Love Is Only A Feeling, Chapter 7.
Chapter 7.
If slipping two slices of pizza into a microwave could ever be considered as cooking, then that was precisely what Zowie was doing when an unfamiliar buzz tingled in her hip. The sudden feeling made her jolt in her spot, and she barely managed to pose the plate back on the counter before it went crashing down on the floor.
But surprise wasn't the only thing coursing her body in that instant - realisation too filled her every fibre. It was her phone! Her shock was so big, her hands were rendered immobile to a point Zowie feared she would never get to answer the call in time. Yet, the persistent vibration in her front pocket carried on, snapping Zowie out of her haze. Clumsily, hurriedly, her fingers fumbled with the phone as she got it out from her pocket, her eyes wide as saucers when they recognised the name flashing on the display.
“Hello?” Her voice sounded so weak and unsure when she finally answered the call that Zowie wasn't sure the person on the other end had heard her.
“Zowie?”
The voice filled her with a wave of conflictive emotions. On one hand, relief was overwhelming, coursing through her entire being with an intensity that made her dizzy. Yet, on the other hand, fear filled her; one so potent she almost turned the phone off in that same instant.
Geoff. Geoff had called her. Geoff had kept his promise, even though Zowie hadn't dared to believe he would. It would have been so easy to discard his offer, but something hadn't allowed her to; whether survival instinct or simple common sense, Zowie didn't know. What she did know, however, was that she couldn't waste this chance. Geoff was her only hope.
“Yeah, it's-it's me.” She finally stammered, her voice weak as it clawed its way through the knot in her throat. “It's me Geoff... hi!”
Her enthusiasm sounded phony even to Zowie's own ears, but she wasn't going to let Geoff know the intensity of the turmoil raging inside her. Even though a part of her wanted to trust him, the other didn't feel safe by letting him into her biggest secret.
On the other end of the line, Geoff frowned. Zowie's futile attempt to sound cheerful hadn't gone missing to him, but he was hardly surprised. After what he had witnessed a week ago, he would have been more concerned had Zowie been all cheerfulness and laughter.
Pretending none of it bothered him the slightest, Geoff carried on.
“How are you? I hope you don't mind me calling.” He said. “Are you busy?”
Geoff closed his eyes the minute the words escaped his mouth. What had possessed him to say those words out loud? He had mentally revised every possible outcome of that call, but giving Zowie the perfect way out hadn't been one of them. He shook his head. What was done was done, and all Geoff could do now was pray she didn't take the easy way out. And if nothing but a slight glimmer of the old Zowie survived, then Geoff knew she wouldn't.
“It’s okay, Geoff, don't worry. I was...” Zowie looked around and the clock on the microwave glared at her. 3 PM. No way she could admit being about to have some resemblance of a normal lunch, right? Her brain spinning, Zowie tried to come up with a lie that sounded, at the very least, plausible. “I was about to have a cup of coffee. You?”
They tap danced on a thin line, each knowing exactly the kind of act the other was putting, yet accepting it no questions asked. None of them knew where it would lead, but while Geoff hoped to figure out what was going on with that girl he had known for so long, Zowie still had to make her mind up as to whether she wanted Geoff in her life or not.
“I was thinking that maybe we could have that cup of coffee together.” Geoff said, proud that he had found a way to keep her, if anything, on the phone for a few more minutes. “How about we meet up in the café we went to the last time? It's a nice place. I hope it's not that far away from your house?”
Zowie bit her lip, her heart filling itself with new doubts and hesitation with every single beat. Was this wise? Did she actually want to meet Geoff again and field the questions that would surely come sooner or later? But above all... was Zowie willing to let go of the one helping hand that could assist her? Her hand brushed her now recovered temple as she considered her options.
“Why don't we meet in... let's say... half an hour?” Zowie offered. “Is it too soon for you?”
“It's fine with me, but are you sure you can make it there in just half an hour?” The teasing in Geoff's voice didn't go unnoticed to Zowie and, much to her surprise, she discovered herself smiling when the true meaning behind his words became clear. She had always been known for taking ages before going anywhere and obviously, half an hour seemed too short of a time for him, at least when related to the old Zowie.
“I will. Just make sure you are on time.”
As she ended the call, Zowie took a moment to collect herself, her eyes wide as she tried to analyse her behaviour. First of all... where had all that come from? When she realised the smile still lingered on her lips, Zowie's surprise increased. She didn't even try to look for an answer but she knew without questioning that it had been a long, long time since she had last sketched a sincere smile. Tight ones, fake ones, smiles that were meant to hide a jumbled world behind, those were something she was very used to; however, Geoff had managed, with nothing but a few words, to make her smile sincerely in a way she hadn't been able to do in a long, long time. He had even reminded her of the past in a way that hadn't made her uneasy; if anything, it had been a good way to remember how things had been once. It had all changed so much... Zowie shook her head. For the first time in months, she was looking forward to something other than her fix of drugs to evade herself from reality. It would be a challenge, that was for sure, but apparently, a bigger part of the old Zowie was still alive inside her, much more than she had anticipated, and that part was more than ready to face it.
