This Tangle Of Thorns (Young Bae/Hyun Suk)
Title: This Tangle Of Thorns
Pairing: Young Bae/Yang Hyun Suk (YG)
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Dubious consent
Summary: Young Bae dances. Hyun Suk watches.
A/N: An attempt at taking a typical molestation fic plot and putting a more realistic spin on it. :) (And I'm not kidding about the giraffe, although I'm not sure the ugly thing survived the move to the new YG building.)
Where U At ended and Young Bae walked over to the bench to snatch up his towel. He wiped his face, took a few sips of water, then sat down for a break. He had no singles to promote anymore, but he wanted to keep himself in shape for the eventual release of his second album. He couldn't sleep well unless he exercised, anyway.
He looked at the clock - ten to one - then took a deep breath and stood up again, heading over to the stereo. He skipped to one of his new songs (the choreography needed some work) and turned to face the mirrored wall.
He was only halfway through the first chorus when he noticed Hyun Suk watching him from the small window in the door. He smiled, used to having Hyun Suk check on him, and Hyun Suk smiled back at him and walked into the studio, the acrid smell of smoke tickling Young Bae's nose as he approached. He stopped dancing, but Hyun Suk gestured for him to continue, then seated himself at the edge of the bench.
Dancing in front of Hyun Suk was a lot like dancing in front of a large audience. The butterflies in his stomach were the same, anyway, ever since he'd recognized the look in Hyun Suk's eyes for what it was. He dropped by often, always late at night, and watched Young Bae in silence until he got his fill, occasionally offering brief praise. He always gave him a pat on the back or a squeeze to his shoulder before he left, leaving Young Bae's nerves singing with tension and his lungs burning from the exertion and cigarette smoke.
Tonight was no different - he quickly found himself tensing up as he paid more attention to his own moves, wanting to put on a good show.
"Relax," Hyun Suk called out once the song ended. Young Bae met his eyes briefly through the mirror, nodded, and rolled his shoulders as he listened to the intro to the next song. It was a ballad, and one for which he and Jae Wook hadn't worked out a choreography yet. He took a deep breath and started improvising; it'd be easier to relax if he wasn't worrying about what he was doing, anyway.
He closed his eyes, undulating slowly to the music, and only opened them again to pull his t-shirt over his head and throw it to the floor, out of the way. Hyun Suk was smiling, his eyes shaded by his baseball cap and an unlit cigarette halfway to his lips. Young Bae looked away from the mirror, pressing his lips together against the answering smile that tugged at them.
He heard the crack of Hyun Suk's lighter and only had time for a few more moves before he spoke up again. "Turn around."
He spun on his heels and struck a pose just as the song ended. This time he couldn't stifle his grin as Hyun Suk laughed and clapped his hands a few times. He gestured for Young Bae to come over. The playlist looped back to the beginning and Wedding Dress started to play as he stood in front of Hyun Suk, wondering whether he'd get praise or criticism. It was always hard to tell, even when Hyun Suk looked pleased.
Instead of speaking, though, Hyun Suk leaned forward, grabbed him by the back of his thigh and pulled, forcing him to take a couple more steps forward. Young Bae's heart leapt in his chest but Hyun Suk only sat back again, crossing his legs, and took a puff from his cigarette. "Keep going," he said, and Young Bae started dancing again.
He had to keep improvising - it was a little harder with the choreography for Wedding Dress constantly coming to mind, but Hyun Suk clearly wanted him to stay close. Eventually he uncrossed his legs, gave Young Bae's leg another rough pull forward, and the dance was suddenly a lap dance.
Young Bae had no idea what he was even doing anymore. Hyun Suk's hand lingered on his leg, his eyes fixed on him as he inhaled more smoke. This must have been how Ji Yong felt when he made out with strangers at parties, he thought, his heart beating fast as he moved as sensually as he dared to, one hand braced on Hyun Suk's shoulder.
"You're sexy," he said in a low voice, leaning forward, and Young Bae grasped Hyun Suk's shoulder tighter when he pressed a kiss to his abdomen, instinctively going still.
He was frozen on the spot, still trying to process what was happening - Hyun Suk's hand caressing his thigh and his lips slowly moving lower - but finally took a step back when Hyun Suk reached for his belt buckle, words tumbling out of his mouth of their own accord. "I'd rather not-- I'm waiting until I have a girlfriend."
Hyun Suk went still, then let out a soft snort and straightened up. "Sit down."
Young Bae did so. His face felt flushed from the inanity of what he'd just said and Hyun Suk's reaction to it. He grasped the edge of the bench and convinced himself to look up. Hyun Suk's cap was askew from kissing his stomach. He looked away again, nervous laughter suddenly rising in his throat.
Hyun Suk moved closer, and his warm, heavy hand on Young Bae's thigh killed his urge to laugh. "You still haven't even kissed anyone, have you?"
"No," Young Bae replied, and Hyun Suk's lips were on his before he could add "but please don't." His tongue felt too big in his mouth and tasted like cigarettes. He didn't know what to do with his own tongue, didn't know where to put his hands, and it was an enormous relief when Hyun Suk broke the kiss.
"You're not even trying," he said in the same quiet, disappointed tone he used when his dancing or singing wasn't up to par. The desperate desire to do better was almost a Pavlovian response after all these years, and when Hyun Suk moved in again, Young Bae kissed back. He stroked Hyun Suk's tongue with his own, even put one hand on his arm, and knew from his low hum that he was doing well.
He couldn't help pulling away, though, when Hyun Suk slid his hand up his chest and rubbed the pad of his thumb against his nipple. He opened his mouth, then closed it, unsure how to say no yet again in a way that wouldn't anger him. Hyun Suk only had a fond, resigned smile on his face, though. "Ah, Young Bae, you're always teasing me."
The butt of Hyun Suk's cigarette disappeared into his portable ashtray. Young Bae was sure he was finally off the hook, but instead of leaving, Hyun Suk reached down and unzipped his own jeans. He looked away, fixing his eyes on the water cooler across the room as he tried to ignore the soft rustling noises and Hyun Suk's hitching breaths.
Curiosity took the better of him, and when he glanced back, hands clutching the edge of the bench again, Hyun Suk was watching him as he stroked his erection. Their eyes met and Young Bae couldn't look away fast enough.
"Help me out," Hyun Suk said quietly, and Young Bae jumped when he grabbed his hand and pulled it into his lap. He looked back at Hyun Suk and tried pulling against his firm hold, his heart pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears. Hyun Suk reacted not with anger, but with that slightly surprised disappointment again. "No? Come on, just with your hand."
Just his hand, Young Bae mentally repeated as he wrapped it around Hyun Suk's cock and gave it an uncertain squeeze. It could be worse. Hyun Suk covered his hand with one of his own, tightening his grip and guiding him into a fast rhythm. Young Bae got the hang of it quickly - he twisted his hand the way Hyun Suk seemed to like, took note of the sensitive spots that made him hiss and twitch his hips, and didn't stop when he let go. He was rewarded with soft praise and encouragement, Hyun Suk's lisp even stronger than usual, and at least that gave him something to smile about again.
Hyun Suk came with a grunt and a jerk of his hips, and Young Bae didn't think of catching it in his hand. Some of it got onto the back of his fingers, though, and watching the rest of it drip to the floor was enough to break the dreamlike state he'd been in. He wanted to get away from Hyun Suk, lock himself up in his room until he managed to fully process what had just happened.
"I should clean up," he stammered, looking at the wall, the ceiling, the water cooler again. "I mean, the floor... I'll just go get..." He gestured vaguely toward the small closet that contained a mop and cleaning supplies, then stood, his legs feeling like jelly as he walked over to it. He wiped his hand on his pants before opening the door.
When he turned back to Hyun Suk, bottle of cleaner and rag in hand, he was relieved to see that he'd already tucked himself back into his jeans, stood up and lit another cigarette. Everything seemed back to normal, or at least would be once Young Bae wiped away the splatters on the floor.
"Don't stay up too late," Hyun Suk said with the same casual affection he'd use after checking in on Big Bang's recording sessions or bringing them dinner after dance practice. He ruffled Young Bae's hair and Young Bae mustered up another smile before he walked out of the room, leaving the usual trail of smoke behind.
