Recede the Previous: The Light Up Ahead
I can be a real baby sometimes...
I was all upset yesterday because I had decided I was definately going to fail Film class. Turned out I probably got a "B" on my final at the lowest, and he said I could finish my paper today instead of on time, which means I'll probably get an "A" on it. Yeah. I'm stupid and shouldn't be allowed to speak when I get stupid like that.
Turned out my words did hurt a good friend of mine. I'm stupid. I'm sorry Sarah. I felt wicked bad that on top her current stresses, that my whininess just added onto it. I immediately told her I didn't mean her in my last entry when I said that I have no attachments here at YCCC and didn't want to talk to anyone. Her, as well as Perkisette and Ansley, are really it for people I will bend over backwards to see and talk to, and it sucked to be an ass like that to a friend.
Don't be sad, b-day twin. Its all gonna end up right. You'll see.
Also, that whole thing where I wouldn't miss it here. Yeah..I lied. I left Sociology kinda sad. I'm gonna miss Moodling and Steve Crowley calling me a pussy liberal every class. Heh heh...he's a good guy, even if he is a little bit racist (but then again, all of you Avenue Q fans know that I can't truly be mad at him for that). I even got an A- on my Laos presentation, which is supurbly badass. Yessah! And I was all worried about failing everything! Well...if I don't continue studying for my last final soon, that WILL be a problem. I won't take to much longer.
So Ansley is getting to go to NC like she wanted. Turns out that even the minor details changed about her plans, they stayed solid and came true due to her continued desire and work. That's really what struck me about her when I met her...she had wants, and they were wants of the simple life. She had them, attacked them, and followed through, even with the bumbs in the road, without bitching or complaining about the little things that went wrong. Admirable to say the least. I'm glad for her and hope she enjoys herself there. Congrats, Ansley.
Fuck it. I'm done with the tough guy act. I'll miss people. I've learned a lot and become and entirely different person because of this place, for better or worse. I've taken on new humor (Perkisette mostly), music and lifestyle (Ansley, loosely), geekdom and lazy fun (Jason)...man. Its been a longer haul than I thought. Long time. It was good. Fuck it. So I'm still kinda lost and confused...I'm 20. That's life. I'll deal.
God...listening to Elliot Smith makes you more sappy and nostalgic. I'm gonna miss people when they leave, despite how some of the ties are loose. I'll miss school while I'm out. I hope when I go back, though, I'll be a better person. More confident, more aware of how much I'm really capable of. More honest. More in tune with the world around me. Definately more at peace. Yeah. That will be the time.
I can't wait to travel. I really want to run crazy. I need to save money. I've been thinking...what if I traveled the 90? I believe it goes from Massachusettes to California. Calculate the amount of gas I'll need for the straight shot, take a little more for spending, sleep in the car, make random stops at random towns along the way, eat at random diners in small towns that no one knows...beautiful. That would be fantastic. Get to California, see if there's anyone there to stay with, hit the beach..I'd love it. Bring a small crew..hell yes.
What am I worried about? The future is bright if I make it that way. I don't need to wear a business suit or do anything "responsible" yet, if at all. I'm a lover and explorer...not a worker bee. Its just not my thing. That's okay. I could do soooo fucking much, but I'm to busy worrying. Stop being embarassed and shy, damn it! There's no need for that. Ever. So much potential, so little life. So little time. I need to read, write, and run. Like....now. I need to start saving, and if I'm going to be going everywhere, it would help to get my car fixed, 'cause its currently a piece of shit.
I could go forever on this, but I need to study. That time I've been waiting for since this past summer has finally arrived. School is over TODAY. Time to condense. Time to pay back debts. Time to tell those leaving how much I love them. Time to get rid of what I don't need. Time to shed my skin, kiss away the past, and begin my life. Finally. After 20 years.
Its my time. So happy.
:)
I was all upset yesterday because I had decided I was definately going to fail Film class. Turned out I probably got a "B" on my final at the lowest, and he said I could finish my paper today instead of on time, which means I'll probably get an "A" on it. Yeah. I'm stupid and shouldn't be allowed to speak when I get stupid like that.
Turned out my words did hurt a good friend of mine. I'm stupid. I'm sorry Sarah. I felt wicked bad that on top her current stresses, that my whininess just added onto it. I immediately told her I didn't mean her in my last entry when I said that I have no attachments here at YCCC and didn't want to talk to anyone. Her, as well as Perkisette and Ansley, are really it for people I will bend over backwards to see and talk to, and it sucked to be an ass like that to a friend.
Don't be sad, b-day twin. Its all gonna end up right. You'll see.
Also, that whole thing where I wouldn't miss it here. Yeah..I lied. I left Sociology kinda sad. I'm gonna miss Moodling and Steve Crowley calling me a pussy liberal every class. Heh heh...he's a good guy, even if he is a little bit racist (but then again, all of you Avenue Q fans know that I can't truly be mad at him for that). I even got an A- on my Laos presentation, which is supurbly badass. Yessah! And I was all worried about failing everything! Well...if I don't continue studying for my last final soon, that WILL be a problem. I won't take to much longer.
So Ansley is getting to go to NC like she wanted. Turns out that even the minor details changed about her plans, they stayed solid and came true due to her continued desire and work. That's really what struck me about her when I met her...she had wants, and they were wants of the simple life. She had them, attacked them, and followed through, even with the bumbs in the road, without bitching or complaining about the little things that went wrong. Admirable to say the least. I'm glad for her and hope she enjoys herself there. Congrats, Ansley.
Fuck it. I'm done with the tough guy act. I'll miss people. I've learned a lot and become and entirely different person because of this place, for better or worse. I've taken on new humor (Perkisette mostly), music and lifestyle (Ansley, loosely), geekdom and lazy fun (Jason)...man. Its been a longer haul than I thought. Long time. It was good. Fuck it. So I'm still kinda lost and confused...I'm 20. That's life. I'll deal.
God...listening to Elliot Smith makes you more sappy and nostalgic. I'm gonna miss people when they leave, despite how some of the ties are loose. I'll miss school while I'm out. I hope when I go back, though, I'll be a better person. More confident, more aware of how much I'm really capable of. More honest. More in tune with the world around me. Definately more at peace. Yeah. That will be the time.
I can't wait to travel. I really want to run crazy. I need to save money. I've been thinking...what if I traveled the 90? I believe it goes from Massachusettes to California. Calculate the amount of gas I'll need for the straight shot, take a little more for spending, sleep in the car, make random stops at random towns along the way, eat at random diners in small towns that no one knows...beautiful. That would be fantastic. Get to California, see if there's anyone there to stay with, hit the beach..I'd love it. Bring a small crew..hell yes.
What am I worried about? The future is bright if I make it that way. I don't need to wear a business suit or do anything "responsible" yet, if at all. I'm a lover and explorer...not a worker bee. Its just not my thing. That's okay. I could do soooo fucking much, but I'm to busy worrying. Stop being embarassed and shy, damn it! There's no need for that. Ever. So much potential, so little life. So little time. I need to read, write, and run. Like....now. I need to start saving, and if I'm going to be going everywhere, it would help to get my car fixed, 'cause its currently a piece of shit.
I could go forever on this, but I need to study. That time I've been waiting for since this past summer has finally arrived. School is over TODAY. Time to condense. Time to pay back debts. Time to tell those leaving how much I love them. Time to get rid of what I don't need. Time to shed my skin, kiss away the past, and begin my life. Finally. After 20 years.
Its my time. So happy.
:)