say, but Joonmyun is too many things to Jongdae - a muse, his very own music, a reminder that mornings aren't so bad whenever he wakes up to Joonmyun's cute smileys and stickers, a willing ear when he just needs someone to listen, and a soothing voice that casts a spell on him and both eases the tension is his muscles and sets explosions to the tips of his fingers. "My Joonmyunnie," he says, voice almost dropping to a whisper, and he finds cadence again when Joonmyun reaches out, tentative, the tips of his fingers brushing against Jongdae's knee. "You're my Joonmyunnie."

Joonmyun doesn't say anything, just hums and draws circles on Jongdae's knee until soft laughter escapes his lips. They've learned their lesson now, so they both cap their bottles and place them on the floor, well away from the crime scene, before Joonmyun launches a tickle attack, poking Jongdae repeatedly in his side until he can draw a peal of laughter from him.

From where he is - back flat on the bed, Joonmyun's legs and arms and either side of him, trapped in a warmth that has come to be all-too-familiar - Joonmyun looks much bigger, less of that tiny singer he had spotted in Blue Moon months ago. He reaches up, running his hands beneath Joonmyun's shirt, fingers tracing the groove of Joonmyun's abs, and Joonmyun's balance falters, sending him crashing below, face first, into Jongdae's chest.

Joonmyun's laughter fills his ears and tickles the back of his throat.

The sun's already up high when Jongdae stirs from his sleep.

The aftermath of last night's dinner-cum-drinking session sees the carpets littered with bottle caps, but the food containers have been shuffled to one side of the table - at the center, one container on top of the other. There are a few pieces of chips on the floor, but the bag has been folded, just not sealed. Joonmyun's legs are wrapped around his own and he looks like a kid with that bead of drool flaunted on the corner of his lips, and it takes every bit of control for Jongdae to keep himself from reaching out and wiping it off.

He means to pulls Joonmyun closer, but he has already lost all the feeling in his right arm, tucked under Joonmyun's weight. He settles for hooking his foot on Joonmyun's ankle, and Joonmyun leans closer until his cheek is pressed against Jongdae's chest.

There isn't anyone around, and security probably won't mind, and there are voices in Jongdae's head that are telling him to lean closer, come on, Jongdae. If there's anything you want, you only have to lean closer and listen- Joonmyun's breathing is steady and even, rhythmic, and he's humming an unintelligible melody under his breath, and Joonmyun's less than a touch, a decision away.

Joonmyun shifts a little, and his eyes slowly flutter open. He has nice eyelashes, but the way he looks up at Jongdae with half-lidded eyes is even more beautiful. "Hey, hyung. Good morning."

Jongdae buries his face in Joonmyun's hair, instead. "Check out is in an hour," he whispers. "We have to get going."

Joonmyun laughs and hits him on the chest before getting up.

There's nothing but the sound of their stomachs growling, but occasionally he hears the slight hitch of the breath when their arms brush against each other, or the tiny gasp that escapes Joonmyun's lips when they collide. Jongdae snakes an arm around Joonmyun's hips to keep him from falling, but it might as well be the other way around - Joonmyun's smiling at him, lazy at the corners, and he's shaking his head as if saying, "Don't fall in love with me, not this easily. Don't do it, Jongdae. Stop it."

Too late, Jongdae thinks as he tucks Joonmyun's hair behind his ear with his other hand. He's already in too deep, and there's no other way but to dig even deeper until he can no longer find a way out.

It's Joonmyun's iPod that they use this time, on their way back to Seoul.

Joonmyun had taken a good five minutes just looking over his shoulder and at the expanse of water a few feet from them, and Jongdae had kept a hand steady on the small of Joonmyun's back the whole time. The walk from the hotel back to the bus station had been quiet, but Joonmyun had started talking again when they'd gotten on the train. Jongdae had stolen one of Joonmyun's earbuds not more than fifteen minutes into the train ride, and Joonmyun had been more than willing to share his music. "Maybe, next time, you should send me your recordings, hyung," he's teases, and Jongdae elbowed him lightly in his side and gave his thigh a light squeeze.

hey bud, sorry, forgot to text you but looks like you're having fun, as well? Baekhyun texts. Jongdae can imagine Baekhyun's struggle between just shrugging off the worry and letting it take control of his hands, and he laughs at the image - Baekhyun, ever listless, is more than just his voice of reason on one too many times. Baekhyun has always been that anchor he can keep coming back to if he ever lost his way, but Baekhyun had flown away now, had been cast into the ocean so deep that Jongdae can't find his way anymore.