***
He woke up the next day feeling as if the whole thing had happened to someone else. He couldn't pinpoint how he felt about it, even after lying in bed for too long, petting Boss as he thought. There was disgust, the small thrill of finally having had some kind of sexual experience, the guilt from doing something he knew wasn't right... It was all one big confusing mess and he eventually gave up on sorting through it, shaking his head to himself as he pushed his covers aside to find something to eat.
An idol's schedule couldn't be interrupted for small things like confusion over having given one's boss a handjob, and so Young Bae went through the usual workout-photo-shoot-dance-practice routine, only half his mind focused on what he was doing.
Hwang didn't notice anything, but then again, Young Bae usually couldn't speak much while trying to keep up with his instructions. Ji Eun and the photographer didn't make any comments, either - his poses weren't all that creative, he felt, but they were apparently good enough to do the job. He spent most of his dance practice session feeling awkward and uncoordinated, unable to concentrate on the new sequences he was learning, but even Jae Wook said nothing despite the small mistakes Young Bae knew he was making.
"Go get something to eat," Jae Wook said, slapping him on the back, as he ended the lesson ten minutes early.
Young Bae nodded, then nearly apologized for his lack of concentration but bit his tongue instead. He didn't want to be asked questions about it, and he definitely shouldn't be letting fifteen minutes of weirdness affect him so much. Ji Yong wasn't like this. Ji Yong could switch from mourning a friend's death or throwing up, still drunk, into a trash can to being completely focused on his work in two seconds flat.
He took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror before heading out. He looked fine, if a bit tired - no "I had sex with Yang Hyun Suk" neon sign on his forehead, regardless of how... off he felt. He considered Jae Wook's advice as he walked down the corridor, but he really wasn't feeling hungry and opted instead for finding a cool, dark, quiet place and relaxing for an hour or so. The obvious answer came to mind immediately.
Teddy greeted him with his customary smile and combination handshake/hug. "Just had dance practice, huh? You wanna take a nap?"
Young Bae smiled back and nodded, grateful for Teddy's usual lack of expectations. He gathered up the stray hoodies - one of which was his - and the empty take-out boxes from the couch he usually slept on. Teddy took them from him and he lay down, covering himself with Teddy's large blanket.
He dozed off and on without really falling asleep and woke up for good at the unusual sound of Teddy crunching into what sounded like an apple. He opened his eyes. It was an apple.
"Whatcha smilin' about?" Teddy asked, half of his face lit up by the glow from his computer monitor.
"You're eating fruit."
He laughed. "Yeah, happens once in a while. Gotta keep the scurvy away." He turned back to his computer, but then looked back at him. "Want one?"
Young Bae shook his head and closed his eyes again. He listened to Teddy's chewing and to the quiet clicks of his mouse, but even the soothing, familiar sounds weren't enough to lull him back to sleep. He took a deep breath. "Did you know YG's gay?"
"Yeah," Teddy replied, his mouth obviously full. "Well, I thought he was. Did he tell you?"
"No."
He spun his chair around to face him, a grin spreading onto his face. "Didja catch him with someone?"
Young Bae managed a laugh despite the blush he felt coming on. He shook his head. "It's just that... I think he... Well, he watches me a lot. When I'm dancing." He saw Teddy's grin fade and stopped talking, repressing the sudden urge to press his face into the arm of the couch and pretend to go back to sleep. Teddy would never buy it.
"You want him to stop?"
Young Bae recognized the question for what it was and shook his head, unable to imagine how uncomfortable Teddy would be about having to pass on that message to Hyun Suk. "Never mind."
Teddy looked at him silently, his fingers tapping a random rhythm on the arm of his chair. The complete seriousness in his expression wasn't something Young Bae saw often, and when Teddy started talking again - "Well, you know, if he's making you uncomfortable..." - he simply cut in, deciding that telling him what had happened would be easier than trying to duck his questions.
"I just didn't think he'd go that far." He sat up and ran one hand through his hair. Teddy's fingers went still. "He kissed me and stuff."
"... He kissed you?"
Young Bae nodded. Teddy was silent for so long, seemingly unable to figure out what to say, that he almost felt bad for bringing it up.
"Did you want him to?" he finally asked. "I mean, uh. You attracted to him?"
"No!" Young Bae had to laugh at that. Even if he were gay, he was pretty sure he'd have better taste. Or at least go for someone his own age. "No," he repeated, and was relieved to see the hint of a smile on Teddy's face.
"Yeah... Stupid question, huh?" He tossed his mostly-eaten, forgotten apple into an empty take-out container, then looked back at Young Bae, serious again. "What else'd he do?"
Young Bae wished he'd thought of a way to phrase it before bringing up the topic. He opened his mouth and stayed like this, a dozen too-crude descriptions on the tip of his tongue, until Teddy rescued him.
"You didn't have sex or anything, right?"
"Not really." That didn't do much to improve Teddy's increasingly disturbed-looking expression, so he went on, his fingers twisting into the blanket still half-draped over him. "He was... He jerked off. I just... helped."
"Fuck." He sat back in his chair, stayed still for a moment, then scrubbed a hand over his face. "Fuck. Listen," he started as he leaned forward again, elbows on his knees, "you gotta tell me if he tries anything like that again, okay?"
"Okay," Young Bae agreed, not wanting to upset him further. "But it's not that big a deal. And I don't think he's doing it to anyone else."
Teddy clearly wasn't convinced. "Whatever. I'm gonna keep an eye on him." He sighed and shook his head. "You wanna get outta here? I'll buy you a coffee."
Young Bae declined the offer and the ones that followed - a salad, a movie, a beer - before finally excusing himself to get back to practice. He didn't want Teddy (or anyone else) fretting over him, and he spent a little while by himself in the dance studio, stretching and practicing a few moves, until the surreal conversation faded from his mind and he felt like himself again.
It was only the next day, as he walked by Hyun Suk's office on his way to a meeting, that he realized Teddy wasn't going to keep what Young Bae had said to himself. He heard Teddy's voice, uncharacteristically harsh and muffled by the closed office door, and stopped dead in his tracks. "--not even gay! What-- What the fuck is wrong with you?"
He'd stuttered and slipped into English, which he usually only did when he was showing off for the cameras, too high, or, apparently, too furious to think straight. Hyun Suk's reply was too quiet for Young Bae to hear, but the tense anger in his voice sent the usual stab of fear through his stomach. He walked on before he could hear anything else, away from the closed door and to the meeting room where Ji Eun and Jinu were already sitting.
Hyun Suk still looked angry when he walked in ten minutes late, his movements a little too brisk despite the small smile he gave them and the casual tone of voice he tried to adopt. Teddy simply didn't show up. Young Bae studiously avoided Hyun Suk's eyes, taking notes so neat and precise they would've made Ji Yong envious.
Kush slipped into the room halfway through the meeting, and the complete confusion on his face as he took a seat and apologized for Teddy's absence was a relief. At least Teddy hadn't told anyone else.
***
Young Bae headed to the studios' communal kitchen for some cold tea after his usual morning work-out. Min Ji and Bom were already there, both of them looking a little rough around the edges as they prepared instant ramyun. "Morning," Min Ji muttered. Bom raised her head and mustered up a tired, puffy-eyed smile before going pack to sifting through her packet of flavoring. Young Bae had no idea what she was trying to do.
"Good morning," he replied, heading straight for the fridge. He found a pitcher of barley tea and poured himself a glass. Bom fished a tiny piece of dried mushroom out of the packet and added it to a small pile on the counter. "... Don't like mushrooms?"
"Not the dried ones. They get all... gross," she said vaguely, giving the packet a shake as she peered into it.
"But dried leek and seaweed and carrots are okay," Min Ji added amusedly, then poured boiling water into her bowl. "How bad was Master Hwang today?"
Young Bae shrugged and took a sip of tea. "I like him."
"I like him, too," Bom said, the flavoring having finally passed her inspection. "I just like corn better."
"And chocolate," Min Ji added.
"And having a life."
Young Bae laughed. Hwang actually approved of chocolate in moderate doses - and always had some around when a member of Big Bang wasn't feeling well - but there was no defending his hatred for corn. And he had no real desire to stop the girls' good-natured complaining, anyway. It'd been too long since he'd laughed out of something other than nervousness or embarrassment.
