a winter tale
pairing : sooyoung/changmin
rating : g
genre : slight angst (?)
As she gazed upon him, love… filled every fiber of her being, and she knew that this was the emotion that she had been warned against by the Spirit of the Wood.
Great tears welled up in her eyes-and suddenly she began to melt.
(Snegurochka, English translated by Lucy Maxim)
If only this damn winter ends faster.
Changmin muttered in a low voice between his gritting teeth and the trembling crawled all over his body. The wintry breeze blew on him, leaving icicles hung on the locks of his hair. His boots sunk deeper into the snow, making some of it slipped into his boots and gave him a damp sensation when the snow melted there.
The man wobbled his way on the vast expanse of pure white snow. A dim light from the lamp in the distance was his goal. Just a little bit more. Just a little more. He mumbled to entertain himself while his vision started to get blurry and his ears were buzzing in a strange sound. The dark cloud in the west part of the sky was getting thicker each moment. There's a storm coming tonight. Changmin knew it better.
Four hours ago, Boa called to his office and spoke with a hoarse voice which sounded like she was crying. Changmin had to ask his cousin to repeat her words several times before he caught the matter she talked about.
Jiyeon relapsed. Come here quickly.
Just five words. Five damn words which made Changmin grabbed his backpack in a frantic movement, told Jessica to cancel all meetings and programming plans for this week, then ran to the parking lot without wearing his jacket first. Of course, he felt so stupid when the freezing wind ruthlessly slapped his body which was only wrapped in a long-sleeved t-shirt and rugged jeans, but he didn’t have any time to step back to the small room in his office where he lived.
Changmin had always known that Jiyeon was dying. He was perfectly aware of it, that his little sister was only a step away from the death’s hands.
The light from that lonely lamp was getting brighter. A small cottage with a door and ice-layered windows, it looked like popped out from the fairy tale world. That was Boa’s cottage, a sick house for Jiyeon. The forest behind the cottage was old and exhausted, however when the winter ends it was always been a small comfort and entertainment for Jiyeon. Changmin also liked that forest in the spring, where it slowly dyed its colour into beautiful greenish shade and fresh breath exhaled from the rows of the trees.
But right now it’s winter. The man reminded himself. With his tired hand, he reached for the doorknob. It’s locked. He started to knock.
Boa was the one who opened the door. The woman was only four years older than Changmin, but her face displayed signs of unbearable weariness. Boa smiled wryly when she saw Changmin.
“Hey,” she greeted softly. Changmin bent his back to gave her a small hug and let Boa landed light pecks on his cheeks.
“The snow is too thick. I had to leave my car on the other side of the road,” he murmured. Boa gave him a small nod, then closed the door.
“Coffee?” Boa asked. Changmin shook his head.
“Jiyeon?”
Boa put down the kettle on the stove and eyed Changmin with a sympathetic look. “Don’t worry. Jiyeon is sleeping. We took her to hospital earlier but she didn’t want to stay there, so we brought her back. Still having nightmares and fever. But at least she eats and sleeps easily. Yunho went to the hospital to get the medicines.” Yunho was Boa’s husband and Jiyeon’s doctor.
Changmin felt that his stress and tension was slowly washed away. The man took a seat on the wooden stool next to the dining table.
“I won’t know what to do without you guys,” uttered Changmin. His tone implied a serious genuine gratitude. Boa laughed quietly.
“Well, of course, you won’t.” Boa poured hot water into a cup and stirred it until the water turned into black liquid. The woman then handed Changmin the cup. Changmin muttered a thank and sipped his coffee slowly. The warmth from the liquid spread quickly all over his body. Ah, I’m alive, he thought. Then he laughed at himself for thinking like that.
Jiyeon’s room was located on the back of the cottage, with a window facing to the woods. Changmin found his little sister was sleeping beneath thick pile of blankets. One time, Jiyeon fidgeting in her sleep, moaned incoherently.
It looked so painful in Changmin’s eyes. He brushed off some strands of hair from her face, then caressed her cheek carefully with the back of his hand.
“Jiyeon-ah, the snow is getting thick. Remember that time when we built that snowman? You gave him your favourite knitted hat and scarf, but the next morning he melted.”
Jiyeon woke up upon hearing his voice, her eyes scanned the figure beside her bed.
“Oppa?” she asked in a faint voice.
Changmin gasped. “Jiyeon?”
The girl blinked her eyes several times and tried to sit. She pushed all the blankets from her and stared at her brother in a serious gaze.
“Oppa, I want a snowman. Let’s build one.”
Changmin threw a perplexed look at his sister.
“But…your condition? You’re still sick,” Changmin said carefully, but Jiyeon shook her head.
“I’ll be okay. The snowman. Now,” she said with all of the stubbornness left in her. Changmin had no heart to refuse Jiyeon’s wish. Somehow, Changmin knew it when he looked into Jiyeon’s eyes and once he realised it, his heart sank.
So he helped Jiyeon gets out from her bed, put a coat, scarf and gloves to Jiyeon then guided her outside her room.
Boa almost dropped the plate she was holding when she saw Changmin and Jiyeon were about to open the door. In a quick movement, she blocked the siblings from exiting the cottage.
“Are you out of you mind?! Jiyeon is sick, she is really sick! Where do you think you’re bringing her to?” Boa’s voice was shaken by anger.
“Jiyeon wants to build a snowman. We’ll make it in the backyard,” Changmin replied dryly. Boa clutched Changmin’s shoulders ever so tightly in her desperation.
“Don’t you get it? Jiyeon wants it, Boa,” Changmin paused for a second and gulped down, “There will be no other requests, no other wishes from her,” he whispered in a heavy voice. Boa stepped back and released her grips from Changmin’s shoulders. Warm liquids started to well up in her eyes, blurring her vision. Boa shifted her gaze to Jiyeon who was staring blankly at the floor below, then her sobs broke when Jiyeon gave her a faint smile.
“Oh, Jiyeon.” That was the only thing coming out from Boa’s mouth while she hugged Jiyeon tightly, touched Jiyeon’s hot cheek lovingly.
“I’ll be okay, Unnie,” Jiyeon said and smiled at the older woman. Boa nodded her head, then let the two of them went out to build their snowman… for the last time.
The snowman lasted for two days after Jiyeon passed away.
Jiyeon’s funeral was a quiet one. There were only four people attended it; Changmin, Boa Yunho and an old pastor from the church on the other side of the road. There was no angel statue graced Jiyeon’s tomb. There was no flower on it, only thick snow which covered the mound and raven’s raucous cry from far away.
Changmin was still staying in Boa’s cottage. Every night, he would dream about the melted snowman, a strange girl who leapt out from Jiyeon’s storybook, and his little sister who told him repeatedly, “she’s yours.”
On the second day after that silent funeral, Changmin brought his steps to the backyard and found the snowman they built before Jiyeon died was gone. But it snowed. The white flakes cascaded down from the sky looked like curtains swayed in a slow movement.
