(no subject)
ive dug myself in so deep that even if i tried i wouldn't know where to begin.
the more i think about the more i realize i'm repeating my very own past. i've been through this, i've delt with this before. these emotionsaren't good for me. i'm so used to independence and only having to trust myself. i let someone have way too much of me...i sold myself way too short...once again.
maybe i'm not stable enough to be in a relationship like this. the people that i have these encounters with always begin with great intentions and then it fizzles off into something...something i can't even describe. i knew for a brief second that this would be the person i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but now that it's faded i take it out with frustration. the more i try to save us, our relationship, the worse it gets. his aggression and lack of affection hurts me more than he could ever imagine. he doesn't understand that from the start this is what i thrived from him.
everyday is worse. everyday i feel some type of new negative emotion...a combination of anger and hurt, or hurt and dissapointment, or even hurt to the extreme. the person that i feel head over heels for has transformed into someone i don't even know anymore. it doesn't feel like him, it doesn't even taste like him. why would i want to sacrifice my future, my life my goals and my ambitions for someone that can't even slightly acknowledge the love i have for him.
eric was my biggest mistake. now i'm afraid austin is also.
i never wanted things to be this way. i never wanted negative energy in our relationship...everything was always so giddy. it's fading before my eyes and i don't even know where the pieces begin.
the more i think about the more i realize i'm repeating my very own past. i've been through this, i've delt with this before. these emotionsaren't good for me. i'm so used to independence and only having to trust myself. i let someone have way too much of me...i sold myself way too short...once again.
maybe i'm not stable enough to be in a relationship like this. the people that i have these encounters with always begin with great intentions and then it fizzles off into something...something i can't even describe. i knew for a brief second that this would be the person i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but now that it's faded i take it out with frustration. the more i try to save us, our relationship, the worse it gets. his aggression and lack of affection hurts me more than he could ever imagine. he doesn't understand that from the start this is what i thrived from him.
everyday is worse. everyday i feel some type of new negative emotion...a combination of anger and hurt, or hurt and dissapointment, or even hurt to the extreme. the person that i feel head over heels for has transformed into someone i don't even know anymore. it doesn't feel like him, it doesn't even taste like him. why would i want to sacrifice my future, my life my goals and my ambitions for someone that can't even slightly acknowledge the love i have for him.
eric was my biggest mistake. now i'm afraid austin is also.
i never wanted things to be this way. i never wanted negative energy in our relationship...everything was always so giddy. it's fading before my eyes and i don't even know where the pieces begin.