Love Is Only A Feeling, Chapter 8.
Chapter 8.
“Daddy's girl learned fast
All those things he couldn't say”
Bon Jovi - Runaway
Zowie was laughing. For the first time in a long, long time, she felt free enough to let that side of her see the light of day after a long period of darkness. When was the last time she had emitted a true, honest laugh? Zowie couldn't remember and the thought almost brought a frown she barely managed to contain. Geoff had worked his magic on her, nonetheless, and now, as he sat before her in their third meeting, Zowie couldn't help the wave of gratitude that grew inside her.
Not that it had been any easy, of course. More often than not, Zowie had found herself wondering what on Earth she was doing every time she answered to one of Geoff's calls. But no matter what, she couldn't let him go, not even when she feared he could find out the truth about her. It felt like dealing with two very different people living inside her, pulling at her in different directions: one wanting to let Geoff go and carry on with her life as it was, the other pleading her to open up before it was too late.
It was the latter that made her stay in touch with Geoff.
More than once had Zowie almost reached out and begged Geoff for help, but she had recoiled every single time. Could it be that, no matter the danger, she still found some security in the life she led? Deep down inside, Zowie knew she needed the drugs to remain sane. And deep down inside, she feared admitting she needed Matt, if only for the reassurance that someone out there was still willing to love her. So many people had disappointed her, that Zowie found it natural to cling to the one person that made her feel cherished and understood, even if in a twisted way.
But Geoff too cared about her, and knowing that had prompted something in Zowie she hadn't done in a long time: she tried to look her best for him. She knew a shower could never erase the traces of her excesses, but it could at least scrub some of the most obvious signs away. And then, when Zowie realised the clothes she owned would only end up giving her away, she mustered the courage to take some money from Matt and buy two new t-shirts and a pair of jeans.
It had been a strange and moving experience, going shopping after such a long time, for once Zowie stood in front of the mirror in nothing but her underwear, there was no denying what she had done to herself. Her face was thin, sharp, aggressive even with her square jawline, and as for the rest of her body... She had lost weight. A lot of weight. It wasn't extreme yet, but one good look at herself explained why Geoff had looked so shocked the first time he saw her. How much longer could she carry on like that without causing herself some serious damage? Her stomach tingled with uneasiness at the sole thought.
Lost in her musings, it took Zowie some long instants to notice that Geoff's curious gaze was fixed on her. Sketching a smile, she tried to shrug her sombre thoughts off hoping he wouldn't notice them.
“Sorry.” She finally muttered, her cheeks tingling with the slightest hint of a blush. “I was miles away. What were you saying?”
Geoff shrugged, as if her distraction hadn't bothered him the least.
“I was just wondering whether you're still in touch with any of the Rings' guys.” He said. “You and Elijah were pretty close back in the day.”
Zowie's heart skipped a series of beats at Geoff's seemingly innocent question, the most varied emotions surging to life inside her and almost overwhelming her with their intensity.
“We did for a while. But then he got busy, I got busy...” Her voice drifted off and Zowie fixed her eyes on the orange juice before her, not wanting Geoff to read the truth in them. “I haven't heard from him in a while.”
For a moment, Zowie considered saying that it had been a natural process, but then decided against it in the last minute; adding any unwanted information could prove to be her downfall.
Her silence offered Geoff the chance to study her for some moments, and he tried to read in her body language all the things Zowie didn't dare to say. There were a million excuses she could come up with if she felt like it, but he knew that busy schedules had nothing to do with her drifting apart from Elijah. Whatever had changed Zowie had surely played an important role in it as well.
He would do well to keep that in mind, Geoff realised, for some weeks ago he had been invited by Peter himself to the Los Angeles premiere of “The Return of the King” , an event that now took a whole new dimension in light of the most recent events. While he had been looking forward to seeing the final product of everyone's jobs, his goal was a different one now. Elijah would be there. So would Orlando, and theirs was the help he needed the most.
Geoff had briefly considered sharing the news of the premiere with Zowie, but he had feeling doing so would only cast more shadows over her. He had even toyed with the idea of bringing her with him, but this new Zowie that sat before him was someone he didn't know at all. She had changed, and drastically at that. How would she react upon meeting the people that had meant so much to her in the past?
Geoff wouldn't be fooled. Not once, when mentioning her boyfriend, had Zowie talked about how much she loved him, and Geoff was willing to bet that her feelings for Orlando were still there, very much alive. Perhaps she wasn't as fascinated by him as she used to be, but something had to be there. Both he and Elijah had been there for her when the truth about William came out, and if they had been able to support her then, why wouldn't be able to do the same now?
An image of Orlando lingered in Geoff's mind. Could it be that this same guy William had feared would hurt his daughter, turned out to be exactly what she needed to recover? If they had been right and Zowie had come to Los Angeles after Orlando, then perhaps he was the key to free her from whatever that kept her prisoner. And if that prison was what Geoff feared, then he would need all the help he could get.
But why would Zowie do drugs in the first place? Geoff couldn't understand that. She had always had everything she wanted; what could she possibly lack that pushed her to do something like that? The question took a whole new meaning when Geoff stopped to think of what Zowie had left behind in New Zealand. Her whole world had been shattered. Wasn't that reason enough for her to turn to drugs?
There was another option, but it was just as heart wrenching as the first. What if something really bad had happened to her? What if she had placed her trust in the wrong person upon arriving in Los Angeles only to end up having something horrible done to her? After all, what else could have turned the energetic Zowie he had known into this shadow that now sat before him?
That was why he kept wondering what meeting Elijah and Orlando would do to her. Would Zowie be able to open up to them? Would they manage to unearth the old Zowie that was hidden under layer after layer of darkness and mystery? Perhaps, if they entered her life, not only would they help Geoff understand what was wrong with her, but they would also assist her on leaving that behind.
But there was honestly no debate, for Geoff had made up his mind a long time ago. He would talk to Orlando and Elijah during the premiere, and he would beg for their help if necessary. He couldn't force the actors into doing anything, but Geoff's heart told him that, as soon as they found out Zowie was involved, they wouldn't hesitate. Elijah had always had this ability to make her trust him and as for Orlando, since Geoff would be working with him, he was sure they could manage to do something together.
