(no subject)
This is the self-pitying whiny post that has long been coming and am I sorry I'm not using an lj-cut? Nope, not at all, 'cause NNNGGGGH I've got the WORSE cough ever to hit my poor immune system and I am DYING. YES, I'm being melodramatic 'cause IT'S ONLY A COUGH BUT AH, I THINK I'M ABOUT TO HACK UP MY STOMACH AND OTHER POSSIBLY VITAL ORGANS THAT MIGHT BE ESSENTIAL FOR SURVIVAL and my head hurts ow ow ow and there's something wrong with my jaw. I think I might have slightly - SLIGHTLY dislocated it during one of my hacking fits. Is that possible?
I've been on a chicken broth diet for the past week and OMG I WANT TO EAT SOLID FOOD AGAIN. I'll even eat the quietly rotting casserole tucked in my fridge but alas, I cannot chew or swallow (chicken broth and medicine unfortunately excluded). I'm on four different medications and some of the pills are PINK and others have PLASTIC ON THE OUTSIDE. They told me the plasti'll melt in my stomach, 'no worries,' and IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE COMFORTING?! It doesn't sound very, oh, I don't know, SAFE, having molten plastic rolling about my intestines. NNNNNNNGGGGGGGGH.
I have bronchitis (lovely) and walking pneumonia, whatever the hell that means. But the doctor did tell me that it's not serious or life-threatening, which is unfortunate 'cause I've already made out a will on my poor wilting napkin. To you healthy bastards I leave my dirty laundry, my dirty dishes, my dirty bathroom, and my dirty fanfic saved on my laptop. I'd appreciate it VERY MUCH if someone would wash my socks 'cause this pair is getting holey. To my good-for-nothing-sister-who-borrows-my-clothes-and-never-returns-them, I leave Something. To the ex-boyfriend-whose-existence-I-refuse-to-acknowledge I leave a FUCK YOU. A loud one at that. To my brother, he can have my chocolate stash and a date with one of my friends BUT NO TOUCHING.
And goddamn, funerals are expensive these days. Do you KNOW how much a coffin costs? It's almost worth staying alive. I expect a lot of wailing and stuffy noses and general teeth-gnashing at my funeral, and NO ROSES. I want LILIES, and the pall-bearers have better be cute and I want them to play Disney music to forever commemorate my geekiness. Yes, I AM A DRAMA QUEEN BUT CAPSLOCKS IS FUN AND OW, MY JAW HURTS AND MY STOMACH IS TRYING TO CRAWL UP MY THROAT.
That is all. May I rest in peace.
ETA: My good-for-nothing-sister-who-borrows-my-clothes-and-never-returns-them has brought me CAKE. ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD NOW. NEVER MIND THAT I CAN'T CHEW IT. *goes off to inhale chocolate cake*
I've been on a chicken broth diet for the past week and OMG I WANT TO EAT SOLID FOOD AGAIN. I'll even eat the quietly rotting casserole tucked in my fridge but alas, I cannot chew or swallow (chicken broth and medicine unfortunately excluded). I'm on four different medications and some of the pills are PINK and others have PLASTIC ON THE OUTSIDE. They told me the plasti'll melt in my stomach, 'no worries,' and IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE COMFORTING?! It doesn't sound very, oh, I don't know, SAFE, having molten plastic rolling about my intestines. NNNNNNNGGGGGGGGH.
I have bronchitis (lovely) and walking pneumonia, whatever the hell that means. But the doctor did tell me that it's not serious or life-threatening, which is unfortunate 'cause I've already made out a will on my poor wilting napkin. To you healthy bastards I leave my dirty laundry, my dirty dishes, my dirty bathroom, and my dirty fanfic saved on my laptop. I'd appreciate it VERY MUCH if someone would wash my socks 'cause this pair is getting holey. To my good-for-nothing-sister-who-borrows-my-clothes-and-never-returns-them, I leave Something. To the ex-boyfriend-whose-existence-I-refuse-to-acknowledge I leave a FUCK YOU. A loud one at that. To my brother, he can have my chocolate stash and a date with one of my friends BUT NO TOUCHING.
And goddamn, funerals are expensive these days. Do you KNOW how much a coffin costs? It's almost worth staying alive. I expect a lot of wailing and stuffy noses and general teeth-gnashing at my funeral, and NO ROSES. I want LILIES, and the pall-bearers have better be cute and I want them to play Disney music to forever commemorate my geekiness. Yes, I AM A DRAMA QUEEN BUT CAPSLOCKS IS FUN AND OW, MY JAW HURTS AND MY STOMACH IS TRYING TO CRAWL UP MY THROAT.
That is all. May I rest in peace.
ETA: My good-for-nothing-sister-who-borrows-my-clothes-and-never-returns-them has brought me CAKE. ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD NOW. NEVER MIND THAT I CAN'T CHEW IT. *goes off to inhale chocolate cake*