Did I Ever Mention How Much I Suck?
Every day I wake up more and more assured that I am horribly and irrevocably messed up.
Remember how easy it was? When life wasn't so goddamn complicated and you didn't ahve to worry about those 20 pounds you are ready to cut off your body? When people actually told you what they were thinking? When you had friends? Do I have a friend? I mean, I have people I talk to and hang out and have loads of fun with and shouldn't that be enough? But right now I would trade it all for someone I could just be honest with. Someone I could tell everything. Someone who would understand.
I'm so sick of lying to myself.
Why can't I just be happy with who I am, what I am, where I am...?
Here is a scale
Weigh it out and you will find, easily,
more than sufficient doubt that these colors you see
were picked in advance by some careful hand
with an absolute concept of beauty.
They are smeared and these blurs
come in random order
to color the eyes of your former lovers.
Hers were green like July
except when she cried-
they were red.
Now I know a disease that these Doctors can't treat
You contract it the day you accept all you see
It's a mirror
and a mirror is all it can be-
A reflection of something we're missing
And language just happened, it was never planned,
and it's inadequate to describe where I am
in the room of my house
where the light has never been
waiting for this day to end.
And these clocks keep unwinding and completely ignore
everything that we or adore
Once the page of a calendar is turned it's no more
So tell me then, what was it for?
Oh tell me, what was it for?