Whatever he did, however, would have to be done fast for Geoff would leave Los Angeles in a month and there was no way he was leaving Zowie in that state. He could always offer her his apartment if she needed to disappear or get away from someone, but would that be a real solution? If his suspicions were right, then Zowie had to be taken away from more than just her current house. An idea sprung to life in his mind, but was it even possible? He would be out of the country for six long months and anything could happen while he was away. And yet, as unachievable as the idea seemed right now, Geoff still refused to discard it so easily. He just had to find a way around it.
None of them, busy as they were contemplating their own thoughts, noticed the blond man staring at them from the opposite sidewalk, nor how his handsome face darkened with every smile they shared.
While his exterior seemed calm and relaxed, Matt was fuming in the inside. So that was what Zowie had been doing all along! She had been meeting this guy under his very nose, and Matt had been stupid enough not to notice it! This was the reason why she had been stealing money from him, and the sole though stoked the fire of his fury. Did Zowie honestly think he didn't realise? Matt's frown darkened. Did she think him stupid? Obviously, she did.
Who was that guy, anyway? Matt had never seen him before and if he wasn't someone he knew, then how come Zowie was there with him? Since he provided her with everything from drugs to housing, Zowie didn't need to go out much; all in all, she depended entirely on him, and that ensured she remained by his side no matter what. But this... this had never been a part of his plan, and Zowie being friendly with another guy was something he couldn't accept. He couldn't accept how familiarly that other guy acted towards Zowie, but what made Matt lose all control was seeing the way she smiled at him. In that moment, a rage as powerful as the one that had led him to punch Zowie sent Matt charging like a bull towards the café.
Seating as she was facing the door, Zowie was the first to notice how someone opened it with more violence than necessary and, curious, she looked up. Almost everyone else did the same, but only her felt anything other than mild surprise and wonder at the pair of stormy eyes that stared at her with anger blazing in them.
Dear God... what was he doing there? What was Matt doing in the café? All colour drained from Zowie's face at the sight. His entire demeanour promised trouble and Zowie winced, the pain from his punch still fresh in her memory. She had worked so hard to avoid this, so hard! What had she done wrong? When was her secret unveiled, and why hadn't she seen it coming?
Suddenly terrified, Zowie stood up, her heart thundering in her chest and her body instinctively tensing up, waiting for the blow that would surely come. She didn't know what to do next, but the implications were clear: Matt was there, yes, but more importantly, so was Geoff, and that was exactly what she had been hoping to avoid all along. She barely repressed a shiver that was a mixture of regret and fear. She had been so close... so close! Now the thought of facing the promises written in Matt's eyes filled her with panic.
Zowie had never meant for Geoff and Matt to meet, but now the latter stood there before her, a violence so obvious written in his eyes that the people around them threw wary glances at him. The look in his eyes told Zowie that Matt didn't give a damn about being in a public place and although she couldn't care less about the other customers, she did care about Geoff. What would he say or do if Matt became violent in front of everyone as she feared? Zowie shivered, her stomach twisting into a painful knot.
The moment Zowie's face took on a ghostly pale shade, all alarms went off in Geoff's head. In the span of a few seconds, countless and varied emotions played in her eyes, baring her in the way she had been avoiding ever since their first meeting. Surprise, wonder, regret, terror, they all played in her clear blue eyes as they widened with shock, but when the latter overpowered everything else, Geoff's heart twisted with a similar emotion. Then, when Zowie stood up, Geoff imitated her gesture, finally spinning on his heels to see with his own eyes exactly what had affected her so much.
But Geoff didn't quite understand at first. A guy not much older than Zowie herself approached them with a furious look on his face, and while handsome enough to attract some interested glances, something in his face reminded Geoff of Zowie: the pasty paleness, the dark circles under his eyes, the shocking thinness. None of that, however, caught Geoff's attention quite like the pure, unbridled rage that burnt in the young man's eyes and that was solely aimed at Zowie.
Alarm rose in him as his eyes went back to Zowie. She looked terrified, her face pale and her eyes wide, and although Geoff had no idea who that guy could be, he knew it was time to act. Instinctively taking a step towards her, he positioned himself between her and the young man as he assessed him quickly. Geoff didn't approve of violence, but he was more than willing to step in and defend Zowie if necessary.
But first, he needed answers. The insecure, mumbled words that escaped Zowie's lips, however, were all the answer he needed.
“Matt... what are you...?”
At that, Geoff studied the young man before him under a new light. So this was Matt. Suddenly, it all made perfect sense. Even if a number of boyfriends would be angry at finding their girlfriends having a drink with a guy they knew nothing about, Geoff had yet to see one who directed such murderous glances to his significant other the way this one did. No wonder Zowie had changed so much! If that glimpse Geoff was getting of their relationship was enough to make some guesses, then it was obvious that this was the most unhealthy bond he had ever seen.
If Matt noticed the animosity in Geoff's stance, he wasn't any affected by it the moment he tried to circle him to get to Zowie. The older man, however, moved along with him, blocking all access to the girl he sheltered behind. They shared a long, measuring look and although Geoff could see in Matt's eyes that he wanted Zowie, he'd be damned if he ever granted that wish.
“What are you doing here, Zowie?” Matt asked, his voice dripping with a honey-coated anger. “I got home and you weren't there... I missed you.”
Although his words were addressed to Zowie, Matt's eyes were fixed on Geoff as he spoke them. How did he dare stand between them? Zowie was his girlfriend, his to do as he pleased! Still, Matt kept his fury under control, for nothing good would come out of forcing Zowie to do anything with this guy around, so intent on defending her. They would go home eventually, though, and when they did, Zowie would finally understand that Matt wasn't the kind of guy who could be played with.
