whiskey priest
I had been seated at the bar on Craigie on Main for an hour. I was on my second cocktail. The notebook was open in front of me. Pen to the side. I needed to rest my hand because it isn't accustomed to writing with a pen anymore, and it cramps easily. I needed to sort out how to write without being distracted by the Internet, so I've gone back to writing some things with a pen and paper. And some things are important enough that they need to be written out long form, with deliberation and thought and care. Still, I'm out of practice with this style and there were already two drafts on previous pages that I had already forsaken.
The patrons had cleared out a bit. It was still a weekday, still a school night and most of these folks were being responsible. The bartender walked by cleaning a glass with a bar cloth and he made eye contact with me. He was the sort of bartender that would see you walk up to the bar with a book and knew well enough to leave you alone with your reading. He would also remember what you read, so if you showed up without reading material, the next thing you know, he's getting you into a half-hour conversation about PG Wodehouse or David Foster Wallace. He was the kind of bartender that I, honestly, loved. I saw the wedding band on his finger and I thought I'd try something to break my writer's block.
"If it's not too personal, what does that wedding ring mean to you?"
That stopped him up short, and so I had to explain. I was officiating the marriage of two friends. Though, they were not just any friends, of course. I had met mishak at a bender of a weekend in New Orleans about fourteen years ago. I've probably known couplingchaos for nearly ten years. We had known each other for so long that 'friends' didn't seem to be enough. The wedding was going to be in a month and I needed to write the script; and was getting stuck on the exchange of rings. He asked, "so what sort of ceremony is it? traditional? are you clergy?"
"oh, God, no ... it's more or less secular. If my friends wanted to go the traditional route, they probably wouldn't be asking me."
"ah, I wasn't making any assumptions. We get all sorts here."
I knew he was saying that mostly to put me at ease, but now I wondered what sort of whiskey priests hang out in these parts. Still, I explained that neither of my friends were particularly religious, but they were respectful of their parents and their traditions, and in many ways, I was writing this ceremony with the idea of taking everything that was good and valuable in a conventional wedding and re-delivering it in trappings that were all about the bride and groom.
I have been officiating weddings for friends for ten years now, and I've certainly attended more weddings as a guest than as an officiant or DJ, but I cannot go into a wedding without having some hind part of my mind deconstruct and analyze parts of the ceremony. Mind, I don't pay much care or attention to the catering or the cake or the music. I care about the ceremony, and about the way different traditions and faiths converge on the thing we call love. I've loved how Vedic Hindu weddings have a rite where all of the married women are invited to whisper bits of advice into the bride's ear, and I've listened to an Iraqi co-worker talk about how every wedding in Baghdad would be followed by a parade, as the groom's family would journey to the wife's while playing music.
For what is a wedding if not a joining of two families to make one new, and of a recognition of that family and union by their peers? Why do we give gifts, provide advice in the forms of homilies and readings, and share in food, if not to show, at least symbolically, that we recognize that starting a new family is a challenge and that is our obligation as a community to support the bride and groom in this new endeavor?
So I was writing this ceremony with that in mind, and with this whole notion of stripping away all of the trappings and asking why we do certain things. If there was value in the ritual reuse it. If not, then rephrase it. Why do we have readings? Why do we ask if "anybody objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace?" Why do we exchange rings?
"Well," he said, "the thing that I remember most about the rings was that it was the first thing that my fiance and I bought for each other. it was the first thing that we actually owned as a couple, and that gave everything a certain substance. Like, we'd been talking about being married for a while, but then we had this thing that was not just yours and mine, but ours."
And that was what I needed to hear. We talked for a while afterwards, about love and life and what it all means. While it was not on his mind at the time, something else we said to each other triggered another bit from him.
"It's important, I think, that we give these rings to each other as gifts. It wouldn't be the same if I just bought a ring for myself, y'know? To show that I was now a married man? That's just a status change. This is something that was given to me by my wife, and so I look at it and I don't think, 'I am married.' I look at it and I think that she gave it to me when she married me."
And so...
It is with wedding rings that we choose to give love a physical form. Rings are among the first objects that a couple buys together when choosing to mark their commitment and they are thus the original and constant emblem of their particular union. The rings are precious, as you are to each other; and as gifts you have given to each other, they are a way for you to be together in spirit when you may not always be together in the present.
And so, (groom\bride) please repeat after me.