~*~
A quick shower and a change of clothes later, Zowie left Westlake behind and quickly crossed the Harbor Freeway. That same landmark that had until days ago been nothing but a reminder of her own failure, now seemed a bridge to something better. It still unsettled her to be reminded of such things and that was why she barely looked around, but the part of her that wanted Geoff's help was more powerful, leading her with sure, quick steps.
When the café finally came into sight, Zowie took a deep breath, stealing a quick look at herself on a shop's window. It was nothing like she could have achieved with half the clothes and make up items she had left behind in Wellington, but no one could say she hadn't tried. Her shower might have been quick, but not any less diligent because of that and her hair now hung loose down her back in a long, dark blonde curtain. Although her clothes, a long-sleeved white t-shirt and dark blue jeans paled in comparison to anything Geoff had seen her in before, they were the best ones she had in her closet, and they were certainly an improvement from their last meeting.
The growling in her stomach brought Zowie back to reality, and she resumed walking. She had taken some money she had found in one of Matt's drawers, money she had no plans of keeping; she would put it back where it belonged the minute she got back home. Still, Zowie couldn't show up penniless, and she hoped Matt didn't notice the few dollars that had gone missing before she got the chance to slip them in their hiding place once again.
By the time Zowie reached the café, a curious glance inside told her Geoff was already there waiting for her and rather impatiently at that, considering the way he nervously eyed his watch. Although the sight brought a tiny smile to her lips, it also managed to almost make all her determination vanish. What was she doing? For the briefest second, Zowie considered going back on her steps and running back home where she could shelter herself in the safety that she knew would find there, until she remembered the ugly bruise that had accompanied her for almost a week.
However, before she could even make up her mind, Geoff cast a quick glance over his shoulder, almost as if noticing a pair of eyes studying him intensely from a distance. Smiling at her, he gave her a wave, and Zowie knew the time for running away had long since passed. Wasn't that was she was there for, anyway? To meet Geoff, have a friendly chat with him and perhaps lay out some foundations in case she needed his help in the future? No one said Zowie had to sit down and debrief her entire life for him. She could handle a friendly chat; at least, she had been able to years ago. Surely that skill was still there somewhere!
Taking a deep, hopefully soothing breath, Zowie took one step forward, the definitive step that would seal her fate regardless of the path it decided to take. Pondering on whether to try and sketch a smile, she decided against it as she opened the door; nothing good would come out of trying to force herself into anything, so Zowie simply decided to let things flow. This wasn't dipping her toes in to test the waters; this was diving head first into the unknown, and that was more than Zowie had done in years.
Geoff stood up as Zowie approached him, his brown eyes studying her as closely and as subtly as he could as he tried to conceal his surprise. She had agreed to this meeting, yes, but Geoff had had the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that Zowie might change her mind and not show up at all. Sure, she had sounded different, she had even joked with him, but considering what he had seen a few days ago, he hadn't been sure it wasn't all an act. She was there now, though, and the sight she presented was a very much welcomed change from the image that had lingered in his mind for days.
Zowie looked better. Perhaps not a hundred per cent better and obviously nothing like the girl that had left New Zealand almost three years ago, but it was impossible not to notice that she had at least made the effort to look better this time. Her hair was clean and shiny and her clothes, while simple and comfortable, were nothing like the baggy top and oversized jeans Zowie had worn for their previous, even if unexpected meeting.
“Zowie, welcome.” Geoff greeted her with a sincere smile that brought one to her own lips. It might not have been as wide and confident as his, but it was honest, and that was more than he had dared to hope.
“Hi, Geoff. Did I keep you waiting long?”
Geoff smiled genuinely, pleased by the slightest hint of teasing in her voice.
“Well, I wasn't honestly counting.” He responded. “But no, you didn't keep me waiting long. I think you're pretty much right on time, in fact.”
With a small grin on her lips, Zowie took the seat Geoff offered her before throwing a quick look around. The place was still as lovely as it had been the previous time and although she was still much too wound up, much too tense and nervous to enjoy it completely, she certainly had a better appreciation of her surroundings this time. Still, Zowie failed to feel completely at ease there. She knew she was being paranoid, but Zowie feared everyone, Geoff included, could see the truth flimsy hidden behind a quick shower and a change of clothes.
She had never intended to become a sociophobe, but at some point during the time she had spent with Matt, Zowie had stopped socialising with most of the people in order to keep her secret safe. Now, without the safety of the walls of her apartment around her, without the haze of the drugs to keep her isolated from everyone, Zowie felt extremely insecure and vulnerable, and she barely repressed the sudden urge of running away that rose inside her. It was nothing but Geoff, she reminded herself; someone she had known for years!
“What are you having, Zowie?” Geoff asked as he motioned the waitress to come and take their orders. “Order anything you want. It's on me.”
Zowie didn't miss the elegant way Geoff had of ridding her of any problems regarding money, and although she not might insist much on paying her part now, she would definitely do so when the time came. Giving him a quick nod, she eyed the menu, her stomach growling at the sight of the delicious pastries the café offered. She was starved after missing her lunch, but in the end chose to order nothing but a brownie and a cup of coffee, not wanting to give Geoff any more food for thought.
