&& and sometimes the person you want the most is the same person your best without...**
so i have came to the conclusion that i have became the most hateful/emotional person ever. everything i do or everything i see just makes me want to cry and i really dont know how i hold it in...i really dont. who whould have thought i'd let you get the best of me... i mean really... your not any better than anyone else... and maybe its just the fact that your not like right there anymore.. i mean yeah, your there.. everywhere i go... everything i see... everything i say.. i think of you...hell i can't even come to my own house because i remember it all... the "right" side thing, coming over to my house in the mornings during the summer, the fourth of july, going ridin and seeing that little deer, the post office..lol.... church... everywhere i go... and i never in a million years thought i'd be like this about you.. but i am... i dont want anyone else... and i feel like a little 12 year old chasing after something... but i cant help it.. its the truth...
so maybe that goes to prove ^^^ maybe the one you want the most is the one your best without..and today seeing him talking to her and being the way he was with her reminded me of how he was with me... and i get that feeling like my insides are caving in and i can't breathe... and sometimes i think if i had it to do over again that maybe i'd do things different... but then again... it happened the way it happened and idk maybe it will turn around... but im not the optimistic person i used to be... because you can't fit somebody in your life if they aren't really meant to be there in the first place... i just wish i knew what would happen.. i feel like im like.. well i feel OLD..lol it seems like yesterday that me and megan was scared shitless to walk into the high school as freshman and now in one more year we will be scared shitless to walk out as seniors...lol. i dont know what i want to do when i get out of high school, i dont know where i really want to go to college.. i feel like i have forgotton what its like to be carefree and happy and not this bitch that i have become... i try to be happy with who im with and at one point and time i would have given anything to be where i am now... but im never satisfied... thats just me i guess... but sometimes i just want to go back... not to redo things but to relive them... especially this summer... it was the best. so now i will take my bitchy/depressed self and lay in the bed and moan and groan about how horrible my life is to someone else.... after all i have been doing a lot of that lately.
**did you know that she does everything for you?; the way that she walks, the clothes that she wears, perfecting herself in the mirror every morning. did you know that pretty much everything around her reminds her of you? did you know that the only time she has that genuinely huge "im really happy" smile on her face is when shes thinking of you or talking about you? did you know that the little things you do make her the happiest? did you know that she would do anything to make it all okay? did you know that theres nothing shed rather do than just lay in bed and hold your hand and just have you love her just like she loves you?** <33
so maybe that goes to prove ^^^ maybe the one you want the most is the one your best without..and today seeing him talking to her and being the way he was with her reminded me of how he was with me... and i get that feeling like my insides are caving in and i can't breathe... and sometimes i think if i had it to do over again that maybe i'd do things different... but then again... it happened the way it happened and idk maybe it will turn around... but im not the optimistic person i used to be... because you can't fit somebody in your life if they aren't really meant to be there in the first place... i just wish i knew what would happen.. i feel like im like.. well i feel OLD..lol it seems like yesterday that me and megan was scared shitless to walk into the high school as freshman and now in one more year we will be scared shitless to walk out as seniors...lol. i dont know what i want to do when i get out of high school, i dont know where i really want to go to college.. i feel like i have forgotton what its like to be carefree and happy and not this bitch that i have become... i try to be happy with who im with and at one point and time i would have given anything to be where i am now... but im never satisfied... thats just me i guess... but sometimes i just want to go back... not to redo things but to relive them... especially this summer... it was the best. so now i will take my bitchy/depressed self and lay in the bed and moan and groan about how horrible my life is to someone else.... after all i have been doing a lot of that lately.
**did you know that she does everything for you?; the way that she walks, the clothes that she wears, perfecting herself in the mirror every morning. did you know that pretty much everything around her reminds her of you? did you know that the only time she has that genuinely huge "im really happy" smile on her face is when shes thinking of you or talking about you? did you know that the little things you do make her the happiest? did you know that she would do anything to make it all okay? did you know that theres nothing shed rather do than just lay in bed and hold your hand and just have you love her just like she loves you?** <33