Min Ji and Bom shuffled over to the table, carrying their bowls gingerly. "Want a bite?" Min Ji offered. Young Bae shook his head, then grinned at the mutters that ensued about him "eating only salads forever because Master Hwang told him to or something".
He was getting rid of the dried mushroom pile Bom had forgotten on the counter when Min Ji spoke up again, sounding a little more awake after a few slurps of spicy noodles. "Hey, did Teddy warn you about sajang-nim?"
Young Bae's stomach sank down to his shoes. He shook the last of the mushrooms off his hand and into the trash, then grabbed his glass again and turned around to face the table. It couldn't be that bad if they didn't know he was involved. "About sajang-nim? No..."
"Well, he told me and CL to be careful around him last night," Min Ji started. "Like, not to stay alone with him if we can. And he said to tell him right away if he's making us uncomfortable. He looked really serious about it, it was kind of weird."
Bom nodded in agreement, frowning down at her ramyun as she ate. "... I think it's just the girls, though."
"No, Seung Ri said Teddy told him and Dae Seung too. It's weird he didn't tell Young Bae," Min Ji said, then turned her head to include him in the conversation again. "Right? You're always hanging out with Teddy. I thought you'd know what's going on."
Young Bae tried to school his facial features into something resembling confusion. "Do you know what he did? Hyun Suk, I mean."
"No... Must've been something bad, though."
Bom shrugged one shoulder. "Maybe he didn't actually do anything and Teddy's just suspicious. Since YG always watches us practice and stuff."
"Well, be careful," Young Bae said, because that seemed like something he should say. He knew Hyun Suk wouldn't so much as look at either Min Ji or Chae Rin in a way that could be considered inappropriate, though, and immediately wished he could take the words back. Teddy meant well, but making Hyun Suk appear like some kind of boogeyman out to take advantage of his trainees didn't sit right with him. They'd... flirted. Young Bae had danced for him. It just wasn't the same.
***
YG Family were a close-knit bunch, but it still surprised Young Bae to see just how efficient the rumor mill was. A couple of days and Hyun Suk had become someone to smile and bow to and then whisper about. He tried to be the voice of reason when it happened right under his nose; CL's joking "think he was staring at my tits?" one morning in the gym had him defending Hyun Suk like he hadn't spent the strangest ten minutes of his entire life with his hand around the man's dick not even a week ago.
But staying silent, in the end, turned out to be an easier choice than defending him by essentially lying about the whole situation. He stuck to vague "come on, guys, he's still our boss" when the gossip and disdain got out of control - it was probably what people expected to hear from him, anyway.
Hyun Suk had noticed the way people were looking at him, of course, but he was apparently determined to keep to his usual routine despite the almost palpable awkwardness that descended upon any room he stepped into. Young Bae used to like having him around during practice (he often came up with good moves - whatever his faults, he was still a great dancer), but now seeing him walk into the dance studio just made Young Bae cringe.
It wasn't just the uncomfortable silences that were hard to deal with. Hyun Suk tried to keep his cool regardless of the way people reacted to him and ignored Young Bae for the most part, but the way his expression hardened whenever their eyes accidentally met made Young Bae feel like a gnat. He wished he'd kept the whole thing to himself instead of betraying Hyun Suk's trust.
He also wished Teddy had been a little less... overzealous. Even now, late in the evening when Young Bae knew he had songs to work on and plenty of other things to do, Teddy was sitting in on Big Bang's practice. Jinu was there, too, hanging out with some girls from Crazy. There was always someone hanging around or checking in on them under the pretense of saying hi, nowadays, and Young Bae was pretty sure 2NE1 and the younger trainees were getting the same treatment. A needless distraction, he thought, and a waste of their producers and staff's time.
When Hyun Suk dropped by that night, Seung Ri ran over to Jae Wook's laptop and paused the music to greet him - Teddy's warning obviously hadn't made a dent in his burning desire for Hyun Suk's approval. He was followed by Ji Yong, Dae Sung and Seung Hyun, who all said hello with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Young Bae simply nodded to him and hung back.
Teddy, predictably enough, materialized by his side after a minute. "Want some Red Bull?" he asked nonchalantly, offering him a can. Young Bae shook his head and propped his foot up on the nearby bench to redo the knot on his shoelace. Teddy sat next to him, cracking the can open, and they both listened in silence as Seung Ri and Ji Yong talked to Hyun Suk about the latest choreography.
Hyun Suk wanted to see, of course, and soon Young Bae was standing in formation again, only half his mind focused on the music and the movements of his body. How long would it take before people realized he and Hyun Suk were more or less ignoring each other? He would've gotten feedback from him on any other night; the usual criticism or at least some off-hand comment about how nice his biceps were or how good his footwork had gotten. People would notice the silence, and then it wouldn't take long for someone to put two and two together.
He came back to reality just as the song ended, and had to stop himself from making a face as he realized he'd done the whole routine on autopilot. Hyun Suk's lack of reaction to a mediocre performance would be even more noticeable. He sighed silently and spun around, stepping past two Crazy girls and right back to the relative safety of Teddy's side.
"You okay?"
He nodded. "I'm just tired, I guess."
"Red Bull," Teddy replied, grabbing Young Bae's arm and pushing the half-full can into his hand. "It's like twelve coffees in one can, man."
Young Bae dredged up a smile and drank. He lowered the can after a couple of sips - the stuff tasted like liquid candy - and nearly dropped it when he noticed Hyun Suk heading his way.
Whatever he'd wanted to say, though, he didn't have time to. Teddy was on his feet before Hyun Suk even opened his mouth, standing so close to Young Bae their shoulders touched, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Jinu take a few steps toward them.
Everyone must be looking at them, he realized, his heart starting to race again, but Hyun Suk broke the tense silence before he could check. "You think you need bodyguards, now?" he asked quietly, and it would've been easier to reply had he sounded flippant rather than hurt.
"I--" Young Bae started, but Hyun Suk interrupted him, his expression hardening again.
"Your dancing needs work."
"I know."
And that was it. He turned, said his goodbyes to the dancers and the rest of Big Bang, and left. Young Bae let out the breath he'd been holding and took a sip of Red Bull before glancing around. Most people either hadn't heard or were too polite to look his way, but then he met Ji Yong's eyes and could only hold his suspicious, scrutinizing gaze for a few seconds before looking away, drinking again to pretend he hadn't noticed him.
***
Once Young Bae got home, he settled in bed with his book of English expressions (a gift from Aimee), one eye on the door as he flipped through it in search of something interesting to learn. The other guys hadn't tried to talk to him on the way home, but he fully expected Ji Yong to drop by his room before going to bed, which made it hard to concentrate. He finally settled for reviewing the expressions he'd already learned and made it only to "around the clock" before Ji Yong knocked and opened the door, his hair still damp and tousled from the shower he'd just taken.
"Are you busy?" he asked, slinking in anyway. Young Bae shook his head and set his book aside, watching silently as Ji Yong sat next to him on the bed, legs crossed. Gaho followed, pushing the door open wider as he came in, and immediately headed for the small dog bed Boss was curled up in. Young Bae smiled at the parallel.
"It's you Hyun Suk did something to, right?"
Ji Yong had never been one to beat around the bush. Young Bae looked away from the dogs and cleared his throat. "Yeah. On Tuesday night, when I was practicing." He went on - Ji Yong was looking at him expectantly. "He just started touching me. And I jerked him off."
The raised eyebrows and surprised laughter were a better reaction than the disgust he'd gotten from Teddy. "Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Wow... You didn't wanna do it, right?"
"No. But I kind of..." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, trying to pinpoint what it was he wanted to say. He hadn't encouraged Hyun Suk, exactly, but... "I was dancing for him. I guess he just got the wrong idea."
"Didn't you try to stop him?"
"Yeah, but..." He shrugged. "He really wanted to do it."
"Gross."
"I don't know. Teddy's making a big deal out of it, but... Well, it's not like I'm a child." He crossed his arms behind his head and stared up at the white ceiling, thinking. Ji Yong was the only trainee he could think of who was actually gay. "He doesn't flirt with you, right?"
"Hyun Suk? No," Ji Yong replied, a grin spreading on his face. "Maybe he only goes for muscled guys."
Young Bae snorted. "Maybe."
"So how big's his dick?"
