I finally got some time off. You know how THAT goes... Everything piles up, nothing gets done, and suddenly your workload is tripled...
I come back from a long weekend and the only thing the airport needs is to adjust some cameras...
Of *COURSE* they have to be the ones 30 feet in the air..
Of *COURSE* they have to be on the top floor of the parking garage...
Of *COURSE* they have to be just far enough up to be unsafe to use even a 25 foot A-frame ladder...
Of *COURSE* they have to be under sandstone slabs that won't take the weight of a lift...
So I get to feel all the missed workouts of the last three months. The floor is set on a (slightly) raised tile system. Each tile weighs about 70 - 80 pounds. To get the lift in, I have to move over 20 tiles!
SO.. There's no way in friggen HELL that I'm climbing up on a 25 foot ladder, in 20 MPH gusting wind and attempting to adjust delicate electronics!! The company has to pony up $350 bucks and get me a proper lift! Could I get a friggen break NOW??? No.. Other client 10 miles away wants service.. NOW!!!
Of *COURSE* The lift shows up an HOUR EARLY, while I'm rushing through said service call!!(These Lift people have never been on time, let alone EARLY.. figures...)
SO...
After 4 abortive attempts to tell the driver that I want it dropped off in the PARKING GARAGE.. TOP LEVEL!!! (mind blowing concept, apparently...) I find out the driver is new.. To the area, to the job, and he's just about freaking...
GREAT...
I talk him through finding the departure area.. and beg the powers-that-be not to ticket his truck as he stops there and drops off the Lift. While on the world's crappiest refurbished Blackberry... Outside.. In the wind.. Trying to not annoy the Valet who *THINKS* he's a cop!!
SO...
When I get back to the Airport, I find out that the rental company has left me the Red-Headed stepchild of all Scissor-Lifts!! This thing had barely any torque when it was new.. FIFTEEN YEARS AGO!!! Now I have to drive it up 3 stories of slick concrete ramp!!! I get 20 feet up..
*sigh*
And then I start SLIDING BACKWARDS!!! If anyone's ever been on a Roller-Coaster with a broken rail, you know what it's like to be off balance in a lift! Scissor-Lifts are designed for FLAT SURFACES!!! Here I was, fighting Gravity, Balance, and a completely ungraded patch of cheap concrete!! I had to stop, angle the Lift, inch it up, let it fall, and then crank it in the other direction to get purchase! At that point I noticed the solid rubber tires start to come off the wheels!! Not break, just stretch WAY farther than they are supposed to in any sort of (mis)application.
At this time the head of maintenance drives by, and loses his chewing gum whilst gawping at my predicament!!! Long story short... He'd rented from this company before..
SO..
There we were... My happy ass driving.. and the *HEAD* of maintenance clinging off the side of the lift, shaking his ass like he's "Workin the Jerkin!!" and we force the $#%#$ thing up, inch by %^#$#ing INCH!!!
Of course I forget my portable monitor at another client's site.... Go me!! So my happy ass is hooking up an extension cord.. TO A TELEVISION MONITOR... connecting it to the lift's power supply, which DOESN'T FRIKKEN WORK!!!
So.. I've got an extension cord hanging off the lift... A TV plugged into the camera, and THEN THE FRIKKEN WIND DECIDES TO GUST!!!
Alarms..
Auto shutoff
Swaying in the breeze with two tons of steel beneath me, and 3 stories below me!!
Let's just say.. I was a LITTLE eager in moving the lift out of the current location... Extension cords do NOT like being run over and wrapped around Lift wheels!!! Said cord, still MIRACULOUSLY PLUGGED IN!!!
yeah..
and the wife wonders why I drink!!!