yet another update from Torrance
I said "Torrance" with a strain. It's still instinct to call it home, even though it's not... I'm not quite sure how I feel when I'm here. Not like a child, but not really detached from it either. It's just this really odd feeling of combined dislike and comfort. My mom put curtains on all the windows. I guess they're nicer than the blinds, but they make the whole place look so closed up and stuffy. She calls it cozy.
I can't get rid of this feeling that I get when I'm here. I'm restless and I want to get away as soon as possible, but then again I want to cuddle up on the couch with my mom while she knits. If only she could stop talking about things that don't matter... to me at least. Like curtains. She mentioned that my sister needs some new jeans...I didn't even say anything and my dad jokes, "Well, the world depends on you Rena, what are you gonna do?". I guess most of you don't know my sister, but she cannot function as an independent person. She can't do her laundry, she can't feed herself and she absolutely cannot shop, even for basics. So the world (in this instance) does depend on me and I should help her shop (an incredibly painful process when it involves her) for jeans and if I don't, I get to feel selfish. Or something. Even though she's 26 and there's nothing wrong with her.
I wish love really could conquer all. I wish that my love for my family could help me close the gap between us as well as close my eyes on the little annoying things that don't matter, but it doesn't. I know it's nothing new and everyone and their mother feels this way, but it just weighs on me.
Georgia Thomas: Ally, what makes your problems so much bigger than everybody else's?
Ally McBeal: They're MINE.
I can't get rid of this feeling that I get when I'm here. I'm restless and I want to get away as soon as possible, but then again I want to cuddle up on the couch with my mom while she knits. If only she could stop talking about things that don't matter... to me at least. Like curtains. She mentioned that my sister needs some new jeans...I didn't even say anything and my dad jokes, "Well, the world depends on you Rena, what are you gonna do?". I guess most of you don't know my sister, but she cannot function as an independent person. She can't do her laundry, she can't feed herself and she absolutely cannot shop, even for basics. So the world (in this instance) does depend on me and I should help her shop (an incredibly painful process when it involves her) for jeans and if I don't, I get to feel selfish. Or something. Even though she's 26 and there's nothing wrong with her.
I wish love really could conquer all. I wish that my love for my family could help me close the gap between us as well as close my eyes on the little annoying things that don't matter, but it doesn't. I know it's nothing new and everyone and their mother feels this way, but it just weighs on me.
Georgia Thomas: Ally, what makes your problems so much bigger than everybody else's?
Ally McBeal: They're MINE.