(no subject)
RIGHT okay so i should blog more when i'm good, not just when i'm feeling shitty. the weekend was crappy, full of me being all HURGLEGURGLE and hair-pulling and being mental and throwing my phone against the wall because people WOULD. NOT. STOP. RINGING ME. (how DARE people be concerned when i'm being panicky, JESUS.) am doing better now though, as my housemate has shaved my head (stylishly) and i now have nothing to pull. calming. most of the people at work now see me just sitting at my desk, rubbing my head like a chimp. i think i am possibly going through a weird moment right now where, idk, i feel really hurt and betrayed for no reason, and really alone even though i'm too irritable/unable to concentrate to meet with people and enjoy myself properly. there just aren't enough hours in the day, i think-- not enough weekend! i want to write, but for the sake of my sanity i really need to not fall back into a bad pattern of sequestering myself in my room all the time. (but when i'm with people i can't write and when i'm writing i can't be with people and FUCKKKkkkk.) i also kinda wanna sleep forever and just lie in bed reading; i'm reading a pretty awesome book right now called jack the lad and bloody mary which does a lot of lapses into stream-of-consciousness things which is why i think i'm possibly talking like this right now UGH STOP I HAVE MY OWN WRITING STYLE DAMN YOU.
good things. today was actually a good day! someone said i was amazing. i managed to sell them something, and they were happy to buy it. i've never sold anything that someone was so ecstatically happy to buy before. i normally feel really bad about selling people things but seriously, this person had like a million devices all linked up like the human caterpillar and ONE thing was acting up and we had to disconnect EVERYTHING, and i fixed the problem (eventually) and was like "okay so it's all good BY THE WAY do you want this ONE thing that's basically ALL OF THOSE THINGS PUT TOGETHER, FOR FREE?" and he was like HOLY SHIT YEAH and i felt awesome because i was selling something that would actually, like. help.
i got a bonus at work for being decent at my job. it's a pretty sweet bonus. money is weird; i feel like i should stock it up for some reason but i don't quite know why as i have no real ambition to use it. i'm not trying to buy a car, and i'm never going to be living with someone meaningful so why bother trying to save for a house? it's like socks, or something. you keep buying socks and then one day you open your sock drawer and realize you have about 50 pairs of socks-- but when someone tells you to throw some out it's like NO WAY, WHAT IF MY FEET GET COLD AND I NEED TO DOUBLE UP AT NIGHT? QUIT SHROOMIN', MOM!!
weekend's coming up soon. i might spend the money on more books. i found a book sale the other week and bought 3 books. two of them queer (one lesbian, one gay); the other that jack+mary one i was talking about earlier. the gay one was dull. MY GOD SO DULL. it was like 100+ pages of pining and then finally they get it on, and when they do it's like squealing excitedly and licking each other on the eyelids I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. i was like, I SUFFERED THROUGH 100+ PAGES OF TRIPE FOR THIS? LICKING EACH OTHER ON THE EYELIDS, HOW IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY APPEALING. fuck that noise, man.
good things. today was actually a good day! someone said i was amazing. i managed to sell them something, and they were happy to buy it. i've never sold anything that someone was so ecstatically happy to buy before. i normally feel really bad about selling people things but seriously, this person had like a million devices all linked up like the human caterpillar and ONE thing was acting up and we had to disconnect EVERYTHING, and i fixed the problem (eventually) and was like "okay so it's all good BY THE WAY do you want this ONE thing that's basically ALL OF THOSE THINGS PUT TOGETHER, FOR FREE?" and he was like HOLY SHIT YEAH and i felt awesome because i was selling something that would actually, like. help.
i got a bonus at work for being decent at my job. it's a pretty sweet bonus. money is weird; i feel like i should stock it up for some reason but i don't quite know why as i have no real ambition to use it. i'm not trying to buy a car, and i'm never going to be living with someone meaningful so why bother trying to save for a house? it's like socks, or something. you keep buying socks and then one day you open your sock drawer and realize you have about 50 pairs of socks-- but when someone tells you to throw some out it's like NO WAY, WHAT IF MY FEET GET COLD AND I NEED TO DOUBLE UP AT NIGHT? QUIT SHROOMIN', MOM!!
weekend's coming up soon. i might spend the money on more books. i found a book sale the other week and bought 3 books. two of them queer (one lesbian, one gay); the other that jack+mary one i was talking about earlier. the gay one was dull. MY GOD SO DULL. it was like 100+ pages of pining and then finally they get it on, and when they do it's like squealing excitedly and licking each other on the eyelids I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. i was like, I SUFFERED THROUGH 100+ PAGES OF TRIPE FOR THIS? LICKING EACH OTHER ON THE EYELIDS, HOW IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY APPEALING. fuck that noise, man.