Changmin made his way to Jiyeon’s grave which located near the forest’s border. Boa and Yunho didn’t really like his idea at the first when Changmin decided that Jiyeon’s last resting place would be the area closest to the woods. But Changmin insisted. Jiyeon would be likely happier resting in the place she loved the most.
The man stopped for a moment when he saw an unexpected sight. A girl was kneeling before Jiyeon’s grave. Her coat was a deep colour of dark blue and she wore a bright red knitted hat which covered her hair. The girl put down a wreath made of dried flowers on the mound of Jiyeon’s grave and bowed her head, as if she was praying.
Changmin’s heart was pounding in a loud beat. Who was that girl? Why did she visit Jiyeon’s grave? What did she do? The unanswered questions crammed wildly into Changmin’s head that it made him suffered difficulty in breathing.
Changmin took a step forward, slowly. The sound of snow stroked beneath his boots was faint, like a seafoam carefully grazed the sand, but it seemed like the girl heard him already. She lifted her head and stared at him. For a moment like an eternity, their eyes met. Changmin held his breath, not moving an inch from the place where he stood.
The girl got up, gave him a polite nod before disappearing, swallowed by the gloomy trees of the forest in that twilight when Changmin first saw her.
"Boa, is there any girl who lives around here?” Changmin asked one evening when he, Boa and Yunho were sitting around the dining table. Boa who was moving the omelette from the pan to the plate eyed him with a strange look.
“You know that the area around here is only inhabited by old people who were abandoned by their children. There’s no other girl but Jiyeon. No kids, no young women other than me who survived this place,” said Boa.
“You ain’t young anymore, Honey,” Yunho chimed in between of his chewing of chicken nugget. Boa lifted the pan and hovered it above his husband’s head, infuriated. Yunho quickly revised his remark, “Nah, you still look young and beautiful!”
Changmin chuckled at the sight of the couple. “Hyung, you know Boa won’t have a heart to beat you with hot skillet.”
“Oh, yeah? I mostly will do,” she grumbled. Her hand skillfully placed back the pan onto the stove and made one more omelette for herself. Not long after that, she already joined Changmin and Yunho at the table to eat their dinner.
“So, how long do you plan to stay here?” asked Yunho. “Well, I mean, I’m not gonna cast you out, you can stay here as long as you wish. But what about your office?”
Changmin’s hand stopped stirring the soup. He stared at Boa and Yunho alternately. “I don’t know. I still want to be here, close to Jiyeon. All this time I never truly by her side,” he said in a low voice.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, Changmin.” Boa mumbled.
“Thank you, Boa,” Changmin said sincerely which made the woman gave him the warmest smile.
The following day, Changmin went to Jiyeon’s grave once again. The mysterious girl had already kneeled before his sister’s grave, bowed her head deeply and collected her hands in front of her chest.
There was this curiosity mixed with excitement inside of Changmin when he saw the girl’s knitted hat from the distance. This time, he tried his best to quietly approach her, hoping that he wouldn’t make any suspicious sounds that probably scared her. Once the distance between them only a few meters, the girl spoke to him.
“I knew you’ll come again.” Her voice was clear, rather high-pitched like a tinkling bell.
Changmin was at a loss for words. His eyes trailed her back, stopped at the knitted hat on her head. Some strands of dark hair escaped its hold. Changmin sighed.
“Sorry.”
He didn’t know what made him says that word. The truth was, it was the only thing he could think of.
The girl stood up from the ground, brushed off snow rested on her coat and turned around to face Changmin. She took off her red hat and removed the remaining snowflakes on it. Now Changmin could see her clearly. The girl’s face was pale, so pale like a moon on the morning of a winter day. Her eyes were big, deep brown in colour which reminded him of hot chocolate Boa made for him. Usually, brown eyes were filled with some kind of warmth. But the strangest thing was, her brown orbs were cold, like a stream underneath freezing surfaces.
And her hair, raven-black, shone under the cheap sunlight that softly breached from the gaps of clouds.
For a moment, Changmin felt like remembered that night when Jiyeon sat on her bed, read a tale out loud from her storybook.
Some time later, the Good Queen gives birth to a baby daughter with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony. She is named 'Snow White’
“Hello?” The tinkling-bell-sounded-voice blurred Changmin’s memory about Jiyeon. He stared at the girl in front of him awkwardly.
“My condolence. Your sister had always been a good friend,” she said again. Changmin’s blinked his eyes in confusion.
“You’re Jiyeon’s friend?”
The girl nodded.
“B-but Jiyeon never had any friends,” his voice grew faint at Jiyeon’s name. He wasn’t sure about what he said. But Jiyeon, his shy and loner little sister… it was hard to believe that she had a friend.
The girl shook her head with a pained expression.
“Jiyeon needed me, so I came to her.”
Changmin massaged his temples, but then he decided to trust that girl.
“It’s cold here. Want to come to my place? My cousin should be preparing for lunch now.” He offered. The girl shook her head once again.
“It’s not that cold,” she murmured. “I like being here, close to Jiyeon.”
Yeah. I also like being close to Jiyeon, thought Changmin. But the storm is coming, and this winter freezes me to my marrow bone.
“Storm is coming,” Changmin mumbled.
“I know,” replied the girl.
“Uh, okay. Jiyeon’s friend is also my friend. What’s your name?”
The girl eyed Changmin with hesitation lingered there. Changmin repeated his question once more time.
“Name?”
Syoung.
“Your name?”
The girl put the knitted hat back.
“Sooyoung.”
Changmin repeated the name for a moment and tasted the sweetness on his tongue. How come a mere name could have this kind of delightful taste?
“Jiyeon told me about you, a lot,” that girl -Sooyoung-murmured in a low voice. She sat crossing her legs beside Jiyeon’s tomb. Changmin also took his place next to her, questioning himself about this familiar sensation he felt towards Sooyoung.
“I thought she doesn’t really like talking,” he replied.
“She was lonely. Jiyeon always told me everything. You don’t know you sister very much.” She said in a flat tone. Changmin inhaled slowly, he could smell the scent of wildflower and mint fused faintly. Where did this intoxicating come from? Changmin glanced at the girl beside him. Her, he thought.
“Of course I know my sister. I’m her brother. I know everything about Jiyeon. She was a loner, didn’t like to talk very much. She loved fairytale and her favourite was The Snow Maiden.”
“But you didn’t know how much she wanted a friend?”
Her words pierced him so deep. Why did he never think about that? Of course Jiyeon wanted a friend -same-aged-friend. Boa was very nice, but she was a woman who aged faster than her real age. Although it never escaped Boa’s lips, Changmin should've known that taking care a dying girl wasn’t an easy job.
Then Changmin, where was he all of this time? Buried in his job, working so hard to develop his game company. He seldom made his time to be with Jiyeon and talked to her. He never had much time to listen to Jiyeon’s stories.
Changmin realised. He never understood anything about Jiyeon. Not at all. Never.
“I should go home.” Sooyoung jumped from her sitting position. Changmin followed her.