The question startled a laugh out of him. "What? ... Bigger than yours," he retorted, bending one leg to give Ji Yong a light kick. That failed to ruffle his feathers, though - he only grinned wider.
"Well, he's really tall." Once it became clear Young Bae wasn't going to offer more details (he had no desire to relive the embarrassment of wiping Hyun Suk's come off the floor, no matter how much it would entertain Ji Yong), his expression faded to something more serious. He stared at the covers for a moment, picked at a tiny piece of lint, then looked up again. "So... You're okay, right?"
Young Bae found himself nodding out of habit before he'd actually considered the question. He mulled it over for the umpteenth time in the past few days. "... I wish he hadn't kissed me." That, in retrospect, made him wince more than the lapdance or the handjob. He'd been waiting to be in love - or at least for a girl he really cared about.
"What, is he a bad kisser?"
There was the hint of a smile on Ji Yong's face again. Young Bae blew out a half-amused, half-exasperated breath and kicked him a little harder. "How would I know? It was just... bad." He forced himself to think about it again - Hyun Suk's hand holding his head still, the sliminess of it all and the feel of their teeth clicking together... He tried replacing him with some faceless pretty girl who didn't have huge hands or taste of cigarette smoke, then shook his head to himself. "I don't think I like kissing."
"What? No." Ji Yong frowned at him. "You can't not like kissing." That had been said in the same tone as "I'm not sick" and "I can get this done today" and all those other instances where Ji Yong simply expected reality to bend to his will.
Young Bae shrugged, knowing that arguing would be useless. "It was gross."
"Hey, I know. I'll kiss you," he suggested, obviously pleased with his own idea, "and you can just forget about Hyun Suk and say it was your first kiss."
"Is that really any better?"
Ji Yong grinned at the joke, then stretched himself out on his side next to him and watched him, waiting. Young Bae didn't have to consider the idea for long - it really couldn't be any worse than kissing Hyun Suk - and turned his head toward Ji Yong in silent assent.
It took three tries before their lips touched without either of them snorting with laughter at the last second. When they finally made contact, though, it stopped being funny, and Young Bae let his eyes close to take in the sensations. He could feel Ji Yong's smile still lingering on his lips as he kissed him. The gentle nipping at his lower lip was okay, he decided, but then their tongues touched and he wasn't so sure anymore.
Ji Yong stroked the back of his neck, coaxed him into kissing back, and after what felt like minutes, Young Bae managed to relax and find some kind of pace. Still, he wasn't sure he understood the appeal. It was... wet. And awkward.
"Must've been Hyun Suk's fault," Ji Yong eventually declared, propping his head up on his hand. "'Cause you're not bad at it."
Young Bae wiped his mouth and sucked in a deep breath before answering. Ji Yong looked fine - clearly there was some way to kiss and breathe at the same time that was eluding him. "It's still kind of..." Gross seemed like a mean thing to say, so he simply shrugged and grimaced instead. When Ji Yong clicked his tongue in reply and leaned closer again, grinning, Young Bae laughed and stopped him by slapping one hand over his face. "I think that's enough."
Ji Yong pulled his hand away, and, after tussling for a few moments, managed to press another quick peck to his lips. "I gotta go to bed," he finally said, breathless with laughter and the effort he'd exerted. "Just tell him off if he acts like a dirty old man again."
"Yeah... Good night."
He watched Ji Yong leave, Gaho trailing behind him sleepily, then rolled onto his back and shook his head to himself.
Tell Hyun Suk off. Right.
***
"I thought it could go--"
"Wait-- wait," Teddy suddenly said, then sat there with his eyes closed and his spoon still in the air, nodding along to the beat that was obviously going through his head. He tapped the fingers of his free hand on the table for a moment - Young Bae counted four bars - then opened his eyes. "Got it," he announced, then started humming and nanana-ing his way through the chorus of the song they were working on.
Young Bae flicked his eyes down to the lyrics that lay between them, mentally superposing the two. One of the lines didn't fit. He grabbed his pen and scratched out a few words, then jotted down the first thing that came into his mind.
Teddy read the results upside down as he shoveled fried rice into his mouth. "That's fuckin' great," he said with some difficulty. "We gotta get recording." He started shoveling with more vigor and Young Bae followed suit, eager to get started. He knew they had a hit on their hands - maybe a title song, even.
"Fuck," Teddy muttered after few moments. Young Bae looked up from his food and blinked when he saw his expression. He was frowning as he stared at something over Young Bae's shoulder. "YG's comin'," he added, glancing at Young Bae, then took another bite of rice.
Young Bae immediately felt himself tense up, the song forgotten. He poked at his food, listening to Hyun Suk's footsteps, and forced himself to look up once he stopped at their table. "Hi."
"Good afternoon." He looked as stressed out and angry as he had for the past few days. This couldn't be good. "I'd like to talk to you."
He stood there, waiting, and made it clear they weren't going to talk in the cafeteria. Young Bae put down his chopsticks and opened his mouth, but Teddy once again spoke up before he'd had a chance to.
"He ain't going anywhere, we got work to do."
"We can work afterwards," Young Bae said, shooting Teddy a sidelong look. He stood up, glanced at the remnants of his meal and grabbed the half-empty bottle of vitamin water from the tray. "I'll--"
"You want me to come along?" Teddy asked, then glanced at Hyun Suk and lowered his voice (but not quite enough), his tone turning snide. "Someone's gotta keep an eye on--"
"Stop it," Young Bae hissed, his irritation at being treated like a molested child - and at Hyun Suk being treated like a child molester - finally flaring up. The slow, confused blink Teddy gave him in reply somewhat mollified him, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize. "I'll be right back."
The walk to Hyun Suk's office was long, awkward, and completely silent. Hyun Suk didn't seem to have realized that Young Bae had been sticking up for him, or at least trying to. He probably thought Young Bae gossiped about him like everyone else, and the hard look he gave Young Bae as he opened the door to his office certainly fit that theory. "Sit down."
Young Bae nodded and took a seat on one of the two chairs that faced Hyun Suk's desk. Hyun Suk closed the door and sat down as well. He leaned back, crossed his legs, and they simply sat like this for a moment, facing each other across the polished wood of his desk, the silence thickening until Young Bae couldn't hold back from fidgeting, spinning the bottle of vitamin water in his hands. He'd have to say something first. He'd--
"How many people have you told?"
Young Bae blinked. "Just... Teddy and Ji Yong."
"Jinu knows, too," Hyun Suk replied, a hint of accusation in his voice. "People have been talking."
Young Bae took a deep breath and fixed his eyes on the giraffe statue in the corner of the room. It looked ridiculous and was usually enough to distract him from the embarrassment or frustration or, back when he was too young to take Hyun Suk's harsh criticism in stride, the tears that would threaten to well in his eyes. "I didn't tell Jinu."
"Well, you shouldn't have told Teddy either. Don't you realize how much it could hurt my reputation?"
Young Bae's eyes skittered from the giraffe to Hyun Suk's stony expression and down to the bottle in his own hands, Ji Yong's advice running through his mind. "Maybe you shouldn't have done it, then," he said quietly, then waited for an outburst.
What he heard instead was a long sigh that made him raise his head again. "You didn't want to do it, did you." It was more of a statement than a question, but Young Bae shook his head anyway. "You should've told me to stop."
"I did."
It was Hyun Suk's turn to look uncomfortable. He picked up a small paperweight and toyed with it for a moment, his eyes obscured by his hat. "I'm sorry. I know I went too fast for you," he finally said, looking up again. "We could start over, if you like. Go out for dinner together."
Young Bae couldn't keep the frown off his face at the suggestion, then suddenly realized, as Hyun Suk's mouth twisted slightly and the sadness in his eyes became more obvious, who really had the upper hand. "I'm not interested," he replied firmly, feeling calmer than he'd had in ages, and even managed not to jump when Hyun Suk set the paperweight back down with a dull clunk.
"Fine." The anger and disdain was back in place. Young Bae couldn't have been less intimidated. "Go back to work, then."
He nodded and rose from the chair, then stopped, feeling like he should say something more. He felt sorry - not for dancing for Hyun Suk or any of the not-so-good decisions he'd taken that night, but sorry for him, for even thinking that Young Bae would be interested in the first place. "I'll tell everyone to stop talking about you," he said, his free hand on the back of the chair. "I didn't think--"
"Go back to work, Young Bae."
