I understand your struggle! Trying to convince a not-so-enthusiastic husband that polyamory is wonderful is a terribly difficult thing. Sigh. My husband, to this day, is not convinced that's it's nearly as fabulous as I feel it is. It sounds like you two are doing the right things though, talking openly & honestly, asking for input, & reading about the subject, that's all awesome. Have you scoured the Loving More site? (at lovemore.com) There's tons of links & resources listed there, plus a message board. You can definitely find other's experiences there. And there's book recommendations.
As for your questions, um, because I've chosen to live polyamorously, I don't hold back, I fall head over heels! :) Are you feeling like you're torn between allowing yourself to fall head over heels for C, or waiting (& hoping) that your husband will "allow" it & give you his blessings?
My husband & I are never terrified that we will choose to live our daily life with someone else because we are deeply committed. We both know from the bottom of our souls that we're in this marriage for the long run, forever. There's so much trust. I trust in him & I trust in myself to always feel & know that paul IS my primary, he is who I will always come home to, happily. He IS my home. I've fallen wildly in love with my boyfriend, but I'm totally secure in my feelings that paul is my husband, my primary. I never lose sight of that, even though I DO feel super intense giddy lusty new relationship energy with the boyfriend, I still know that he'll always "just" be my boyfriend, & I'm totally satisfied by that. We're deeply committed too, but understand we're committed to a secondary relationship, & that we'll never be each other's primary (he has a wife also). I'm not looking for a new husband, y'know? I wonder if that all makes sense.
I really really hope that you can feel free to fall head over heels soon. I hope you & your husband can agree that exploring & experiencing new & wonderful people is, well, wonderful!
zjande wrote: Have you scoured the Loving More site? (at lovemore.com)
Never heard of it! Thanks!
and: Are you feeling like you're torn between allowing yourself to fall head over heels for C, or waiting (& hoping) that your husband will "allow" it & give you his blessings?
Yes! Except it's too late to wait for 'permission'. I adore her. Well, I'm very smitten. Not really 'in love' I guess. We're so different. I just can't find the willpower to stay away. Whatever that means. On top of it, she would like very much if I just didn't even have a husband.
and also: We both know from the bottom of our souls that we're in this marriage for the long run, forever.
Yes! Everything that we've been through lately, I would have thought we'd be on rocky ground. Instead, we have become closer in some ways, and realized how much we really are committed. I do have fantasies, though, of living my life in a different way. I really hope that's normal. Anyone?
and: He IS my home.
This is exactly how I feel about Ben, and I've told him so.
And finally: I hope you & your husband can agree that exploring & experiencing new & wonderful people is, well, wonderful!
If I was completely, bluntly honest, I would admit that I may not be so gracious if HE wanted a girlfriend, although I would love to find it in myself to be just fine with it. I think I would feel so very free if all those fears and green monsters were gone, and we could really see US.
As for your questions, um, because I've chosen to live polyamorously, I don't hold back, I fall head over heels! :) Are you feeling like you're torn between allowing yourself to fall head over heels for C, or waiting (& hoping) that your husband will "allow" it & give you his blessings?
My husband & I are never terrified that we will choose to live our daily life with someone else because we are deeply committed. We both know from the bottom of our souls that we're in this marriage for the long run, forever. There's so much trust. I trust in him & I trust in myself to always feel & know that paul IS my primary, he is who I will always come home to, happily. He IS my home. I've fallen wildly in love with my boyfriend, but I'm totally secure in my feelings that paul is my husband, my primary. I never lose sight of that, even though I DO feel super intense giddy lusty new relationship energy with the boyfriend, I still know that he'll always "just" be my boyfriend, & I'm totally satisfied by that. We're deeply committed too, but understand we're committed to a secondary relationship, & that we'll never be each other's primary (he has a wife also). I'm not looking for a new husband, y'know? I wonder if that all makes sense.
I really really hope that you can feel free to fall head over heels soon. I hope you & your husband can agree that exploring & experiencing new & wonderful people is, well, wonderful!
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Never heard of it! Thanks!
and: Are you feeling like you're torn between allowing yourself to fall head over heels for C, or waiting (& hoping) that your husband will "allow" it & give you his blessings?
Yes! Except it's too late to wait for 'permission'. I adore her. Well, I'm very smitten. Not really 'in love' I guess. We're so different. I just can't find the willpower to stay away. Whatever that means. On top of it, she would like very much if I just didn't even have a husband.
and also: We both know from the bottom of our souls that we're in this marriage for the long run, forever.
Yes! Everything that we've been through lately, I would have thought we'd be on rocky ground. Instead, we have become closer in some ways, and realized how much we really are committed. I do have fantasies, though, of living my life in a different way. I really hope that's normal. Anyone?
and: He IS my home.
This is exactly how I feel about Ben, and I've told him so.
And finally: I hope you & your husband can agree that exploring & experiencing new & wonderful people is, well, wonderful!
If I was completely, bluntly honest, I would admit that I may not be so gracious if HE wanted a girlfriend, although I would love to find it in myself to be just fine with it. I think I would feel so very free if all those fears and green monsters were gone, and we could really see US.
Thankyou! I always enjoy your posts!
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