“Shall I walk you home?” he asked. Sooyoung shook her head, a small smile plastered on her pale face.
“I know my way home. You also need to go, before the storm come,” she said. Then she turned towards the woods.
“Hey! Wait!” Changmin called out. The girl stopped her steps, but didn’t turn back to face him.
“I haven’t tell you my name,” Changmin said. This time, Sooyoung turned her head a little, looked over her shoulder.
“Shim Changmin, right? I know you.”
Blizzard really happened that night, slamming on the closed door of the cottage. Changmin sat in front of the fireplace. His hands wrapped around a mug full of hot cocoa. Boa closed the lid of the pot filled with samgyetang on the stovetop. Yunho sat on the wooden chair, dozed off while waiting for the dinner.
“Boa, did Jiyeon have a friend?” Boa bent down in front of the oven and took out a loaf of bread. The woman then took off her mittens and sliced the bread into four.
“Yeah?”
“Jiyeon’s friend,” Changmin repeated. Thin lines started to appear on Boa’s forehead.
“Which friend?”
“The pale girl with black hair. She must be around Jiyeon’s age. She always wears knitted hat, a red hat.”
Boa shook her head. “Jiyeon didn’t have friends, Changmin. And like I said before, there’s no girl around Jiyeon’s age here.”
“Jiyeon never went outside here,” Yunho added.
“Changmin, you’re okay?” Boa's voice was filled with worry. Changmin stared at the flame dancing in the fireplace with deep sadness clung onto his chest. But the girl knew Jiyeon. Sooyoung knew Jiyeon’s story. Sooyoung knew about him. Changmin was sure that the girl was Jiyeon’s friend.
“Yeah. I’m fine,” he replied quietly.
That night when Yunho lay on the bed, Boa rolled her body to face her husband.
“Do you think that Changmin is okay?” Boa couldn’t hide worried tone in her question. Yunho sighed. The ticking clock sounded like a pounding hammer in the darkness of this room.
“Boa, he’s okay.”
“B-but he keeps asking about the girl. Jiyeon’s friend, he said. Jiyeon doesn’t, didn’t have any friends. She never went out, Yunho.” Boa’s voice was hoarse. Yunho touched Boa’s arm to reassure her.
“I know.”
“I think, Changmin is hallucinating. Jiyeon’s death must hit him so hard that he started to create something, someone whom he can talk about Jiyeon in comfort,” Yunho stated.
“Should we bring him to psychiatrist?” Boa whispered.
“I don’t know. But he’s not crazy, Boa.” Yunho tried to remind her. Boa sank her face into her palms.
“But the girl isn’t real. You said it yourself that she’s only a fragment of Changmin’s hallucination,” Boa muttered.
Yunho didn’t respond to Boa’s words anymore. For a moment, the two of them fell into a deep silence wrapped around them.
“He’s gonna be okay, right?” She broke into a quiet sob.
To Boa’s question this time, Yunho couldn’t answer for sure anymore.
“I hope he’ll be okay,” Yunho murmured, finished their conversation that night.
Yunho and Boa didn’t know, Changmin was listening to their faint voices from the living room.
The first thing he said when he met Sooyoung again the next day was : “Are you real?”
That question was replied by a detained laughter from Sooyoung. The girl pulled one of her gloves and extended her bare palm to Changmin. Changmin touched that hand with long and slender fingers in hesitation.
At first, he felt a cold sensation seething through his hand. Then, the cold slowly disperse until he could feel a smooth skin like an ice, then the ice-like skin was replaced by softness. Changmin carefully wrapped his fingers around her hand. Yes, there’s skin and flesh, and bones. This girl is real. Sooyoung isn’t a mere fragment of my hallucination like what Yunho and Boa said.
Changmin laughed so hard but he didn’t let go of her hand. His eyes lit up brightly when he laid his gaze on Sooyoung.
“You’re real,” he said firmly. Sooyoung smiled.
“Of course I’m real.”
“Ah, but my cousin said that Jiyeon never had a friend. Jiyeon never left the house and she said she never saw you,” Changin murmured.
“Boa? Well, for one, I never met her, so it’s natural that she never saw me. But Jiyeon told me many things concerning Boa. About Jiyeon who never left the house, it’s wrong. Jiyeon left the house all the time, even when it’s snowing. Maybe Boa never saw it, she’s tired most of the time and Jiyeon took that chance to go outside,” she stated in a light voice. The girl then stared at her hand which was still in Changmin’s hand.
“You’re warm,” she commented shortly before pulling her hand back. Sooyoung lifted her hand, palm facing towards the grey clouds. Snow was spilling out from the sky above, one flake fell down ever so slowly towards Sooyoung’s open palm, like knowing that its presence was long awaited there.
“So pretty,” Sooyoung whispered, her eyes studied the snowflake on her palm. The piece didn’t melt quickly. It shaped like a thin, perfect hexagon with symmetrical needles on each of its sides.
Then the girl pulled Changmin’s hand and placed the snowflake on his palm. The two of them was standing there, facing each other. Their head slightly bowed down as they watched the snow quickly melted in Changmin’s hand. Sooyoung laughed.
“It don’t like you. You’re too warm. Too warm,” she said in sing-a-song voice.
Changmin wiped the melted snow in his hand.
“You sure you don’t want to come over? Boa won’t say anything about you being my hallucination anymore,” Changmin said. Sooyoung shook her head.
“Why?” Changmin didn’t understand. “Please.” Now he started to beg. Sooyoung still refused.
“I can’t. I must go home,” she sniffed. Changmin heard something roared inside of him like thunders before a storm. Why? Why did she refuse?
Sooyoung lifted her head and looked at the sky. The snow was still lingering, making its way to the earth, but it wouldn’t stay too long. The season would change, and soon she must say a goodbye.
“Winter has come to its end,” she murmured. Changmin turned his head to her. The scent of wildflower and fresh mint jostled into his nose. He loved it.
“Spring is much prettier. There’s no blizzard, the air will be much lighter and the forest will be back into green painting,” he said lightly. But Sooyoung seemed so sad.
“You don’t understand.”
What is it that I don’t understand? Sooyoung’s words still echoed in his head and he couldn’t stop thinking about that. Why did she look so sad? What have I done wrong? Changmin didn’t understand. But his mind was filled with sweet scent of wildflower and mint. Raven-black hair flashed in his dreams. Then a girl who leapt out from the storybook, then Jiyeon’s voice. I’m sending her for you. She’s yours.
Who was it? Sooyoung? But the girl who leapt from the storybook had blonde hair. Sooyoung’s hair was black, raven-black like a night of the new moon.
Changmin walked towards the bookshelf. JIyeon’s books were arranged in neat rows. Changmin studied the back of the books and pulled out a book titled Snow White from the row. He started to flip the pages. The runaway princess illustrated there reminded him of Sooyoung.
Then he remembered. Jiyeon’s favourite book, The Snow Maiden --Snegurochka.
