Hello February!
I’ve got so much going on in my head right now.
I guess the biggest news that’s been taking up a significant amount of time recently is the decision between my boyfriend and I to finally take that plunge and move in together.
We’ve been together for just under 3 years and travelling back and forth on weekends, living out of my purse and doing twice the amount of housework is almost at an end. I’m pretty excited about it of course, but honesty forces me to admit that I’m a little nervous too.
My partner and I have had our shares of good times and not so good times. We’re very different people in terms of our views, how we see things, and we’ve grown together over the years with a very solid foundation. So I think we’re ready and the timing is just right.
Things that worry me? Oh, all the things that anyone worries about when you move in with your partner. Will we fight about money? House work? Space? Will our intimacy drift away? Will the time we “make” for each other now be replaced with the time that we just both happen to be home?
That last one worries me the most. When you live apart, the only time you see said person is when one or both makes an effort. But when you co-habit a space, and you happen to be home together a lot, it’s easy to forget to make that effort. But the effort is the most important thing to me.
I’ve had this experience before (dated a nice fellow 5 years, lived together for three of them), and even though the love was still there, by the end of it, we were more like room mates. And this isn’t unique to me, I’ve met quite a few woman who have shared similar experiences.
I guess like anything in life, it’s about finding the balance and keeping it.
Everything in life is a learning process, and so there are somethings that I will insist upon now.
1. Doing dishes together. Men (for the most part, no offense) will never voluntarily do the dishes. We might hope that piling them by the sink will prompt them to think, oh maybe it’s my turn, but in the end, you just have dishes that are that much harder to clean. Team Effort! Andy and I have a great system now where we do them together always, I wash, he dries. I think this logic can be extended to house hold tasks in general. Anything is easier when two people help. Right?
2. Try to go to bed at the same time, at least some of the time. (if you can, work permitting etc). For me, this is important in maintaining intimacy. It’s nice to fall asleep with said person, and i think, adds to the closeness you have together. There are always going to be nights where one might want to stay up later than the other, and that’s ok, but keep it in balance with sleeping together at the same time. When you live apart, it’s natural to go to bed at the same time, since it might be weird to stay up at his/her house w/o them. But this kinda changes when you co-habit a space, at least for me since I’m a closet night owl.
3. I will not do your laundry.
When I was thinking about this subject this morning, i had a few more things floating around my head but now that I’m here, I can’t really think of them.
Oh yah.
4. I don’t want to decide what we have for dinner every night of the week. This should be a back and forth shared process. Even now, Andy and I sometimes bicker because neither of us want to make a decision on what to eat.
What are things you’ve learned and/or insist on when living with your significant other?
PS. LOST WAS SO AWESOME.
Originally published at Crumpled Paper. You can comment here or there.