Young Bae left.
Pairing: Young Bae/Yang Hyun Suk (YG)
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Dubious consent
Summary: Young Bae dances. Hyun Suk watches.
A/N: An attempt at taking a typical molestation fic plot and putting a more realistic spin on it. :) (And I'm not kidding about the giraffe, although I'm not sure the ugly thing survived the move to the new YG building.)
Where U At ended and Young Bae walked over to the bench to snatch up his towel. He wiped his face, took a few sips of water, then sat down for a break. He had no singles to promote anymore, but he wanted to keep himself in shape for the eventual release of his second album. He couldn't sleep well unless he exercised, anyway.
He looked at the clock - ten to one - then took a deep breath and stood up again, heading over to the stereo. He skipped to one of his new songs (the choreography needed some work) and turned to face the mirrored wall.
He was only halfway through the first chorus when he noticed Hyun Suk watching him from the small window in the door. He smiled, used to having Hyun Suk check on him, and Hyun Suk smiled back at him and walked into the studio, the acrid smell of smoke tickling Young Bae's nose as he approached. He stopped dancing, but Hyun Suk gestured for him to continue, then seated himself at the edge of the bench.
Dancing in front of Hyun Suk was a lot like dancing in front of a large audience. The butterflies in his stomach were the same, anyway, ever since he'd recognized the look in Hyun Suk's eyes for what it was. He dropped by often, always late at night, and watched Young Bae in silence until he got his fill, occasionally offering brief praise. He always gave him a pat on the back or a squeeze to his shoulder before he left, leaving Young Bae's nerves singing with tension and his lungs burning from the exertion and cigarette smoke.
Tonight was no different - he quickly found himself tensing up as he paid more attention to his own moves, wanting to put on a good show.
"Relax," Hyun Suk called out once the song ended. Young Bae met his eyes briefly through the mirror, nodded, and rolled his shoulders as he listened to the intro to the next song. It was a ballad, and one for which he and Jae Wook hadn't worked out a choreography yet. He took a deep breath and started improvising; it'd be easier to relax if he wasn't worrying about what he was doing, anyway.
He closed his eyes, undulating slowly to the music, and only opened them again to pull his t-shirt over his head and throw it to the floor, out of the way. Hyun Suk was smiling, his eyes shaded by his baseball cap and an unlit cigarette halfway to his lips. Young Bae looked away from the mirror, pressing his lips together against the answering smile that tugged at them.
He heard the crack of Hyun Suk's lighter and only had time for a few more moves before he spoke up again. "Turn around."
He spun on his heels and struck a pose just as the song ended. This time he couldn't stifle his grin as Hyun Suk laughed and clapped his hands a few times. He gestured for Young Bae to come over. The playlist looped back to the beginning and Wedding Dress started to play as he stood in front of Hyun Suk, wondering whether he'd get praise or criticism. It was always hard to tell, even when Hyun Suk looked pleased.
Instead of speaking, though, Hyun Suk leaned forward, grabbed him by the back of his thigh and pulled, forcing him to take a couple more steps forward. Young Bae's heart leapt in his chest but Hyun Suk only sat back again, crossing his legs, and took a puff from his cigarette. "Keep going," he said, and Young Bae started dancing again.
He had to keep improvising - it was a little harder with the choreography for Wedding Dress constantly coming to mind, but Hyun Suk clearly wanted him to stay close. Eventually he uncrossed his legs, gave Young Bae's leg another rough pull forward, and the dance was suddenly a lap dance.
Young Bae had no idea what he was even doing anymore. Hyun Suk's hand lingered on his leg, his eyes fixed on him as he inhaled more smoke. This must have been how Ji Yong felt when he made out with strangers at parties, he thought, his heart beating fast as he moved as sensually as he dared to, one hand braced on Hyun Suk's shoulder.
"You're sexy," he said in a low voice, leaning forward, and Young Bae grasped Hyun Suk's shoulder tighter when he pressed a kiss to his abdomen, instinctively going still.
He was frozen on the spot, still trying to process what was happening - Hyun Suk's hand caressing his thigh and his lips slowly moving lower - but finally took a step back when Hyun Suk reached for his belt buckle, words tumbling out of his mouth of their own accord. "I'd rather not-- I'm waiting until I have a girlfriend."
Hyun Suk went still, then let out a soft snort and straightened up. "Sit down."
Young Bae did so. His face felt flushed from the inanity of what he'd just said and Hyun Suk's reaction to it. He grasped the edge of the bench and convinced himself to look up. Hyun Suk's cap was askew from kissing his stomach. He looked away again, nervous laughter suddenly rising in his throat.
Hyun Suk moved closer, and his warm, heavy hand on Young Bae's thigh killed his urge to laugh. "You still haven't even kissed anyone, have you?"
"No," Young Bae replied, and Hyun Suk's lips were on his before he could add "but please don't." His tongue felt too big in his mouth and tasted like cigarettes. He didn't know what to do with his own tongue, didn't know where to put his hands, and it was an enormous relief when Hyun Suk broke the kiss.
"You're not even trying," he said in the same quiet, disappointed tone he used when his dancing or singing wasn't up to par. The desperate desire to do better was almost a Pavlovian response after all these years, and when Hyun Suk moved in again, Young Bae kissed back. He stroked Hyun Suk's tongue with his own, even put one hand on his arm, and knew from his low hum that he was doing well.
He couldn't help pulling away, though, when Hyun Suk slid his hand up his chest and rubbed the pad of his thumb against his nipple. He opened his mouth, then closed it, unsure how to say no yet again in a way that wouldn't anger him. Hyun Suk only had a fond, resigned smile on his face, though. "Ah, Young Bae, you're always teasing me."
The butt of Hyun Suk's cigarette disappeared into his portable ashtray. Young Bae was sure he was finally off the hook, but instead of leaving, Hyun Suk reached down and unzipped his own jeans. He looked away, fixing his eyes on the water cooler across the room as he tried to ignore the soft rustling noises and Hyun Suk's hitching breaths.
Curiosity took the better of him, and when he glanced back, hands clutching the edge of the bench again, Hyun Suk was watching him as he stroked his erection. Their eyes met and Young Bae couldn't look away fast enough.
"Help me out," Hyun Suk said quietly, and Young Bae jumped when he grabbed his hand and pulled it into his lap. He looked back at Hyun Suk and tried pulling against his firm hold, his heart pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears. Hyun Suk reacted not with anger, but with that slightly surprised disappointment again. "No? Come on, just with your hand."
Just his hand, Young Bae mentally repeated as he wrapped it around Hyun Suk's cock and gave it an uncertain squeeze. It could be worse. Hyun Suk covered his hand with one of his own, tightening his grip and guiding him into a fast rhythm. Young Bae got the hang of it quickly - he twisted his hand the way Hyun Suk seemed to like, took note of the sensitive spots that made him hiss and twitch his hips, and didn't stop when he let go. He was rewarded with soft praise and encouragement, Hyun Suk's lisp even stronger than usual, and at least that gave him something to smile about again.
Hyun Suk came with a grunt and a jerk of his hips, and Young Bae didn't think of catching it in his hand. Some of it got onto the back of his fingers, though, and watching the rest of it drip to the floor was enough to break the dreamlike state he'd been in. He wanted to get away from Hyun Suk, lock himself up in his room until he managed to fully process what had just happened.
"I should clean up," he stammered, looking at the wall, the ceiling, the water cooler again. "I mean, the floor... I'll just go get..." He gestured vaguely toward the small closet that contained a mop and cleaning supplies, then stood, his legs feeling like jelly as he walked over to it. He wiped his hand on his pants before opening the door.
When he turned back to Hyun Suk, bottle of cleaner and rag in hand, he was relieved to see that he'd already tucked himself back into his jeans, stood up and lit another cigarette. Everything seemed back to normal, or at least would be once Young Bae wiped away the splatters on the floor.
"Don't stay up too late," Hyun Suk said with the same casual affection he'd use after checking in on Big Bang's recording sessions or bringing them dinner after dance practice. He ruffled Young Bae's hair and Young Bae mustered up another smile before he walked out of the room, leaving the usual trail of smoke behind.
