Your Ex Lover Still Remains Dead
All I had were these stupid ideas, like streets being flowers and cherry pouring into the sky. I must have wrote it thirty times, and each time I wrote it down the same way hoping it would mean something else, and all it did was get me more frustrated and even further from where I wanted to get my message across. Cherry pouring, maybe rain, it seems so mixed up into colors, but I just seem to get a little more sad as I begin to scribble down none-sensical words and realize I just can't write anymore or if really I ever could. Ot's just one big fucking stream of thought and I begin to ramble, it's not as if anyone reades this old thing, and sometimes that's okay, it doesn't put me on the spotlight, though I don't think it would. I say what I mean and do what I say, how cliche. But it's actually not true, well it is in so few words but I always damage my own self some how trying to do that and even though you think you may be doing the right thing others will look in dissapointed confidence as you discrace yourself? am I making any sense here, no I didn't think so.
So who wants baggage, none of us do, do we handle it with care it order to maintain fragileness? No. I don't think so but it certainly loosens the sense. I just know it seems comforting that I can string these words together and say something. I'm not coming off as intelligent, I know, but it makes me feel better knowing like I can sound like a psuedo intellect by stringing together words and thoughts that collide into mishape. It seems so dishearting not being able to really write that this can solve everything, I really do promise though that all of this is coming out in a clear blue, a stream of thought.
I haven't talked to my mom in almost two years, sometimes I think about it laying at night, her birthday's coming up, and I remember she hadn't called me in six months, I was so angry when she called around her birthday. It made me think how selfish she is, I lose contact with her and lost her number, and she only decides to call when it's benifical to her, I promised to give up on her. It's empowering, and I should feel like a bad son to say that. Since then I haven't talked to her, it was sometime in October a while ago, she was angry and I hade company. Someimes I wonder if she thinks about me, and I wonder if's much at all or one of those things you pretend to not think about until it slaps you dead across your face. A lot of people do say, "wow, you should talk to her." Well just because they're your blood doesn't mean you should streak it, I don't think. Sometimes it's good to forgive and forget, but how many times? I'm not a good young man and I can only do it so many times.
I've kept so busy this Easter break but at the same time it feels like I didn't get what I truly wanted to do. I did see friends, and I wasn't bored, I was a little hurt time wasn't made for me though, and I don't me time, I mean as in I just felt a little rejected, I suppose. Why was I doing so fine until this. There's just a couple of months ago and seems so arbitrary to feel about these things. I guess in some ways that visit would have bee the most and least important event over this week but it's okay.
I don't think I'll try fixing any of the mistaken things I wrote in here, I can't really have the energy to look over this, it would only make me feel like a pig.
So who wants baggage, none of us do, do we handle it with care it order to maintain fragileness? No. I don't think so but it certainly loosens the sense. I just know it seems comforting that I can string these words together and say something. I'm not coming off as intelligent, I know, but it makes me feel better knowing like I can sound like a psuedo intellect by stringing together words and thoughts that collide into mishape. It seems so dishearting not being able to really write that this can solve everything, I really do promise though that all of this is coming out in a clear blue, a stream of thought.
I haven't talked to my mom in almost two years, sometimes I think about it laying at night, her birthday's coming up, and I remember she hadn't called me in six months, I was so angry when she called around her birthday. It made me think how selfish she is, I lose contact with her and lost her number, and she only decides to call when it's benifical to her, I promised to give up on her. It's empowering, and I should feel like a bad son to say that. Since then I haven't talked to her, it was sometime in October a while ago, she was angry and I hade company. Someimes I wonder if she thinks about me, and I wonder if's much at all or one of those things you pretend to not think about until it slaps you dead across your face. A lot of people do say, "wow, you should talk to her." Well just because they're your blood doesn't mean you should streak it, I don't think. Sometimes it's good to forgive and forget, but how many times? I'm not a good young man and I can only do it so many times.
I've kept so busy this Easter break but at the same time it feels like I didn't get what I truly wanted to do. I did see friends, and I wasn't bored, I was a little hurt time wasn't made for me though, and I don't me time, I mean as in I just felt a little rejected, I suppose. Why was I doing so fine until this. There's just a couple of months ago and seems so arbitrary to feel about these things. I guess in some ways that visit would have bee the most and least important event over this week but it's okay.
I don't think I'll try fixing any of the mistaken things I wrote in here, I can't really have the energy to look over this, it would only make me feel like a pig.