Their chat as they waited for their orders was idle, non-committal, almost as if they tested the grounds they stepped on. Zowie especially was very aware of that. She needed Geoff's help, she wanted to feel that hope in her heart, but also understood the dangers of letting him get too close to her. He could never follow her, for example, for if Matt found out about those meetings, only God knew what he would do.
Minutes later, the waitress finally placed their orders on the table and although Zowie wanted nothing but to pounce on the brownie and attack it with gusto, she controlled herself, mindful of the barely concealed curiosity in Geoff's eyes. She still gave the deliciously smelling dessert a longing look, though, her mouth-watering at the sight. Usually, she didn't feel very hungry, not when drugs suppressed her appetite most of the time, but that day was different.
“I wasn't sure you'd be able to make it.” Geoff said, stirring the sugar in his coffee and breaking the sudden silence that had fallen upon them. “It was such a short notice and I didn't know how far your place was from here.”
Zowie looked up at him, an amused grin tickling at the corner of her lips that she barely managed to repress. What a smooth way to try and find out whether she lived in the area, she mused.
“Don't worry. It's not that far from here and it's a nice day for a walk.” She answered. She knew she should have elaborated more, but until she figured out whether she could ask him for help when the time came, Zowie wanted to keep that side of her life as it was: secret.
This time, it was Geoff's turn to grin. Having noticed the true intentions behind his words, Zowie had turned the tables on him, using his same method. Yes, she lived not too far away and no, she was obviously not telling him exactly where. Not even a vague number of streets that Geoff could use as a base for a future investigation.
Nonetheless, the moment Zowie turned her undivided attention on the brownie, Geoff's heart stilled for the briefest of instants. She had eaten nothing but crumbs of her bagel the last time they had been there, but now, as she took the brownie and gave it a hearty bite, Geoff breathed a sigh of relief. Zowie wasn't eating just to keep up with the appearances - this was her eating with gusto, delight, even, considering the look on her face. She had always had a healthy appetite and had never been overly obsessed with dieting, which was why her weight loss had concerned Geoff so much. It was still there, of course, it hadn't magically disappeared in a week, but seeing her act that way certainly eased some of his worries.
“So.” Geoff said, not wanting to be caught staring. “Do you live on your own, with a friend? Or is there someone else?”
Zowie almost chocked on her brownie at Geoff's question. There was such a careful nonchalance in his tone, that she instantly understood that this was something that had been going around in his mind for some time now; most likely, ever since their first meeting. Not that it made it any easier for her to answer, of course.
And she really didn't have many options to begin with, actually. She could either lie, tell the truth, or simply smile her way out of the question hoping he didn't ask again. They all had their pros and their cons, and while Zowie briefly weighed them all, she realised she was there for a reason, and that was to lay out some foundations in case she needed Geoff's help in the future. When put it that way, Zowie mused, the choice seemed obvious.
“Actually, I live with my boyfriend.”
It was Geoff's turn to choke and, and unlike Zowie, he wasn't able to control it. Amused, she watched as his eyes remained on her even when tears filled them.
“Boyfriend?”
His voice sounded hoarse and thick and even as he took a sip of his coffee, Geoff's eyes never left her. Now that was a surprise! The possibility had been floating in his mind, but having Zowie confirming was still every bit of a shock. Did that guy have anything to do with her current state? And if he didn't, was he so blind that he couldn't help her when Zowie obviously needed it so much?
When she grinned and a spark of mischief lit up her blue eyes, it felt as if the old Zowie sat before him all over again. The old her would have never kept her opinion to herself and without any prodding, would have either teased him or just told him off for having those thoughts. This new Zowie, however, remained silent. The mischief didn't leave her eyes, though, and that managed to reassure Geoff that what troubled her couldn't be so serious if some of her spirit was still alive inside her.
“His name is Matt.” Zowie explained, idly folding the corners of her paper napkin. “We have been living together for some time now.”
Geoff tried to rein his surprise at the reaffirmation of her previous admission. Boyfriend? Living together? He had known Zowie all her life and a part of him refused to understand that Zowie wasn't a little girl anymore. The sole notion of her living with a man was still hard to grasp, and a voice inside him couldn't help but ask the question he had been trying to avoid.
What would William think if he found out about this? Because Geoff was certain Zowie's dad had absolutely no idea of this turn of the events. Even if she was twenty-one, the thought of her living with a man he didn't know anything about would drive William up a wall. Still, Geoff decided to keep that information to himself, at least for the time being. He wasn't acting as William's informant in Los Angeles, not if he wanted to stay in touch with Zowie and keep an eye on her; if she ever found out he had betrayed her trust, he was sure he would never, ever, see her again.
“Well, that's... that's quite a surprise.” Geoff said, knowing there was no use on trying to pretend he wasn't the least shocked by the news. “Excuse me if for being nosy, but... how long is some time, actually? Like I said, this is too much of a surprise, you can't expect me to sit back and not ask a single thing about it!”