Lucky Joonmyun's there to call out his name; Jongdae only has to swim to shore. It's not even that far.

Joonmyun keeps his eyes closed for most of the trip, but he drums his fingers on Jongdae's thigh, reaching inside from time to time when Jongdae attempts to skip a track. "My iPod, my rules," he whispers, and Jongdae retracts his hands, sitting on them to keep himself from touching Joonmyun.

Three long hours of travel dissolve into one playlist, and Joonmyun pulls away with an easy smile, earbud in tow, when they're back in Apgeujong. Jongdae can hear the noises again - chattering, honking, Seoul's busy street life just a few meters below them. "We should… do this again," Joonmyun says, and he wiggles his fingers in his side, eyes traveling from Jongdae's hands up to the base of his throat, then his lips.

Jongdae looks around for an audience, then slides beside Joonmyun, close enough that their hands brush and their clothes briefly shield their intertwined hands from the view. "Yeah, we should," Jongdae answers, and Joonmyun just smiles up at him, warm and gentle, a love song they've yet to hear on the radio but is this year's greatest hit yet.

Easing back into Seoul's noise and music doesn't take much - Jongdae has always taken a bit of Seoul with him wherever he goes, and Kyungsoo's quiet-but-not-quite company makes the transition easier even after three days of respite. "You seem awfully bubbly," is the only thing Kyungsoo says when he finishes listening to a track Jongdae has been tasked to work on for him. "This song, more than anything else. You have a lyrics for this already, hyung?"

Jongdae crosses his arms behind his head, locking his hands onto his elbows. "Haven't worked that out yet, but I have an idea of what I want you to sing." Kyungsoo has an eyebrow raised; this means he's waiting for the punchline that almost never comes, or the part where Jongdae leans in and steps into his private space. It's not an option anymore. "How do you feel about love at first sight?"

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes, but the smile on his lips remains. Kyungsoo hasn't had the best control over his lips in a while, or at least in the three years that Jongdae has known him. "The same way you feel about Cuervo - a complete waste of time." He shifts in his seat, folding one leg under his thigh. "Try again."

Working with Kyungsoo isn't as difficult as keeping track of the expiration dates of the food in his fridge. Kyungsoo has almost always been relenting when it comes to music, letting Jongdae have complete control over the melody and the lyrics because he knows Jongdae has his voice memorized like the back of his hand. He'll only come forward with a complaint when he knows a note is well out of his range, or when Jongdae forces him to sing pop songs that make him hate every second of a recording session. He'll extend an invitation to go out for dinner after, though, once he's sure he's left a slap on Jongdae's arm that burns and stings. (He'll tease Jongdae and ask him to pay, but he'll always end up footing the bill.)

"Finally coming to terms with one's feelings, then?" Jongdae tries, moving closer until their knees bump. The tight corners of Kyungsoo's lips soften a little, and Jongdae takes it as a sign to go on. "A gradual realization? It happens, you know-"

"Maybe you'd be better of singing that song, hyung." The smile on Kyungsoo's lips grows wider, tugging up at one corner too hard. It almost reaches his eyes. If Jongdae tries harder, he can earn that smile again, but it's not a battle he should be fighting.

Jongdae adjusts the tempo a bit, slowing it down until Kyungsoo flashes a thumbs up at him, and Kyungsoo hums as Jongdae tries to work out the first verse up until the chorus. It's familiar enough a routine that he expects Kyungsoo to peek at his work, chin tucked on his shoulder, expects Kyungsoo to maybe steal the pen and take over writing duties, scribbling on the lyrics he's written, so he waits - for that moment, three years ago, when this seemed more like a love song begging to be sung than a song finally coming full circle. Kyungsoo maintains a good distance from him, only occasionally bumping his elbow into Jongdae's own when he leans over to squint at the lyrics Jongdae is showing him.