Zowie couldn't repress the shiver that made her whole body tremble as she sidestepped Geoff, her feet echoing ominously on the tiled floor. She noticed out of the corner of her eye how he barely outstretched a hand to stop her, but choose to ignore the gesture nonetheless, unable to look up at him without giving herself away. She knew what would happen, she could read it in Matt's eyes and still, she just hoped he held himself back until they were on their own. Zowie would be able to handle it if Matt let go of his worst side in private, but if he did it there, in front of Geoff... she shivered.
“Hi, Matt.” She said, her voice coming out steadier than she had imagined, which pleased her a little. Then, cutting to the chase, she turned sideways to Geoff and added. “This is Geoff Grant, an old friend from New Zealand. Geoff, this is my boyfriend, Matt.”
There was an open plea in Zowie's eyes when she looked up at Geoff, one that made all her changes even more noticeable and painful to him. The old Zowie would have never backed down no matter who pushed her, but this new Zowie... she only begged for help. What had this guy done to her?
“Matt Hudson, I presume.” Geoff said, extending a tentative hand in the blond man's direction. “I'm Geoff. Old friend of Zowie's dad and Zowie herself.”
The hint of a smile that crossed Matt's lips told Geoff he hadn't missed his barely concealed warning, although it seemed to have no effect on him whatsoever. Smugness and arrogance surrounded him like a halo, and the thorough look he gave Geoff as he shook his hand told the older man that Matt wasn't the least intimidated by him.
“Nice to meet you, Geoff Grant.” Matt taunted him with a mocking tone. “It's great to finally meet someone from Zowie's past. I'm really looking forward to swapping stories about her.”
There was something in the way he spoke those words, in the tone he used, that made it obvious to Geoff that Matt meant far much more than what those simple words implied. Matt was threatening Zowie with sharing stories she obviously didn't want Geoff to know anything about, and his dislike for Matt grew to unknown proportions. Once again, he regretted not being a violent man; otherwise, he would have placed a well-deserved punch in the middle of Matt's handsome face, wondering if that could teach him the manners he obviously lacked.
She might have remained silent as the men exchanged taunting comments hidden behind fake politeness, but Zowie knew she had to step in before all hell broke loose. Everything in Matt screamed for a confrontation and although she knew he didn't fear bringing it to completion, Zowie did trust Geoff to keep a cool head on his shoulders. When the men sized each other for the umpteenth time, nevertheless, Zowie knew it was time to act. Nothing would save her from Matt's fury the minute they were on their own, but she could at least try and stop the worst from happening in front of Geoff. She still trembled with fear, though, and her head throbbed with the fresh memory of the pain she had experienced not long ago.
“Geoff.” She said as she came to a stop between both men. “What do you say we continue this some other time? I forgot I had promised to be home early and...”
Zowie's voice trailed off, but that was all Geoff needed. She could try and mask it as anything else, but the terror in her eyes was unmistakable and it tore his heart to pieces. How could she possibly ask him to let her go when his entire being warned him that something horrible would happen? Geoff couldn't let her walk away with the man he was positive had caused such change in her.
“Are you sure?”
Zowie could have cried with frustration. Couldn't Geoff see she was begging him for help? It was only a matter of minutes until Matt exploded and that was something she couldn't allow.
“I'm sorry, Geoff.” Zowie finally answered, hoping to sound regretful and fearing she had only sounded pleading. “Matt and I had plans and I forgot all about them. I hope you don't mind me leaving so suddenly, but... I have to go.”
She had barely finished her sentence when Matt took her hand in his. It wasn't a supportive, loving gesture, though, and only Zowie's sheer determination kept her features trained and from showing the pain his steely grip brought her.
Zowie's pleading eyes and Matt's smug expression - Geoff's gaze went from one to the other before he realised he had no choice in the matter.
“Okay, then. Don't worry. I'll see you soon, right?”
Fear and relief crashed inside Zowie. She had made a decision and while the outcome had been clear all along, she had managed to avoid it from happening in front of Geoff. Why hadn't she asked for help when she had the time? A feeling of dread crept up inside her, and Zowie wondered whether it was too late now.
“Sure, Geoff. I'll let you know. I have to go now... again, I'm so sorry I have to leave like this.” She said, her breath quickening with every second that took her closer to being at Matt's will.
Geoff leaned in, kissing her cheek as he gently squeezed her free hand.
“I'll be waiting. You know where to find me.”
She didn't miss the true meaning behind those words. Geoff could see something was wrong there, and he was offering the help she had never dared to ask for. With a knotted throat, she nodded just as Matt began to drag her away, attempting a quick wave goodbye as they hastily left the café making a sight that Geoff knew would be forever engraved in his heart. He shouldn't have let her go. He should have stood his ground and keep Zowie by his side. But he hadn't, and the feeling that she now walked to her doom was almost too heavy on Geoff's shoulders. Defeated, he hung his head low.
He should have never let her go.
~*~
Although Matt hadn't said a word on the way home, Zowie could feel the hostility radiating off him in an almost physical way, and fear numbed her senses. Each step she took on the staircase that led to their apartment resounded in her brain and she found she could barely breath as terror chocked her. A whimper almost escaped her lips, but Zowie bit it back; showing fear would take her nowhere. When the door behind her closed with an ominous click, however, Zowie's heart hammered inside her as her wary eyes took on Matt's tense frame. That was it. Whatever was coming, she would have to face it on her own.
“Who's that guy?”
Matt walked to the window and although his back was turned towards her, the coldness in his voice still made Zowie's stomach twist.
“I already told you.” She answered, hoping against hope to reason with Matt. “Geoff is an old friend of my dad's. They used to work together in New Zealand, and now he's here. That's all.”
Slowly, Matt spun on his heels to give her a frigid, yet furious look with his stony blue eyes.
“Have you always been in touch with him?”
Zowie's eyes widened in disbelief.
“God, Matt, no! I bumped into him on the streets some weeks ago. He insisted on meeting for a cup of coffee so we could catch up, but that's it.”
Approaching her in a way that chilled her blood, Matt stood mere inches away from her, his eyes piercing on hers.
“Something is going on between you two, Zowie. I know it! I saw you two together, stop lying!”
