mr and mrs.
People say that marriage doesn't change anything -- that a terrible relationship before the marriage doesn't magically become better after the wedding, that a wedding doesn't level up your love. In a certain way that is very true, but we still have this ritual because it is important to some of us, even if it doesn't have to be important to all of us.
It was a little more than two years ago when we first started dating. Within three months, she said to me that she wanted to move to Boston from Philly, but before she would move, she needed to know that we would be married. She said then that she didn't need anything big. She would've been happy if it was just a small ceremony with us and Mindy, her minister. That was all that she needed.
But I said that we should have a wedding, because we had so many fantastic friends and lovely family members that we needed to introduce to each other, and this was going to be the best time to make all of that happen. She was reluctant at first, because her shyness quailed at the idea of being in front of so many people, but she agreed.
"Also," I said, "would you mind if we waited a bit? I know that I want to do this. But, also, you know, planning a wedding is stressful. So is moving. So is finding a job in a new city. So is living together. Can we agree to the idea of a marriage but take some time before saying we're engaged? Being engaged starts this train that's hard to stop, and I just want to be sure we're ready to get the train going."
"Ok, but I don't want to just move in to 'just find out' or 'see what happens.' I love you. I want to be with you. I want to know that we want the same things."
"Ok ... can I just ask you to marry me now and just keeping asking over and over again until I have a ring?"
"Oh, darling, of course."
So that's what we did. After a quiet dinner in Philly, or while holding hands on my old porch in Boston, I'd ask her to marry me and she'd say yes. I asked her in misty forests of British Columbia, and on quiet walks near her parents' house in Michigan. We both believed, even early on, that love should be a choice that you make every day, and this was a good way to embody that choice.
I still kept asking her after I got the ring, and she was asked one more time by our officiant yesterday under a tent in front of our friends and family. And the party, and the weekend were as wondrous as I would've wanted. There were many others that I wanted to have included in that day, so many of you that I would've wanted to see, but all the ones who were there filled that tent with love and joy. Thank you to everyone who gave kindness and support along the way.
Both of our families doubled in size this weekend, but moreso because those families included all of you.