It was a small book, with cover was layered in blue linen. Jiyeon’s fourth birthday present from their parents. Changmin opened the book and read the row of words printed on the first page. There was an illustration of an old couple in the middle of making a snowman. On the second page, the snowman came into life and took a shape of a young girl; her hair was pale blonde and she wore a blue coat over her long dress.
The more he absorbed in the story, the louder his pounding heart sounded. No. Not like this. The ending shouldn’t be like this. He whispered helplessly when he reached the last page.
If Snow White reminded him of Sooyoung’s figure, Snegurochka reminded him of Sooyoung as a whole. Everything came clear in his mind. The red thread connected that snowman he built together with his dead sister, him, Sooyoung and also Jiyeon, dancing before his eyes. Still, he didn’t believe all of this. Sooyoung wasn’t Snegurochka. That girl was real. That girl wasn’t the girl who leapt out from the storybook.
But what if she wasn’t real?
For the first time, Changmin felt like he’s going crazy.
Sooyoung placed some white flowers on the top of Jiyeon’s grave dan bowed her head to pray. Changmin stared at the girl, restless in his own mind. He tried his best not to rush into her and hugged her tightly to make sure that she’s real.
“What is that?”
Sooyoung’s eyes fluttered open, she touched the white flower which seemed lonely with the tip of her finger.
“Snow flower. I found it in the forest,” she answered. She looked like considering something.
“I’ll show you, in the forest,” she said finally. Changmin nodded. The girl grabbed Changmin’s hand and started to jog into the forest.
Changmin had never been in this forest before. Perhaps if he ran among this rows of trees in the spring, when the tall trees with their greenish leaves looming above the soil, Changmin would enjoy it. But it was winter now. The earth beneath his boot was heavy with snow. This forest looked like a set of black and white photographs.
Sooyoung guided him deeper into the woods. Her steps were so light, it looked like she knew wholeheartedly every ground of this forest.
“How far is it?” Changmin asked. The girl paused.
“Not too far,” she replied. Five minutes later, Changmin could see it; a small, frozen lake with snow flowers adorned its surroundings. This little miraculous scenery put him under a spell, made the words failed to escape his mouth.
Sooyoung pulled Changmin towards the lake. The girl smiled at him when she noticed hesitation reflected in his eyes.
“Don’t worry. This lake is frozen. Look, I’m standing on it,” she said softly.
Carefully, Changmin put his feet on the surface of the frozen lake. For a moment, he thought his body would fall down to the cold water beneath the thick layer of ice.
“I didn’t fall,” he mumbled. Sooyoung laughed at his remark. She started to move, circled around him, her mouth hummed a strange tune. Her hands reached out for Changmin’s hands. Her smile signalled Changmin to follow her movement.
They danced slowly in that ice rink, spinning around at the same rhythm, accompanied by the strange but beautiful tune from Sooyoung’s mouth and the forest’s song for them.
One time, they were so close to each other that Changmin could taste her cold breath and her intoxicating scent in his mouth. Changmin stopped, one hand rested on Sooyoung’s waist, while the other held the girl’s arm tightly. He lowered his head and felt her hair tickled his face.
“Please, please tell me that this is really happening,” he begged in a heavy breath.
Sooyoung lifted her hand and touched Changmin’s cheek. Her hand, as usual, was cold. But then Changmin felt warmth caressed his cheek, it grew even warmer and his whole body was blazing in a weird yet delightful sensation.
“Of course this is really happening,” she whispered into Changmin’s ear.
The warmth was still lingering inside of him even when he reached home. The man sat alongside Boa and Yunho at the dining table in joy. He talked about many things that night; about the forest, the frozen lake, and the snow flowers. Boa and Yunho commented on his story happily, somehow relieved that Changmin didn’t talk about the girl anymore.
When he lay down his body on the mattress that night, Changmin touched his own cheek where Sooyoung placed her hand before. He grinned so wide like a fool. Sooyoung’s touch was real. His grip on her small waist was also real.
His feeling was real.
And Changmin fell asleep in his dream with happiness embraced him
Then he dreamed of the girl who leapt from the storybook once again, and Changmin woke up in a ragged breath. The happy feeling suddenly evaporated. His mind fixed on the blue book on the shelf. He though of that tale, Snegurochka.
The man shut his eyes closed, placed his hands on his chest and started to mutter a prayer he had forgotten long ago.
Don’t let her melt away. Please don’t let Sooyoung melt away and disappear into thin air.
Because, like the ending of Snegurochka; The Snow Maiden fell in love with a human. The feeling was so warm and filled her body, blazing mercilessly like how sunlight melted the snow, burnt her heart down. That feeling was too hot for her to contain, for her icy heart. Just like that, then she melted.
Please don’t let her melt. Don’t take away The Snow Girl Jiyeon made for me.
Winter had came to its end.
Once again, Changmin visited his sister’s grave and found Sooyoung was kneeling beside it. His heart was pained when he recalled the tale from Jiyeon’s storybook. Sooyoung wasn’t going to melt, that was a belief he forced to stick on his mind.
“Spring isn’t far anymore,” she said and stood up. She smiled at Changmin, but her smile painted a grief.
“Can I ask something?” Changmin voice was rough. Sooyoung nodded in approval.
“Was it Jiyeon… who told you… ask you…,” Changmin’s words caught in his throat. “Jiyeon… to stay with me… she dead.”
A mess. His sentence was a mess. But Sooyoung understood it. The girl placed her hands on Changmin’s shoulders. Her eyes sought for his eyes, gazing at him lovingly with a mix of relief and pain.
“It’s true. Jiyeon asked me to stay with you after she’s gone,” she said. Changmin felt something, some part of his heart was pierced by sharp ice blade. Too painful, and the cold was freezing.
“But… Did you know? This is my choice. Even if Jiyeon didn’t ask me, I would still meet you. I would still fall in love with you. I would still be here, standing like this, holding your shoulders, and looking at you like I’ll never get enough of you. Like this.” Sooyoung’s words were shaking in the air. A white mist from her mouth floated above, kissed Changmin’s face.
Sooyoung took a step forward. Her body was so close to him. To Sooyoung, the warmth was what she got from Changmin. To Changmin, the strangely comfortable cold started to crawl all over her body like the first time he felt her in his hand.
Then Sooyoung’s cold lips crashed on his lips. His arms wrapped around Sooyoung’s body and pulled the girl closer. There was no empty space between them. There was no other than the two of them. There was no forest which was slowly fading away behind them. Not even the usual pathetic cry of the crows. Not even the last snowflakes dancing in the air that marked the change of the seasons.
Changmin had forgotten his prayer when their kiss grew deeper, but that prayer still uttered quietly in his heart.
Don’t let Sooyoung melt away.
Forget about Snegurochka. Forget about The Snow Girl who melted because she fell in love with a human being. The end of their story could always be rewritten in their own version.
Was it wrong for him to wish a happily ever after in their tale?
I wrote this story back in 2014 and it's in Bahasa Indonesia. This is my fail attempt to translate it to English ( I never do translation before, so I thought this would be a good experience)
anyway, please enjoy, hahah.
rating : g
genre : slight angst (?)
