Fighting the good fight... kinda
I haven't taken any depression medicine in a while and I thought maybe I was better. I mean, it's been a LONG while. Like several months. But today, just recently, I realized no... it's still there. And just as strong. So back to medicine I go, since I know I need to fight this AS HARD AS I CAN. I hate being depressed. It just makes things suck more than they need to.
Before I get into a rut I better go see the doctor and get some more pills. He'll ask what happened and why didn't I use my refills and stuff. I know it's not good to mess with medicine but I kept thinking I really could get off it. Some people take it 6 months, some a year, and some three years. Then there's those who have to take it the whole rest of their life. Looks like I'm the last. It's not so bad, I guess, aside from the fact that they make you gain a little more weight than usual (so do the BC pills I'm on) and I don't NEED to gain more weight at the moment... trying to loose some.
Any way I haven't ever been as stupid as I was that first time. Of course I know I need to take the pills now. It's just that I didn't REALIZE that I had fallen back into it, I kind of was just thinking life had been sucking for a really long time. Took my mom to point it out to me- she said "All you've been for months is cranky." Cranky is how my depression works. She says I'm not happy and she's right. Look how smart moms are.
So any way I'm still alive. Just pretty down. I almost didn't go back to school. I was like... let's see... choices... 1- Go back to school and sit there and have life be a literal living hell, 2- Don't go back and have my parents and everyone I know be REALLY upset about it, including me, 3- Cease to exist (lol, naw) So I went back to school feeling very unstable. Maybe the medicine will help. It also kinda sucks that I have so few friends now. There used to be a lot of people... but nevermind that. I'll adjust to it again. It's just hard. I liked them.
If I have free time it's likely that I'll revert to my video game friends. They always stay the same and they like you, because they can't dislike you. And generally, they do what you say. I would like to go back and live in my video game world now. But I probably won't have the time, so we'll see what goes on.
Any how, this was just a post to say I'm still alive. Does anyone I know still use LJ?
Before I get into a rut I better go see the doctor and get some more pills. He'll ask what happened and why didn't I use my refills and stuff. I know it's not good to mess with medicine but I kept thinking I really could get off it. Some people take it 6 months, some a year, and some three years. Then there's those who have to take it the whole rest of their life. Looks like I'm the last. It's not so bad, I guess, aside from the fact that they make you gain a little more weight than usual (so do the BC pills I'm on) and I don't NEED to gain more weight at the moment... trying to loose some.
Any way I haven't ever been as stupid as I was that first time. Of course I know I need to take the pills now. It's just that I didn't REALIZE that I had fallen back into it, I kind of was just thinking life had been sucking for a really long time. Took my mom to point it out to me- she said "All you've been for months is cranky." Cranky is how my depression works. She says I'm not happy and she's right. Look how smart moms are.
So any way I'm still alive. Just pretty down. I almost didn't go back to school. I was like... let's see... choices... 1- Go back to school and sit there and have life be a literal living hell, 2- Don't go back and have my parents and everyone I know be REALLY upset about it, including me, 3- Cease to exist (lol, naw) So I went back to school feeling very unstable. Maybe the medicine will help. It also kinda sucks that I have so few friends now. There used to be a lot of people... but nevermind that. I'll adjust to it again. It's just hard. I liked them.
If I have free time it's likely that I'll revert to my video game friends. They always stay the same and they like you, because they can't dislike you. And generally, they do what you say. I would like to go back and live in my video game world now. But I probably won't have the time, so we'll see what goes on.
Any how, this was just a post to say I'm still alive. Does anyone I know still use LJ?