before, after...get over it
Hmmm verrry long hm-something
Where to start. As you maybe have noticed with this post, I'm still alive.
I needed a bit more than 3 months to get over my depression. Let's be honest and one month was enough but then I didn't feel like coming back.
I have not TWEETED nor posted for these past 3 months. But some of you might have seen me commenting on communities.
For an internet geek like me it was hard. But somehow, the twitting was harder, since I tweet easier than post.
I have been checking my f-list as usual, skipping some entries, fandom and friends, personal posts from you I DID read.
I will spare the details but I will just tell you I really felt awful and didn't know exactly when to come back.
I might get depressed again in the future and might even scare you away but I don't care.
I'll say it one more time (and only one)
DEFRIEND ME IF you don't read my posts or care about me anymore, I really can't care about silent lurkers and unfriendly people anymore.
I'm just saying, it's really unlogical to have people friend you if no one reads or comments, it's like you don't exist anymore. ANd I also have the right to complain about all this, so here it is.
As someone dear to me said, we are human beings, and it's normal for me to be greedy and seek attention when none comments to my entries, or barely.
Of course you don't HAVE to do it, and much less at each of my posts. But when it's ZERO every two posts, or one-liner, I guess being depressed becomes an issue.
I try to think of LJ as a diary, so I can say what I want and it's not an obligation to comment, but everybody here is using LJ for other issues, fandom related, not only personal posts.
Many of my entries are public, but I don't count them since most of the silent lurkers who added me for obscure reasons such as scan sharing, picspam and whatnot never comment or even read for that matter; I'm talking about others, the mutual friends.
I perfectly know some are totally busy with RL, I understand, but I feel that over the past months, the friends who are the closest to me aren't really being "mutual". And that makes me sad.
"It's not the comment but the quality that matters" I know, still...
Also, do I get to type what I want in my own journal? Because some people are all bitching about how they can write what they want but I feel sometimes as if I'm not allowed to post this or that. So obviously, with regards to your mood or interest, but again, I feel uncared for or unwanted. I know, maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I'm not. In anycase, feel free to defriend me. I'll be saddened but that will make me stop from over-worrying about the matter.
That's why I disabled 3 of my previous posts, because I knew I wouldn't get any comment.
My unsecure state comes from my childhood, from my way too uncaring dad and my submissive mother. I'm not going to tell you all about my life here, unless you'd care, and I don't want pity but a little concern would be appreciated.
I'm trying to comment on your personal entries, I read them all, it's not a "give to get" rule but I'd hope...well, now you get the picture.
So there was my rant. I'm trying to be all "I don't care because and it's not much", but I do, care. I'm an unsecure person and keep thinking I'm not worthy of you. I keep saying things like "even though" and "but" like "you're not my shrinks BUT I want you to care"...so defriend me if you are fed up with me and my Moko posts, food posts, Real Life posts.
I know I don't flail enough about fandom so if you just wait for that, sorry.
I wasn't on hiatus (not really) but I've been boycotting both LJ and Tweeter somehow. Why? because I've been hugely depressed. By the fandoms, and even my f-list.
I'm selfishly posting this entry because I want to spazz a little, since it's been a while I have done it, about me going to FREAKING GACKT CONCERT ON JULY 18TH !!!!!
Also went to Japan Expo & ComicOn from July 1st to 4th!
In "happier" news, I've been on a Taiwanese drama marathon 2 months ago. I don't remember how it started again (because I had watched some Tdrama before and stopped) but suddenly I was listening to Rainie Yang's Wan Mei Bi Li on Youtube, and she's just so adorable that I came to watch Hi My Sweetheart in 3 days and a half, alterning between mornings and evenings, it was too adorable and both main cast (Rainie and Alan "Show" Luo) are the perfect match. Although I was favoring Rainie and Mike He in the past...
I have watched ToGetHer because HEY!, Jiro Wang from Taiwanese's HanaKimi as Nakatsu and he's in a boyband! And after that one it was Miss No Good because all three dramas have Rainie as the main cast. I'm watching them chronogically, from latest to oldest.
These dramas are making me emotionnal. I mean I love the angst, but I seriously needed some happy endings.
But god, taiwanese just love to make their audience cry buckets! With illnesses, accidents and so on.
ToGetHer is awesome drama, including an idol is always good! Remember You're Beautiful?
Miss No Good is done too and it's so funny I explode with laughter at every episode! People think Rainie over acts. I don't care, I think she acts nice the characters she portrays and I love them everytime.
I've finished the 3 dramas (14 episodes each) in a week and a half I think.
I have had a crave for T-music, Rainie and the duets from the dramas too.
I've watched the 1st episode of that Twitter drama, because I'd be interested, obviously.
I did remember something from that episode when they said how human beings need the connection when they feel lonely. I'm an otaku, a no life, almost a hikiko-mori if I had no job.
I used to be all okay about being home all day, everyday. But now when I'm home I feel depressed because I don't even have enough time to laze and fangirl enough even.