As she gazed upon him, love… filled every fiber of her being, and she knew that this was the emotion that she had been warned against by the Spirit of the Wood.
Great tears welled up in her eyes-and suddenly she began to melt.
(Snegurochka, English translated by Lucy Maxim)
If only this damn winter ends faster.
Changmin muttered in a low voice between his gritting teeth and the trembling crawled all over his body. The wintry breeze blew on him, leaving icicles hung on the locks of his hair. His boots sunk deeper into the snow, making some of it slipped into his boots and gave him a damp sensation when the snow melted there.
The man wobbled his way on the vast expanse of pure white snow. A dim light from the lamp in the distance was his goal. Just a little bit more. Just a little more. He mumbled to entertain himself while his vision started to get blurry and his ears were buzzing in a strange sound. The dark cloud in the west part of the sky was getting thicker each moment. There's a storm coming tonight. Changmin knew it better.
Four hours ago, Boa called to his office and spoke with a hoarse voice which sounded like she was crying. Changmin had to ask his cousin to repeat her words several times before he caught the matter she talked about.
Jiyeon relapsed. Come here quickly.
Just five words. Five damn words which made Changmin grabbed his backpack in a frantic movement, told Jessica to cancel all meetings and programming plans for this week, then ran to the parking lot without wearing his jacket first. Of course, he felt so stupid when the freezing wind ruthlessly slapped his body which was only wrapped in a long-sleeved t-shirt and rugged jeans, but he didn’t have any time to step back to the small room in his office where he lived.
Changmin had always known that Jiyeon was dying. He was perfectly aware of it, that his little sister was only a step away from the death’s hands.
The light from that lonely lamp was getting brighter. A small cottage with a door and ice-layered windows, it looked like popped out from the fairy tale world. That was Boa’s cottage, a sick house for Jiyeon. The forest behind the cottage was old and exhausted, however when the winter ends it was always been a small comfort and entertainment for Jiyeon. Changmin also liked that forest in the spring, where it slowly dyed its colour into beautiful greenish shade and fresh breath exhaled from the rows of the trees.
But right now it’s winter. The man reminded himself. With his tired hand, he reached for the doorknob. It’s locked. He started to knock.
Boa was the one who opened the door. The woman was only four years older than Changmin, but her face displayed signs of unbearable weariness. Boa smiled wryly when she saw Changmin.
“Hey,” she greeted softly. Changmin bent his back to gave her a small hug and let Boa landed light pecks on his cheeks.
“The snow is too thick. I had to leave my car on the other side of the road,” he murmured. Boa gave him a small nod, then closed the door.
“Coffee?” Boa asked. Changmin shook his head.
“Jiyeon?”
Boa put down the kettle on the stove and eyed Changmin with a sympathetic look. “Don’t worry. Jiyeon is sleeping. We took her to hospital earlier but she didn’t want to stay there, so we brought her back. Still having nightmares and fever. But at least she eats and sleeps easily. Yunho went to the hospital to get the medicines.” Yunho was Boa’s husband and Jiyeon’s doctor.
Changmin felt that his stress and tension was slowly washed away. The man took a seat on the wooden stool next to the dining table.
“I won’t know what to do without you guys,” uttered Changmin. His tone implied a serious genuine gratitude. Boa laughed quietly.
“Well, of course, you won’t.” Boa poured hot water into a cup and stirred it until the water turned into black liquid. The woman then handed Changmin the cup. Changmin muttered a thank and sipped his coffee slowly. The warmth from the liquid spread quickly all over his body. Ah, I’m alive, he thought. Then he laughed at himself for thinking like that.
Jiyeon’s room was located on the back of the cottage, with a window facing to the woods. Changmin found his little sister was sleeping beneath thick pile of blankets. One time, Jiyeon fidgeting in her sleep, moaned incoherently.
It looked so painful in Changmin’s eyes. He brushed off some strands of hair from her face, then caressed her cheek carefully with the back of his hand.
“Jiyeon-ah, the snow is getting thick. Remember that time when we built that snowman? You gave him your favourite knitted hat and scarf, but the next morning he melted.”
Jiyeon woke up upon hearing his voice, her eyes scanned the figure beside her bed.
“Oppa?” she asked in a faint voice.
Changmin gasped. “Jiyeon?”
The girl blinked her eyes several times and tried to sit. She pushed all the blankets from her and stared at her brother in a serious gaze.
“Oppa, I want a snowman. Let’s build one.”
Changmin threw a perplexed look at his sister.
“But…your condition? You’re still sick,” Changmin said carefully, but Jiyeon shook her head.
“I’ll be okay. The snowman. Now,” she said with all of the stubbornness left in her. Changmin had no heart to refuse Jiyeon’s wish. Somehow, Changmin knew it when he looked into Jiyeon’s eyes and once he realised it, his heart sank.
So he helped Jiyeon gets out from her bed, put a coat, scarf and gloves to Jiyeon then guided her outside her room.
Boa almost dropped the plate she was holding when she saw Changmin and Jiyeon were about to open the door. In a quick movement, she blocked the siblings from exiting the cottage.
“Are you out of you mind?! Jiyeon is sick, she is really sick! Where do you think you’re bringing her to?” Boa’s voice was shaken by anger.
“Jiyeon wants to build a snowman. We’ll make it in the backyard,” Changmin replied dryly. Boa clutched Changmin’s shoulders ever so tightly in her desperation.
“Don’t you get it? Jiyeon wants it, Boa,” Changmin paused for a second and gulped down, “There will be no other requests, no other wishes from her,” he whispered in a heavy voice. Boa stepped back and released her grips from Changmin’s shoulders. Warm liquids started to well up in her eyes, blurring her vision. Boa shifted her gaze to Jiyeon who was staring blankly at the floor below, then her sobs broke when Jiyeon gave her a faint smile.
“Oh, Jiyeon.” That was the only thing coming out from Boa’s mouth while she hugged Jiyeon tightly, touched Jiyeon’s hot cheek lovingly.
“I’ll be okay, Unnie,” Jiyeon said and smiled at the older woman. Boa nodded her head, then let the two of them went out to build their snowman… for the last time.
The snowman lasted for two days after Jiyeon passed away.
Jiyeon’s funeral was a quiet one. There were only four people attended it; Changmin, Boa Yunho and an old pastor from the church on the other side of the road. There was no angel statue graced Jiyeon’s tomb. There was no flower on it, only thick snow which covered the mound and raven’s raucous cry from far away.
Changmin was still staying in Boa’s cottage. Every night, he would dream about the melted snowman, a strange girl who leapt out from Jiyeon’s storybook, and his little sister who told him repeatedly, “she’s yours.”
On the second day after that silent funeral, Changmin brought his steps to the backyard and found the snowman they built before Jiyeon died was gone. But it snowed. The white flakes cascaded down from the sky looked like curtains swayed in a slow movement.
