14
And 30
Looking back, I can't help but feel remorse. It must be misplaced. I must be romanticising. I romanticise everything. But what was so bad about her? I dated Amanda after. I dated Allison after. Why not her? What was so different?
She never pushed me. She never implied that what we were doing wasn't ok.
And THAT is why I DIDN'T?
That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard.
...And 26
"Tag some one you love lots and couldn't live without."
What more was I waiting for?
Perhaps it wasn't necessarily true. Because she is. Because she will once I'm completely gone from here. But I could have made it true. I should have been the person she thought I was.
Obviously I didn't love her. I don't believe in fate, or soul mates, or love at first sight. I'm not that kind of idiot.
...but I didn't even try.
I'm THAT kind of idiot.
I'm right to regret this.
It may never have worked out. It's true that she's outrageously stubborn. She vies for control. She vies to be right.
All. The. Time.
But she embodies virtue. She embodies freedom
She thrives on emotion.
Not lies.
Not a desire to have what every one else has.
Not a need to be fixed.
Love.
And I missed that opportunity. Because she didn't push me. Because she's NOT broken.
Because I'm spineless.
Because I'm a coward.
(Because I'm redundant?)
But she's happy now. I CAN'T have these thoughts. I can only look forward. I can only learn from these mistakes.
...Maryland is far away. Maryland is new. Maryland is a clean slate.
What do I have in New Jersey anyway?
Three real friends I never see anymore because they're growing up faster than I am.
Another conniving wench using me to pass the time (...but that's what I wanted, isn't it?)
A selfish prick that keeps me around to make him look cool
A selfish prick's lackey
A few people that call themselves my friends that I don't know or trust on any level
...I'm so ready to leave...
I need to get accepted into the MCC more than I can express.
Looking back, I can't help but feel remorse. It must be misplaced. I must be romanticising. I romanticise everything. But what was so bad about her? I dated Amanda after. I dated Allison after. Why not her? What was so different?
She never pushed me. She never implied that what we were doing wasn't ok.
And THAT is why I DIDN'T?
That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard.
...And 26
"Tag some one you love lots and couldn't live without."
What more was I waiting for?
Perhaps it wasn't necessarily true. Because she is. Because she will once I'm completely gone from here. But I could have made it true. I should have been the person she thought I was.
Obviously I didn't love her. I don't believe in fate, or soul mates, or love at first sight. I'm not that kind of idiot.
...but I didn't even try.
I'm THAT kind of idiot.
I'm right to regret this.
It may never have worked out. It's true that she's outrageously stubborn. She vies for control. She vies to be right.
All. The. Time.
But she embodies virtue. She embodies freedom
She thrives on emotion.
Not lies.
Not a desire to have what every one else has.
Not a need to be fixed.
Love.
And I missed that opportunity. Because she didn't push me. Because she's NOT broken.
Because I'm spineless.
Because I'm a coward.
(Because I'm redundant?)
But she's happy now. I CAN'T have these thoughts. I can only look forward. I can only learn from these mistakes.
...Maryland is far away. Maryland is new. Maryland is a clean slate.
What do I have in New Jersey anyway?
Three real friends I never see anymore because they're growing up faster than I am.
Another conniving wench using me to pass the time (...but that's what I wanted, isn't it?)
A selfish prick that keeps me around to make him look cool
A selfish prick's lackey
A few people that call themselves my friends that I don't know or trust on any level
...I'm so ready to leave...
I need to get accepted into the MCC more than I can express.