Problems
In the past people have been surprised when I have told them that I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I get a lot of, "but you're so happy!" and stuff like that. But most of the time I'm not.
I guess the reason I might seem happy is because I don't talk about my problems often.
I don't talk about my problems often because I think of them as petty, or I don't want people to know, or I don't really know whats wrong. Part of my major depressive disorder is just a general feeling of depression, for no particular reason. So even if you see me upset, you can ask me what's wrong, and I might not even be able to tell you.
I hate not knowing why I feel the way I do.
I also hate when people ask what might cheer me up. If I knew that, I would do it myself.
Most of the time the best thing for people to do is just sit there, or cuddle, or leave me alone.
There was more I wanted to say about this but I forget. What a surprise.
I guess the thing that indirectly prompted this was that today I really wanted to do something, and I knew who I wanted to do it with. How I work: Once I get a picture of how I want something to be in my head I usually don't want to do anything else if that idea is plausible (ie: I want to go to the beach instead of the mall [plausible], as opposed to: I want to marry Janeane Garofalo [unfortunately, not plausible]). But I never told the person that I wanted to go with that I wanted to go with them, so they never knew, I guess. So I didn't go. And now I am sad that I didn't get to a)go where I wanted b) See that person c) go where I wanted with that person and d)also turned down other plans in anticipation of what never ended up happening
...and it brings up other things that I wish I had said or done in the past. Because this situation could have totally been avoided. And things like this have happened before.
There definitely seems to be a serious flaw in my thinking. I think it has to do with where I am set in what I want to do, but I don't know how to get over that.
I guess the reason I might seem happy is because I don't talk about my problems often.
I don't talk about my problems often because I think of them as petty, or I don't want people to know, or I don't really know whats wrong. Part of my major depressive disorder is just a general feeling of depression, for no particular reason. So even if you see me upset, you can ask me what's wrong, and I might not even be able to tell you.
I hate not knowing why I feel the way I do.
I also hate when people ask what might cheer me up. If I knew that, I would do it myself.
Most of the time the best thing for people to do is just sit there, or cuddle, or leave me alone.
There was more I wanted to say about this but I forget. What a surprise.
I guess the thing that indirectly prompted this was that today I really wanted to do something, and I knew who I wanted to do it with. How I work: Once I get a picture of how I want something to be in my head I usually don't want to do anything else if that idea is plausible (ie: I want to go to the beach instead of the mall [plausible], as opposed to: I want to marry Janeane Garofalo [unfortunately, not plausible]). But I never told the person that I wanted to go with that I wanted to go with them, so they never knew, I guess. So I didn't go. And now I am sad that I didn't get to a)go where I wanted b) See that person c) go where I wanted with that person and d)also turned down other plans in anticipation of what never ended up happening
...and it brings up other things that I wish I had said or done in the past. Because this situation could have totally been avoided. And things like this have happened before.
There definitely seems to be a serious flaw in my thinking. I think it has to do with where I am set in what I want to do, but I don't know how to get over that.