Guilt
Let's try this format today, kids, pick an emotion or a feeling you feel is particularly strong in you today. Describe it, and highlight its role in your life at this moment in time.
Today's topic - Guilt
Okay, why I feel guilty...let's see.
Guilty that I wasted time today. Wandered around the house. Refreshed MySpace homepage a few too many time. I could have done some great things today! Well I began to tidy my room. If I could really sit down (seeing as the ceiling is a lil too low to remain standing all the time) and go through things, box them. Throw out things. Still finding things I wish I didn't have. Almost feel guilty for those things. Ooo, another point of topic.
Guilty for keeping things I shouldn't. Namely; pictures of an Ex, a link between people there could've been something with, notes or letters from someone I've claimed to have severed contact with. I have been good though. Been destroying them as I come to them. I burned one - and set off the smoke alarm in my room. Tore the rest up and put them in my make-shift rubbish bin. Photos from good times, letters saying sorry.
But then, I also feel guilty for being so insensitive and detached about that. And maybe guilty for not forgiving. Then again - I can't. And I may feel even worse if I did.
I feel guilty that I can't be as emotional as Scott is. That he's better to me than I am to him. He'll argue I am, that I'm being silly; so I don't bring it up. It's amazing, absolutely amazing, how honest we are with each other - but admitting that I feel guilty about accepting his kindness, that I'm afraid that I'll feel so undeserving that I'll run away from it, from him; because of what - he was nice to me?! Is there such a thing being too nice to someone? I have told him he's too good to me - he says he wants to do it. Tell him he shouldn't put me on such a pedestal; then he'll try to defend why I should.
I feel guilty for thinking the way I do. Thinking like that. Probably sound like a horrible person who can't just accept someone trying to be nice to me because they like me. And believe me, I don't want to think like that - hence the guilt.
Also feel guilty I may be wasting people's time. Be it boring them with tales from my mundane existence. Asking them to teach or show me things that I don't practice or live-up to. Like piano for example - great teacher; mediocre student. He teaches people who are really, really very good. And who am I do come in with my half-assed playing and inability to improve or learn at any great capacity.
So that's me for now. Feeling somewhat guilty for a lot of things. There's a word for that you know - confused.
Today's topic - Guilt
Okay, why I feel guilty...let's see.
Guilty that I wasted time today. Wandered around the house. Refreshed MySpace homepage a few too many time. I could have done some great things today! Well I began to tidy my room. If I could really sit down (seeing as the ceiling is a lil too low to remain standing all the time) and go through things, box them. Throw out things. Still finding things I wish I didn't have. Almost feel guilty for those things. Ooo, another point of topic.
Guilty for keeping things I shouldn't. Namely; pictures of an Ex, a link between people there could've been something with, notes or letters from someone I've claimed to have severed contact with. I have been good though. Been destroying them as I come to them. I burned one - and set off the smoke alarm in my room. Tore the rest up and put them in my make-shift rubbish bin. Photos from good times, letters saying sorry.
But then, I also feel guilty for being so insensitive and detached about that. And maybe guilty for not forgiving. Then again - I can't. And I may feel even worse if I did.
I feel guilty that I can't be as emotional as Scott is. That he's better to me than I am to him. He'll argue I am, that I'm being silly; so I don't bring it up. It's amazing, absolutely amazing, how honest we are with each other - but admitting that I feel guilty about accepting his kindness, that I'm afraid that I'll feel so undeserving that I'll run away from it, from him; because of what - he was nice to me?! Is there such a thing being too nice to someone? I have told him he's too good to me - he says he wants to do it. Tell him he shouldn't put me on such a pedestal; then he'll try to defend why I should.
I feel guilty for thinking the way I do. Thinking like that. Probably sound like a horrible person who can't just accept someone trying to be nice to me because they like me. And believe me, I don't want to think like that - hence the guilt.
Also feel guilty I may be wasting people's time. Be it boring them with tales from my mundane existence. Asking them to teach or show me things that I don't practice or live-up to. Like piano for example - great teacher; mediocre student. He teaches people who are really, really very good. And who am I do come in with my half-assed playing and inability to improve or learn at any great capacity.
So that's me for now. Feeling somewhat guilty for a lot of things. There's a word for that you know - confused.