So much to say...
So much has happened in the last month... I don't even know how to begin. There is so much to say that I probably should have said before.
To start - -
To start - -
- My skiing accident from February caused me to tear my ACL and mess up my knee. Lucky me this type of injury requires surgery.... even luckier... surgery is tomorrow. I am so scared about it but I don't really know why. I haven't allowed myself to really think about it until yesterday when I had the pre-op done. Talking to the doctors made it seem so real (which it is). It's not like it's a life threatening injury, but I am scared shitless. I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all.
- Yesterday at the pre-op I got a male nurse. I was sitting in there with my mom and dad when he was asking the questions. "what was the first day of your last period?" hell no... you do not go there with my parents in the room. I wouldn't have even told my mom that I had started my period way back when if I hadn't needed her to drive me to get the tampons. I am a very private person and I don't share things like that with them. The questions didn't stop there - "was it a normal flow? did you have the usual symptoms? are your periods usually on a normal schedule?" I wanted to die. And to top it off I told the nurse it was two weeks ago and he had my dad calculating the day of that. Kill me.
- They started me on a nerve medicine that will hopefully prevent the nerve damage that I have in my left foot from traveling to my knee during the surgery. It kills my concentration. I can't think about the same thing for more than 3 minutes. Then I get distracted by a dust mote or someone outside walking around. Mom made me drive to go get dad after he dropped his car off to be worked on and it's a miracle that I made it. Every time that a car would drive by or I would pass a big house I would get distracted by it. My steering wheel distracted me for a while. Today in AP English I was peer grading someone's paper and I got distracted by the shape of the letters. I started coloring in all of the ones that were like D and had a spot to color. When the guy got his paper back he was like what the hell? I've basically been high all day...
- I'm still scared shitless about the surgery but I can't talk about it or tell my parents anything. I don't want them to know I'm scared because it would make them worry even more. But I'm still terrified. I've become ice lately because I am trying to hold in all the fear. I don't really have any other emotions right now because my entire being is concentrated on that.