"You're having way too much fun with this, hyung," Kyungsoo comments after a while, head thrown back, eyes closed. "I could get used to it."

Jongdae takes a deep breath and re-reads the lyrics he has written, Kyungsoo humming the tune in the background. Having fun is something he can definitely get used to.

The days leading up to Sooneung find Joonmyun staying longer hours in the hagwon, moving from Apgeujong to Hongdae and back too late in the evening that he spends most nights conked out on his bed or curled up with a book, phone pressed to his right ear as Jongdae talks him off and Joonmyun just hums and chuckles and sings on the other end of the line.

"If we keep doing this, I might consider charging extra for phone services," Jongdae teases, and only grins when Joonmyun cackles at him in response. He keeps his face buried in a pillow, briefly forgetting that Joonmyun can't see him - but can hear him very well.

"Are you going to talk to me until you fall asleep, hyung?" Joonmyun asks.

Jongdae can hear the fatigue in his voice, the steady drop in volume that soon dissolves into a yawn. "Are you going to stay on the line until you fall asleep, hmm?"

There's rustling in the background and the sound of Joonmyun running his thumb through the pages of a book. He's had an earful of this sound when they'd traveled to Gangneung together, Joonmyun with his head on Jongdae's shoulder and Jongdae with his fingers wandering over to Joonmyun's thigh, the touch brief and feather-light, testing to see if Joonmyun will look up from his book or snap it shut altogether. He'd done neither; instead, the corners of his lips quirked up, lifting with every pattern Jongdae traced on his thigh.

"It would be easier if…" Some more rustling, like Joonmyun can't find a comfortable position in his very own bed. "You were here. Since I sing in my sleep. You said so, yourself."

"I told you, I was kidding when I said that-"

"I'm not kidding now, hyung." A loud exhale, then, "Good night, Kim Jong-"

"Do you have time on Saturday?"

There's silence for a while, a familiar white noise that sends shivers down Jongdae's spine. They're at this point again, where the air thins and Jongdae's breath hitches at the slightest sound of Joonmyun's voice. "I can make time for you," Joonmyun says after a while, and Jongdae lets out all the breath he wasn't aware he'd held in.

"Meet me at the 7-11 two blocks away from your office, the one near Garosu-gil."

Joonmyun chuckles a little. The soft, almost inaudible music sets explosions at the tips of Jongdae's fingers. "It's a date."

He digs his hands into his pockets, circling the lamp post for the nth time as he looks around him for any sign of a blond man just a bit smaller than him. They'd agreed to meet at 7, but Joonmyun had to fix a few more things before calling it a night at the hagwon. Sooneung is only a little over a month away, and Lord knows students put more pressure on themselves during the last leg of the study season. Longer nights mean Joonmyun sending him unintelligible messages on KKT that he later deciphers in the morning, after a cup of coffee and after Joonmyun sends a follow up text, saying, that was me falling asleep in the middle actually saying something important.

He looks to his left and spots a man waving at him, a beanie covering his bright hair. Joonmyun had finally given up on his light-colored blazer, filing it in his closet for summer, and has moved on to using a navy blue blazer, sometimes even a maroon one. It breathes more color into Joonmyun's pale skin and goes well with the light flush on his cheeks.

"I had to go back to the office five minutes into my walk," Joonmyun explains, a sheepish smile slipping from his lips. "I didn't realize it would be this cold tonight."

"Exactly how long have you been living here in Korea, hmm?"

Joonmyun twirls in his spot, then dips his hand in the pocket of Jongdae's coat, pulling him closer. "I think the question should be how long have I been staying out late here in Gangnam, and how often?"

Jongdae looks around for an audience, then leans in, stopping when their noses brush. The tip of Joonmyun's nose is cold; it tickles. "You better start evaluating who you hang out with."

Joonmyun slips his fingers - slender and cold - between Jongdae's own, and cocks his head in the direction of the building in front of them. "Let's?"