"I give you this ring \ as a token of my love and faith. \ May the sight of it give you the happiness you have given me. \ May you wear it always so that its touch may be as warm as my hand clasped in yours."
Congratulations, M & T. Thank you, again, for the privilege and the honor.
The patrons had cleared out a bit. It was still a weekday, still a school night and most of these folks were being responsible. The bartender walked by cleaning a glass with a bar cloth and he made eye contact with me. He was the sort of bartender that would see you walk up to the bar with a book and knew well enough to leave you alone with your reading. He would also remember what you read, so if you showed up without reading material, the next thing you know, he's getting you into a half-hour conversation about PG Wodehouse or David Foster Wallace. He was the kind of bartender that I, honestly, loved. I saw the wedding band on his finger and I thought I'd try something to break my writer's block.
"If it's not too personal, what does that wedding ring mean to you?"
That stopped him up short, and so I had to explain. I was officiating the marriage of two friends. Though, they were not just any friends, of course. I had met mishak at a bender of a weekend in New Orleans about fourteen years ago. I've probably known couplingchaos for nearly ten years. We had known each other for so long that 'friends' didn't seem to be enough. The wedding was going to be in a month and I needed to write the script; and was getting stuck on the exchange of rings. He asked, "so what sort of ceremony is it? traditional? are you clergy?"
"oh, God, no ... it's more or less secular. If my friends wanted to go the traditional route, they probably wouldn't be asking me."
"ah, I wasn't making any assumptions. We get all sorts here."
I knew he was saying that mostly to put me at ease, but now I wondered what sort of whiskey priests hang out in these parts. Still, I explained that neither of my friends were particularly religious, but they were respectful of their parents and their traditions, and in many ways, I was writing this ceremony with the idea of taking everything that was good and valuable in a conventional wedding and re-delivering it in trappings that were all about the bride and groom.
I have been officiating weddings for friends for ten years now, and I've certainly attended more weddings as a guest than as an officiant or DJ, but I cannot go into a wedding without having some hind part of my mind deconstruct and analyze parts of the ceremony. Mind, I don't pay much care or attention to the catering or the cake or the music. I care about the ceremony, and about the way different traditions and faiths converge on the thing we call love. I've loved how Vedic Hindu weddings have a rite where all of the married women are invited to whisper bits of advice into the bride's ear, and I've listened to an Iraqi co-worker talk about how every wedding in Baghdad would be followed by a parade, as the groom's family would journey to the wife's while playing music.
For what is a wedding if not a joining of two families to make one new, and of a recognition of that family and union by their peers? Why do we give gifts, provide advice in the forms of homilies and readings, and share in food, if not to show, at least symbolically, that we recognize that starting a new family is a challenge and that is our obligation as a community to support the bride and groom in this new endeavor?
So I was writing this ceremony with that in mind, and with this whole notion of stripping away all of the trappings and asking why we do certain things. If there was value in the ritual reuse it. If not, then rephrase it. Why do we have readings? Why do we ask if "anybody objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace?" Why do we exchange rings?
"Well," he said, "the thing that I remember most about the rings was that it was the first thing that my fiance and I bought for each other. it was the first thing that we actually owned as a couple, and that gave everything a certain substance. Like, we'd been talking about being married for a while, but then we had this thing that was not just yours and mine, but ours."
And that was what I needed to hear. We talked for a while afterwards, about love and life and what it all means. While it was not on his mind at the time, something else we said to each other triggered another bit from him.
"It's important, I think, that we give these rings to each other as gifts. It wouldn't be the same if I just bought a ring for myself, y'know? To show that I was now a married man? That's just a status change. This is something that was given to me by my wife, and so I look at it and I don't think, 'I am married.' I look at it and I think that she gave it to me when she married me."
And so...
It is with wedding rings that we choose to give love a physical form. Rings are among the first objects that a couple buys together when choosing to mark their commitment and they are thus the original and constant emblem of their particular union. The rings are precious, as you are to each other; and as gifts you have given to each other, they are a way for you to be together in spirit when you may not always be together in the present.
And so, (groom\bride) please repeat after me.
"I give you this ring \ as a token of my love and faith. \ May the sight of it give you the happiness you have given me. \ May you wear it always so that its touch may be as warm as my hand clasped in yours."
Congratulations, M & T. Thank you, again, for the privilege and the honor.