Zowie smiled, although some uneasiness lingered inside her. Once again, she was torn. Something inside her wanted to pour her heart out, tell him exactly what was going on and beg him for help, but her pride got in the way. Telling Geoff meant her parents would find out, and that was something Zowie couldn't allow, for only God knew what would happen if they hopped on a plane and came to Los Angeles.
“We've been living together for over a year now.”
The finality in her voice made it obvious that she wasn't answering any more questions about the matter any time soon. Geoff could have always prodded her for them, but decided against it in the end.
“That's great, Zow. If you're happy, then I'm happy.” Geoff murmured, and he was sure there was absolutely no conviction in his words no matter how hard he tried to soak them up in it. Then, putting on a fake tough look he hoped masked his true interest, he added. “Is he a good guy? Does he treat you like you deserve? Because if he ever gives you any trouble, just give me a call and I'll be there. I can throw a punch too; I'm not just good with swords.”
Zowie grinned courteously at Geoff's comment, but she could barely repress the shiver that tap-danced down her spine. She knew that behind that teasing threat was a true offer for help, and Zowie knew Geoff would probably never understand how much it meant for her in that moment of her life.
“It's okay, Geoff.” She reassured him with a tiny smile. “I'll keep that offer in mind, though. Just make sure you don't turn your phone off, okay?”
While her words came out as a joke just as Zowie had intended them to, Geoff could have never imagined how true they actually were. Still, she hated herself. Why was it so hard to ask Geoff for the helping hand he was so obviously willing to give? Zowie wished things were as easy as merely saying the words.
Noticing the way her eyes darkened, Geoff tried to distract her.
“What did you say his name was?”
“Matt.” Zowie answered, taking a sip of her coffee. “Matt Hudson.”
“Matt.” Geoff murmured, as if trying to decipher Zowie's mystery by rolling her boyfriend's name on his tongue. “Would it be too curious of me to ask how old he is?”
Shaking her head, Zowie sketched a tiny smile.
“He's twenty-six. You can sit back and relax now, it's not like I'm not living with an older guy or anything.”
Geoff smiled at her light tone, all the while making a mental note and storing that name and age for future reference. Perhaps he was trying to read too much into each and every one of Zowie's actions and words, but he wouldn't trust that guy until he got a chance to meet him and see him with his own eyes. There had been something glowing in Zowie's eyes instants ago as she accepted his offer that had made Geoff all the more cautious. It was almost as if Zowie tried to make some message come across, something she wished he understood and although he couldn't comprehend it entirely, Geoff wouldn't give up so easily. He had the feeling that there was a key in her silent plea, one that would unlock far more doors than he could imagine as he sat before her in that café.
~*~
Zowie couldn't know, but as she and Geoff caught up as much as her secrecy allowed them to, reminiscing old times and sharing the most superficial pieces of news as if they held a transcendental meaning, back at her apartment, Matt stood in their bedroom, blue eyes storming as his insides boiled with anger.
What the hell was going on here? Since when did Zowie take money without asking him first? Matt was beyond furious. First, he had come back home to find an empty place. Zowie was nowhere to be seen, and there was no indication as to where she could be. Intrigued, he had looked around; looking for any sort of sign, but other than the usual state of untidiness of their apartment, there was nothing out of the ordinary. A feeling had seeped inside him, though, and with his heart pounding, he had stalked into their bedroom, opening the old chest of drawers, his hands expertly sliding inside, knowing exactly what to look for there.
There wasn't much money there since neither he nor Zowie were concerned about being careful with it, but Matt instantly knew that some of it was missing. How much exactly he couldn't know, but the amount wasn't the most important fact. What mattered to him the most was that Zowie had stolen money from him, and that she wasn't there to answer for it. Where on Earth was she? And what did she need money for, anyway? She had bought groceries the day before, so that wasn't it. Was she planning something?
A thought suddenly struck Matt like lighting. Was Zowie planning on leaving him? Perhaps that was the reason why the money was missing. Was she was slowly building up some savings with that idea in mind? A strong anger mixed with a potent fear brewed inside Matt. Zowie wasn't supposed to leave him! She was the only person who understood him. But there was another reason why she was living with him in the first place. Matt had known that with the right mix of attention, affection and love, Zowie would never leave his side. He had known that all along. Why else would he bring her home with him otherwise? He could have any other girl. He did, in fact. They all came to him the exact same way Zowie had: looking for drugs. And like Zowie, they hadn't stopped to consider what they were doing when the possibilities of free drugs grew in their minds. Not that he ever met his end of the bargain.
Still, Zowie was his prize. She was the most beautiful girl to ever come to him looking for drugs and it always filled him with pride when his friends saw him with her. They envied him, they wanted her, but Zowie was his. And with the exact combination of attention, affection and drugs, he had made sure she never left his side. But something was going on now, and Matt had no idea what it was. Furious and scared, he slammed his fist against the chest of drawers, making it shiver under his blow. He would find out what was going on, and when he did... God help Zowie if she was planning to play a dirty trick on him!