They cross the street and take the flight of stairs down the building, the white walls closing in on them with each step. The route narrows to a short corridor, and Jongdae presses on, leading Joonmyun forward until they reach a white door. "This is my second favorite place in the world," he whispers when he looks over his shoulder, then twists the knob with his free hand, opening the door, and the music starts to seep through the small opening.

Jongdae takes a step forward, then urges to Joonmyun to step inside, a hand steady on the small of Joonmyun's back. "This… looks pretty cozy," Joonmyun mumbles after a while, and they make their way through some small tables near the entrance, closer to the bar until they reach a part of the club where the lighting's the softest. "Are we the only ones here?"

"People don't come here often. It's a hidden gem in Sinsa." Jongdae waves at the bartender, then runs his fingers along the edge of the table. "Take a seat. You can even lie down if you want."

Joonmyun laughs a little. "You talk as if you own this place."

Jongdae squints, leaning closer until he's on eye-level with Joonmyun. He can feel Joonmyun's breath warm on his skin, prickling the dip of his lip. Joonmyun's leaning back, a challenge in the glint of his eyes, a question written on the curl of the lip. "Oh, but what if I do?" Jongdae teases, and Joonmyun just shakes his head, grabbing Jongdae by the wrist to pull him down.

"You're having your usual?" Jongdae asks, and Joonmyun simply nods. He wrinkles his nose at Joonmyun before slipping away, heading to the bar to grab their drinks.

The evening dissolves into a talk about Sooneung and kids panicking, reminiscing the days when they, themselves, had been preparing for the big exam. Jongdae remembers sneaking in studying between practices, spending nights up in the rooftop, back against the wall near the door as he goes through his reading materials for the night. Baekhyun would knock thrice and bring him some food, and they'd just stay there, sifting through their notes, taking a nap occasionally when the big words begin to weigh down on them.

"I stayed at Minseok-hyung's place the night of the exam, because I hadn't developed the skill in waking up to an alarm clock then," Joonmyun confesses, He takes a sip of his drink - Jongdae will never understand what Joonmyun sees in drinking vodka neat - and rest his lips there, even as he gulps hard. "Sometimes, he still checks on me in the mornings. Keeps thinking that I'll oversleep or even drift off in the cab or something."

Jongdae cracks his neck, then leans back as he takes a sip of his drink. "It takes more than an alarm clock to wake me up sometimes."

Joonmyun's eyes light up, and he cocks his head to the left. Jongdae's eyes are drawn to the column of his neck, the exposed flesh, the light flush painting it a warmer color. "Mhmm? What does it take to wake you up, hyung?"

A trip to Gangneung. Walking along Gyeongpo beach. Too many bottles of soju and one song on loop in his mind, the same voice ringing in his ears long after the song has faded out. Joonmyun's lips, warm and wet, tracing kisses down his neck, sucking on the skin just below his collarbones.

"KKT notifications buzzing in my ear, definitely," Jongdae replies. He leans in until he can feel the warm press of Joonmyun's skin on his lips, can feel the pulse on the base of Joonmyun's throat as he plants a kiss there, then licks a stripe along the column of Joonmyun's neck. "And a voice that just won't leave me."

"You better take it up with that-" Joonmyun's speech gets choked as Jongdae dips his head, moving just a bit south as he sucks marks along Joonmyun's neck. "-that person. Must be really-"

"Amazing," Jongdae finishes. He can feel Joonmyun's heavy breathing, can hear the loud beats in his ear, drowning out the voices at the back of his mind. He can feel Joonmyun trembling, his cold fingers slipping between Jongdae's own, and he plants a soft his on the underside of Joonmyun's jaw before pulling away. Joonmyun gasps, soft, almost inaudible, and Jongdae records that sound, plays it in his ears again and again until it blends with the music that Joonmyun's laughter and singing create.

He enters Lee Sooman's office with two cups of coffee in hand and a request to spare him just a few minutes of his time in the middle of October.

