we are on a break
I am so numb right now. Not knowing what to feel anymore.
I was never mad. Just hurt and really sad.
I know that something is wrong with him big time.
I knew about it back in June, but thought he was still getting help
well apparently not. According to him, he has changed and he needs to think about things
and work out whatever is going on with him.
He still loves me
I still love him
I dont think I ever will stop
I know in my heart he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with
He is probably protecting us. Our relationship
Which I am thankful for but this sucks all in the same
I was looking forward to getting off the plane and seeing him
Getting that long awaited hug and first kiss again
But instead, now Alyssa is picking me up and I am going to my moms house.
Total change of plans.
And honestly it all came out of no where.
Sunday night we were fine and like normal...Monday afternoon...the total opposite.
We are still going to see each other and hang out while im home. Just not like originally planned.
I am going for sure on Saturday to see him at Amanda's house
and then after that im not sure, but he is coming to my birthday celebrations
and hanging out with me around my birthday. So we shall see how that plays out
Everyone just keeps telling me to just get home.
Once he sees me it might change a little. Not a lot.
I'm not expecting it to change everything.
He still has to work out whatever is going on with him and I understand that.
He is going to talk to someone while he is home. So hopefully that helps.
Jessica says he still loves me and so does he.
And he said this break will only last till the end of the deployment
and we will go from there.
That makes me think he is trying to protect me if something were to happen to him
but honestly its going to effect me BIG time even if we are on this break.
I have so many thoughts going through my head
I woke up this morning sore all over the top part of my body
My stomach is completely empty I hope I can eat today and keep food down.
I threw up so much yesterday it wasnt even funny.
I am thankful for the friends that I do have.
They are here for me through everything with this and I want to say thanks
both the friends here and down there.
I just miss him so much.
I miss the way we use to talk to each other.
These last few times, he has just been angry...and thats not him.
All I can do is pray and thats all I have been doing.
Now to get through the rest of today and half tomorrow...
I'll be home with my mom, and she can hold me and cuddle me and everything
I just want to be home now honestly
I dont want to be at school. I am trying to make it my distraction
It works for all about 30 mins into each class then my mind starts to wonder.
I hope it all works itself out.
We are meant to be...everyone sees it.
So maybe it might.
I was never mad. Just hurt and really sad.
I know that something is wrong with him big time.
I knew about it back in June, but thought he was still getting help
well apparently not. According to him, he has changed and he needs to think about things
and work out whatever is going on with him.
He still loves me
I still love him
I dont think I ever will stop
I know in my heart he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with
He is probably protecting us. Our relationship
Which I am thankful for but this sucks all in the same
I was looking forward to getting off the plane and seeing him
Getting that long awaited hug and first kiss again
But instead, now Alyssa is picking me up and I am going to my moms house.
Total change of plans.
And honestly it all came out of no where.
Sunday night we were fine and like normal...Monday afternoon...the total opposite.
We are still going to see each other and hang out while im home. Just not like originally planned.
I am going for sure on Saturday to see him at Amanda's house
and then after that im not sure, but he is coming to my birthday celebrations
and hanging out with me around my birthday. So we shall see how that plays out
Everyone just keeps telling me to just get home.
Once he sees me it might change a little. Not a lot.
I'm not expecting it to change everything.
He still has to work out whatever is going on with him and I understand that.
He is going to talk to someone while he is home. So hopefully that helps.
Jessica says he still loves me and so does he.
And he said this break will only last till the end of the deployment
and we will go from there.
That makes me think he is trying to protect me if something were to happen to him
but honestly its going to effect me BIG time even if we are on this break.
I have so many thoughts going through my head
I woke up this morning sore all over the top part of my body
My stomach is completely empty I hope I can eat today and keep food down.
I threw up so much yesterday it wasnt even funny.
I am thankful for the friends that I do have.
They are here for me through everything with this and I want to say thanks
both the friends here and down there.
I just miss him so much.
I miss the way we use to talk to each other.
These last few times, he has just been angry...and thats not him.
All I can do is pray and thats all I have been doing.
Now to get through the rest of today and half tomorrow...
I'll be home with my mom, and she can hold me and cuddle me and everything
I just want to be home now honestly
I dont want to be at school. I am trying to make it my distraction
It works for all about 30 mins into each class then my mind starts to wonder.
I hope it all works itself out.
We are meant to be...everyone sees it.
So maybe it might.