If slipping two slices of pizza into a microwave could ever be considered as cooking, then that was precisely what Zowie was doing when an unfamiliar buzz tingled in her hip. The sudden feeling made her jolt in her spot, and she barely managed to pose the plate back on the counter before it went crashing down on the floor.
But surprise wasn't the only thing coursing her body in that instant - realisation too filled her every fibre. It was her phone! Her shock was so big, her hands were rendered immobile to a point Zowie feared she would never get to answer the call in time. Yet, the persistent vibration in her front pocket carried on, snapping Zowie out of her haze. Clumsily, hurriedly, her fingers fumbled with the phone as she got it out from her pocket, her eyes wide as saucers when they recognised the name flashing on the display.
“Hello?” Her voice sounded so weak and unsure when she finally answered the call that Zowie wasn't sure the person on the other end had heard her.
“Zowie?”
The voice filled her with a wave of conflictive emotions. On one hand, relief was overwhelming, coursing through her entire being with an intensity that made her dizzy. Yet, on the other hand, fear filled her; one so potent she almost turned the phone off in that same instant.
Geoff. Geoff had called her. Geoff had kept his promise, even though Zowie hadn't dared to believe he would. It would have been so easy to discard his offer, but something hadn't allowed her to; whether survival instinct or simple common sense, Zowie didn't know. What she did know, however, was that she couldn't waste this chance. Geoff was her only hope.
“Yeah, it's-it's me.” She finally stammered, her voice weak as it clawed its way through the knot in her throat. “It's me Geoff... hi!”
Her enthusiasm sounded phony even to Zowie's own ears, but she wasn't going to let Geoff know the intensity of the turmoil raging inside her. Even though a part of her wanted to trust him, the other didn't feel safe by letting him into her biggest secret.
On the other end of the line, Geoff frowned. Zowie's futile attempt to sound cheerful hadn't gone missing to him, but he was hardly surprised. After what he had witnessed a week ago, he would have been more concerned had Zowie been all cheerfulness and laughter.
Pretending none of it bothered him the slightest, Geoff carried on.
“How are you? I hope you don't mind me calling.” He said. “Are you busy?”
Geoff closed his eyes the minute the words escaped his mouth. What had possessed him to say those words out loud? He had mentally revised every possible outcome of that call, but giving Zowie the perfect way out hadn't been one of them. He shook his head. What was done was done, and all Geoff could do now was pray she didn't take the easy way out. And if nothing but a slight glimmer of the old Zowie survived, then Geoff knew she wouldn't.
“It’s okay, Geoff, don't worry. I was...” Zowie looked around and the clock on the microwave glared at her. 3 PM. No way she could admit being about to have some resemblance of a normal lunch, right? Her brain spinning, Zowie tried to come up with a lie that sounded, at the very least, plausible. “I was about to have a cup of coffee. You?”
They tap danced on a thin line, each knowing exactly the kind of act the other was putting, yet accepting it no questions asked. None of them knew where it would lead, but while Geoff hoped to figure out what was going on with that girl he had known for so long, Zowie still had to make her mind up as to whether she wanted Geoff in her life or not.
“I was thinking that maybe we could have that cup of coffee together.” Geoff said, proud that he had found a way to keep her, if anything, on the phone for a few more minutes. “How about we meet up in the café we went to the last time? It's a nice place. I hope it's not that far away from your house?”
Zowie bit her lip, her heart filling itself with new doubts and hesitation with every single beat. Was this wise? Did she actually want to meet Geoff again and field the questions that would surely come sooner or later? But above all... was Zowie willing to let go of the one helping hand that could assist her? Her hand brushed her now recovered temple as she considered her options.
“Why don't we meet in... let's say... half an hour?” Zowie offered. “Is it too soon for you?”
“It's fine with me, but are you sure you can make it there in just half an hour?” The teasing in Geoff's voice didn't go unnoticed to Zowie and, much to her surprise, she discovered herself smiling when the true meaning behind his words became clear. She had always been known for taking ages before going anywhere and obviously, half an hour seemed too short of a time for him, at least when related to the old Zowie.
“I will. Just make sure you are on time.”
As she ended the call, Zowie took a moment to collect herself, her eyes wide as she tried to analyse her behaviour. First of all... where had all that come from? When she realised the smile still lingered on her lips, Zowie's surprise increased. She didn't even try to look for an answer but she knew without questioning that it had been a long, long time since she had last sketched a sincere smile. Tight ones, fake ones, smiles that were meant to hide a jumbled world behind, those were something she was very used to; however, Geoff had managed, with nothing but a few words, to make her smile sincerely in a way she hadn't been able to do in a long, long time. He had even reminded her of the past in a way that hadn't made her uneasy; if anything, it had been a good way to remember how things had been once. It had all changed so much... Zowie shook her head. For the first time in months, she was looking forward to something other than her fix of drugs to evade herself from reality. It would be a challenge, that was for sure, but apparently, a bigger part of the old Zowie was still alive inside her, much more than she had anticipated, and that part was more than ready to face it.