“What?” Zowie was so shocked, she could barely understand what Matt was talking about. “Me and Geoff... together? Matt, are you even listening to yourself? Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds? It's simply-”
Zowie never got the chance to end her statement for a strong blow hit her jaw, blinding her with a sheer pain that coursed her entire being.
So there it was... what Matt's eyes and attitude had been promising all along. She had known it would happen, but that didn't mean it hurt any less; in fact, the agony was so strong, Zowie feared he had seriously injured her.
“I'm not crazy! Stop lying to me, you whore!” Matt bellowed and Zowie curled up into herself in a defensive, pitiful gesture. “You honestly think I believe that old friends crap you're giving me?”
Looking up at him with terror in her eyes, Zowie tried to answer, tried to defend herself, but her jaw hurt so much, she could barely part her lips. That gesture didn't please Matt, however, who grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her back with such power, Zowie's head hit the wall. A blinding pain exploded in her brain, stars and black spots dancing before her eyes for long moments as she let her tears flow free. Matt would never understand for he didn't want to understand, but stubbornly, Zowie went on.
“Matt, please...”
She had been right. Nothing would make sense to Matt now, not in his fury, and all that her desperate pleading got her was another blow, one that hit her just above the previous one and that made her cry out with terror and pain. How far would this go? Would Matt ever have enough? Zowie feared for her safety and as she did, she cursed herself for not having asked for Geoff's help while she still could. It might as well be too late now.
Roughly pushing her against the wall once again, her feet barely brushing the floor, Matt growled, his eyes shooting blue daggers at her.
“You're not seeing that guy again, you hear me? And if you do, Zowie... I swear to God... if I ever find out you're seeing him and sleeping with him behind my back, I swear to God I'll kill you.”
Although Zowie gasped in terror, deep down inside she knew it wasn't Matt's threat what terrified her so much; it was the certainty that he wasn't afraid to bring it to completion. He truly meant the promise he had made, and the cold than ran through Zowie at that was one she had never felt before. She could be self-destructive. She could have made a million mistakes in the past, but this... this went beyond anything she had ever imagined and her heart pounded so hard Zowie feared it would explode, killing her before Matt did.
He smiled, obviously pleased to see his threat had hit home. But he wasn't done yet; he had the feeling the message hadn't been clear enough. Curling his hand into a fist, he then slammed it into Zowie's stomach with a blow that carried all the strength he possessed. He didn't allow her to double over, though; he kept her in place as Zowie cried her agony and terror with loud sobs that only increased her torture.
“You're nothing without me, Zowie. Remember that.” Matt whispered threateningly in her ear. “The clothes you're wearing, the food you eat, the drugs you love so much... they're all mine. You won't last a week out there if I decide to kick you out and believe me, I will if I ever find out you're as much as seeing that guy again. Set your priorities straight, baby, or I'll do it for you.”
His harsh, ominous words echoing in the haze of terror that clouded Zowie, Matt left the apartment, slamming the door closed behind him with such might, she was sure the walls had trembled under the attack. Gasping for breath as pain spread throughout her body, tears of sheer terror streaming down her face, Zowie collapsed on her knees, her brain spinning at a speed that made it impossible for her to have more than one single rational thought, the one that pushed itself to the very front through her fear.
How had it come to that? When had things spun so out of control that her abused body now cried with agony as a death threat hung over her head? Something inside her wished to believe Matt would never bring his promise to completion, but the glaring evidence that surrounded her, the one she felt in every fibre of her body, managed to bring that idea down in a matter of seconds. How could she still think there was some good left inside him? Still cringing with pain, Zowie's body slid down until she was curled up on the floor, whimpering as fear mixed with pain.
She would never know how it was that the thought finally formed in her mind, but when it did, it became painfully clear that she couldn't ignore it anymore. She needed help. Admitting it was hard, even to herself, but Zowie couldn't pledge ignorance and pretend that the though hadn't been in the back of her mind all along. Why else, then, had she sought any sort of relationship with Geoff? She could have very well never answered his calls and yet she had, hoping to have someone to turn to should things take a turn for the worse. Her mind, even altered by drugs, had been clear enough to make that idea a top priority. It wouldn't be easy to say the words, but if Zowie wanted to come out of this alive, all pride would have to be left aside.
And who else could she trust in, if not Geoff? She had known him all her life, and no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, Zowie could see he was aware of everything that happened to her, even if he hadn't quite figured out the finer details yet. If he wasn't the right one to trust in, then who was? Elijah's name popped in her mind, but Zowie discarded it as quickly as it came. They hadn't been in touch in years; he could very well be on the other end of the world for all that she knew, and besides, who said he still cared for her? Rings had happened years ago. Her life had moved on, if only not in the way she had anticipated, and Elijah's surely had too. Contacting him would most likely end up in her waiting for a response that would never come.
Given the current circumstances, it was glaringly obvious that Geoff was her only option. She had no friends in Los Angeles and the very few people she knew were Matt's friends, meaning they would never turn against him. The other people she trusted in lived on the other end of the world, and Zowie would much rather keep them at bay, at least, until she managed to find a way out of the mess she was in.
Her body still craving the blissful oblivion of the drugs, Zowie closed her eyes tight, trying to restrain herself for the first time in a long time. It had been so much easier when the goal in her mind had been finding her dream job and meeting the man she loved! Now, the mess she was in made her want to turn to her habits with a renewed intensity.
She wanted to forget, but she couldn't. She needed to be as aware as possible, if only to try and figure out what Matt's next step would be. Even as she begrudgingly made up her mind about asking Geoff for help, Zowie knew she would have to keep her intentions to herself for an undisclosed period of time. Matt would be watching her every move and if Zowie didn't want her plan to fail or be discovered, then she would have to play it as nonchalant as possible.
She wouldn't contact Geoff that day and probably, neither would she the following one or the day after that; however, the chance would eventually come. Zowie would just have to learn to wait until Matt let his guard down enough for her to move around as freely as usual. As much as he hated the idea, Matt would have to go back to his normal life and once his vigilance decreased, she would do it. She was sure of that.
