my evil plan has been unmasked!
I can't help it - this has to be posted. Good gods, even comedians can't come up with better material than this!
I forget what originally provoked Jen to post in my journal last night to get Eric's attention, something he said about how she only graduated college (cum laude, no less) because she's Catholic - but wait, my father has discovered that Jen is just some broad I pay off to pretend to be my trophy wife, if she even exists at all, so it doesn't matter anyway!
It's indescribably hilarious to see the extent of my father's projection. What kind of fantasy world does he imagine I live in? Obviously, it must be inversely proportional to the one he himself inhabits, because as he's said on several occasions, he's the only sane person on Earth, so everyone else must be at least as delusional as they claim he is. I wonder if there's an observable mathematical formula here.
Anyway, here's his priceless rejoinder, before he goes and deletes or edits it, as usual. My comments are in brackets.
College for a bitch [Charming term of endearment to use on someone he's never met, eh?]
Rick isn't even married in real life so he poses as a Yankee pro NY real McVeigh of an excuse to hang around my ex family. [Aaaaack! My diabolical plan has been revealed! Why posing as a "Yankee pro NY," which I gather means something in Eric's language, would win the support of my Kentucky-native Bush-voting family, I have no clue, but that's the beauty of my plan. And if Eric finds out that I'm really living in a cardboard box with a homosexual Frenchman named Eloise, my family is so going to disown me...] Folk Nation has more influence here in Dayton and they ignore the fact that the cops are covering for Teagues and Langan's friends.(AS claimed by both Guardsmark and Salon.com) [Somehow I doubt Salon.com really wrote about what Eric seems to think they did - Eric, like all schizophrenics, has a hard time processing information correctly. And I never understood why a party to the conspiracy, like Salon.com is in Ericland, would report clues to the conspiracy where the dreaded Eric Mind can cunningly unravel them. I guess we all misunderestimate our foe, right?] The masonic kin don't do shit except award themselves degrees and titles, and can't possibly allow themselves to give any advice to non masons, "of good council." [Um...In Space Ghost's words, "Uhh...yeah! I'll tell him you said that!"] I just hope like heck he finishes school and does well after three years of bitching on the net like its some kind of fuckin scholarship essay. [Yes, Eric, countless higher-learning institutions around the globe are reading my livejournal, spellbound at my sob stories, and this is why I have all the obvious success in life that I do.] If I see you I grant you some, what little I got. Even Mark could use some more. (Now ain't that sweet?) [Since I have no clue what this refers to, I'll merely nod and say meshuggenah.]
A court that doesn't follow the ORC or protocol is bullshit. Thorzine isn't that a Nordic comic? [Thorazine is an anti-psychotic prescribed to people like Eric to control their bizarre ideation and violent tendencies. Eric could definitely use some, but I don't see him getting any soon; despite the fact that the Vast Conspiracy is all-powerful, they've never actually managed to do much of anything to Eric. You'd think a conspiracy of The Entire World Against Eric McFuckwit could very easily do away with him, but he doesn't find our lack of doing so odd in the least. It reminds me of that episode of Darkwing Duck where Darkwing goes to a planet where everyone is a superhero, and he's the single honorary person they rescue.] No but it looks like a Dairy Mart logo , and Guardsmark too, until bought by Circle K. [What does? An anti-psychotic drug looks like a logo?!] They civil plea turned into a sidebar fucking by French and the rest, they say at sidebar that they aren't going to proceed with the misdemeanor but they don't say shit to me. [This guy wonders why he can't seem to do well in college? This looks like a job for...A CONSPIRACY!] And poor Eric Colter, hope no one else is silenced like that. Bush voted for cretaceousrick, I saw the chad. [Ah, that explains why I've had Secret Service protection since November 2...] Now I suppose Banazir is doing OK out in the Manhattan area, at least he has a sense of humor. [He must have, to deal with psychopathic maniacs stalking him without provocation.] I have to learn to hate the kid I guess. [If "the kid" is me, Eric learned to hate me long, long before I ever left him. I am a Spy For the Homosexual Agenda, after all!] Theres two stories about my sister going through the glass in the garage next door years, hers and good ol Sheila, Ricks family. [And that is relevant how? What does that even mean?!]
And how hard is it to go to Buffalo, not Buffalo lodge, get a cab and ask him for a good place to target shoot? [I keep forgetting my Eric-ese Translation Dictionary...I don't know what this means.] If that frat wants to fuck with innocent people what the hell. [Who? What? When? Why? How?] Sinclair won't even move me up because of me hearing without involving dozens of circle jerk stops around campus so you learn to just count on doing things yourself. [There's no such thing as assigned seating in college, Einstein. If you can't hear the teacher, get off your paranoid ass and sit in the front of the class. It's really not that difficult. I guess you're just used to everyone doing and paying everything for you, like they have your entire life.]
And with this devestating indictment, Eric has broken my spirit and shattered my credibility with the Wise Denizens of the Internets. I guess I can stop paying Jen to keep up the charade now, which sucks, because I was really looking forward to having Thanksgiving dinner with her so-called family, whom I've also been paying off. Damn. I guess I know where all the vast fortunes I make off having one diary out of 5,250,420 goes.