***
He woke up the next day feeling as if the whole thing had happened to someone else. He couldn't pinpoint how he felt about it, even after lying in bed for too long, petting Boss as he thought. There was disgust, the small thrill of finally having had some kind of sexual experience, the guilt from doing something he knew wasn't right... It was all one big confusing mess and he eventually gave up on sorting through it, shaking his head to himself as he pushed his covers aside to find something to eat.
An idol's schedule couldn't be interrupted for small things like confusion over having given one's boss a handjob, and so Young Bae went through the usual workout-photo-shoot-dance-practice routine, only half his mind focused on what he was doing.
Hwang didn't notice anything, but then again, Young Bae usually couldn't speak much while trying to keep up with his instructions. Ji Eun and the photographer didn't make any comments, either - his poses weren't all that creative, he felt, but they were apparently good enough to do the job. He spent most of his dance practice session feeling awkward and uncoordinated, unable to concentrate on the new sequences he was learning, but even Jae Wook said nothing despite the small mistakes Young Bae knew he was making.
"Go get something to eat," Jae Wook said, slapping him on the back, as he ended the lesson ten minutes early.
Young Bae nodded, then nearly apologized for his lack of concentration but bit his tongue instead. He didn't want to be asked questions about it, and he definitely shouldn't be letting fifteen minutes of weirdness affect him so much. Ji Yong wasn't like this. Ji Yong could switch from mourning a friend's death or throwing up, still drunk, into a trash can to being completely focused on his work in two seconds flat.
He took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror before heading out. He looked fine, if a bit tired - no "I had sex with Yang Hyun Suk" neon sign on his forehead, regardless of how... off he felt. He considered Jae Wook's advice as he walked down the corridor, but he really wasn't feeling hungry and opted instead for finding a cool, dark, quiet place and relaxing for an hour or so. The obvious answer came to mind immediately.
Teddy greeted him with his customary smile and combination handshake/hug. "Just had dance practice, huh? You wanna take a nap?"
Young Bae smiled back and nodded, grateful for Teddy's usual lack of expectations. He gathered up the stray hoodies - one of which was his - and the empty take-out boxes from the couch he usually slept on. Teddy took them from him and he lay down, covering himself with Teddy's large blanket.
He dozed off and on without really falling asleep and woke up for good at the unusual sound of Teddy crunching into what sounded like an apple. He opened his eyes. It was an apple.
"Whatcha smilin' about?" Teddy asked, half of his face lit up by the glow from his computer monitor.
"You're eating fruit."
He laughed. "Yeah, happens once in a while. Gotta keep the scurvy away." He turned back to his computer, but then looked back at him. "Want one?"
Young Bae shook his head and closed his eyes again. He listened to Teddy's chewing and to the quiet clicks of his mouse, but even the soothing, familiar sounds weren't enough to lull him back to sleep. He took a deep breath. "Did you know YG's gay?"
"Yeah," Teddy replied, his mouth obviously full. "Well, I thought he was. Did he tell you?"
"No."
He spun his chair around to face him, a grin spreading onto his face. "Didja catch him with someone?"
Young Bae managed a laugh despite the blush he felt coming on. He shook his head. "It's just that... I think he... Well, he watches me a lot. When I'm dancing." He saw Teddy's grin fade and stopped talking, repressing the sudden urge to press his face into the arm of the couch and pretend to go back to sleep. Teddy would never buy it.
"You want him to stop?"
Young Bae recognized the question for what it was and shook his head, unable to imagine how uncomfortable Teddy would be about having to pass on that message to Hyun Suk. "Never mind."
Teddy looked at him silently, his fingers tapping a random rhythm on the arm of his chair. The complete seriousness in his expression wasn't something Young Bae saw often, and when Teddy started talking again - "Well, you know, if he's making you uncomfortable..." - he simply cut in, deciding that telling him what had happened would be easier than trying to duck his questions.
"I just didn't think he'd go that far." He sat up and ran one hand through his hair. Teddy's fingers went still. "He kissed me and stuff."
"... He kissed you?"
Young Bae nodded. Teddy was silent for so long, seemingly unable to figure out what to say, that he almost felt bad for bringing it up.
"Did you want him to?" he finally asked. "I mean, uh. You attracted to him?"
"No!" Young Bae had to laugh at that. Even if he were gay, he was pretty sure he'd have better taste. Or at least go for someone his own age. "No," he repeated, and was relieved to see the hint of a smile on Teddy's face.
"Yeah... Stupid question, huh?" He tossed his mostly-eaten, forgotten apple into an empty take-out container, then looked back at Young Bae, serious again. "What else'd he do?"
Young Bae wished he'd thought of a way to phrase it before bringing up the topic. He opened his mouth and stayed like this, a dozen too-crude descriptions on the tip of his tongue, until Teddy rescued him.
"You didn't have sex or anything, right?"
"Not really." That didn't do much to improve Teddy's increasingly disturbed-looking expression, so he went on, his fingers twisting into the blanket still half-draped over him. "He was... He jerked off. I just... helped."
"Fuck." He sat back in his chair, stayed still for a moment, then scrubbed a hand over his face. "Fuck. Listen," he started as he leaned forward again, elbows on his knees, "you gotta tell me if he tries anything like that again, okay?"
"Okay," Young Bae agreed, not wanting to upset him further. "But it's not that big a deal. And I don't think he's doing it to anyone else."
Teddy clearly wasn't convinced. "Whatever. I'm gonna keep an eye on him." He sighed and shook his head. "You wanna get outta here? I'll buy you a coffee."
Young Bae declined the offer and the ones that followed - a salad, a movie, a beer - before finally excusing himself to get back to practice. He didn't want Teddy (or anyone else) fretting over him, and he spent a little while by himself in the dance studio, stretching and practicing a few moves, until the surreal conversation faded from his mind and he felt like himself again.
It was only the next day, as he walked by Hyun Suk's office on his way to a meeting, that he realized Teddy wasn't going to keep what Young Bae had said to himself. He heard Teddy's voice, uncharacteristically harsh and muffled by the closed office door, and stopped dead in his tracks. "--not even gay! What-- What the fuck is wrong with you?"
He'd stuttered and slipped into English, which he usually only did when he was showing off for the cameras, too high, or, apparently, too furious to think straight. Hyun Suk's reply was too quiet for Young Bae to hear, but the tense anger in his voice sent the usual stab of fear through his stomach. He walked on before he could hear anything else, away from the closed door and to the meeting room where Ji Eun and Jinu were already sitting.
Hyun Suk still looked angry when he walked in ten minutes late, his movements a little too brisk despite the small smile he gave them and the casual tone of voice he tried to adopt. Teddy simply didn't show up. Young Bae studiously avoided Hyun Suk's eyes, taking notes so neat and precise they would've made Ji Yong envious.
Kush slipped into the room halfway through the meeting, and the complete confusion on his face as he took a seat and apologized for Teddy's absence was a relief. At least Teddy hadn't told anyone else.
***
Young Bae headed to the studios' communal kitchen for some cold tea after his usual morning work-out. Min Ji and Bom were already there, both of them looking a little rough around the edges as they prepared instant ramyun. "Morning," Min Ji muttered. Bom raised her head and mustered up a tired, puffy-eyed smile before going pack to sifting through her packet of flavoring. Young Bae had no idea what she was trying to do.
"Good morning," he replied, heading straight for the fridge. He found a pitcher of barley tea and poured himself a glass. Bom fished a tiny piece of dried mushroom out of the packet and added it to a small pile on the counter. "... Don't like mushrooms?"
"Not the dried ones. They get all... gross," she said vaguely, giving the packet a shake as she peered into it.
"But dried leek and seaweed and carrots are okay," Min Ji added amusedly, then poured boiling water into her bowl. "How bad was Master Hwang today?"
Young Bae shrugged and took a sip of tea. "I like him."
"I like him, too," Bom said, the flavoring having finally passed her inspection. "I just like corn better."
"And chocolate," Min Ji added.
"And having a life."
Young Bae laughed. Hwang actually approved of chocolate in moderate doses - and always had some around when a member of Big Bang wasn't feeling well - but there was no defending his hatred for corn. And he had no real desire to stop the girls' good-natured complaining, anyway. It'd been too long since he'd laughed out of something other than nervousness or embarrassment.
