(no subject)
wow it's been a while.... I just read my last post and as I think back I think I finally got the closure I needed, but I may be falling for him again. I know thats all wrong because we both have our own lives. I've been in a great relationship with someone I am absolutely in love with for over two fucking years. That's frickin crazy!! I love her to death I just don't know if either of us could ever make that big of a sacrifice. Like marriage and kids and dealing with our families and society. But for the sake of 'us' i would totally do it if that's what we decided.
yet at the same time-- I have the fairytale life with a great guy sitting right in front of me, but I can't do anything about it with out hurting the one I'm with. Do I go on pretending we'll all be okay and always wonder what I could have had. If only there weren't two amazing people in my life. Either way I'm breaking someone's heart. I've already hurt his when he tried get with me and I had to keep it platonic, but at the same time I feel like I hurt hers by just agreeing to meet up with him. I mean it's not like anything happened I guess I just feel a lil guilty because she knows he was my first love and that could be taken the wrong way with some people. I was honest with both of them though so I think I'm good.
I just hate being so confused. I can't tell others what I want if I don't even know myself. it's like i loved him back then and now i'm absolutely in love with her but i think i might kinda still like him a little. she is all i'm worried about though because she deserves my full attention. if it's meant to be he'll still be there when the time is right.
yet at the same time-- I have the fairytale life with a great guy sitting right in front of me, but I can't do anything about it with out hurting the one I'm with. Do I go on pretending we'll all be okay and always wonder what I could have had. If only there weren't two amazing people in my life. Either way I'm breaking someone's heart. I've already hurt his when he tried get with me and I had to keep it platonic, but at the same time I feel like I hurt hers by just agreeing to meet up with him. I mean it's not like anything happened I guess I just feel a lil guilty because she knows he was my first love and that could be taken the wrong way with some people. I was honest with both of them though so I think I'm good.
I just hate being so confused. I can't tell others what I want if I don't even know myself. it's like i loved him back then and now i'm absolutely in love with her but i think i might kinda still like him a little. she is all i'm worried about though because she deserves my full attention. if it's meant to be he'll still be there when the time is right.