Some Final Spite For This Sad Excuse For An Institution
All I want to do is take all the the tension things and make them right.
I could erase my entire journal except that one line, and it would pretty much cover everything.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As long as I don't suck to hard, tommorow should be the last day I ever have to go to YCCC. Ever again.
Feelings on the matter? I'm fucking ecstatic. When I got here, I had my whole depersonalization episode, and that's over. However, with the exception of that, I think I hurt more now than I did before I got here. I've made things more complex and confusing, made a bigger deal about my identity than I ever should have, and now I rarely have anything to say on lj anymore. One of the only friendships I made here entirely on my own is, in all reality, shitty now. I feel no connections, no pride, nothing telling me that I should miss YCCC. Despite the phone numbers I have and will recieve, no one will call. My grades are shit, and I am not proud at all that I'm graduating from here. I don't feel it to be an achievement. Any retard can graduate from here as long as they don't skip all their classes. Its easy. Its unrewarding.
All it has really done has brought me back to reality. As it was before I came here, school is over, and I have no fucking clue what to do next.
Perhaps that's all this was...one big distraction. I was hoping that when I left, I'd know what I want. In actuality, I think I had more ideas before I came than I do now. I know more of what I don't want to do, but that isn't as helpful as it may seem.
Surely, I've had some good times. Most of them took place out of here, though. Thing is that most of the good times I had were with people I really have no interest in speaking to now.
I'm tired of the social atmosphere. I'm tired of people trying to be so goddamn fucking cool all the time!!! "I miss childhood and I'm going to express it by wearing the hippest clothes and binge drinking". Fucking losers. What a useless place this "school" is. What a waste of my money.
I should have listened to myself at the start. I wanted to travel before college anyway. However, my laziness met up with how much of a pussy I can be, and so I let people talk me into coming here. Barbara was the one who said to go to YCCC, and it was at a time that I just wanted them to leave me alone about my life. Whatever. Sure...I'll go. What the fuck do I care? And so, I get stuck with homework and projects that are unimportant and unstimulating for two and a half years of my fucking life that are now slowly sinking down, down, down the drain.
I don't feel smarter, or any more fit to take care of myself or others. I'm just more spiteful, more confused, and more bored. And fatter. A lot fatter.
Thanks a bunch YCCC. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. Forever.
I am so, so tired of leaving places on a bad note.
You truly can't have me without having my sadness, too...
I could erase my entire journal except that one line, and it would pretty much cover everything.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As long as I don't suck to hard, tommorow should be the last day I ever have to go to YCCC. Ever again.
Feelings on the matter? I'm fucking ecstatic. When I got here, I had my whole depersonalization episode, and that's over. However, with the exception of that, I think I hurt more now than I did before I got here. I've made things more complex and confusing, made a bigger deal about my identity than I ever should have, and now I rarely have anything to say on lj anymore. One of the only friendships I made here entirely on my own is, in all reality, shitty now. I feel no connections, no pride, nothing telling me that I should miss YCCC. Despite the phone numbers I have and will recieve, no one will call. My grades are shit, and I am not proud at all that I'm graduating from here. I don't feel it to be an achievement. Any retard can graduate from here as long as they don't skip all their classes. Its easy. Its unrewarding.
All it has really done has brought me back to reality. As it was before I came here, school is over, and I have no fucking clue what to do next.
Perhaps that's all this was...one big distraction. I was hoping that when I left, I'd know what I want. In actuality, I think I had more ideas before I came than I do now. I know more of what I don't want to do, but that isn't as helpful as it may seem.
Surely, I've had some good times. Most of them took place out of here, though. Thing is that most of the good times I had were with people I really have no interest in speaking to now.
I'm tired of the social atmosphere. I'm tired of people trying to be so goddamn fucking cool all the time!!! "I miss childhood and I'm going to express it by wearing the hippest clothes and binge drinking". Fucking losers. What a useless place this "school" is. What a waste of my money.
I should have listened to myself at the start. I wanted to travel before college anyway. However, my laziness met up with how much of a pussy I can be, and so I let people talk me into coming here. Barbara was the one who said to go to YCCC, and it was at a time that I just wanted them to leave me alone about my life. Whatever. Sure...I'll go. What the fuck do I care? And so, I get stuck with homework and projects that are unimportant and unstimulating for two and a half years of my fucking life that are now slowly sinking down, down, down the drain.
I don't feel smarter, or any more fit to take care of myself or others. I'm just more spiteful, more confused, and more bored. And fatter. A lot fatter.
Thanks a bunch YCCC. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. Forever.
I am so, so tired of leaving places on a bad note.
You truly can't have me without having my sadness, too...