Min Ji and Bom shuffled over to the table, carrying their bowls gingerly. "Want a bite?" Min Ji offered. Young Bae shook his head, then grinned at the mutters that ensued about him "eating only salads forever because Master Hwang told him to or something".
He was getting rid of the dried mushroom pile Bom had forgotten on the counter when Min Ji spoke up again, sounding a little more awake after a few slurps of spicy noodles. "Hey, did Teddy warn you about sajang-nim?"
Young Bae's stomach sank down to his shoes. He shook the last of the mushrooms off his hand and into the trash, then grabbed his glass again and turned around to face the table. It couldn't be that bad if they didn't know he was involved. "About sajang-nim? No..."
"Well, he told me and CL to be careful around him last night," Min Ji started. "Like, not to stay alone with him if we can. And he said to tell him right away if he's making us uncomfortable. He looked really serious about it, it was kind of weird."
Bom nodded in agreement, frowning down at her ramyun as she ate. "... I think it's just the girls, though."
"No, Seung Ri said Teddy told him and Dae Seung too. It's weird he didn't tell Young Bae," Min Ji said, then turned her head to include him in the conversation again. "Right? You're always hanging out with Teddy. I thought you'd know what's going on."
Young Bae tried to school his facial features into something resembling confusion. "Do you know what he did? Hyun Suk, I mean."
"No... Must've been something bad, though."
Bom shrugged one shoulder. "Maybe he didn't actually do anything and Teddy's just suspicious. Since YG always watches us practice and stuff."
"Well, be careful," Young Bae said, because that seemed like something he should say. He knew Hyun Suk wouldn't so much as look at either Min Ji or Chae Rin in a way that could be considered inappropriate, though, and immediately wished he could take the words back. Teddy meant well, but making Hyun Suk appear like some kind of boogeyman out to take advantage of his trainees didn't sit right with him. They'd... flirted. Young Bae had danced for him. It just wasn't the same.
***
YG Family were a close-knit bunch, but it still surprised Young Bae to see just how efficient the rumor mill was. A couple of days and Hyun Suk had become someone to smile and bow to and then whisper about. He tried to be the voice of reason when it happened right under his nose; CL's joking "think he was staring at my tits?" one morning in the gym had him defending Hyun Suk like he hadn't spent the strangest ten minutes of his entire life with his hand around the man's dick not even a week ago.
But staying silent, in the end, turned out to be an easier choice than defending him by essentially lying about the whole situation. He stuck to vague "come on, guys, he's still our boss" when the gossip and disdain got out of control - it was probably what people expected to hear from him, anyway.
Hyun Suk had noticed the way people were looking at him, of course, but he was apparently determined to keep to his usual routine despite the almost palpable awkwardness that descended upon any room he stepped into. Young Bae used to like having him around during practice (he often came up with good moves - whatever his faults, he was still a great dancer), but now seeing him walk into the dance studio just made Young Bae cringe.
It wasn't just the uncomfortable silences that were hard to deal with. Hyun Suk tried to keep his cool regardless of the way people reacted to him and ignored Young Bae for the most part, but the way his expression hardened whenever their eyes accidentally met made Young Bae feel like a gnat. He wished he'd kept the whole thing to himself instead of betraying Hyun Suk's trust.
He also wished Teddy had been a little less... overzealous. Even now, late in the evening when Young Bae knew he had songs to work on and plenty of other things to do, Teddy was sitting in on Big Bang's practice. Jinu was there, too, hanging out with some girls from Crazy. There was always someone hanging around or checking in on them under the pretense of saying hi, nowadays, and Young Bae was pretty sure 2NE1 and the younger trainees were getting the same treatment. A needless distraction, he thought, and a waste of their producers and staff's time.
When Hyun Suk dropped by that night, Seung Ri ran over to Jae Wook's laptop and paused the music to greet him - Teddy's warning obviously hadn't made a dent in his burning desire for Hyun Suk's approval. He was followed by Ji Yong, Dae Sung and Seung Hyun, who all said hello with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Young Bae simply nodded to him and hung back.
Teddy, predictably enough, materialized by his side after a minute. "Want some Red Bull?" he asked nonchalantly, offering him a can. Young Bae shook his head and propped his foot up on the nearby bench to redo the knot on his shoelace. Teddy sat next to him, cracking the can open, and they both listened in silence as Seung Ri and Ji Yong talked to Hyun Suk about the latest choreography.
Hyun Suk wanted to see, of course, and soon Young Bae was standing in formation again, only half his mind focused on the music and the movements of his body. How long would it take before people realized he and Hyun Suk were more or less ignoring each other? He would've gotten feedback from him on any other night; the usual criticism or at least some off-hand comment about how nice his biceps were or how good his footwork had gotten. People would notice the silence, and then it wouldn't take long for someone to put two and two together.
He came back to reality just as the song ended, and had to stop himself from making a face as he realized he'd done the whole routine on autopilot. Hyun Suk's lack of reaction to a mediocre performance would be even more noticeable. He sighed silently and spun around, stepping past two Crazy girls and right back to the relative safety of Teddy's side.
"You okay?"
He nodded. "I'm just tired, I guess."
"Red Bull," Teddy replied, grabbing Young Bae's arm and pushing the half-full can into his hand. "It's like twelve coffees in one can, man."
Young Bae dredged up a smile and drank. He lowered the can after a couple of sips - the stuff tasted like liquid candy - and nearly dropped it when he noticed Hyun Suk heading his way.
Whatever he'd wanted to say, though, he didn't have time to. Teddy was on his feet before Hyun Suk even opened his mouth, standing so close to Young Bae their shoulders touched, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Jinu take a few steps toward them.
Everyone must be looking at them, he realized, his heart starting to race again, but Hyun Suk broke the tense silence before he could check. "You think you need bodyguards, now?" he asked quietly, and it would've been easier to reply had he sounded flippant rather than hurt.
"I--" Young Bae started, but Hyun Suk interrupted him, his expression hardening again.
"Your dancing needs work."
"I know."
And that was it. He turned, said his goodbyes to the dancers and the rest of Big Bang, and left. Young Bae let out the breath he'd been holding and took a sip of Red Bull before glancing around. Most people either hadn't heard or were too polite to look his way, but then he met Ji Yong's eyes and could only hold his suspicious, scrutinizing gaze for a few seconds before looking away, drinking again to pretend he hadn't noticed him.
***
Once Young Bae got home, he settled in bed with his book of English expressions (a gift from Aimee), one eye on the door as he flipped through it in search of something interesting to learn. The other guys hadn't tried to talk to him on the way home, but he fully expected Ji Yong to drop by his room before going to bed, which made it hard to concentrate. He finally settled for reviewing the expressions he'd already learned and made it only to "around the clock" before Ji Yong knocked and opened the door, his hair still damp and tousled from the shower he'd just taken.
"Are you busy?" he asked, slinking in anyway. Young Bae shook his head and set his book aside, watching silently as Ji Yong sat next to him on the bed, legs crossed. Gaho followed, pushing the door open wider as he came in, and immediately headed for the small dog bed Boss was curled up in. Young Bae smiled at the parallel.
"It's you Hyun Suk did something to, right?"
Ji Yong had never been one to beat around the bush. Young Bae looked away from the dogs and cleared his throat. "Yeah. On Tuesday night, when I was practicing." He went on - Ji Yong was looking at him expectantly. "He just started touching me. And I jerked him off."
The raised eyebrows and surprised laughter were a better reaction than the disgust he'd gotten from Teddy. "Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Wow... You didn't wanna do it, right?"
"No. But I kind of..." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, trying to pinpoint what it was he wanted to say. He hadn't encouraged Hyun Suk, exactly, but... "I was dancing for him. I guess he just got the wrong idea."
"Didn't you try to stop him?"
"Yeah, but..." He shrugged. "He really wanted to do it."
"Gross."
"I don't know. Teddy's making a big deal out of it, but... Well, it's not like I'm a child." He crossed his arms behind his head and stared up at the white ceiling, thinking. Ji Yong was the only trainee he could think of who was actually gay. "He doesn't flirt with you, right?"
"Hyun Suk? No," Ji Yong replied, a grin spreading on his face. "Maybe he only goes for muscled guys."
Young Bae snorted. "Maybe."
"So how big's his dick?"
The question startled a laugh out of him. "What? ... Bigger than yours," he retorted, bending one leg to give Ji Yong a light kick. That failed to ruffle his feathers, though - he only grinned wider.
