Life is, but...
I'm torn. I love my job, but it's not theatre, and I love theatre. I don't really love my job, but I work with great people and that makes the job enjoyable, which counts for alot, I think. Today I interviewed for a promotion, I don't know if I got it. I kinda hope I don't. If I get it, it seals the deal for a while. Yes, of course, I could still leave whenever I want to go off to pursue theatre, but by taking it, I'm really telling the bank that I'm in it for the long haul. That I'm not just some kid who needed a job and took the first thing that came along, even if I did. That I'm not just biding my time til I figure out what I really want to do, even if I am.
I promised myself over and over that I wouldn't be one of those people who gets a degree in something they love and never use it. I can't be that person. I would always feel like I missed something if that's what happened. But it's so hard to continually go to auditions after working all day. 5pm rolls around and the prospect of battling traffic for at least an hour and then getting home late doesn't really seem as appealling as it did when I found the ad for the audition a week earlier. And as confident as I strive to appear at those auditions, I couldn't be more nervous. And I'm always just good enough to get called back - and make another journey through traffic and get home late again - but never quite good enough to get cast. Possibly similiar to the "never a bride..." feeling.
I'm wining. I wish I had the guts to just let it all go and really pursue the career I want, but, alas, I chose a career that does not pay the bills! At least not for a while. And the bills need to be paid now.
I promised myself over and over that I wouldn't be one of those people who gets a degree in something they love and never use it. I can't be that person. I would always feel like I missed something if that's what happened. But it's so hard to continually go to auditions after working all day. 5pm rolls around and the prospect of battling traffic for at least an hour and then getting home late doesn't really seem as appealling as it did when I found the ad for the audition a week earlier. And as confident as I strive to appear at those auditions, I couldn't be more nervous. And I'm always just good enough to get called back - and make another journey through traffic and get home late again - but never quite good enough to get cast. Possibly similiar to the "never a bride..." feeling.
I'm wining. I wish I had the guts to just let it all go and really pursue the career I want, but, alas, I chose a career that does not pay the bills! At least not for a while. And the bills need to be paid now.