Changmin made his way to Jiyeon’s grave which located near the forest’s border. Boa and Yunho didn’t really like his idea at the first when Changmin decided that Jiyeon’s last resting place would be the area closest to the woods. But Changmin insisted. Jiyeon would be likely happier resting in the place she loved the most.
The man stopped for a moment when he saw an unexpected sight. A girl was kneeling before Jiyeon’s grave. Her coat was a deep colour of dark blue and she wore a bright red knitted hat which covered her hair. The girl put down a wreath made of dried flowers on the mound of Jiyeon’s grave and bowed her head, as if she was praying.
Changmin’s heart was pounding in a loud beat. Who was that girl? Why did she visit Jiyeon’s grave? What did she do? The unanswered questions crammed wildly into Changmin’s head that it made him suffered difficulty in breathing.
Changmin took a step forward, slowly. The sound of snow stroked beneath his boots was faint, like a seafoam carefully grazed the sand, but it seemed like the girl heard him already. She lifted her head and stared at him. For a moment like an eternity, their eyes met. Changmin held his breath, not moving an inch from the place where he stood.
The girl got up, gave him a polite nod before disappearing, swallowed by the gloomy trees of the forest in that twilight when Changmin first saw her.
"Boa, is there any girl who lives around here?” Changmin asked one evening when he, Boa and Yunho were sitting around the dining table. Boa who was moving the omelette from the pan to the plate eyed him with a strange look.
“You know that the area around here is only inhabited by old people who were abandoned by their children. There’s no other girl but Jiyeon. No kids, no young women other than me who survived this place,” said Boa.
“You ain’t young anymore, Honey,” Yunho chimed in between of his chewing of chicken nugget. Boa lifted the pan and hovered it above his husband’s head, infuriated. Yunho quickly revised his remark, “Nah, you still look young and beautiful!”
Changmin chuckled at the sight of the couple. “Hyung, you know Boa won’t have a heart to beat you with hot skillet.”
“Oh, yeah? I mostly will do,” she grumbled. Her hand skillfully placed back the pan onto the stove and made one more omelette for herself. Not long after that, she already joined Changmin and Yunho at the table to eat their dinner.
“So, how long do you plan to stay here?” asked Yunho. “Well, I mean, I’m not gonna cast you out, you can stay here as long as you wish. But what about your office?”
Changmin’s hand stopped stirring the soup. He stared at Boa and Yunho alternately. “I don’t know. I still want to be here, close to Jiyeon. All this time I never truly by her side,” he said in a low voice.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, Changmin.” Boa mumbled.
“Thank you, Boa,” Changmin said sincerely which made the woman gave him the warmest smile.
The following day, Changmin went to Jiyeon’s grave once again. The mysterious girl had already kneeled before his sister’s grave, bowed her head deeply and collected her hands in front of her chest.
There was this curiosity mixed with excitement inside of Changmin when he saw the girl’s knitted hat from the distance. This time, he tried his best to quietly approach her, hoping that he wouldn’t make any suspicious sounds that probably scared her. Once the distance between them only a few meters, the girl spoke to him.
“I knew you’ll come again.” Her voice was clear, rather high-pitched like a tinkling bell.
Changmin was at a loss for words. His eyes trailed her back, stopped at the knitted hat on her head. Some strands of dark hair escaped its hold. Changmin sighed.
“Sorry.”
He didn’t know what made him says that word. The truth was, it was the only thing he could think of.
The girl stood up from the ground, brushed off snow rested on her coat and turned around to face Changmin. She took off her red hat and removed the remaining snowflakes on it. Now Changmin could see her clearly. The girl’s face was pale, so pale like a moon on the morning of a winter day. Her eyes were big, deep brown in colour which reminded him of hot chocolate Boa made for him. Usually, brown eyes were filled with some kind of warmth. But the strangest thing was, her brown orbs were cold, like a stream underneath freezing surfaces.
And her hair, raven-black, shone under the cheap sunlight that softly breached from the gaps of clouds.
For a moment, Changmin felt like remembered that night when Jiyeon sat on her bed, read a tale out loud from her storybook.
Some time later, the Good Queen gives birth to a baby daughter with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony. She is named 'Snow White’
“Hello?” The tinkling-bell-sounded-voice blurred Changmin’s memory about Jiyeon. He stared at the girl in front of him awkwardly.
“My condolence. Your sister had always been a good friend,” she said again. Changmin’s blinked his eyes in confusion.
“You’re Jiyeon’s friend?”
The girl nodded.
“B-but Jiyeon never had any friends,” his voice grew faint at Jiyeon’s name. He wasn’t sure about what he said. But Jiyeon, his shy and loner little sister… it was hard to believe that she had a friend.
The girl shook her head with a pained expression.
“Jiyeon needed me, so I came to her.”
Changmin massaged his temples, but then he decided to trust that girl.
“It’s cold here. Want to come to my place? My cousin should be preparing for lunch now.” He offered. The girl shook her head once again.
“It’s not that cold,” she murmured. “I like being here, close to Jiyeon.”
Yeah. I also like being close to Jiyeon, thought Changmin. But the storm is coming, and this winter freezes me to my marrow bone.
“Storm is coming,” Changmin mumbled.
“I know,” replied the girl.
“Uh, okay. Jiyeon’s friend is also my friend. What’s your name?”
The girl eyed Changmin with hesitation lingered there. Changmin repeated his question once more time.
“Name?”
Syoung.
“Your name?”
The girl put the knitted hat back.
“Sooyoung.”
Changmin repeated the name for a moment and tasted the sweetness on his tongue. How come a mere name could have this kind of delightful taste?
“Jiyeon told me about you, a lot,” that girl -Sooyoung-murmured in a low voice. She sat crossing her legs beside Jiyeon’s tomb. Changmin also took his place next to her, questioning himself about this familiar sensation he felt towards Sooyoung.
“I thought she doesn’t really like talking,” he replied.
“She was lonely. Jiyeon always told me everything. You don’t know you sister very much.” She said in a flat tone. Changmin inhaled slowly, he could smell the scent of wildflower and mint fused faintly. Where did this intoxicating come from? Changmin glanced at the girl beside him. Her, he thought.
“Of course I know my sister. I’m her brother. I know everything about Jiyeon. She was a loner, didn’t like to talk very much. She loved fairytale and her favourite was The Snow Maiden.”
“But you didn’t know how much she wanted a friend?”
Her words pierced him so deep. Why did he never think about that? Of course Jiyeon wanted a friend -same-aged-friend. Boa was very nice, but she was a woman who aged faster than her real age. Although it never escaped Boa’s lips, Changmin should've known that taking care a dying girl wasn’t an easy job.
Then Changmin, where was he all of this time? Buried in his job, working so hard to develop his game company. He seldom made his time to be with Jiyeon and talked to her. He never had much time to listen to Jiyeon’s stories.
Changmin realised. He never understood anything about Jiyeon. Not at all. Never.
“I should go home.” Sooyoung jumped from her sitting position. Changmin followed her.
“Shall I walk you home?” he asked. Sooyoung shook her head, a small smile plastered on her pale face.
