(no subject)
And again, I lay here trying to sleep and I start thinking... fuck thinking.
I'm thinking about everyone in my life and what they might be doing/thinking about right now.. and it is sad to think about the likelihood that no one has any thought of me... selfish sounding? Yes. But we all think about it... about what others think of us. We all want someone to be thinking about us, how much they love us, miss us, etc...
And now I'm lonely again.
And now I want to isolate again.
I really need to work on that. Wanting emotional connections but pushing them away. Like its easier if I reject everyone before they get a chance to reject me.
What a way to live, right?
I'm thinking about everyone in my life and what they might be doing/thinking about right now.. and it is sad to think about the likelihood that no one has any thought of me... selfish sounding? Yes. But we all think about it... about what others think of us. We all want someone to be thinking about us, how much they love us, miss us, etc...
And now I'm lonely again.
And now I want to isolate again.
I really need to work on that. Wanting emotional connections but pushing them away. Like its easier if I reject everyone before they get a chance to reject me.
What a way to live, right?