She just hoped to have enough time to do it.
“Daddy's girl learned fast
All those things he couldn't say”
Bon Jovi - Runaway
Zowie was laughing. For the first time in a long, long time, she felt free enough to let that side of her see the light of day after a long period of darkness. When was the last time she had emitted a true, honest laugh? Zowie couldn't remember and the thought almost brought a frown she barely managed to contain. Geoff had worked his magic on her, nonetheless, and now, as he sat before her in their third meeting, Zowie couldn't help the wave of gratitude that grew inside her.
Not that it had been any easy, of course. More often than not, Zowie had found herself wondering what on Earth she was doing every time she answered to one of Geoff's calls. But no matter what, she couldn't let him go, not even when she feared he could find out the truth about her. It felt like dealing with two very different people living inside her, pulling at her in different directions: one wanting to let Geoff go and carry on with her life as it was, the other pleading her to open up before it was too late.
It was the latter that made her stay in touch with Geoff.
More than once had Zowie almost reached out and begged Geoff for help, but she had recoiled every single time. Could it be that, no matter the danger, she still found some security in the life she led? Deep down inside, Zowie knew she needed the drugs to remain sane. And deep down inside, she feared admitting she needed Matt, if only for the reassurance that someone out there was still willing to love her. So many people had disappointed her, that Zowie found it natural to cling to the one person that made her feel cherished and understood, even if in a twisted way.
But Geoff too cared about her, and knowing that had prompted something in Zowie she hadn't done in a long time: she tried to look her best for him. She knew a shower could never erase the traces of her excesses, but it could at least scrub some of the most obvious signs away. And then, when Zowie realised the clothes she owned would only end up giving her away, she mustered the courage to take some money from Matt and buy two new t-shirts and a pair of jeans.
It had been a strange and moving experience, going shopping after such a long time, for once Zowie stood in front of the mirror in nothing but her underwear, there was no denying what she had done to herself. Her face was thin, sharp, aggressive even with her square jawline, and as for the rest of her body... She had lost weight. A lot of weight. It wasn't extreme yet, but one good look at herself explained why Geoff had looked so shocked the first time he saw her. How much longer could she carry on like that without causing herself some serious damage? Her stomach tingled with uneasiness at the sole thought.
Lost in her musings, it took Zowie some long instants to notice that Geoff's curious gaze was fixed on her. Sketching a smile, she tried to shrug her sombre thoughts off hoping he wouldn't notice them.
“Sorry.” She finally muttered, her cheeks tingling with the slightest hint of a blush. “I was miles away. What were you saying?”
Geoff shrugged, as if her distraction hadn't bothered him the least.
“I was just wondering whether you're still in touch with any of the Rings' guys.” He said. “You and Elijah were pretty close back in the day.”
Zowie's heart skipped a series of beats at Geoff's seemingly innocent question, the most varied emotions surging to life inside her and almost overwhelming her with their intensity.
“We did for a while. But then he got busy, I got busy...” Her voice drifted off and Zowie fixed her eyes on the orange juice before her, not wanting Geoff to read the truth in them. “I haven't heard from him in a while.”
For a moment, Zowie considered saying that it had been a natural process, but then decided against it in the last minute; adding any unwanted information could prove to be her downfall.
Her silence offered Geoff the chance to study her for some moments, and he tried to read in her body language all the things Zowie didn't dare to say. There were a million excuses she could come up with if she felt like it, but he knew that busy schedules had nothing to do with her drifting apart from Elijah. Whatever had changed Zowie had surely played an important role in it as well.
He would do well to keep that in mind, Geoff realised, for some weeks ago he had been invited by Peter himself to the Los Angeles premiere of “The Return of the King” , an event that now took a whole new dimension in light of the most recent events. While he had been looking forward to seeing the final product of everyone's jobs, his goal was a different one now. Elijah would be there. So would Orlando, and theirs was the help he needed the most.
Geoff had briefly considered sharing the news of the premiere with Zowie, but he had feeling doing so would only cast more shadows over her. He had even toyed with the idea of bringing her with him, but this new Zowie that sat before him was someone he didn't know at all. She had changed, and drastically at that. How would she react upon meeting the people that had meant so much to her in the past?
Geoff wouldn't be fooled. Not once, when mentioning her boyfriend, had Zowie talked about how much she loved him, and Geoff was willing to bet that her feelings for Orlando were still there, very much alive. Perhaps she wasn't as fascinated by him as she used to be, but something had to be there. Both he and Elijah had been there for her when the truth about William came out, and if they had been able to support her then, why wouldn't be able to do the same now?
An image of Orlando lingered in Geoff's mind. Could it be that this same guy William had feared would hurt his daughter, turned out to be exactly what she needed to recover? If they had been right and Zowie had come to Los Angeles after Orlando, then perhaps he was the key to free her from whatever that kept her prisoner. And if that prison was what Geoff feared, then he would need all the help he could get.
But why would Zowie do drugs in the first place? Geoff couldn't understand that. She had always had everything she wanted; what could she possibly lack that pushed her to do something like that? The question took a whole new meaning when Geoff stopped to think of what Zowie had left behind in New Zealand. Her whole world had been shattered. Wasn't that reason enough for her to turn to drugs?
There was another option, but it was just as heart wrenching as the first. What if something really bad had happened to her? What if she had placed her trust in the wrong person upon arriving in Los Angeles only to end up having something horrible done to her? After all, what else could have turned the energetic Zowie he had known into this shadow that now sat before him?
That was why he kept wondering what meeting Elijah and Orlando would do to her. Would Zowie be able to open up to them? Would they manage to unearth the old Zowie that was hidden under layer after layer of darkness and mystery? Perhaps, if they entered her life, not only would they help Geoff understand what was wrong with her, but they would also assist her on leaving that behind.
But there was honestly no debate, for Geoff had made up his mind a long time ago. He would talk to Orlando and Elijah during the premiere, and he would beg for their help if necessary. He couldn't force the actors into doing anything, but Geoff's heart told him that, as soon as they found out Zowie was involved, they wouldn't hesitate. Elijah had always had this ability to make her trust him and as for Orlando, since Geoff would be working with him, he was sure they could manage to do something together.