“I know my way home. You also need to go, before the storm come,” she said. Then she turned towards the woods.
“Hey! Wait!” Changmin called out. The girl stopped her steps, but didn’t turn back to face him.
“I haven’t tell you my name,” Changmin said. This time, Sooyoung turned her head a little, looked over her shoulder.
“Shim Changmin, right? I know you.”
Blizzard really happened that night, slamming on the closed door of the cottage. Changmin sat in front of the fireplace. His hands wrapped around a mug full of hot cocoa. Boa closed the lid of the pot filled with samgyetang on the stovetop. Yunho sat on the wooden chair, dozed off while waiting for the dinner.
“Boa, did Jiyeon have a friend?” Boa bent down in front of the oven and took out a loaf of bread. The woman then took off her mittens and sliced the bread into four.
“Yeah?”
“Jiyeon’s friend,” Changmin repeated. Thin lines started to appear on Boa’s forehead.
“Which friend?”
“The pale girl with black hair. She must be around Jiyeon’s age. She always wears knitted hat, a red hat.”
Boa shook her head. “Jiyeon didn’t have friends, Changmin. And like I said before, there’s no girl around Jiyeon’s age here.”
“Jiyeon never went outside here,” Yunho added.
“Changmin, you’re okay?” Boa's voice was filled with worry. Changmin stared at the flame dancing in the fireplace with deep sadness clung onto his chest. But the girl knew Jiyeon. Sooyoung knew Jiyeon’s story. Sooyoung knew about him. Changmin was sure that the girl was Jiyeon’s friend.
“Yeah. I’m fine,” he replied quietly.
That night when Yunho lay on the bed, Boa rolled her body to face her husband.
“Do you think that Changmin is okay?” Boa couldn’t hide worried tone in her question. Yunho sighed. The ticking clock sounded like a pounding hammer in the darkness of this room.
“Boa, he’s okay.”
“B-but he keeps asking about the girl. Jiyeon’s friend, he said. Jiyeon doesn’t, didn’t have any friends. She never went out, Yunho.” Boa’s voice was hoarse. Yunho touched Boa’s arm to reassure her.
“I know.”
“I think, Changmin is hallucinating. Jiyeon’s death must hit him so hard that he started to create something, someone whom he can talk about Jiyeon in comfort,” Yunho stated.
“Should we bring him to psychiatrist?” Boa whispered.
“I don’t know. But he’s not crazy, Boa.” Yunho tried to remind her. Boa sank her face into her palms.
“But the girl isn’t real. You said it yourself that she’s only a fragment of Changmin’s hallucination,” Boa muttered.
Yunho didn’t respond to Boa’s words anymore. For a moment, the two of them fell into a deep silence wrapped around them.
“He’s gonna be okay, right?” She broke into a quiet sob.
To Boa’s question this time, Yunho couldn’t answer for sure anymore.
“I hope he’ll be okay,” Yunho murmured, finished their conversation that night.
Yunho and Boa didn’t know, Changmin was listening to their faint voices from the living room.
The first thing he said when he met Sooyoung again the next day was : “Are you real?”
That question was replied by a detained laughter from Sooyoung. The girl pulled one of her gloves and extended her bare palm to Changmin. Changmin touched that hand with long and slender fingers in hesitation.
At first, he felt a cold sensation seething through his hand. Then, the cold slowly disperse until he could feel a smooth skin like an ice, then the ice-like skin was replaced by softness. Changmin carefully wrapped his fingers around her hand. Yes, there’s skin and flesh, and bones. This girl is real. Sooyoung isn’t a mere fragment of my hallucination like what Yunho and Boa said.
Changmin laughed so hard but he didn’t let go of her hand. His eyes lit up brightly when he laid his gaze on Sooyoung.
“You’re real,” he said firmly. Sooyoung smiled.
“Of course I’m real.”
“Ah, but my cousin said that Jiyeon never had a friend. Jiyeon never left the house and she said she never saw you,” Changin murmured.
“Boa? Well, for one, I never met her, so it’s natural that she never saw me. But Jiyeon told me many things concerning Boa. About Jiyeon who never left the house, it’s wrong. Jiyeon left the house all the time, even when it’s snowing. Maybe Boa never saw it, she’s tired most of the time and Jiyeon took that chance to go outside,” she stated in a light voice. The girl then stared at her hand which was still in Changmin’s hand.
“You’re warm,” she commented shortly before pulling her hand back. Sooyoung lifted her hand, palm facing towards the grey clouds. Snow was spilling out from the sky above, one flake fell down ever so slowly towards Sooyoung’s open palm, like knowing that its presence was long awaited there.
“So pretty,” Sooyoung whispered, her eyes studied the snowflake on her palm. The piece didn’t melt quickly. It shaped like a thin, perfect hexagon with symmetrical needles on each of its sides.
Then the girl pulled Changmin’s hand and placed the snowflake on his palm. The two of them was standing there, facing each other. Their head slightly bowed down as they watched the snow quickly melted in Changmin’s hand. Sooyoung laughed.
“It don’t like you. You’re too warm. Too warm,” she said in sing-a-song voice.
Changmin wiped the melted snow in his hand.
“You sure you don’t want to come over? Boa won’t say anything about you being my hallucination anymore,” Changmin said. Sooyoung shook her head.
“Why?” Changmin didn’t understand. “Please.” Now he started to beg. Sooyoung still refused.
“I can’t. I must go home,” she sniffed. Changmin heard something roared inside of him like thunders before a storm. Why? Why did she refuse?
Sooyoung lifted her head and looked at the sky. The snow was still lingering, making its way to the earth, but it wouldn’t stay too long. The season would change, and soon she must say a goodbye.
“Winter has come to its end,” she murmured. Changmin turned his head to her. The scent of wildflower and fresh mint jostled into his nose. He loved it.
“Spring is much prettier. There’s no blizzard, the air will be much lighter and the forest will be back into green painting,” he said lightly. But Sooyoung seemed so sad.
“You don’t understand.”
What is it that I don’t understand? Sooyoung’s words still echoed in his head and he couldn’t stop thinking about that. Why did she look so sad? What have I done wrong? Changmin didn’t understand. But his mind was filled with sweet scent of wildflower and mint. Raven-black hair flashed in his dreams. Then a girl who leapt out from the storybook, then Jiyeon’s voice. I’m sending her for you. She’s yours.
Who was it? Sooyoung? But the girl who leapt from the storybook had blonde hair. Sooyoung’s hair was black, raven-black like a night of the new moon.
Changmin walked towards the bookshelf. JIyeon’s books were arranged in neat rows. Changmin studied the back of the books and pulled out a book titled Snow White from the row. He started to flip the pages. The runaway princess illustrated there reminded him of Sooyoung.
Then he remembered. Jiyeon’s favourite book, The Snow Maiden --Snegurochka.
