--Bow chika bow wow, that's what my baby says--
Title: Never Saw It Coming
Author/Artist: crimsondream13
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Romano/Germany, France, Prussia
Rating: T
Warnings: Curse words, implied man-on-man sex
Summary: Two bets and some bottles of beer and wine later, Lovino suddenly found himself waking to an apron-clad German in his bedroom asking him, “Is plain spaghetti fine for breakfast?”
The lights are all blinding -fucking hell, is this a disco party or what? Lovino thought irritably- when he looks up, making him wince and drink more of the wine that he bought. Why was he even here, anyway?
Oh, right. Because of Antonio.
The bastard had to annoy him all day just to go to the party with him, only to leave him alone at the bar with bottles of wine. Not that he didn’t like the wine, because he definitely did. It distracted him from the disaster that was the whole party, after all.
“Fuck,” he hissed while bringing down his now empty bottle of wine onto the counter, running a hand through his hair while watching everyone move on the dance floor. There wasn’t even a girl in the room he could ask out, seeing as it was a country-personifications only party and the only women there were his pseudo-elder sister, Vash’s sister, Erick’s sister (or girlfriend, he wasn’t really sure anymore), Honda’s sister and some other women he found weren’t pretty enough for his tastes.
This day just wasn’t working for him.
Only one thing kept him from going, and it wasn’t even a good enough reason. Except, maybe, he could use that reason as blackmail? After all, seeing the potato bastard piss-drunk wasn’t something anyone saw every day. The blackmail wouldn’t be all that useless either, seeing as most of the people in the club were drunk off their asses and probably wouldn’t remember anything that happened during the party.
But then the aforementioned potato-bastard’s brother came up to him with a wicked grin, cheeks flushed with inebriation as he slurred, “Heeeey there, sexy. Wanna dance with me?”
The puppy eyes weren’t even close to being pitiful as Lovino snapped, “Fuck off, other potato bastard. Just because you’re desperate doesn’t mean you should hit on men.” He finished with a sneer, grabbing another bottle of wine on the counter as he gulped it all down.
“I’m not desperate!” Gilbert protested with an incredulous look, chucking his beer bottle into the trash can as he added, “I’m not blind either! I can see perfectly well that you’re a dude.” He grinned before continuing, “I know someone who has the largest stick up his ass ever, though. Can’t even do anyone without thinking of the repur-repar- repercussions!”
Lovino rolled his eyes. “Idiot. Who the hell are you talking about, anyway?”
“Nuh-uh!” Gilbert wiggled a finger in the Italian’s face, “I want to make a bet with you first!”
Lovino scowled at the offending finger and slapped it away, glaring at Gilbert as he turned to face him completely. “Fine. I’m bored, anyway. What do you want to bet on?”
All the alcohol he’d consumed really helped a lot in making him think stupidly.
“I want you,” Gilbert pointed his index finger at Lovino again, “to seduce the guy I’m talking about. If you win, I’ll...” he trailed off for a minute, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked up at the ceiling for the answers to his non-existent question. “Oh! I could keep Francis out of your hair for a month. Good enough deal for ya?”
Apparently, it also helped him do stupid things.
“Sure.” Lovino shrugged, not really caring that he’d just been asked to seduce a guy by Gilbert. He’d done worse, anyway. “Who’s the guy?”
Gilbert grinned. “Ludwig.”
Lovino could almost feel his jaw dropping on the floor. “What?! No, I refuse to do this stupid bet-”
“Uh-uh,” Gilbert shook his head with a mischievous grin, “you’ve already agreed. Also? If you back out now, you’ll have to go give dear ol’ Francis a kiss instead.”
Lovino sniffed in condescension. “Who says I’m going to do either?”
“The picture I have of you and ‘Tonio in the same bed says so.” Gilbert stated with a smirk, taking great enjoyment from the ruffled look that Lovino sported.
“You asshole!” Lovino growled while balling his hands into fists. “You already know that your brother’s practically sexually retarded, don’t you? How the fuck can you even think that I’ll succeed in...in seducing him?”
Gilbert shrugged. “Well, Feli could do it. But hey, maybe that’s just ‘cause he’s better-”
“I’ll do it.” Lovino hissed with a dark glare.
