(no subject)
So I'm pretty sure on Sunday, December 14, I woke up at like 1PM or so.
It's now 7AM, Monday, December 15 and I'm still awake and have a shitton more to write.
It's weird--I know exactly what I want to say. I just need to add some flesh to the bones of my retarded 8 page essay that I've known about for three weeks and have decided to ignore until yesterday when I changed my topic. I have all the material in front of me. I have everything I need. Sure I'm tired, but not so tired that I can't write well.
I just can't bring myself to work.
Shit's so weird now. I found out, via Facebook Note, that Eric is going to take next semester off. I mean, godforbid he tell his family about it. He didn't even tag me in the note--I saw it on my homepage.
I've been weird lately. I don't want to say sad, although I think that's part of it. I'm lonely, I guess. Bored. Paralyzed. I don't sleep anymore. I haven't been eating as much, or at regular intervals. Not in an eating disorder way, just I eat at weird times and shit. I feel ugly. Nothing is as bright as it used to be. Everything is dull and gray. The weather. The buildings. The words in my books. My outlook right now. Dull. Dumb. Boring. Gray bordering on black.
I haven't kissed anyone in so long. And don't give me shit about Jorge for saying that, I don't give a damn about him anymore. I just haven't felt physical affection in what seems like forever and honestly, I don't think that's a lot to ask for.
I read stuff I wrote when I was younger and wonder what happened.
Everything is losing it's taste and color. It's mixing into some bruise-like blue/gray that gets darker and darker the more I dwell on it. And I try really hard not to, but I can't help it sometimes. When I'm with people I'm okay. It's when I'm alone that I get scared.
Blah
Blah blah blah
This is stupid and I need to write my essay
Why the FUCK didn't Eric tell me he was leaving college?!
It's now 7AM, Monday, December 15 and I'm still awake and have a shitton more to write.
It's weird--I know exactly what I want to say. I just need to add some flesh to the bones of my retarded 8 page essay that I've known about for three weeks and have decided to ignore until yesterday when I changed my topic. I have all the material in front of me. I have everything I need. Sure I'm tired, but not so tired that I can't write well.
I just can't bring myself to work.
Shit's so weird now. I found out, via Facebook Note, that Eric is going to take next semester off. I mean, godforbid he tell his family about it. He didn't even tag me in the note--I saw it on my homepage.
I've been weird lately. I don't want to say sad, although I think that's part of it. I'm lonely, I guess. Bored. Paralyzed. I don't sleep anymore. I haven't been eating as much, or at regular intervals. Not in an eating disorder way, just I eat at weird times and shit. I feel ugly. Nothing is as bright as it used to be. Everything is dull and gray. The weather. The buildings. The words in my books. My outlook right now. Dull. Dumb. Boring. Gray bordering on black.
I haven't kissed anyone in so long. And don't give me shit about Jorge for saying that, I don't give a damn about him anymore. I just haven't felt physical affection in what seems like forever and honestly, I don't think that's a lot to ask for.
I read stuff I wrote when I was younger and wonder what happened.
Everything is losing it's taste and color. It's mixing into some bruise-like blue/gray that gets darker and darker the more I dwell on it. And I try really hard not to, but I can't help it sometimes. When I'm with people I'm okay. It's when I'm alone that I get scared.
Blah
Blah blah blah
This is stupid and I need to write my essay
Why the FUCK didn't Eric tell me he was leaving college?!