A very long 3 weeks...
My reasons for neglecting the journal yet again are due to the worst 3 weeks, and so far the worst summer ever. 3 Weeks ago I got into an accident and smashed my car all up in the front. Long story short, I hydroplaned and slid into an 18 year old girl (it was raining really bad and I had plenty of distance and was going under the speed limit...scary). Her car had NO damage except a smashed license plate and a paint smear on the bumper. My car came out to $4000.61 in damages. The place did a really good job on it though. It looks brand new. Well, here's to an insurance hike next year. Due to the fact that I didn't know if the cops were gonna ticket me or not, and because I had to pay a $750 deductible, I put off going to karate (the fucking week I was supposed to get my brown belt) and kung fu for 3 weeks. I've been bored out of my mind and increasingly frustrated with the group of fuck ups known as my insurance company...but that's a story I don't want to get into. The last few weeks have been a bit slow. I've been to the shore all of once and have spent the majority of weekends in my house. Once again my friends have REALLY come through for me and have made this a GREAT summer (can you sense the sarcasm?). The only person who has bothered with me all that much is Chrissy, and right now I want to take a minute to say something that REALLY needs to be said. Since the beginning of summer, I have made several attempts to contact many of you to chill. Most of the time I don't even get a call back, or your all too busy or ditch me at the last minute. Yet you all make time for each other and all your other friends. At this point I have about fucking had it, and I'm tired of no one ever calling ME to chill. Yet I find it so fucking odd that SOME of you (and it is ONLY some of you cause most of you are happy that me and Chrissy are friends again) feel the need to disaprove of my friendship with Chrissy. There are a select few of you that feel the need to tell me to "be careful" or act like I shouldn't be chilling with her. I REALLY hope that I am simply misunderstanding you because I'll tell you right now, she has bothered with me and asked me to hang out more times this summer than ALL of you COMBINED. So before you select few people feel the need to open your mouths, why don't you think about that. I have called you and asked you to chill JUST as many times as I have asked her. And that is because I don't like to leave ANY of my friends out. If this is such a big deal, why is it that SHE bothers with me more than YOU? And why can't everyone on BOTH sides just get the fuck over it? What took place did so TWO YEARS AGO!!! A LOT of mean shit was said and done on BOTH sides and it has ALL been forgiven. Whats more, is that the situation was between ME and CHRISSY and NO ONE else. I appreciate all who stood by me through the whole thing, but if you were TRULY my friends you would show that same support again...like it or not. And besides, if me and her can forgive each other and move on and GET OVER IT, why the FUCK can't the rest of you? Basically what I'm trying to say it, until you all who have been disaproving of this start BEING FRIENDS to me, keep your mouths shut! Another thing is that there are 2 people (who shall remain nameless but not hard to figure out) that are really pissing me off. The first is a certain 2 faced BITCH who has been told SEVERAL TIMES TO FUCK OFF AND GO AWAY! Yet she (and you know who the fuck you are) feels the need to try and say hi to me the other night. Are you stupid or something? What part of LEAVE ME ALONE don't you understand? WHY would I want anything to do with a 2 faced BITCH that I was only good enough for until she had a boyfriend? This time I'm NOT going to forgive you. You hurt me pretty damn bad...just so you know. So I'll say it one more time...LEAVE ME ALONE!!! Don't talk to me, don't IM me, don't say hi, don't ask how I'm doing, etc. There, is that simple enough for you? The second person is one who insists on looking at my profile all the time but doesn't even bother to say hi. After everything we went through in 7 months, in the end I'm not worth a god damn thing except a fucking "happy birthday". Looking back, and then seeing how things were in the end and are now, I'm starting to think that you were just a big mistake. You fucking bailed on me when I needed you, so that you could go party with a group of people that you didn't even know. I hope it was all worth it to you. But it's cool cause I see you now for what you are...and I can't believe you had me fooled. For some reason I STILL care about you, but could really care less if I ever saw you or spoke to you again. And to get the record straight, the ONLY reason I have no regrets is because 1) I can say that I had a LOT of good times with you and 2) because I've learned that living with regret is no way to live at all. If this seems harsh or fucked up, just take a minute to stop and think about what you did to me. And then stop to take a minute to think about how you said that you "didn't want to be that girl" that I just didn't speak to again or whatever the hell you said after that. Yea, cause that's how things really turned out in the end didn't they? I guess you meant all that just as much as you meant it when you said you "loved me" and all the other shit you filled my head with. But it's cool, cause you will never find anyone better than me. In the end, you REALLY showed how much you truly "cared". I will say this though, unless you have something to say to me or want to talk to me...stay the FUCK off of my profile and stop looking at it like your gonna read something that will interest you. There is NOTHING on there that you need to see or know. And if your gonna be fucking rude and not say hi, then just don't bother at all. If your THAT interested to know what's going on in my life, then fucking ask. To put this in terms that even YOU can understand, either choose to be a PART of my life OR stay APART from my life. It's that simple and I could care less either way. In other news, work has been hell. Our supervisor was called into duty (he's in the army reserve) and so Alan was moved from team leader to supervisor...which has put us down an investigator. Seeing as I have been deemed the senior member of the group under him, I have been worked harder lately to help him out. It's been rough but I welcome it...this is my chance to "shine" I guess you could say, and really move ahead in the department. Me and Sean have been hanging out a lot and I FINALLY got to drink with my little brother! Me and Chrissy chilled at my house a few nights these past 2 weeks and watched some REALLY stupid scary movies...at least Napoleon Dynamite was funny. There have also been wars over couch space during movies. Though I could have easily won with little effort, MOST of the time I decided to be nice and share! :) But just you wait! I SHOULD be getting my brown belt in karate this week, and I will be testing for my level 1.2 in kung fu on Saturday. After being out for 3 weeks, I hope I'll do ok...