don't touch me there, you didn't pay for that
i don't know whats wronge with me today, but i feel all empty again. i guess i've just been thinking too much. i' mlistening to LAUNCH YAHOO music, and they keep playing really depressing songs. i thought that once i started dating and amking it evedent that i don't love him anymore that i really wouldn't, not that i'm in love with him or want to be with him, i think that everything that happened fucked me up just enough tha t these feelings will be there for ever, or so it seems. i almost cried the first day of faire when i saw him, he came up and hugged me, and thats all it took, and i hate that. no amount of appologies can make things better between us, i hate that too, he was my best friend. i guess i can say that i'm lucky that it al ended when it did and nothing permanant happened. the last thing the world needs is a bergeron/marshman bread of humans, i would be afriad of that. i am however going to stop listening to people when thet tell my to express my feelings, i love you john and fawn, but that probably wasn't your best advise. oh, billy just signed on, i've been found. i find it really amusing that once i'm no longer available, or i'm not putting myself out there, i'm suddenly a desirable person, but if i feel like being flirty and show interest in someone, they don't want me because they know they can have me. goddamn men are strange. especially the ones who are like... oh i like this girl, but i'm not going to tell you who because im shy and you might tell her.... blah blah blah. dumbass, we always know who your talking about, and it just makes you seem insecure when you do stuff like that. i don't know about the other 99% of women, but if you put your insecurities out there that obviously, it's really not all that attractive. learn to suuck it up and be blunt, honesty is the key to everything that is good. i just found a bunch of music that is so reminiscent of my freshman year, and chris hagerdy (fagerdy), what the hell was wronge with me, oh yah, i remember he was hot and sang to me, iwill still admit that he is a very talented musician. i seem to go for the musical ones. it just happens that way. i made a list of rules after paul and i broke up, trying to break my deconstuctive relationship pattern, the top three have already been broken:
1. don't date haunt monsters
2. don't date drummers
3. don't date friends
4. don't chase after women
5. stay away from dammaged goods
6. stay away from people whose names are or sound like christina
7. don't date anyone whose been an ex of the best friend
8. don't date men with children
9. don't date men who think i look like gwen stefani (they only want to fufill fantasies)
10. stay the fuck away from taurus and aquarius, no good will come of that
i think there were more but those were the main ones. yah, i spent aloy of time alone evaluating things and writing. some of my best songs came out of that break up. it's very obvious when you read them, some people may be a little angered by them. i say to them... thanks for giving me fuel, i feel it will make me money some day, if i ever get back to orange county and work on getting my band back together. the fun part of that, we all have different tastes in music, but the instamentals are excelent, these people a fucking geniuses. so i can't complain. i guess we'll get it all worked out once were all in the same place at the same time. i have a studio, i have the equipment, i have the people, we just need to get all these things together, as well as our act, we need to stop fucking around, we don't even have a name. blah. it'll get worked on. i promise. have i mentioned i would be a full fledged lesbian for christina aguilara, my god, her parents did a wonderful thing when they made her. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.................
1. don't date haunt monsters
2. don't date drummers
3. don't date friends
4. don't chase after women
5. stay away from dammaged goods
6. stay away from people whose names are or sound like christina
7. don't date anyone whose been an ex of the best friend
8. don't date men with children
9. don't date men who think i look like gwen stefani (they only want to fufill fantasies)
10. stay the fuck away from taurus and aquarius, no good will come of that
i think there were more but those were the main ones. yah, i spent aloy of time alone evaluating things and writing. some of my best songs came out of that break up. it's very obvious when you read them, some people may be a little angered by them. i say to them... thanks for giving me fuel, i feel it will make me money some day, if i ever get back to orange county and work on getting my band back together. the fun part of that, we all have different tastes in music, but the instamentals are excelent, these people a fucking geniuses. so i can't complain. i guess we'll get it all worked out once were all in the same place at the same time. i have a studio, i have the equipment, i have the people, we just need to get all these things together, as well as our act, we need to stop fucking around, we don't even have a name. blah. it'll get worked on. i promise. have i mentioned i would be a full fledged lesbian for christina aguilara, my god, her parents did a wonderful thing when they made her. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.................