“Heh,” Gilbert grinned, “knew you’d do it. He’s over there.” He gestured with a roll of his wrist to the very end of the counter where Ludwig sat, face completely flushed and hair mussed up as he struggled to keep his head up on the table.
“I hate you.” Lovino spat with venom before leaving, making sure that his anger was clear with the way he stomped towards Ludwig. “Oi, potato bastard!”
Ludwig didn’t even have the time to slur something in response when Lovino suddenly pressed his self up against him, their proximity practically choking him as he turned his confused gaze up at the Italian. “L-Lovino?”
Well, what he was doing was bordering more on ‘sexual harassment’ than seduction but hey, who the fuck cares? It’s not like the results are going to be different either way.
“Good to know you didn’t mistake me for someone else even when you’re drunk, potato bastard.” Lovino murmured in annoyance before pushing his hands forward, letting them press against the fabric covering Ludwig’s chest as he leaned closer. “Just to remind you: I hate you, you potato freak.”
“Wh-”
Suddenly it was heat, heat and heat all over as Lovino felt arms wrapping themselves around his waist, a surprised groan escaping his lips as he felt a rough tongue force its way into his mouth. He couldn’t find it in his self to complain when he felt one of the arms around his waist move upwards to his head, fingers tangling into his hair and moving dangerously close to his sensitive hair curl. It was impossible to think now; with their tongues battling for dominance as their kiss deepened, hands roaming on their bodies of their own accord and moans accidentally sounding from their still very much attached lips. Who would have thought that Ludwig would be this good?
“Lovino,” Ludwig mumbled as he pulled away to take a breath, eyes hazy with desire as he licked his lips. “Why..?”
“Spur of the moment.” Lovino murmured back, practically sitting on the German’s lap as his hands darted forward to pull Ludwig closer by the nape. “Now shut up and kiss me, you idiot.”
He was answered with a soft “mm” sound before being pulled back in, teeth clashing painfully at the beginning until they slowly got into the right position to make the kiss more comfortable and pleasurable. They didn’t even move to stop when a shout of “I’m so proud of you Lud!” from Gilbert echoed around the room, only parting for a second before standing up and stumbling away from the club to a more secluded place (which was, ultimately, Lovino’s home; seeing as Ludwig lived with Gilbert and Lovino’s place was closer). It was rather hard to ignore all the whistling and catcalls from everyone else before they left, though.
It was in a blur that he remembered clothes being shed, remembered his back hitting the soft silken surface of the bed as a mouth ravaged its way across his neck, remembered moans unintentionally making their way out of his mouth as their hips grinded together in a rhythmic fashion until everything suddenly fell apart and they were both crying out-
Then suddenly he’s awake with a forgotten memory of a migraine in his head, alone on his bed that certainly felt warmer than it normally did. But, Lovino thought with a purse of his lips, why does it feel so different?
“Lovino,” Ludwig poked his head into the room with his hair still down, “is plain spaghetti alright with you?”
“Huh? I- ” Lovino raised an eyebrow in alarm when he saw Ludwig’s whole body, his black tank top and trousers covered with what seemed to be a frilly pink apron. “..what the fuck are you wearing?”
Ludwig blushed a bit at that -and Lovino couldn’t help thinking that it was a bit cute, even for him-, coughing and clearing his throat before he explained, “I was cooking, and I couldn’t find any other aprons. I should be the one asking, though.” He cocked an eyebrow at the Italian who lay naked under the covers, “Why do you even have this in your kitchen?”
Lovino sputtered in protest, hair still messy from sleeping as he exclaimed, “Antonio must have stuck it in there! Besides, couldn’t you have just woken me up and asked for some proper aprons? I have some in the closet, you know.” He finished with a huff, crossing his arms and daring Ludwig with a look to make any more arguments against him.
“Alright then.” Ludwig sighed as he placed a hand on his hip, “Could I borrow one of those proper aprons of yours? I need to cook something for breakfast.”
Lovino’s eyebrow elevated a bit to his hairline again. “And why are you going to cook breakfast? Don’t you have a brother who’s waiting for you at home or something? Isn’t Feliciano waiting for you too?” He mumbled the last part with something that felt like disappointment, chewing on his lower lip as he redirected his stare at Ludwig’s body onto the floor.
