Hunger
Again - pinpoint feeling/emotion
There's a physical hunger involved as well as other types.
The first is like a pathetic pre-teen control issue thing, frankly I'm not happy with my body. I've put on nearly a stone (14lbs) and I really miss my old shape. Okay bigger chest, happy with that -as is Scott :P of course, but he's too nice and keeps saying he think I have a good body, but my argument is that he knew when I
was already putting it on, not when I was slimmer.
What's strange is how used to the feeling I'm getting. I burn off the energy really quickly, for no good reason; but I'm restricting how often I eat. It's that light, trippy feeling. Closest I get to getting stoned :P like when I was severely jet-lagged and began writing very alternative things in my notebook. I drink tea, water, between meals - strange tea - smells a little odd, may actually be real green tea from China! But the packet is in Mandarin, so I can't tell. But it's tea, and something has me drinking it. But once I join the gym again, my focus will be on that, and I know better than to go in without properly fueling myself.
The other hunger is to do something. Creative or otherwise. Something that breaks me out of the apathetic rut I'm in. To go back to college, throw myself back in, do better again than last year. Or hunger to play piano again. To be at the keyboard for hours at a time, maybe there'll be a candle or two involved. But at the moment I can't play my @!/%ing scales, what kind of pianist can't play scales?! I started piano too late, and now it's too late to start anything else. Nothing I start now can be taken seriously. Everyone else would have started when they were 9 or something. Another reason I hate kids.
The other one is a little strange ... it's almost like a sexual hunger, it's so weird. Like I'm constantly looking to be satisfied, it's not like I'm never satisfied, I am - so then I feel guilty, but for some reason I still look for more. This aspect will need a re-visit. I'm afraid though, that soon it won't be enough, I don't even allow myself to think beyond that point.
There's a physical hunger involved as well as other types.
The first is like a pathetic pre-teen control issue thing, frankly I'm not happy with my body. I've put on nearly a stone (14lbs) and I really miss my old shape. Okay bigger chest, happy with that -as is Scott :P of course, but he's too nice and keeps saying he think I have a good body, but my argument is that he knew when I
was already putting it on, not when I was slimmer.
What's strange is how used to the feeling I'm getting. I burn off the energy really quickly, for no good reason; but I'm restricting how often I eat. It's that light, trippy feeling. Closest I get to getting stoned :P like when I was severely jet-lagged and began writing very alternative things in my notebook. I drink tea, water, between meals - strange tea - smells a little odd, may actually be real green tea from China! But the packet is in Mandarin, so I can't tell. But it's tea, and something has me drinking it. But once I join the gym again, my focus will be on that, and I know better than to go in without properly fueling myself.
The other hunger is to do something. Creative or otherwise. Something that breaks me out of the apathetic rut I'm in. To go back to college, throw myself back in, do better again than last year. Or hunger to play piano again. To be at the keyboard for hours at a time, maybe there'll be a candle or two involved. But at the moment I can't play my @!/%ing scales, what kind of pianist can't play scales?! I started piano too late, and now it's too late to start anything else. Nothing I start now can be taken seriously. Everyone else would have started when they were 9 or something. Another reason I hate kids.
The other one is a little strange ... it's almost like a sexual hunger, it's so weird. Like I'm constantly looking to be satisfied, it's not like I'm never satisfied, I am - so then I feel guilty, but for some reason I still look for more. This aspect will need a re-visit. I'm afraid though, that soon it won't be enough, I don't even allow myself to think beyond that point.