~*~
A quick shower and a change of clothes later, Zowie left Westlake behind and quickly crossed the Harbor Freeway. That same landmark that had until days ago been nothing but a reminder of her own failure, now seemed a bridge to something better. It still unsettled her to be reminded of such things and that was why she barely looked around, but the part of her that wanted Geoff's help was more powerful, leading her with sure, quick steps.
When the café finally came into sight, Zowie took a deep breath, stealing a quick look at herself on a shop's window. It was nothing like she could have achieved with half the clothes and make up items she had left behind in Wellington, but no one could say she hadn't tried. Her shower might have been quick, but not any less diligent because of that and her hair now hung loose down her back in a long, dark blonde curtain. Although her clothes, a long-sleeved white t-shirt and dark blue jeans paled in comparison to anything Geoff had seen her in before, they were the best ones she had in her closet, and they were certainly an improvement from their last meeting.
The growling in her stomach brought Zowie back to reality, and she resumed walking. She had taken some money she had found in one of Matt's drawers, money she had no plans of keeping; she would put it back where it belonged the minute she got back home. Still, Zowie couldn't show up penniless, and she hoped Matt didn't notice the few dollars that had gone missing before she got the chance to slip them in their hiding place once again.
By the time Zowie reached the café, a curious glance inside told her Geoff was already there waiting for her and rather impatiently at that, considering the way he nervously eyed his watch. Although the sight brought a tiny smile to her lips, it also managed to almost make all her determination vanish. What was she doing? For the briefest second, Zowie considered going back on her steps and running back home where she could shelter herself in the safety that she knew would find there, until she remembered the ugly bruise that had accompanied her for almost a week.
However, before she could even make up her mind, Geoff cast a quick glance over his shoulder, almost as if noticing a pair of eyes studying him intensely from a distance. Smiling at her, he gave her a wave, and Zowie knew the time for running away had long since passed. Wasn't that was she was there for, anyway? To meet Geoff, have a friendly chat with him and perhaps lay out some foundations in case she needed his help in the future? No one said Zowie had to sit down and debrief her entire life for him. She could handle a friendly chat; at least, she had been able to years ago. Surely that skill was still there somewhere!
Taking a deep, hopefully soothing breath, Zowie took one step forward, the definitive step that would seal her fate regardless of the path it decided to take. Pondering on whether to try and sketch a smile, she decided against it as she opened the door; nothing good would come out of trying to force herself into anything, so Zowie simply decided to let things flow. This wasn't dipping her toes in to test the waters; this was diving head first into the unknown, and that was more than Zowie had done in years.
Geoff stood up as Zowie approached him, his brown eyes studying her as closely and as subtly as he could as he tried to conceal his surprise. She had agreed to this meeting, yes, but Geoff had had the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that Zowie might change her mind and not show up at all. Sure, she had sounded different, she had even joked with him, but considering what he had seen a few days ago, he hadn't been sure it wasn't all an act. She was there now, though, and the sight she presented was a very much welcomed change from the image that had lingered in his mind for days.
Zowie looked better. Perhaps not a hundred per cent better and obviously nothing like the girl that had left New Zealand almost three years ago, but it was impossible not to notice that she had at least made the effort to look better this time. Her hair was clean and shiny and her clothes, while simple and comfortable, were nothing like the baggy top and oversized jeans Zowie had worn for their previous, even if unexpected meeting.
“Zowie, welcome.” Geoff greeted her with a sincere smile that brought one to her own lips. It might not have been as wide and confident as his, but it was honest, and that was more than he had dared to hope.
“Hi, Geoff. Did I keep you waiting long?”
Geoff smiled genuinely, pleased by the slightest hint of teasing in her voice.
“Well, I wasn't honestly counting.” He responded. “But no, you didn't keep me waiting long. I think you're pretty much right on time, in fact.”
With a small grin on her lips, Zowie took the seat Geoff offered her before throwing a quick look around. The place was still as lovely as it had been the previous time and although she was still much too wound up, much too tense and nervous to enjoy it completely, she certainly had a better appreciation of her surroundings this time. Still, Zowie failed to feel completely at ease there. She knew she was being paranoid, but Zowie feared everyone, Geoff included, could see the truth flimsy hidden behind a quick shower and a change of clothes.
She had never intended to become a sociophobe, but at some point during the time she had spent with Matt, Zowie had stopped socialising with most of the people in order to keep her secret safe. Now, without the safety of the walls of her apartment around her, without the haze of the drugs to keep her isolated from everyone, Zowie felt extremely insecure and vulnerable, and she barely repressed the sudden urge of running away that rose inside her. It was nothing but Geoff, she reminded herself; someone she had known for years!
“What are you having, Zowie?” Geoff asked as he motioned the waitress to come and take their orders. “Order anything you want. It's on me.”
Zowie didn't miss the elegant way Geoff had of ridding her of any problems regarding money, and although she not might insist much on paying her part now, she would definitely do so when the time came. Giving him a quick nod, she eyed the menu, her stomach growling at the sight of the delicious pastries the café offered. She was starved after missing her lunch, but in the end chose to order nothing but a brownie and a cup of coffee, not wanting to give Geoff any more food for thought.