“Last night.” Ludwig spoke with a firm tone, stepping forward until he was right in front of Lovino. “What was that?”
Lovino looked up at him with a blank stare. “We had sex,” he stated bluntly, “but what does that have to do with this?”
Ludwig rolled his eyes, arms crossed over his chest as he sat beside Lovino on the bed. “I’ll make it simpler so that you can understand, then. Do you regret it?” He enunciated slowly, looking directly at Lovino as the Italian fidgeted under his calculating stare.
“Can’t I just show it to you?” Lovino pleaded quietly, eyes lowered onto the sheets bunched up on the lower half of his body. “And if I do...I don’t want you to run away.”
Ludwig nodded in agreement. “Alright. I won’t run.”
“You better not.” Lovino scowled as leaned forward all of a sudden, taking Ludwig by surprise as he pressed his lips onto the German’s own. The startled gasp that escaped Ludwig’s lips only helped Lovino deepen the kiss further, his tongue darting out to taste the blond man’s mouth with fervor while his hands found purchase on what he knew was Ludwig’s apron.
“Does that suffice as an answer?” Lovino panted as he pulled away, tongue darting out for a second to lick at the saliva on his lips. “You gonna leave soon?”
“No,” Ludwig smiled with a strange feeling of affection and amusement, “I rather...like this arrangement.”
Lovino smirked. “You better get used to it, then.”
“I suppose I should.” Ludwig quirked an eyebrow at the smirk on Lovino’s face, about to retort again when suddenly-
Grumble grumble
Ludwig’s eyebrow rose higher. “Lovino, are you-”
“Shut up.” Lovino glared at him, though it didn’t look as threatening with the blush on his face. “I’m cooking.”
============================================
“Hey Francis, pay up!” Gilbert cheered with a wide grin as he shoved his hand into the Frenchman’s face. “I won the beeeet~!”
Francis rolled his eyes at Gilbert’s childishness, muttering under his breath as he handed the money to him, “Don’t be so smug, mon ami. Your brother was merely...drunk out of his wits, so to speak, which wasn’t truly fair for me.”
Gilbert rolled his eyes. “Huh, it didn’t look that way when he slapped you in the face. Oh wait,” he looked with innocent eyes at Francis while the man moved to take more money out of his wallet, “are you going to give me more money for being right?”
“Of course not, cher.” Francis chuckled with a shake of his head. “This is for petit Feli and Antonio.”
Gilbert furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “For ‘Tonio and cute lil’ Feli? Why?”
Francis laughed softly with a knowing smile, tilting his head back to look up at the clear sky as he murmured, “They knew before either of us, is all.” He shrugged before adding, “They bet on petit Lovi having a relationship -a romantic relationship- with Ludwig, and I didn’t. As we’ve seen from their morning together...” He trailed off with a small smile.
Gilbert snickered at that. “I didn’t see it coming, but I guess it’s fine as long as he’s getting laid. Maybe he’ll loosen up now that he has a boyfriend.”
Francis merely shrugged. “Maybe, mon cher. We can’t really be sure.”
“Yeah, well-” Gilbert’s eyes widened comically, his hand tugging at Francis’ sleeve. “Uh-oh.”
“What- oh merde.”
“Mio dio- have you fuckers been there all along?! I’m going to kill you!” Lovino shrieked in anger as he made his way to the window, watching in a mix of amusement and wrath as Gilbert and Francis stumbled to jump off of the tree branch they were sitting on. “You bastards! You better start running!”
Ludwig rolled his eyes. “It’s because they’re lacking their own sex lives that they take pleasure in others’.”
Lovino gave a derisive snort. “That actually makes sense.”
Makes more sense than us getting together too, Lovino thought to himself before shooting an amused-slash-horny look at Ludwig as he bent over to rummage in the lower parts of his closet for a normal apron.
Oh yeah, he could definitely get used to this.
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A/N: Apparently I can make happy endings as long as it’s not Spamano. What does this imply? /derp
I’M SORRY I’M SUCH A FAILURE LMAO. orz
At least I finished this one before going to sleep unlike the last time. =__= Hopefully some of you enjoyed reading this, even if it sucks because of the lack of effort lol orz /dies
(Erick is Netherlands btw lD; )