Finding the center...

[creperumm]

Sometimes I get this way... I start thinking about what I've done, where I've been, and what I really want out of life. I put in my resume on Friday to the company I work for because they have openings for permanant positions, and I'm beeing looked at closely to have an offer. I like working on my contract though, because I work hourly... and overtime is nice, plus I do get paid vacation... so it will be something I'll really have to compare. That and I'm really interested in seeing what my options are elsewhere, especially Houston. I've put my resume up on Careerbuilder for places there, just to see what kind of response I get. Charity and I miss each other, and I think it would be good for the both of us. I haven't lived outside of Kansas that I can remember (as a baby I lived in California) so while I don't have any ties, I should see what it's like at least. But then again, I'm comfortable and happy here, and it's close to home and close to everything I know. Sometimes in life we have to take chances though, and if this chance comes along I'm pretty sure I'll try it. I really need to get myself grounded though. I feel like lately I've been too miscevious, too iniquitous. I'm feeling more guilt than usual, and I think it's because I haven't found my center and released the built up negativity I'm feeling. I need a massage... thats what I need, too much tension lately. I'm supposed to be working, but I'd rather sit here and contimplate just what I'm looking for... is it stablity, security, love?... hell if I know... I'm just about the happiest I've ever been, but even when fufilled we keep searching to create another void... and the cycle of nature continues.

*turns brain off and continues to function at work*