I finished Hidarime Tantei, and WoW!!! I secretly ship Sayama/Ainosuke (if only he was older and the sensei is immature so good pairing!
I started How I Met Your Mother and finally Glee.
Loving both.
I'm going to copy/paste something I emailed a few friends for people who read me to understand the next part of this post :
I'm falling for love triangle dramas, and korean like the romance so it appeals to me...
Goong because of Yoon Eun Hye (discovered in Coffee Prince), Take Care of the Lady (with the same actress again) and Personal Taste because of Lee Minh Ho (BOF obviously). Oh but I also watched ANTIQUE, because of hot guys Joo Ji Hoon and Kim Jae Wook!!!!!
Also since I'm desperatly falling for JGS from Youba, and happy learning he'll be Kimi Wa Petto's Momo, (yyyyyyyyyyes!!!) I'll be looking out for him.
Oh and a friend introduced me to FT Island, and of course I liked Jeremy (and JGS) from Youba but now I adore their music! I fell in love with "After Love" and Lee Hong Ki's amazing vocals.
Does that describe as me being doomed for K-fandom? Looks like it...I even watch JGS and Yoon Eun Hye communities now..
I used to really say "I'll never like that" about Korean fandom...well you know what I'm gonna say next right? Well can't be helped, I like it.
So? Oh well, I like it for now...
.
Watched/finished Tumbling for Daito,
Late in finishing Yankee-kun to Megane-chan, Shinzamono (because of Abe Hiroshi) and Kaibutsu-kun. I'm late for some of them but one is worst : Sunao ni narenakutte. It seems this kind of angst drama is not my cup of tea, and even if the cast is cool, I'm finding it hard to watch Ueno Juri in an angst role, that's why I wasn't fond of Last Friends. I don't know if it's about my mood recently but I want fluff, and since I sorta stopped reading fiction (can't believe this happened), I still want cheese in my dramas (hey korean drama) or smart classy one (Shinzamono). I don't know...I hope it's not a complete change of heart. I'm still a RyoDa fan at heart but I think knowing Ueda has a real playmate now, it's like...ending it? Still I don't know...will tell more in a couple of years IF I completely stopped.
And fuck my bitch-boss!
And because I wanted to go to SuPerNatural's convention but couldn't...
AH but went to Japan Expo...Will make a special post for it later, along with a Awesome Gackt concert post soon too!!!
By the way, thank you Kerstin, Pipa, Alex, Wiwi, Homi, Amelia, Tiia...you made it more bearable. Sorry for being such a mood-fucker.
So here was my "come back" post, for now. Comment...or not "(-_-;;)"
Where to start. As you maybe have noticed with this post, I'm still alive.
I needed a bit more than 3 months to get over my depression. Let's be honest and one month was enough but then I didn't feel like coming back.
I have not TWEETED nor posted for these past 3 months. But some of you might have seen me commenting on communities.
For an internet geek like me it was hard. But somehow, the twitting was harder, since I tweet easier than post.
I have been checking my f-list as usual, skipping some entries, fandom and friends, personal posts from you I DID read.
I will spare the details but I will just tell you I really felt awful and didn't know exactly when to come back.
I might get depressed again in the future and might even scare you away but I don't care.
I'll say it one more time (and only one)
DEFRIEND ME IF you don't read my posts or care about me anymore, I really can't care about silent lurkers and unfriendly people anymore.
I'm just saying, it's really unlogical to have people friend you if no one reads or comments, it's like you don't exist anymore. ANd I also have the right to complain about all this, so here it is.
As someone dear to me said, we are human beings, and it's normal for me to be greedy and seek attention when none comments to my entries, or barely.
Of course you don't HAVE to do it, and much less at each of my posts. But when it's ZERO every two posts, or one-liner, I guess being depressed becomes an issue.
I try to think of LJ as a diary, so I can say what I want and it's not an obligation to comment, but everybody here is using LJ for other issues, fandom related, not only personal posts.
Many of my entries are public, but I don't count them since most of the silent lurkers who added me for obscure reasons such as scan sharing, picspam and whatnot never comment or even read for that matter; I'm talking about others, the mutual friends.
I perfectly know some are totally busy with RL, I understand, but I feel that over the past months, the friends who are the closest to me aren't really being "mutual". And that makes me sad.
"It's not the comment but the quality that matters" I know, still...
Also, do I get to type what I want in my own journal? Because some people are all bitching about how they can write what they want but I feel sometimes as if I'm not allowed to post this or that. So obviously, with regards to your mood or interest, but again, I feel uncared for or unwanted. I know, maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I'm not. In anycase, feel free to defriend me. I'll be saddened but that will make me stop from over-worrying about the matter.
That's why I disabled 3 of my previous posts, because I knew I wouldn't get any comment.
My unsecure state comes from my childhood, from my way too uncaring dad and my submissive mother. I'm not going to tell you all about my life here, unless you'd care, and I don't want pity but a little concern would be appreciated.
I'm trying to comment on your personal entries, I read them all, it's not a "give to get" rule but I'd hope...well, now you get the picture.