Whatever he did, however, would have to be done fast for Geoff would leave Los Angeles in a month and there was no way he was leaving Zowie in that state. He could always offer her his apartment if she needed to disappear or get away from someone, but would that be a real solution? If his suspicions were right, then Zowie had to be taken away from more than just her current house. An idea sprung to life in his mind, but was it even possible? He would be out of the country for six long months and anything could happen while he was away. And yet, as unachievable as the idea seemed right now, Geoff still refused to discard it so easily. He just had to find a way around it.
None of them, busy as they were contemplating their own thoughts, noticed the blond man staring at them from the opposite sidewalk, nor how his handsome face darkened with every smile they shared.
While his exterior seemed calm and relaxed, Matt was fuming in the inside. So that was what Zowie had been doing all along! She had been meeting this guy under his very nose, and Matt had been stupid enough not to notice it! This was the reason why she had been stealing money from him, and the sole though stoked the fire of his fury. Did Zowie honestly think he didn't realise? Matt's frown darkened. Did she think him stupid? Obviously, she did.
Who was that guy, anyway? Matt had never seen him before and if he wasn't someone he knew, then how come Zowie was there with him? Since he provided her with everything from drugs to housing, Zowie didn't need to go out much; all in all, she depended entirely on him, and that ensured she remained by his side no matter what. But this... this had never been a part of his plan, and Zowie being friendly with another guy was something he couldn't accept. He couldn't accept how familiarly that other guy acted towards Zowie, but what made Matt lose all control was seeing the way she smiled at him. In that moment, a rage as powerful as the one that had led him to punch Zowie sent Matt charging like a bull towards the café.
Seating as she was facing the door, Zowie was the first to notice how someone opened it with more violence than necessary and, curious, she looked up. Almost everyone else did the same, but only her felt anything other than mild surprise and wonder at the pair of stormy eyes that stared at her with anger blazing in them.
Dear God... what was he doing there? What was Matt doing in the café? All colour drained from Zowie's face at the sight. His entire demeanour promised trouble and Zowie winced, the pain from his punch still fresh in her memory. She had worked so hard to avoid this, so hard! What had she done wrong? When was her secret unveiled, and why hadn't she seen it coming?
Suddenly terrified, Zowie stood up, her heart thundering in her chest and her body instinctively tensing up, waiting for the blow that would surely come. She didn't know what to do next, but the implications were clear: Matt was there, yes, but more importantly, so was Geoff, and that was exactly what she had been hoping to avoid all along. She barely repressed a shiver that was a mixture of regret and fear. She had been so close... so close! Now the thought of facing the promises written in Matt's eyes filled her with panic.
Zowie had never meant for Geoff and Matt to meet, but now the latter stood there before her, a violence so obvious written in his eyes that the people around them threw wary glances at him. The look in his eyes told Zowie that Matt didn't give a damn about being in a public place and although she couldn't care less about the other customers, she did care about Geoff. What would he say or do if Matt became violent in front of everyone as she feared? Zowie shivered, her stomach twisting into a painful knot.
The moment Zowie's face took on a ghostly pale shade, all alarms went off in Geoff's head. In the span of a few seconds, countless and varied emotions played in her eyes, baring her in the way she had been avoiding ever since their first meeting. Surprise, wonder, regret, terror, they all played in her clear blue eyes as they widened with shock, but when the latter overpowered everything else, Geoff's heart twisted with a similar emotion. Then, when Zowie stood up, Geoff imitated her gesture, finally spinning on his heels to see with his own eyes exactly what had affected her so much.
But Geoff didn't quite understand at first. A guy not much older than Zowie herself approached them with a furious look on his face, and while handsome enough to attract some interested glances, something in his face reminded Geoff of Zowie: the pasty paleness, the dark circles under his eyes, the shocking thinness. None of that, however, caught Geoff's attention quite like the pure, unbridled rage that burnt in the young man's eyes and that was solely aimed at Zowie.
Alarm rose in him as his eyes went back to Zowie. She looked terrified, her face pale and her eyes wide, and although Geoff had no idea who that guy could be, he knew it was time to act. Instinctively taking a step towards her, he positioned himself between her and the young man as he assessed him quickly. Geoff didn't approve of violence, but he was more than willing to step in and defend Zowie if necessary.
But first, he needed answers. The insecure, mumbled words that escaped Zowie's lips, however, were all the answer he needed.
“Matt... what are you...?”
At that, Geoff studied the young man before him under a new light. So this was Matt. Suddenly, it all made perfect sense. Even if a number of boyfriends would be angry at finding their girlfriends having a drink with a guy they knew nothing about, Geoff had yet to see one who directed such murderous glances to his significant other the way this one did. No wonder Zowie had changed so much! If that glimpse Geoff was getting of their relationship was enough to make some guesses, then it was obvious that this was the most unhealthy bond he had ever seen.
If Matt noticed the animosity in Geoff's stance, he wasn't any affected by it the moment he tried to circle him to get to Zowie. The older man, however, moved along with him, blocking all access to the girl he sheltered behind. They shared a long, measuring look and although Geoff could see in Matt's eyes that he wanted Zowie, he'd be damned if he ever granted that wish.
“What are you doing here, Zowie?” Matt asked, his voice dripping with a honey-coated anger. “I got home and you weren't there... I missed you.”
Although his words were addressed to Zowie, Matt's eyes were fixed on Geoff as he spoke them. How did he dare stand between them? Zowie was his girlfriend, his to do as he pleased! Still, Matt kept his fury under control, for nothing good would come out of forcing Zowie to do anything with this guy around, so intent on defending her. They would go home eventually, though, and when they did, Zowie would finally understand that Matt wasn't the kind of guy who could be played with.