"I haven't seen you in a while," Sooman says, then gestures for him to take a seat. He eyes the cup of coffee with great interest, and Jongdae tries to mumble something that remotely sounds like Go ahead, sir. Those are both Americano. Your favorite, right? He takes the sleeve off, glancing at the markings on the cup, and laughs a little before turning to Jongdae. "Either you've developed a liking for Splenda or you just miss me," Sooman says, and Jongdae laughs a little.

"I have a teeny, tiny request that might not be as tiny as I think it is," Jongdae begins. He shuffles his feet and thinks of Joonmyun's text that morning - just do it, hyung. nothing to lose c: plus you have coffee so you can make yourself happy if he ever decides to say no :p - finding himself smiling a bit too wide when he sees the light furrow of Sooman's eyebrows. "I… I'm not sure if I still want to do the idol thing, sir, but I think my calling is in… training people."

"Training-" A smile slowly forms on Sooman's lips. "And why do you think will you be better off with training people, hmm?"

"Well…" Jongdae's mind goes back to season one, Kyungsoo's blind auditions, and thinks of where Kyungsoo is now - preparing for this third studio album after returning to Korea from an Asia concert tour. He thinks of Kim Myungsoo from season two and how he'd managed to grab the rookie of the year award despite Nam Woohyun winning that season. He thinks of Joonmyun and all those nights in Blue Moon and ZZYZX and Heaven, the small gigs at Finger, the playlist of Joonmyun's recordings in his iPod. "Kyungsoo's working on another album now, and Myungsoo's preparing for his comeback, and there's this kid I've picked up in Blue Moon and they've all been sounding great under my care." He takes a deep breath, summoning a smile to his lips. "I think I'm more than qualified for the job."

Sooman looks at him, assessing, and nods as he laughs lightly. "I heard that thing with Taeyeon, you know. She told me she wasn't feeling the song Kenzie had composed for her." Sooman takes off the lid of the cup and takes a whiff of the coffee. "Then she said that she wants to promote the song you wrote for her, because you know her voice inside-out."

Jongdae chuckles. "That was supposed to be a conversation between two drunk people."

"Well then, you better invite me to one of your drinking escapades sometime!"

It's easy to choke up laughter in an office as warm as this, he thinks, as Sooman raises his coffee cup as if proposing a toast. Jongdae takes the other cup, lifting it tentatively. He can still feel his shoulders trembling. "When do you want to start, then?"

"Later?" he replies, then scratches the back of his neck. "You know I get antsy when I'm not doing anything, sir."

"In that case-" Sooman leans in, bumping his cup into Jongdae's lightly, then continues, "-you better not be slacking off, Kim Jongdae."

Jongdae lets a peal of laughter slip from his lips as he nods, eyes still locked with Sooman's own. "You can count on it, sir," he replies, then returns the gesture. "You can count on it."

The worst part of Sooneung is coffee shops opening late, but it gives Jongdae an excuse to get up later than the usual, hitting the road at half past ten in the morning, walking from Cheongdam to Apgeujong. Rerouting is the second worst thing, but it's easier to live with. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, burying his lips in the scarf wound around his neck. The streets are quiet, and in a few hours students will come rushing out of the testing centers, bawling their eyes out or shouting for joy and announcing to the world that they'll be crashing in bed for the next few hours.

Jongdae makes a right turn, then walks straight ahead until he finds a yellow building. Joonmyun had texted earlier, saying that he's finally back from distributing food to the parents waiting outside the testing centers, and, "I still have a couple of sandwiches here. Want some?" Maybe he'll snatch a few for himself and live on them for the next few days or until he develops the habit of not having to eat when he stays up late. Joonmyun's good company, albeit not the most talkative, at three in the morning, after all.

He presses the buzzer, and Joonmyun appears at the reception a few seconds after in a hoodie and black pants. It feels a lot like Sooneung, and the lines on his forehead aren't as pronounced anymore. "Hi," Jongdae mouths, and Joonmyun finally opens the door when Jongdae sticks out his tongue.

