.fate only takes you so far, and then it's up to you to make it happen.
So I've been writing in this like crazy, I know, but it really helps me to sort out all my thoughts and emotions [of which there are many right now.] Today at work [which again wasn't that bad] I realized something. I honestly believe everything happens for a reason, and that if two people are meant to be together, then they will end up together. Last November, as usual, I was cramming for a psychology exam the night before with Sarah and Brandon, who I had just starting talking to after breaking up with Frank, called and asked if I wanted to play pool in Kirkof that night since he knew I was really stressing out about the exam and what to do with the rest of my life [I was contemplating a psychology major at the time, which he currently was, and my parents weren't taking it so well.] So I agreed, even though I suck horribly at pool, I hit the cue ball in more than I do any of the other balls, haha. Anyway, we played a few games of pool after I had made fun of his GVSU ID picture multiple times since he had to show it to use the pool table, and then decided to go check out whatever was playing in the movie theatre. It was halfway through Ocean's 11 so we decided to stay and finish watching it since we had both seen the beginning but not the end, which was kinda coincidental. After we had been sitting there for about 20 minutes or so, the movie cuts out and another one begins. Apparently there was a scheduled movie showing at 10. We were also wondering why at about 5 to, a bunch of girls started flooding in. The movie showing was The Notebook, and neither I nor Brandon had seen that one either [I kept meaning to go see it with Frank when we were dating but never got around to it] so we stayed and watched it. He held my hand, I got butterflies. Anyway, I do have a point to all of this reminiscing [I'm sure I spelled that horribly wrong.] I consider watching The Notebook in Kirkoff our first date. We were never really the type that went on dates anyway, not like I minded, but I consider that one of the few. There's a reason I didn't see that movie with Frank, who I had been dating for two and a half years, and instead saw it with Brandon, who I had only started getting to know a few days prior. There's a reason that it happened to be that particular movie at that particular time. Noah and Allie are Brandon and I. We fight about everything, have nothing in common, but still seem to find our way back into each others arms. I know this might sound crazy but I believe it. Allie completely rejected Noah at the beginning of the movie, just as I did with Brandon when he tried to help me bowl. It's not your typical relationship but I like it that way. I like it that we fight over who gets the inside of the bed, I like how it takes us an hour just to find a movie that both of us will watch, and I like it how we have different opinions on almost everything. And we somehow made it work, despite the fact that we had nothing in common outside of bowling and came from completely different backgrounds. None of that mattered though, I was crazy about him and that was enough. Me and Brandon just didn't meet by chance, I honestly believe we have something special, something more than the average college relationship. There's a reason I decided to go to bowling practice with Apryl last September, despite my promise to not get involved in any extra curricular activities my freshman year of college. There's a reason Brandon put "Let Me Love You" in his profile, causing us to start really talking in the first place. But most importantly, there's a reason that despite all the arguments and fights we've had, that we still manage to work through it all. And I just can't give that up, I won't give that up. Brandon, I'm not asking you to forgive me, I'm not asking you to agree with everything I say, all I'm asking from you is a chance, a chance to show you that I can make you happy again, that I am still that girl you fell in love with last January ["I love you" "No you don't" over Christmas Break last year], and that it really is worth it. There's a reason our relationship hasn't been perfect, and hasn't been typical. Something like this just doesn't come along all the time, and I'm not ready to lose it and may not find it again. It hasn't been easy, and it probably won't be easy for awhile, but I'm willing to work at it because I think it's worth it. They say that no guy is ever worth a girl's tears, and that the one who is will never make her cry; Yeah, well, Brandon is damnit, he's worth it, and has made me cry but I cry because I care, because I'm frustrated, but most importantly, because I'm in love. And I'm not saying we're meant to get married or anything like that, only that I believe we're meant to be together right now. The feeling I have when I'm with Brandon has to mean something, or else I wouldn't be trying this hard to get him back in my life. Fate determines who walks into your life, but it is you who decides who you let stay, who you let walk out, and who you refuse to let go. And I know that I refuse to let you go Brandon, all I can hope for is that you feel the same.