Their chat as they waited for their orders was idle, non-committal, almost as if they tested the grounds they stepped on. Zowie especially was very aware of that. She needed Geoff's help, she wanted to feel that hope in her heart, but also understood the dangers of letting him get too close to her. He could never follow her, for example, for if Matt found out about those meetings, only God knew what he would do.
Minutes later, the waitress finally placed their orders on the table and although Zowie wanted nothing but to pounce on the brownie and attack it with gusto, she controlled herself, mindful of the barely concealed curiosity in Geoff's eyes. She still gave the deliciously smelling dessert a longing look, though, her mouth-watering at the sight. Usually, she didn't feel very hungry, not when drugs suppressed her appetite most of the time, but that day was different.
“I wasn't sure you'd be able to make it.” Geoff said, stirring the sugar in his coffee and breaking the sudden silence that had fallen upon them. “It was such a short notice and I didn't know how far your place was from here.”
Zowie looked up at him, an amused grin tickling at the corner of her lips that she barely managed to repress. What a smooth way to try and find out whether she lived in the area, she mused.
“Don't worry. It's not that far from here and it's a nice day for a walk.” She answered. She knew she should have elaborated more, but until she figured out whether she could ask him for help when the time came, Zowie wanted to keep that side of her life as it was: secret.
This time, it was Geoff's turn to grin. Having noticed the true intentions behind his words, Zowie had turned the tables on him, using his same method. Yes, she lived not too far away and no, she was obviously not telling him exactly where. Not even a vague number of streets that Geoff could use as a base for a future investigation.
Nonetheless, the moment Zowie turned her undivided attention on the brownie, Geoff's heart stilled for the briefest of instants. She had eaten nothing but crumbs of her bagel the last time they had been there, but now, as she took the brownie and gave it a hearty bite, Geoff breathed a sigh of relief. Zowie wasn't eating just to keep up with the appearances - this was her eating with gusto, delight, even, considering the look on her face. She had always had a healthy appetite and had never been overly obsessed with dieting, which was why her weight loss had concerned Geoff so much. It was still there, of course, it hadn't magically disappeared in a week, but seeing her act that way certainly eased some of his worries.
“So.” Geoff said, not wanting to be caught staring. “Do you live on your own, with a friend? Or is there someone else?”
Zowie almost chocked on her brownie at Geoff's question. There was such a careful nonchalance in his tone, that she instantly understood that this was something that had been going around in his mind for some time now; most likely, ever since their first meeting. Not that it made it any easier for her to answer, of course.
And she really didn't have many options to begin with, actually. She could either lie, tell the truth, or simply smile her way out of the question hoping he didn't ask again. They all had their pros and their cons, and while Zowie briefly weighed them all, she realised she was there for a reason, and that was to lay out some foundations in case she needed Geoff's help in the future. When put it that way, Zowie mused, the choice seemed obvious.
“Actually, I live with my boyfriend.”
It was Geoff's turn to choke and, and unlike Zowie, he wasn't able to control it. Amused, she watched as his eyes remained on her even when tears filled them.
“Boyfriend?”
His voice sounded hoarse and thick and even as he took a sip of his coffee, Geoff's eyes never left her. Now that was a surprise! The possibility had been floating in his mind, but having Zowie confirming was still every bit of a shock. Did that guy have anything to do with her current state? And if he didn't, was he so blind that he couldn't help her when Zowie obviously needed it so much?
When she grinned and a spark of mischief lit up her blue eyes, it felt as if the old Zowie sat before him all over again. The old her would have never kept her opinion to herself and without any prodding, would have either teased him or just told him off for having those thoughts. This new Zowie, however, remained silent. The mischief didn't leave her eyes, though, and that managed to reassure Geoff that what troubled her couldn't be so serious if some of her spirit was still alive inside her.
“His name is Matt.” Zowie explained, idly folding the corners of her paper napkin. “We have been living together for some time now.”
Geoff tried to rein his surprise at the reaffirmation of her previous admission. Boyfriend? Living together? He had known Zowie all her life and a part of him refused to understand that Zowie wasn't a little girl anymore. The sole notion of her living with a man was still hard to grasp, and a voice inside him couldn't help but ask the question he had been trying to avoid.
What would William think if he found out about this? Because Geoff was certain Zowie's dad had absolutely no idea of this turn of the events. Even if she was twenty-one, the thought of her living with a man he didn't know anything about would drive William up a wall. Still, Geoff decided to keep that information to himself, at least for the time being. He wasn't acting as William's informant in Los Angeles, not if he wanted to stay in touch with Zowie and keep an eye on her; if she ever found out he had betrayed her trust, he was sure he would never, ever, see her again.
“Well, that's... that's quite a surprise.” Geoff said, knowing there was no use on trying to pretend he wasn't the least shocked by the news. “Excuse me if for being nosy, but... how long is some time, actually? Like I said, this is too much of a surprise, you can't expect me to sit back and not ask a single thing about it!”