Zowie couldn't repress the shiver that made her whole body tremble as she sidestepped Geoff, her feet echoing ominously on the tiled floor. She noticed out of the corner of her eye how he barely outstretched a hand to stop her, but choose to ignore the gesture nonetheless, unable to look up at him without giving herself away. She knew what would happen, she could read it in Matt's eyes and still, she just hoped he held himself back until they were on their own. Zowie would be able to handle it if Matt let go of his worst side in private, but if he did it there, in front of Geoff... she shivered.
“Hi, Matt.” She said, her voice coming out steadier than she had imagined, which pleased her a little. Then, cutting to the chase, she turned sideways to Geoff and added. “This is Geoff Grant, an old friend from New Zealand. Geoff, this is my boyfriend, Matt.”
There was an open plea in Zowie's eyes when she looked up at Geoff, one that made all her changes even more noticeable and painful to him. The old Zowie would have never backed down no matter who pushed her, but this new Zowie... she only begged for help. What had this guy done to her?
“Matt Hudson, I presume.” Geoff said, extending a tentative hand in the blond man's direction. “I'm Geoff. Old friend of Zowie's dad and Zowie herself.”
The hint of a smile that crossed Matt's lips told Geoff he hadn't missed his barely concealed warning, although it seemed to have no effect on him whatsoever. Smugness and arrogance surrounded him like a halo, and the thorough look he gave Geoff as he shook his hand told the older man that Matt wasn't the least intimidated by him.
“Nice to meet you, Geoff Grant.” Matt taunted him with a mocking tone. “It's great to finally meet someone from Zowie's past. I'm really looking forward to swapping stories about her.”
There was something in the way he spoke those words, in the tone he used, that made it obvious to Geoff that Matt meant far much more than what those simple words implied. Matt was threatening Zowie with sharing stories she obviously didn't want Geoff to know anything about, and his dislike for Matt grew to unknown proportions. Once again, he regretted not being a violent man; otherwise, he would have placed a well-deserved punch in the middle of Matt's handsome face, wondering if that could teach him the manners he obviously lacked.
She might have remained silent as the men exchanged taunting comments hidden behind fake politeness, but Zowie knew she had to step in before all hell broke loose. Everything in Matt screamed for a confrontation and although she knew he didn't fear bringing it to completion, Zowie did trust Geoff to keep a cool head on his shoulders. When the men sized each other for the umpteenth time, nevertheless, Zowie knew it was time to act. Nothing would save her from Matt's fury the minute they were on their own, but she could at least try and stop the worst from happening in front of Geoff. She still trembled with fear, though, and her head throbbed with the fresh memory of the pain she had experienced not long ago.
“Geoff.” She said as she came to a stop between both men. “What do you say we continue this some other time? I forgot I had promised to be home early and...”
Zowie's voice trailed off, but that was all Geoff needed. She could try and mask it as anything else, but the terror in her eyes was unmistakable and it tore his heart to pieces. How could she possibly ask him to let her go when his entire being warned him that something horrible would happen? Geoff couldn't let her walk away with the man he was positive had caused such change in her.
“Are you sure?”
Zowie could have cried with frustration. Couldn't Geoff see she was begging him for help? It was only a matter of minutes until Matt exploded and that was something she couldn't allow.
“I'm sorry, Geoff.” Zowie finally answered, hoping to sound regretful and fearing she had only sounded pleading. “Matt and I had plans and I forgot all about them. I hope you don't mind me leaving so suddenly, but... I have to go.”
She had barely finished her sentence when Matt took her hand in his. It wasn't a supportive, loving gesture, though, and only Zowie's sheer determination kept her features trained and from showing the pain his steely grip brought her.
Zowie's pleading eyes and Matt's smug expression - Geoff's gaze went from one to the other before he realised he had no choice in the matter.
“Okay, then. Don't worry. I'll see you soon, right?”
Fear and relief crashed inside Zowie. She had made a decision and while the outcome had been clear all along, she had managed to avoid it from happening in front of Geoff. Why hadn't she asked for help when she had the time? A feeling of dread crept up inside her, and Zowie wondered whether it was too late now.
“Sure, Geoff. I'll let you know. I have to go now... again, I'm so sorry I have to leave like this.” She said, her breath quickening with every second that took her closer to being at Matt's will.
Geoff leaned in, kissing her cheek as he gently squeezed her free hand.
“I'll be waiting. You know where to find me.”
She didn't miss the true meaning behind those words. Geoff could see something was wrong there, and he was offering the help she had never dared to ask for. With a knotted throat, she nodded just as Matt began to drag her away, attempting a quick wave goodbye as they hastily left the café making a sight that Geoff knew would be forever engraved in his heart. He shouldn't have let her go. He should have stood his ground and keep Zowie by his side. But he hadn't, and the feeling that she now walked to her doom was almost too heavy on Geoff's shoulders. Defeated, he hung his head low.
He should have never let her go.
~*~
Although Matt hadn't said a word on the way home, Zowie could feel the hostility radiating off him in an almost physical way, and fear numbed her senses. Each step she took on the staircase that led to their apartment resounded in her brain and she found she could barely breath as terror chocked her. A whimper almost escaped her lips, but Zowie bit it back; showing fear would take her nowhere. When the door behind her closed with an ominous click, however, Zowie's heart hammered inside her as her wary eyes took on Matt's tense frame. That was it. Whatever was coming, she would have to face it on her own.
“Who's that guy?”
Matt walked to the window and although his back was turned towards her, the coldness in his voice still made Zowie's stomach twist.
“I already told you.” She answered, hoping against hope to reason with Matt. “Geoff is an old friend of my dad's. They used to work together in New Zealand, and now he's here. That's all.”
Slowly, Matt spun on his heels to give her a frigid, yet furious look with his stony blue eyes.
“Have you always been in touch with him?”
Zowie's eyes widened in disbelief.
“God, Matt, no! I bumped into him on the streets some weeks ago. He insisted on meeting for a cup of coffee so we could catch up, but that's it.”
Approaching her in a way that chilled her blood, Matt stood mere inches away from her, his eyes piercing on hers.
“Something is going on between you two, Zowie. I know it! I saw you two together, stop lying!”
