Critique of PFOX and the Ex-gay movement
While working on my research paper I found a site called pfox.org. It was a site for the family and friends of ex-gays. "Ex-gays?" I said to myself. This doesn't look good, but they had something up about 'people misjudging them and how they should listen to their message first'. So I did, and this is how I felt about it. Warning: This is my own opinion, how I feel. I try to be fair, but I do still get angry.
Our purpose is to reach out with compassion to those struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction and their family members, debunking the myth propagated by gay activists that sexual orientation is fixed for life and cannot be modified.- From The Parents And Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays
http://pfox.org/Hear_our_message_then_judge.html
See, here's the thing; I find this hard to believe. The whole idea that be gay comes from your environment and upbringing I can understand, but it's a little shaky. I mean you have people from all different backgrounds and races who identify as gay. Also what about the spectrum? How can you explain people who are bisexual or pansexual? So a little shaky, yeah but still. Your environment might make you more open to the fluency of sexuality. But that not what they're saying. The PFOX believe that being gay it caused by having a broken home or abuse father or mother is bullshit. Sure there are gay men and women who may have had that growing up and yes, some people are gay because of rape or abuse as children,BUT and this is important, that is NOT true for all gay people and those things happen to straight people as well. This isn't what gets me most mad, not this and even the believe that a similar group NARTH thinks this:
Defenders and promoters of homosexuality try to cover up the scientifically documented serious promiscuity, inability to maintain sexual fidelity, partner abuse and psychological and medical illnesses associated with the lifestyle.
Yes, calling homosexuality a mental illnesses gets me pissed off, but not as much as the fact that PFOX acts like they're the victims. Saying that we need to except Ex-gays and not hate the group for trying to 'help' them. I don't hate you, or any Ex-Gays for that matter, but I find it hard to believe you're 'helping' them. See, PFOX says they support people who have unwanted same-sex attraction. Now my first thought is 'why is unwanted?' my second is 'are they truly happy after this?'. Is it unwanted because of social and family norms? Or is it out of personal belief? If it's because of the way they were raised then I don't think they can be happy by being an Ex-Gay. You can't be happy by changing because of other people. Now, if it's because of personal belief, I have a better time believing it. But still, can you really be happy by denying your feelings. Maybe you can, I don't know, but I'm skeptical.
Ok, now the other question I have, PFOX says the support people with unwanted same-sex attraction, what about wanted attraction? How does PFOX feel about people who are perfectly fine being gay? If PFOX is just there to help people with unwanted feelings then fine, I have no problem with them. But if they feel that all homosexuals are bad, or misguided or mental ill then yes, I do have a problem with them. Also, I have a problem with this;
Sexually questioning youth are vulnerable to the derailment of their normal heterosexuality, Dr. Breiner asserted, when they are urged to consider the possibility of being same-sex attracted.
So, you do have problem with homosexuals, good to know. Yeah, tell kids and teens that 'it's wrong to be gay' it probably why you find adults who have 'unwanted' sexual feelings. They say all this stuff about how homosexuality is caused by developmental problems;
In discussing the development of homosexuality in general, Dr. Breiner observed: "Human homosexuality is a symptom of some unresolved conflicts in a child's development psychologically. It is determined before the age of five, and usually between 1 1/2 to 3 years of age. If the individual has a neurosis, it was organized between ages 3 to 6.
If they are of a borderline psychological organization, it was between ages 2 to 3. If they are psychotic, the psychological organization is under 2."
Right, so every single gay (and lets say bisexual too) person has had trauma between ages 1 1/2 and 3, ok sure. Also what about all the straight people with childhood problems? Guess they don't count.
Question, what wrong with people being gay?
it can certainly lead to a variety of difficulties commonly including hurt self-esteem, distortions in living, depression, selection of life goals, and other problems.
Right, difficulties that could also come around by being constantly told that 'you are a bad person, what you feel is wrong and you are mental ill'. Which, crazily enough, is what you're tell them. So, what about straight people, can they know about the 'gay'?
Though the individual may eventually select a heterosexual life position, the preceding years of difficulties in developing and organizing one's life are likely to have more permanent deleterious effects. Therefore, any attitude by society and particularly educators that homosexuality is a reasonable or alternative lifestyle can significantly contribute to psychopathology in this vulnerable age.
So wait, of we tell kids it's ok to be gay, than they won't turn out to be hateful bigots? Well we can't let that happen. Oh, sorry, did I just call you guys bigots? I know you guys want us to be more excepting, but it's hard to except someone who judges other peoples lifestyles. Mental illness? I know plenty of gay and bisexuals who are perfectly happy! Except when people like you guys come along and tell them they're 'bad' and 'wrong' and mental ill'. You're preaching hate, whether you 'want' to or not.