Zowie smiled, although some uneasiness lingered inside her. Once again, she was torn. Something inside her wanted to pour her heart out, tell him exactly what was going on and beg him for help, but her pride got in the way. Telling Geoff meant her parents would find out, and that was something Zowie couldn't allow, for only God knew what would happen if they hopped on a plane and came to Los Angeles.
“We've been living together for over a year now.”
The finality in her voice made it obvious that she wasn't answering any more questions about the matter any time soon. Geoff could have always prodded her for them, but decided against it in the end.
“That's great, Zow. If you're happy, then I'm happy.” Geoff murmured, and he was sure there was absolutely no conviction in his words no matter how hard he tried to soak them up in it. Then, putting on a fake tough look he hoped masked his true interest, he added. “Is he a good guy? Does he treat you like you deserve? Because if he ever gives you any trouble, just give me a call and I'll be there. I can throw a punch too; I'm not just good with swords.”
Zowie grinned courteously at Geoff's comment, but she could barely repress the shiver that tap-danced down her spine. She knew that behind that teasing threat was a true offer for help, and Zowie knew Geoff would probably never understand how much it meant for her in that moment of her life.
“It's okay, Geoff.” She reassured him with a tiny smile. “I'll keep that offer in mind, though. Just make sure you don't turn your phone off, okay?”
While her words came out as a joke just as Zowie had intended them to, Geoff could have never imagined how true they actually were. Still, she hated herself. Why was it so hard to ask Geoff for the helping hand he was so obviously willing to give? Zowie wished things were as easy as merely saying the words.
Noticing the way her eyes darkened, Geoff tried to distract her.
“What did you say his name was?”
“Matt.” Zowie answered, taking a sip of her coffee. “Matt Hudson.”
“Matt.” Geoff murmured, as if trying to decipher Zowie's mystery by rolling her boyfriend's name on his tongue. “Would it be too curious of me to ask how old he is?”
Shaking her head, Zowie sketched a tiny smile.
“He's twenty-six. You can sit back and relax now, it's not like I'm not living with an older guy or anything.”
Geoff smiled at her light tone, all the while making a mental note and storing that name and age for future reference. Perhaps he was trying to read too much into each and every one of Zowie's actions and words, but he wouldn't trust that guy until he got a chance to meet him and see him with his own eyes. There had been something glowing in Zowie's eyes instants ago as she accepted his offer that had made Geoff all the more cautious. It was almost as if Zowie tried to make some message come across, something she wished he understood and although he couldn't comprehend it entirely, Geoff wouldn't give up so easily. He had the feeling that there was a key in her silent plea, one that would unlock far more doors than he could imagine as he sat before her in that café.
~*~
Zowie couldn't know, but as she and Geoff caught up as much as her secrecy allowed them to, reminiscing old times and sharing the most superficial pieces of news as if they held a transcendental meaning, back at her apartment, Matt stood in their bedroom, blue eyes storming as his insides boiled with anger.
What the hell was going on here? Since when did Zowie take money without asking him first? Matt was beyond furious. First, he had come back home to find an empty place. Zowie was nowhere to be seen, and there was no indication as to where she could be. Intrigued, he had looked around; looking for any sort of sign, but other than the usual state of untidiness of their apartment, there was nothing out of the ordinary. A feeling had seeped inside him, though, and with his heart pounding, he had stalked into their bedroom, opening the old chest of drawers, his hands expertly sliding inside, knowing exactly what to look for there.
There wasn't much money there since neither he nor Zowie were concerned about being careful with it, but Matt instantly knew that some of it was missing. How much exactly he couldn't know, but the amount wasn't the most important fact. What mattered to him the most was that Zowie had stolen money from him, and that she wasn't there to answer for it. Where on Earth was she? And what did she need money for, anyway? She had bought groceries the day before, so that wasn't it. Was she planning something?
A thought suddenly struck Matt like lighting. Was Zowie planning on leaving him? Perhaps that was the reason why the money was missing. Was she was slowly building up some savings with that idea in mind? A strong anger mixed with a potent fear brewed inside Matt. Zowie wasn't supposed to leave him! She was the only person who understood him. But there was another reason why she was living with him in the first place. Matt had known that with the right mix of attention, affection and love, Zowie would never leave his side. He had known that all along. Why else would he bring her home with him otherwise? He could have any other girl. He did, in fact. They all came to him the exact same way Zowie had: looking for drugs. And like Zowie, they hadn't stopped to consider what they were doing when the possibilities of free drugs grew in their minds. Not that he ever met his end of the bargain.
Still, Zowie was his prize. She was the most beautiful girl to ever come to him looking for drugs and it always filled him with pride when his friends saw him with her. They envied him, they wanted her, but Zowie was his. And with the exact combination of attention, affection and drugs, he had made sure she never left his side. But something was going on now, and Matt had no idea what it was. Furious and scared, he slammed his fist against the chest of drawers, making it shiver under his blow. He would find out what was going on, and when he did... God help Zowie if she was planning to play a dirty trick on him!