two for the price of one..

[crimson311]

"a self audit"

it's one of those nights where i am on the floor
looking over my shoulders in search of the
origin of my chilling bones and unofficial weight on my chest
while my friends discuss good and bad times of now and before
and i'm not quite sure where i fit.
how i fit.
if i fit
and if it's time for me to quit
the career i've made for myself.
of lying of trying of crying over nights
like this where i just feel like
professionally dying.
but there's no denying that i love them all
and i fear the fall of not knowing
what comes next.
and i can't stand this distress and
i want out.
but keep me in
against my will or to my chagrin so that i know.
love me or hate me
so i can feel the stench in my soul.

but it's not you i need.
that just stems from this inner greed.
my want is a thirst
for number one.
for making me first.

"laughter"

a chuckle can get anyone in the right mood.
from a lover or friend,
a stranger in the park.
it takes me out of the dark and into a place
away from that corner in my mind that
leaves me socially and emotionally
behind the groove of my own happiness.

laughter is conversation
not obligation. it is
an offering, a high-pitched gaffaw.
one that makes me feel above mortal law
and for one instant,
my mind and body are not so
intrinsically distanced and life
as i know it
can be good again.

so thank you friend.
for your laugh.
you're unique, unquestioning and
unashamed laughter.
one that i've missed until now
and look forward to after.