“What?” Zowie was so shocked, she could barely understand what Matt was talking about. “Me and Geoff... together? Matt, are you even listening to yourself? Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds? It's simply-”
Zowie never got the chance to end her statement for a strong blow hit her jaw, blinding her with a sheer pain that coursed her entire being.
So there it was... what Matt's eyes and attitude had been promising all along. She had known it would happen, but that didn't mean it hurt any less; in fact, the agony was so strong, Zowie feared he had seriously injured her.
“I'm not crazy! Stop lying to me, you whore!” Matt bellowed and Zowie curled up into herself in a defensive, pitiful gesture. “You honestly think I believe that old friends crap you're giving me?”
Looking up at him with terror in her eyes, Zowie tried to answer, tried to defend herself, but her jaw hurt so much, she could barely part her lips. That gesture didn't please Matt, however, who grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her back with such power, Zowie's head hit the wall. A blinding pain exploded in her brain, stars and black spots dancing before her eyes for long moments as she let her tears flow free. Matt would never understand for he didn't want to understand, but stubbornly, Zowie went on.
“Matt, please...”
She had been right. Nothing would make sense to Matt now, not in his fury, and all that her desperate pleading got her was another blow, one that hit her just above the previous one and that made her cry out with terror and pain. How far would this go? Would Matt ever have enough? Zowie feared for her safety and as she did, she cursed herself for not having asked for Geoff's help while she still could. It might as well be too late now.
Roughly pushing her against the wall once again, her feet barely brushing the floor, Matt growled, his eyes shooting blue daggers at her.
“You're not seeing that guy again, you hear me? And if you do, Zowie... I swear to God... if I ever find out you're seeing him and sleeping with him behind my back, I swear to God I'll kill you.”
Although Zowie gasped in terror, deep down inside she knew it wasn't Matt's threat what terrified her so much; it was the certainty that he wasn't afraid to bring it to completion. He truly meant the promise he had made, and the cold than ran through Zowie at that was one she had never felt before. She could be self-destructive. She could have made a million mistakes in the past, but this... this went beyond anything she had ever imagined and her heart pounded so hard Zowie feared it would explode, killing her before Matt did.
He smiled, obviously pleased to see his threat had hit home. But he wasn't done yet; he had the feeling the message hadn't been clear enough. Curling his hand into a fist, he then slammed it into Zowie's stomach with a blow that carried all the strength he possessed. He didn't allow her to double over, though; he kept her in place as Zowie cried her agony and terror with loud sobs that only increased her torture.
“You're nothing without me, Zowie. Remember that.” Matt whispered threateningly in her ear. “The clothes you're wearing, the food you eat, the drugs you love so much... they're all mine. You won't last a week out there if I decide to kick you out and believe me, I will if I ever find out you're as much as seeing that guy again. Set your priorities straight, baby, or I'll do it for you.”
His harsh, ominous words echoing in the haze of terror that clouded Zowie, Matt left the apartment, slamming the door closed behind him with such might, she was sure the walls had trembled under the attack. Gasping for breath as pain spread throughout her body, tears of sheer terror streaming down her face, Zowie collapsed on her knees, her brain spinning at a speed that made it impossible for her to have more than one single rational thought, the one that pushed itself to the very front through her fear.
How had it come to that? When had things spun so out of control that her abused body now cried with agony as a death threat hung over her head? Something inside her wished to believe Matt would never bring his promise to completion, but the glaring evidence that surrounded her, the one she felt in every fibre of her body, managed to bring that idea down in a matter of seconds. How could she still think there was some good left inside him? Still cringing with pain, Zowie's body slid down until she was curled up on the floor, whimpering as fear mixed with pain.
She would never know how it was that the thought finally formed in her mind, but when it did, it became painfully clear that she couldn't ignore it anymore. She needed help. Admitting it was hard, even to herself, but Zowie couldn't pledge ignorance and pretend that the though hadn't been in the back of her mind all along. Why else, then, had she sought any sort of relationship with Geoff? She could have very well never answered his calls and yet she had, hoping to have someone to turn to should things take a turn for the worse. Her mind, even altered by drugs, had been clear enough to make that idea a top priority. It wouldn't be easy to say the words, but if Zowie wanted to come out of this alive, all pride would have to be left aside.
And who else could she trust in, if not Geoff? She had known him all her life, and no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, Zowie could see he was aware of everything that happened to her, even if he hadn't quite figured out the finer details yet. If he wasn't the right one to trust in, then who was? Elijah's name popped in her mind, but Zowie discarded it as quickly as it came. They hadn't been in touch in years; he could very well be on the other end of the world for all that she knew, and besides, who said he still cared for her? Rings had happened years ago. Her life had moved on, if only not in the way she had anticipated, and Elijah's surely had too. Contacting him would most likely end up in her waiting for a response that would never come.
Given the current circumstances, it was glaringly obvious that Geoff was her only option. She had no friends in Los Angeles and the very few people she knew were Matt's friends, meaning they would never turn against him. The other people she trusted in lived on the other end of the world, and Zowie would much rather keep them at bay, at least, until she managed to find a way out of the mess she was in.
Her body still craving the blissful oblivion of the drugs, Zowie closed her eyes tight, trying to restrain herself for the first time in a long time. It had been so much easier when the goal in her mind had been finding her dream job and meeting the man she loved! Now, the mess she was in made her want to turn to her habits with a renewed intensity.
She wanted to forget, but she couldn't. She needed to be as aware as possible, if only to try and figure out what Matt's next step would be. Even as she begrudgingly made up her mind about asking Geoff for help, Zowie knew she would have to keep her intentions to herself for an undisclosed period of time. Matt would be watching her every move and if Zowie didn't want her plan to fail or be discovered, then she would have to play it as nonchalant as possible.
She wouldn't contact Geoff that day and probably, neither would she the following one or the day after that; however, the chance would eventually come. Zowie would just have to learn to wait until Matt let his guard down enough for her to move around as freely as usual. As much as he hated the idea, Matt would have to go back to his normal life and once his vigilance decreased, she would do it. She was sure of that.
She just hoped to have enough time to do it.