So there was my rant. I'm trying to be all "I don't care because and it's not much", but I do, care. I'm an unsecure person and keep thinking I'm not worthy of you. I keep saying things like "even though" and "but" like "you're not my shrinks BUT I want you to care"...so defriend me if you are fed up with me and my Moko posts, food posts, Real Life posts.
I know I don't flail enough about fandom so if you just wait for that, sorry.
I wasn't on hiatus (not really) but I've been boycotting both LJ and Tweeter somehow. Why? because I've been hugely depressed. By the fandoms, and even my f-list.
I'm selfishly posting this entry because I want to spazz a little, since it's been a while I have done it, about me going to FREAKING GACKT CONCERT ON JULY 18TH !!!!!
Also went to Japan Expo & ComicOn from July 1st to 4th!
In "happier" news, I've been on a Taiwanese drama marathon 2 months ago. I don't remember how it started again (because I had watched some Tdrama before and stopped) but suddenly I was listening to Rainie Yang's Wan Mei Bi Li on Youtube, and she's just so adorable that I came to watch Hi My Sweetheart in 3 days and a half, alterning between mornings and evenings, it was too adorable and both main cast (Rainie and Alan "Show" Luo) are the perfect match. Although I was favoring Rainie and Mike He in the past...
I have watched ToGetHer because HEY!, Jiro Wang from Taiwanese's HanaKimi as Nakatsu and he's in a boyband! And after that one it was Miss No Good because all three dramas have Rainie as the main cast. I'm watching them chronogically, from latest to oldest.
These dramas are making me emotionnal. I mean I love the angst, but I seriously needed some happy endings.
But god, taiwanese just love to make their audience cry buckets! With illnesses, accidents and so on.
ToGetHer is awesome drama, including an idol is always good! Remember You're Beautiful?
Miss No Good is done too and it's so funny I explode with laughter at every episode! People think Rainie over acts. I don't care, I think she acts nice the characters she portrays and I love them everytime.
I've finished the 3 dramas (14 episodes each) in a week and a half I think.
I have had a crave for T-music, Rainie and the duets from the dramas too.
I've watched the 1st episode of that Twitter drama, because I'd be interested, obviously.
I did remember something from that episode when they said how human beings need the connection when they feel lonely. I'm an otaku, a no life, almost a hikiko-mori if I had no job.
I used to be all okay about being home all day, everyday. But now when I'm home I feel depressed because I don't even have enough time to laze and fangirl enough even.
I finished Hidarime Tantei, and WoW!!! I secretly ship Sayama/Ainosuke (if only he was older and the sensei is immature so good pairing!
I started How I Met Your Mother and finally Glee.
Loving both.
I'm going to copy/paste something I emailed a few friends for people who read me to understand the next part of this post :
I'm falling for love triangle dramas, and korean like the romance so it appeals to me...
Goong because of Yoon Eun Hye (discovered in Coffee Prince), Take Care of the Lady (with the same actress again) and Personal Taste because of Lee Minh Ho (BOF obviously). Oh but I also watched ANTIQUE, because of hot guys Joo Ji Hoon and Kim Jae Wook!!!!!
Also since I'm desperatly falling for JGS from Youba, and happy learning he'll be Kimi Wa Petto's Momo, (yyyyyyyyyyes!!!) I'll be looking out for him.
Oh and a friend introduced me to FT Island, and of course I liked Jeremy (and JGS) from Youba but now I adore their music! I fell in love with "After Love" and Lee Hong Ki's amazing vocals.
Does that describe as me being doomed for K-fandom? Looks like it...I even watch JGS and Yoon Eun Hye communities now..
I used to really say "I'll never like that" about Korean fandom...well you know what I'm gonna say next right? Well can't be helped, I like it.
So? Oh well, I like it for now...
.
Watched/finished Tumbling for Daito,
Late in finishing Yankee-kun to Megane-chan, Shinzamono (because of Abe Hiroshi) and Kaibutsu-kun. I'm late for some of them but one is worst : Sunao ni narenakutte. It seems this kind of angst drama is not my cup of tea, and even if the cast is cool, I'm finding it hard to watch Ueno Juri in an angst role, that's why I wasn't fond of Last Friends. I don't know if it's about my mood recently but I want fluff, and since I sorta stopped reading fiction (can't believe this happened), I still want cheese in my dramas (hey korean drama) or smart classy one (Shinzamono). I don't know...I hope it's not a complete change of heart. I'm still a RyoDa fan at heart but I think knowing Ueda has a real playmate now, it's like...ending it? Still I don't know...will tell more in a couple of years IF I completely stopped.
And fuck my bitch-boss!
And because I wanted to go to SuPerNatural's convention but couldn't...
AH but went to Japan Expo...Will make a special post for it later, along with a Awesome Gackt concert post soon too!!!
By the way, thank you Kerstin, Pipa, Alex, Wiwi, Homi, Amelia, Tiia...you made it more bearable. Sorry for being such a mood-fucker.
So here was my "come back" post, for now. Comment...or not "(-_-;;)"