I forget what originally provoked Jen to post in my journal last night to get Eric's attention, something he said about how she only graduated college (cum laude, no less) because she's Catholic - but wait, my father has discovered that Jen is just some broad I pay off to pretend to be my trophy wife, if she even exists at all, so it doesn't matter anyway!
It's indescribably hilarious to see the extent of my father's projection. What kind of fantasy world does he imagine I live in? Obviously, it must be inversely proportional to the one he himself inhabits, because as he's said on several occasions, he's the only sane person on Earth, so everyone else must be at least as delusional as they claim he is. I wonder if there's an observable mathematical formula here.
Anyway, here's his priceless rejoinder, before he goes and deletes or edits it, as usual. My comments are in brackets.
College for a bitch [Charming term of endearment to use on someone he's never met, eh?]
Rick isn't even married in real life so he poses as a Yankee pro NY real McVeigh of an excuse to hang around my ex family. [Aaaaack! My diabolical plan has been revealed! Why posing as a "Yankee pro NY," which I gather means something in Eric's language, would win the support of my Kentucky-native Bush-voting family, I have no clue, but that's the beauty of my plan. And if Eric finds out that I'm really living in a cardboard box with a homosexual Frenchman named Eloise, my family is so going to disown me...] Folk Nation has more influence here in Dayton and they ignore the fact that the cops are covering for Teagues and Langan's friends.(AS claimed by both Guardsmark and Salon.com) [Somehow I doubt Salon.com really wrote about what Eric seems to think they did - Eric, like all schizophrenics, has a hard time processing information correctly. And I never understood why a party to the conspiracy, like Salon.com is in Ericland, would report clues to the conspiracy where the dreaded Eric Mind can cunningly unravel them. I guess we all misunderestimate our foe, right?] The masonic kin don't do shit except award themselves degrees and titles, and can't possibly allow themselves to give any advice to non masons, "of good council." [Um...In Space Ghost's words, "Uhh...yeah! I'll tell him you said that!"] I just hope like heck he finishes school and does well after three years of bitching on the net like its some kind of fuckin scholarship essay. [Yes, Eric, countless higher-learning institutions around the globe are reading my livejournal, spellbound at my sob stories, and this is why I have all the obvious success in life that I do.] If I see you I grant you some, what little I got. Even Mark could use some more. (Now ain't that sweet?) [Since I have no clue what this refers to, I'll merely nod and say meshuggenah.]
A court that doesn't follow the ORC or protocol is bullshit. Thorzine isn't that a Nordic comic? [Thorazine is an anti-psychotic prescribed to people like Eric to control their bizarre ideation and violent tendencies. Eric could definitely use some, but I don't see him getting any soon; despite the fact that the Vast Conspiracy is all-powerful, they've never actually managed to do much of anything to Eric. You'd think a conspiracy of The Entire World Against Eric McFuckwit could very easily do away with him, but he doesn't find our lack of doing so odd in the least. It reminds me of that episode of Darkwing Duck where Darkwing goes to a planet where everyone is a superhero, and he's the single honorary person they rescue.] No but it looks like a Dairy Mart logo , and Guardsmark too, until bought by Circle K. [What does? An anti-psychotic drug looks like a logo?!] They civil plea turned into a sidebar fucking by French and the rest, they say at sidebar that they aren't going to proceed with the misdemeanor but they don't say shit to me. [This guy wonders why he can't seem to do well in college? This looks like a job for...A CONSPIRACY!] And poor Eric Colter, hope no one else is silenced like that. Bush voted for cretaceousrick, I saw the chad. [Ah, that explains why I've had Secret Service protection since November 2...] Now I suppose Banazir is doing OK out in the Manhattan area, at least he has a sense of humor. [He must have, to deal with psychopathic maniacs stalking him without provocation.] I have to learn to hate the kid I guess. [If "the kid" is me, Eric learned to hate me long, long before I ever left him. I am a Spy For the Homosexual Agenda, after all!] Theres two stories about my sister going through the glass in the garage next door years, hers and good ol Sheila, Ricks family. [And that is relevant how? What does that even mean?!]
And how hard is it to go to Buffalo, not Buffalo lodge, get a cab and ask him for a good place to target shoot? [I keep forgetting my Eric-ese Translation Dictionary...I don't know what this means.] If that frat wants to fuck with innocent people what the hell. [Who? What? When? Why? How?] Sinclair won't even move me up because of me hearing without involving dozens of circle jerk stops around campus so you learn to just count on doing things yourself. [There's no such thing as assigned seating in college, Einstein. If you can't hear the teacher, get off your paranoid ass and sit in the front of the class. It's really not that difficult. I guess you're just used to everyone doing and paying everything for you, like they have your entire life.]
And with this devestating indictment, Eric has broken my spirit and shattered my credibility with the Wise Denizens of the Internets. I guess I can stop paying Jen to keep up the charade now, which sucks, because I was really looking forward to having Thanksgiving dinner with her so-called family, whom I've also been paying off. Damn. I guess I know where all the vast fortunes I make off having one diary out of 5,250,420 goes.