Our purpose is to reach out with compassion to those struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction and their family members, debunking the myth propagated by gay activists that sexual orientation is fixed for life and cannot be modified.- From The Parents And Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays
http://pfox.org/Hear_our_message_then_judge.html
See, here's the thing; I find this hard to believe. The whole idea that be gay comes from your environment and upbringing I can understand, but it's a little shaky. I mean you have people from all different backgrounds and races who identify as gay. Also what about the spectrum? How can you explain people who are bisexual or pansexual? So a little shaky, yeah but still. Your environment might make you more open to the fluency of sexuality. But that not what they're saying. The PFOX believe that being gay it caused by having a broken home or abuse father or mother is bullshit. Sure there are gay men and women who may have had that growing up and yes, some people are gay because of rape or abuse as children,BUT and this is important, that is NOT true for all gay people and those things happen to straight people as well. This isn't what gets me most mad, not this and even the believe that a similar group NARTH thinks this:
Defenders and promoters of homosexuality try to cover up the scientifically documented serious promiscuity, inability to maintain sexual fidelity, partner abuse and psychological and medical illnesses associated with the lifestyle.
Yes, calling homosexuality a mental illnesses gets me pissed off, but not as much as the fact that PFOX acts like they're the victims. Saying that we need to except Ex-gays and not hate the group for trying to 'help' them. I don't hate you, or any Ex-Gays for that matter, but I find it hard to believe you're 'helping' them. See, PFOX says they support people who have unwanted same-sex attraction. Now my first thought is 'why is unwanted?' my second is 'are they truly happy after this?'. Is it unwanted because of social and family norms? Or is it out of personal belief? If it's because of the way they were raised then I don't think they can be happy by being an Ex-Gay. You can't be happy by changing because of other people. Now, if it's because of personal belief, I have a better time believing it. But still, can you really be happy by denying your feelings. Maybe you can, I don't know, but I'm skeptical.
Ok, now the other question I have, PFOX says the support people with unwanted same-sex attraction, what about wanted attraction? How does PFOX feel about people who are perfectly fine being gay? If PFOX is just there to help people with unwanted feelings then fine, I have no problem with them. But if they feel that all homosexuals are bad, or misguided or mental ill then yes, I do have a problem with them. Also, I have a problem with this;
Sexually questioning youth are vulnerable to the derailment of their normal heterosexuality, Dr. Breiner asserted, when they are urged to consider the possibility of being same-sex attracted.
So, you do have problem with homosexuals, good to know. Yeah, tell kids and teens that 'it's wrong to be gay' it probably why you find adults who have 'unwanted' sexual feelings. They say all this stuff about how homosexuality is caused by developmental problems;
In discussing the development of homosexuality in general, Dr. Breiner observed: "Human homosexuality is a symptom of some unresolved conflicts in a child's development psychologically. It is determined before the age of five, and usually between 1 1/2 to 3 years of age. If the individual has a neurosis, it was organized between ages 3 to 6.
If they are of a borderline psychological organization, it was between ages 2 to 3. If they are psychotic, the psychological organization is under 2."
Right, so every single gay (and lets say bisexual too) person has had trauma between ages 1 1/2 and 3, ok sure. Also what about all the straight people with childhood problems? Guess they don't count.
Question, what wrong with people being gay?
it can certainly lead to a variety of difficulties commonly including hurt self-esteem, distortions in living, depression, selection of life goals, and other problems.
Right, difficulties that could also come around by being constantly told that 'you are a bad person, what you feel is wrong and you are mental ill'. Which, crazily enough, is what you're tell them. So, what about straight people, can they know about the 'gay'?
Though the individual may eventually select a heterosexual life position, the preceding years of difficulties in developing and organizing one's life are likely to have more permanent deleterious effects. Therefore, any attitude by society and particularly educators that homosexuality is a reasonable or alternative lifestyle can significantly contribute to psychopathology in this vulnerable age.
So wait, of we tell kids it's ok to be gay, than they won't turn out to be hateful bigots? Well we can't let that happen. Oh, sorry, did I just call you guys bigots? I know you guys want us to be more excepting, but it's hard to except someone who judges other peoples lifestyles. Mental illness? I know plenty of gay and bisexuals who are perfectly happy! Except when people like you guys come along and tell them they're 'bad' and 'wrong' and mental ill'. You're preaching hate, whether you 'want' to or not.