First I was frustrated, now I'm hopefull
I'm so frustrated.. Why is it, after about 3 and a half years some things never change? I don't even know how it all started off in the first place. It just doesn't make sense to me. It shouldn't matter, I shouldn't be so frustrated with it all, but I am.
It all started about March of 2006 I suppose. And it ended in June. And then suddenly I did something to piss people off.. people I didn't even meet until I don't know when. The next summer? I guess. I was completely over that relationship and didn't really care that he was dating someone new. I had moved and moved on. No big deal. But suddenly I became the bad guy? How? When? I don't know what I did. Last I knew, I didn't do anything... I didn't break anyone's (in this situation) heart, I didn't try to get back in the relationship, didn't try to break anyone up, none of that. So what's the problem? Since then, they've gotten engaged and married, and I've dated I don't know how many guys. And there's STILL a problem? WHY? I really would like to know.. Please tell me what I did or what happened to make these people seem to hate me so much. Really.. this is absurd. Why is it I have to work so hard to make peace? I haven't even tried because I don't have to see these people ever.. minus at a few events in the future. I feel like the bad guy. Why? I just don't understand why. I can understand why other people don't like me, even why some people would have the perception that I'm a bad person. But for these specific people, I don't understand at all. I thought all this was behind me, and them.. and really, I just don't get why it's an issue. We have a very close mutual friend. I'm not going away. I'm not going to make him choose. That's ridiculous. Why would I make someone I love so much choose between me and someone else? That's not right. I'm not about to tell anyone who they can and cannot be friends with. Not even when I really don't like it... different situation though.. not this one.
I know this shouldn't frustrate me so much, and I shouldn't even put the energy into it, but I am. Because we share someone, that's why it's more important to me than other people. I shouldn't care, I know... But I do. I want to be everyone's friend.. I always have been. Yes, there have always been those few people here and there I didn't get along with very well, but I didn't have a reason to get along with them. And it was more mutual. This situation just boggles my mind. I just want to know, what is your problem with me and why has it turned into such a big deal? Why did you completely bash me at a party that I wasn't there to defend myself? What was your reason for that? What's the reason for any of this nonsense for the last 3 years? Before I had even spoken to you, you decided that you despised me. I really never had a problem with you.. but yet, now it seems as though the people I've known for over 10 years are now being turned against me. It's just so wrong. I wouldn't try to do that to anyone.
Slander, anyone?
I just feel hurt, and after so long I guess I should just expect it.. I know that I'm happily in love with my boyfriend, I have great aspirations for the future, and now what I'm going to be doing, and I have some great goals to accomplish. I love my extremely supportive family, extended family(friends) and my boyfriend. I know they all want me to go for any and all the dreams I have. I have decided what I want to accomplish in the next 10 years, and I'm so excited about it, I can't wait for it. First, for 2 years to go by... and then the next 2 after that.. come to think of it, each 2 years seems to be something new I want to achieve! I hope it all works out.. I know how life can go though.. and I'm a little scared that just 'life' things will get in the way.. but then again, I don't tend to let those things get in my way. :)
It all started about March of 2006 I suppose. And it ended in June. And then suddenly I did something to piss people off.. people I didn't even meet until I don't know when. The next summer? I guess. I was completely over that relationship and didn't really care that he was dating someone new. I had moved and moved on. No big deal. But suddenly I became the bad guy? How? When? I don't know what I did. Last I knew, I didn't do anything... I didn't break anyone's (in this situation) heart, I didn't try to get back in the relationship, didn't try to break anyone up, none of that. So what's the problem? Since then, they've gotten engaged and married, and I've dated I don't know how many guys. And there's STILL a problem? WHY? I really would like to know.. Please tell me what I did or what happened to make these people seem to hate me so much. Really.. this is absurd. Why is it I have to work so hard to make peace? I haven't even tried because I don't have to see these people ever.. minus at a few events in the future. I feel like the bad guy. Why? I just don't understand why. I can understand why other people don't like me, even why some people would have the perception that I'm a bad person. But for these specific people, I don't understand at all. I thought all this was behind me, and them.. and really, I just don't get why it's an issue. We have a very close mutual friend. I'm not going away. I'm not going to make him choose. That's ridiculous. Why would I make someone I love so much choose between me and someone else? That's not right. I'm not about to tell anyone who they can and cannot be friends with. Not even when I really don't like it... different situation though.. not this one.
I know this shouldn't frustrate me so much, and I shouldn't even put the energy into it, but I am. Because we share someone, that's why it's more important to me than other people. I shouldn't care, I know... But I do. I want to be everyone's friend.. I always have been. Yes, there have always been those few people here and there I didn't get along with very well, but I didn't have a reason to get along with them. And it was more mutual. This situation just boggles my mind. I just want to know, what is your problem with me and why has it turned into such a big deal? Why did you completely bash me at a party that I wasn't there to defend myself? What was your reason for that? What's the reason for any of this nonsense for the last 3 years? Before I had even spoken to you, you decided that you despised me. I really never had a problem with you.. but yet, now it seems as though the people I've known for over 10 years are now being turned against me. It's just so wrong. I wouldn't try to do that to anyone.
Slander, anyone?
I just feel hurt, and after so long I guess I should just expect it.. I know that I'm happily in love with my boyfriend, I have great aspirations for the future, and now what I'm going to be doing, and I have some great goals to accomplish. I love my extremely supportive family, extended family(friends) and my boyfriend. I know they all want me to go for any and all the dreams I have. I have decided what I want to accomplish in the next 10 years, and I'm so excited about it, I can't wait for it. First, for 2 years to go by... and then the next 2 after that.. come to think of it, each 2 years seems to be something new I want to achieve! I hope it all works out.. I know how life can go though.. and I'm a little scared that just 'life' things will get in the way.. but then again, I don't tend to let those things get in my way. :)