"I hope you're really hungry, because I have a lot of sandwiches left," Joonmyun singsongs. He hooks an arm around Jongdae's own and drags him to the main hall. "I sent Minseok-hyung and Jongin home just a few minutes ago. Jonginnie looked as if he was going to drift off any moment."

"Weak," Jongdae mumbles, and Joonmyun jabs him lightly on the arm.

They share a sandwich because Joonmyun isn't a heavy eater, and Jongdae can't eat without a good cup of coffee. Joonmyun leads him to the hall for the private study cubicles soon after, and they check each and every stall to see if any belongings have been left behind. "Someone left her wallet last year, but both Minseok-hyung and I knew that she did that on purpose just so she could see Jonginnie again," Joonmyun comments somewhere along the way, and they stumble into a stall, with Jongdae almost tripping on the curtain.

"I'd leave my stuff here just to have an excuse to see you," he whispers, leaning close until his lips are grazing Joonmyun's earlobe. He hears the hitch in Joonmyun's breathing, and Joonmyun wraps cold fingers around Jongdae's wrist. A sharp line of electricity shoots up his arm, and soon he stumbling over his words, voice choked as Joonmyun slowly leans in. "Accidentally, of course, because I like to believe in chance meetings."

The stall is too small for two people to fit in, but Joonmyun makes it easy, sitting atop the table and hooking his legs around Jongdae's own. "Chance meetings, huh?" Joonmyun whispers, and he moves closer, their foreheads bumping. Joonmyun's hot breath tickles his skin.

Jongdae thinks of Sooneung, of the long and grueling preparation for an exam that lasts a little under ten hours, of all the sleepless nights spent trying to make sure that he's already learned everything there is to learn and making sure that the information sticks there, in his brain, and seeps right into his skin. He thinks of the years of training spent alongside Baekhyun and Jonghyun, thinks of vocal lessons with Kyungsoo, and thinks of how all of them have moved onto something better, bigger, brighter.

He thinks of meeting Joonmyun in Blue Moon completely on chance, of hearing Joonmyun perform on stage and seeing him use his loop pedal, of all those late nights spent in clubs following that voice, that music that more than eases the tension in his muscles and puts his heart at ease.

He thinks of Joonmyun right in front of him, wet lips parted and willing and waiting, and takes a deep breath.

He presses closer, dipping his head a little as he looks for the right angle. Joonmyun cranes his neck, and their lips meet in a light brush. He can feel shivers running down his spine, can feel a familiar heat sizzling down his abdomen. This is a test, a test to see if Jongdae's willing to take that step forward and step into the light, grab the microphone closest to him and take someone from the crowd, a familiar face lit up by a bright smile and equally bright hair, pull him up on stage and ask him if they can perform a duet. It's a test to see if their voices will fit. Jongdae closes his eyes and captures Joonmyun's bottom lip between his lips, sinking his teeth in the soft flesh just a little until Joonmyun lets out a low moan. He presses a kiss to the corner of Joonmyun's lips - the left, then the right - and reclaims Joonmyun's bottom lip as he draws out a long suck. Joonmyun throws his head back a little as he parts his lips in invitation, and Jongdae takes that leap of faith, licking the back of Joonmyun's teeth. He can feel Joonmyun's fingers, cold and trembling, curling on his nape, pulling him closer, and he sucks on Joonmyun's tongue in response. Joonmyun kisses like nothing and no one outside of this matters, and Jongdae lets himself get lost in the soft, warm press of Joonmyun's lips on his.

Joonmyun nips on Jongdae's bottom lip, giggling before he sucks it in, then pulls away with a smile.

Jongdae thinks of Joonmyun's voice and his distinct tone, of Joonmyun singing along side him. He thinks of duets. He thinks of a future so clearly scrawled on Joonmyun's skin, his lips, his tongue.

He thinks of Joonmyun.

It's that time of the year again, when Jongdae finds himself spending nearly the entire day plastered to a huge, red seat. He's lucky the cushions are more comfortable this year, and the set's been improved considerably. Jongdae stretches his legs, nearly smacking his foot into the podium in front of him; he never learns.