It was a small book, with cover was layered in blue linen. Jiyeon’s fourth birthday present from their parents. Changmin opened the book and read the row of words printed on the first page. There was an illustration of an old couple in the middle of making a snowman. On the second page, the snowman came into life and took a shape of a young girl; her hair was pale blonde and she wore a blue coat over her long dress.
The more he absorbed in the story, the louder his pounding heart sounded. No. Not like this. The ending shouldn’t be like this. He whispered helplessly when he reached the last page.
If Snow White reminded him of Sooyoung’s figure, Snegurochka reminded him of Sooyoung as a whole. Everything came clear in his mind. The red thread connected that snowman he built together with his dead sister, him, Sooyoung and also Jiyeon, dancing before his eyes. Still, he didn’t believe all of this. Sooyoung wasn’t Snegurochka. That girl was real. That girl wasn’t the girl who leapt out from the storybook.
But what if she wasn’t real?
For the first time, Changmin felt like he’s going crazy.
Sooyoung placed some white flowers on the top of Jiyeon’s grave dan bowed her head to pray. Changmin stared at the girl, restless in his own mind. He tried his best not to rush into her and hugged her tightly to make sure that she’s real.
“What is that?”
Sooyoung’s eyes fluttered open, she touched the white flower which seemed lonely with the tip of her finger.
“Snow flower. I found it in the forest,” she answered. She looked like considering something.
“I’ll show you, in the forest,” she said finally. Changmin nodded. The girl grabbed Changmin’s hand and started to jog into the forest.
Changmin had never been in this forest before. Perhaps if he ran among this rows of trees in the spring, when the tall trees with their greenish leaves looming above the soil, Changmin would enjoy it. But it was winter now. The earth beneath his boot was heavy with snow. This forest looked like a set of black and white photographs.
Sooyoung guided him deeper into the woods. Her steps were so light, it looked like she knew wholeheartedly every ground of this forest.
“How far is it?” Changmin asked. The girl paused.
“Not too far,” she replied. Five minutes later, Changmin could see it; a small, frozen lake with snow flowers adorned its surroundings. This little miraculous scenery put him under a spell, made the words failed to escape his mouth.
Sooyoung pulled Changmin towards the lake. The girl smiled at him when she noticed hesitation reflected in his eyes.
“Don’t worry. This lake is frozen. Look, I’m standing on it,” she said softly.
Carefully, Changmin put his feet on the surface of the frozen lake. For a moment, he thought his body would fall down to the cold water beneath the thick layer of ice.
“I didn’t fall,” he mumbled. Sooyoung laughed at his remark. She started to move, circled around him, her mouth hummed a strange tune. Her hands reached out for Changmin’s hands. Her smile signalled Changmin to follow her movement.
They danced slowly in that ice rink, spinning around at the same rhythm, accompanied by the strange but beautiful tune from Sooyoung’s mouth and the forest’s song for them.
One time, they were so close to each other that Changmin could taste her cold breath and her intoxicating scent in his mouth. Changmin stopped, one hand rested on Sooyoung’s waist, while the other held the girl’s arm tightly. He lowered his head and felt her hair tickled his face.
“Please, please tell me that this is really happening,” he begged in a heavy breath.
Sooyoung lifted her hand and touched Changmin’s cheek. Her hand, as usual, was cold. But then Changmin felt warmth caressed his cheek, it grew even warmer and his whole body was blazing in a weird yet delightful sensation.
“Of course this is really happening,” she whispered into Changmin’s ear.
The warmth was still lingering inside of him even when he reached home. The man sat alongside Boa and Yunho at the dining table in joy. He talked about many things that night; about the forest, the frozen lake, and the snow flowers. Boa and Yunho commented on his story happily, somehow relieved that Changmin didn’t talk about the girl anymore.
When he lay down his body on the mattress that night, Changmin touched his own cheek where Sooyoung placed her hand before. He grinned so wide like a fool. Sooyoung’s touch was real. His grip on her small waist was also real.
His feeling was real.
And Changmin fell asleep in his dream with happiness embraced him
Then he dreamed of the girl who leapt from the storybook once again, and Changmin woke up in a ragged breath. The happy feeling suddenly evaporated. His mind fixed on the blue book on the shelf. He though of that tale, Snegurochka.
The man shut his eyes closed, placed his hands on his chest and started to mutter a prayer he had forgotten long ago.
Don’t let her melt away. Please don’t let Sooyoung melt away and disappear into thin air.
Because, like the ending of Snegurochka; The Snow Maiden fell in love with a human. The feeling was so warm and filled her body, blazing mercilessly like how sunlight melted the snow, burnt her heart down. That feeling was too hot for her to contain, for her icy heart. Just like that, then she melted.
Please don’t let her melt. Don’t take away The Snow Girl Jiyeon made for me.
Winter had came to its end.
Once again, Changmin visited his sister’s grave and found Sooyoung was kneeling beside it. His heart was pained when he recalled the tale from Jiyeon’s storybook. Sooyoung wasn’t going to melt, that was a belief he forced to stick on his mind.
“Spring isn’t far anymore,” she said and stood up. She smiled at Changmin, but her smile painted a grief.
“Can I ask something?” Changmin voice was rough. Sooyoung nodded in approval.
“Was it Jiyeon… who told you… ask you…,” Changmin’s words caught in his throat. “Jiyeon… to stay with me… she dead.”
A mess. His sentence was a mess. But Sooyoung understood it. The girl placed her hands on Changmin’s shoulders. Her eyes sought for his eyes, gazing at him lovingly with a mix of relief and pain.
“It’s true. Jiyeon asked me to stay with you after she’s gone,” she said. Changmin felt something, some part of his heart was pierced by sharp ice blade. Too painful, and the cold was freezing.
“But… Did you know? This is my choice. Even if Jiyeon didn’t ask me, I would still meet you. I would still fall in love with you. I would still be here, standing like this, holding your shoulders, and looking at you like I’ll never get enough of you. Like this.” Sooyoung’s words were shaking in the air. A white mist from her mouth floated above, kissed Changmin’s face.
Sooyoung took a step forward. Her body was so close to him. To Sooyoung, the warmth was what she got from Changmin. To Changmin, the strangely comfortable cold started to crawl all over her body like the first time he felt her in his hand.
Then Sooyoung’s cold lips crashed on his lips. His arms wrapped around Sooyoung’s body and pulled the girl closer. There was no empty space between them. There was no other than the two of them. There was no forest which was slowly fading away behind them. Not even the usual pathetic cry of the crows. Not even the last snowflakes dancing in the air that marked the change of the seasons.
Changmin had forgotten his prayer when their kiss grew deeper, but that prayer still uttered quietly in his heart.
Don’t let Sooyoung melt away.
Forget about Snegurochka. Forget about The Snow Girl who melted because she fell in love with a human being. The end of their story could always be rewritten in their own version.
Was it wrong for him to wish a happily ever after in their tale?
I wrote this story back in 2014 and it's in Bahasa Indonesia. This is my fail attempt to translate it to English ( I never do translation before, so I thought this would be a good experience)
anyway, please enjoy, hahah.