"Well, he's really tall." Once it became clear Young Bae wasn't going to offer more details (he had no desire to relive the embarrassment of wiping Hyun Suk's come off the floor, no matter how much it would entertain Ji Yong), his expression faded to something more serious. He stared at the covers for a moment, picked at a tiny piece of lint, then looked up again. "So... You're okay, right?"
Young Bae found himself nodding out of habit before he'd actually considered the question. He mulled it over for the umpteenth time in the past few days. "... I wish he hadn't kissed me." That, in retrospect, made him wince more than the lapdance or the handjob. He'd been waiting to be in love - or at least for a girl he really cared about.
"What, is he a bad kisser?"
There was the hint of a smile on Ji Yong's face again. Young Bae blew out a half-amused, half-exasperated breath and kicked him a little harder. "How would I know? It was just... bad." He forced himself to think about it again - Hyun Suk's hand holding his head still, the sliminess of it all and the feel of their teeth clicking together... He tried replacing him with some faceless pretty girl who didn't have huge hands or taste of cigarette smoke, then shook his head to himself. "I don't think I like kissing."
"What? No." Ji Yong frowned at him. "You can't not like kissing." That had been said in the same tone as "I'm not sick" and "I can get this done today" and all those other instances where Ji Yong simply expected reality to bend to his will.
Young Bae shrugged, knowing that arguing would be useless. "It was gross."
"Hey, I know. I'll kiss you," he suggested, obviously pleased with his own idea, "and you can just forget about Hyun Suk and say it was your first kiss."
"Is that really any better?"
Ji Yong grinned at the joke, then stretched himself out on his side next to him and watched him, waiting. Young Bae didn't have to consider the idea for long - it really couldn't be any worse than kissing Hyun Suk - and turned his head toward Ji Yong in silent assent.
It took three tries before their lips touched without either of them snorting with laughter at the last second. When they finally made contact, though, it stopped being funny, and Young Bae let his eyes close to take in the sensations. He could feel Ji Yong's smile still lingering on his lips as he kissed him. The gentle nipping at his lower lip was okay, he decided, but then their tongues touched and he wasn't so sure anymore.
Ji Yong stroked the back of his neck, coaxed him into kissing back, and after what felt like minutes, Young Bae managed to relax and find some kind of pace. Still, he wasn't sure he understood the appeal. It was... wet. And awkward.
"Must've been Hyun Suk's fault," Ji Yong eventually declared, propping his head up on his hand. "'Cause you're not bad at it."
Young Bae wiped his mouth and sucked in a deep breath before answering. Ji Yong looked fine - clearly there was some way to kiss and breathe at the same time that was eluding him. "It's still kind of..." Gross seemed like a mean thing to say, so he simply shrugged and grimaced instead. When Ji Yong clicked his tongue in reply and leaned closer again, grinning, Young Bae laughed and stopped him by slapping one hand over his face. "I think that's enough."
Ji Yong pulled his hand away, and, after tussling for a few moments, managed to press another quick peck to his lips. "I gotta go to bed," he finally said, breathless with laughter and the effort he'd exerted. "Just tell him off if he acts like a dirty old man again."
"Yeah... Good night."
He watched Ji Yong leave, Gaho trailing behind him sleepily, then rolled onto his back and shook his head to himself.
Tell Hyun Suk off. Right.
***
"I thought it could go--"
"Wait-- wait," Teddy suddenly said, then sat there with his eyes closed and his spoon still in the air, nodding along to the beat that was obviously going through his head. He tapped the fingers of his free hand on the table for a moment - Young Bae counted four bars - then opened his eyes. "Got it," he announced, then started humming and nanana-ing his way through the chorus of the song they were working on.
Young Bae flicked his eyes down to the lyrics that lay between them, mentally superposing the two. One of the lines didn't fit. He grabbed his pen and scratched out a few words, then jotted down the first thing that came into his mind.
Teddy read the results upside down as he shoveled fried rice into his mouth. "That's fuckin' great," he said with some difficulty. "We gotta get recording." He started shoveling with more vigor and Young Bae followed suit, eager to get started. He knew they had a hit on their hands - maybe a title song, even.
"Fuck," Teddy muttered after few moments. Young Bae looked up from his food and blinked when he saw his expression. He was frowning as he stared at something over Young Bae's shoulder. "YG's comin'," he added, glancing at Young Bae, then took another bite of rice.
Young Bae immediately felt himself tense up, the song forgotten. He poked at his food, listening to Hyun Suk's footsteps, and forced himself to look up once he stopped at their table. "Hi."
"Good afternoon." He looked as stressed out and angry as he had for the past few days. This couldn't be good. "I'd like to talk to you."
He stood there, waiting, and made it clear they weren't going to talk in the cafeteria. Young Bae put down his chopsticks and opened his mouth, but Teddy once again spoke up before he'd had a chance to.
"He ain't going anywhere, we got work to do."
"We can work afterwards," Young Bae said, shooting Teddy a sidelong look. He stood up, glanced at the remnants of his meal and grabbed the half-empty bottle of vitamin water from the tray. "I'll--"
"You want me to come along?" Teddy asked, then glanced at Hyun Suk and lowered his voice (but not quite enough), his tone turning snide. "Someone's gotta keep an eye on--"
"Stop it," Young Bae hissed, his irritation at being treated like a molested child - and at Hyun Suk being treated like a child molester - finally flaring up. The slow, confused blink Teddy gave him in reply somewhat mollified him, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize. "I'll be right back."
The walk to Hyun Suk's office was long, awkward, and completely silent. Hyun Suk didn't seem to have realized that Young Bae had been sticking up for him, or at least trying to. He probably thought Young Bae gossiped about him like everyone else, and the hard look he gave Young Bae as he opened the door to his office certainly fit that theory. "Sit down."
Young Bae nodded and took a seat on one of the two chairs that faced Hyun Suk's desk. Hyun Suk closed the door and sat down as well. He leaned back, crossed his legs, and they simply sat like this for a moment, facing each other across the polished wood of his desk, the silence thickening until Young Bae couldn't hold back from fidgeting, spinning the bottle of vitamin water in his hands. He'd have to say something first. He'd--
"How many people have you told?"
Young Bae blinked. "Just... Teddy and Ji Yong."
"Jinu knows, too," Hyun Suk replied, a hint of accusation in his voice. "People have been talking."
Young Bae took a deep breath and fixed his eyes on the giraffe statue in the corner of the room. It looked ridiculous and was usually enough to distract him from the embarrassment or frustration or, back when he was too young to take Hyun Suk's harsh criticism in stride, the tears that would threaten to well in his eyes. "I didn't tell Jinu."
"Well, you shouldn't have told Teddy either. Don't you realize how much it could hurt my reputation?"
Young Bae's eyes skittered from the giraffe to Hyun Suk's stony expression and down to the bottle in his own hands, Ji Yong's advice running through his mind. "Maybe you shouldn't have done it, then," he said quietly, then waited for an outburst.
What he heard instead was a long sigh that made him raise his head again. "You didn't want to do it, did you." It was more of a statement than a question, but Young Bae shook his head anyway. "You should've told me to stop."
"I did."
It was Hyun Suk's turn to look uncomfortable. He picked up a small paperweight and toyed with it for a moment, his eyes obscured by his hat. "I'm sorry. I know I went too fast for you," he finally said, looking up again. "We could start over, if you like. Go out for dinner together."
Young Bae couldn't keep the frown off his face at the suggestion, then suddenly realized, as Hyun Suk's mouth twisted slightly and the sadness in his eyes became more obvious, who really had the upper hand. "I'm not interested," he replied firmly, feeling calmer than he'd had in ages, and even managed not to jump when Hyun Suk set the paperweight back down with a dull clunk.
"Fine." The anger and disdain was back in place. Young Bae couldn't have been less intimidated. "Go back to work, then."
He nodded and rose from the chair, then stopped, feeling like he should say something more. He felt sorry - not for dancing for Hyun Suk or any of the not-so-good decisions he'd taken that night, but sorry for him, for even thinking that Young Bae would be interested in the first place. "I'll tell everyone to stop talking about you," he said, his free hand on the back of the chair. "I didn't think--"
"Go back to work, Young Bae."
Young Bae left.