Beside him, Boa lets out a low groan as she says, "I'm waiting for the first four-chair turner." She frowns a little, but slips into a practiced smile when the lights dim and the floor director tells them that the next contestant will be getting on stage in a minute. "The talents are good, but only just? I mean, we've heard better voices."

At the far end of the row Jonghyun raises two thumbs up, and Jongdae briefly wonders when Jonghyun acquired superior hearing skills. Taeyeon slaps him on the arm, and Boa and Jongdae chuckle in harmony. The familiar, playful banter makes hours of being glued to a chair much more bearable.

The set has gone completely dark now, and Jongdae can hear faint footsteps. He waits for the sound of the band, too many instruments somehow coming to an agreement and creating wonderful music, but he hears nothing. He taps his foot, and Boa shoots him a glance, eyebrows furrowed as she mouths, Is this a joke?

Then a guitar riff comes in, soft and slow. Boa sinks in her seat.

The music starts with easy strumming, then some plucking, and only after a while does Jongdae realize that this is the second layer of sound now, the music slowly gaining more depth. He twists his torso, but promptly remembers that there are rules to be followed. He waits for a third layer - soft humming, a familiar velvety tone that gets fuller as the notes get higher - and then a fourth where the voice takes a dip, a faint, low tone.

He bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from grinning, but the pull is much too strong. His body moves on its own accord, acting completely on muscle memory when a familiar voice soars above the sound of the guitar. He hits a standstill, hand hovering the button in front of him, and a voice at the back of his head joins the harmony, two voices that sound so alike, wrapping around him like a warm quilt.

He takes a deep breath, holding it as he presses down on the red button.

The chair takes a slow turn. The spotlight glows brighter, and Jongdae squints as he sees bright, blond hair, and a familiar pair of eyes looking up at him. The light is a bit too harsh, but Joonmyun stands out despite his white polo and his blue jeans and that horrible, horrible middle part, and Jongdae finds himself releasing his hold on his cheek, the grin he'd once suppressed tugging hard on the corners of his lips. The song hits the chorus, and he hears a few more buttons being pushed - Jonghyun's, then Taeyeon's, then Boa's - and the twinkle in Joonmyun's eyes chokes down all of the words lodged at his throat.

He hums under his breath, lips moving in tandem with Joonmyun's own.

They sing.

one | two | three | four | five

1. Almost all of the songs Joonmyun sang are in this playlist. Please do note that the pitch has been modified slightly (one to two steps higher) so that it will be easier to imagine Joonmyun singing the songs. For a detailed breakdown of the songs:
   • The first song Joonmyun performed in Blue Moon is Ed Sheeran's Give Me Love
   • The second song, the one performed in ZZYZX is Ed Sheeran's One
   • Joonmyun also performed Alex Vargas's Wasteland in ZZYZX, the same day that he performed One
2. A guide to everyone's ages: Jongdae, Jonghyun, and Baekhyun are 38. Taeyeon is 39, while Boa is 40. Joonmyun is fresh off of college, and he's 25 in this fic.
3. Sunyoung's hometown isn't Jeonju; she was actually born and raised in Seoul.
4. Hagwon is the Korean "cram school". It's normal for high school students to attend cram schools in Korea, not because they are struggling with their grades but because they feel that the standard education schools give isn't enough. For students looking to advance their knowledge in preparation for a big exam, attending a hagwon is a wise decision.
5. Sooneung is the Korean College Scholastic Ability Test, held only once a year, every second or third Thursday of November. Koreans prepare for this exam long before they enter high school.
6. Gyeongpo Beach is located in Gangneung, a city in Gangwon-do. To reach the beach, ride the express bus to Gangneung, then take bus 202 up until the very last station.
7. All of the clubs mentioned in this fic are real, as well as the cafes. Some of the names have been shortened, like Blue Moon for Once in a Blue Moon, and Heaven for Club Heaven. While most of the establishments mentioned can be found in Gangnam, Cafe Organic can be found in Hongdae.
8. The title of the fic was taken from an Arctic Monkeys song.

* For a little music while reading the fic, here's Coldplay's A Sky Full of Stars and Justin Timberlake's Not a Bad Thing