Could today be the day?
I'm led in bed willing myself to get out, waiting for the willpower (and/or the need to wee) to overcome my dread of the pain I get first thing. It's a rather exquisite pain. Imagine burning hot needles being pushed into the soles of your feet as they touch the floor and then the sensation of your tendons and ligaments being stretched to the point of snapping. That's the joy that greets me each morning when I rise. Needs must though. There is a bladder to be emptied, thirst to be slaked and hunger to be satisfied. Oh, and perhaps today might be the day I put my saxophone up for auction on eBay.
I made the decision to sell it months ago. I can't play it any more as it's too heavy for my neck and uncomfortable for my hands and fingers. Of course there is a chance I might recover sufficiently to play it again but I'll be so out of condition it will take months to get my embouchure back. And there's every chance I'll have another flare and be back in the same boat. So for the last few months it has sat there looking unloved, mocking my weakened state whilst I have procrastinated about selling it.
Now there is another compelling reason for its sale; I bought a digital piano. A beautiful satin black Kawai CN24 for those interested. I used to play the electronic organ as a child (thanks for enforcing that, Mum!) so piano seemed a good option for musical outlet in my newly disabled state. I have a vague idea of how to play it and it's something I can do sitting down so all the better. Digital pianos are not inexpensive so part of the deal I made with myself is that the sax had to go. Six weeks later it is now seething in a jealous rage, plotting a slow and painful death for me and the piano.
As if the risk of death by saxophone wasn't enough of a reason, I also need to free up some cash to start my new leathercrafting initiative. It's not like we can't spare the money from my partner's salary but my pride dictates that I need to fund it myself. I've never really cared for or been very good with money. I've given up a well-paid career on matter of principle and chosen lower paid jobs because I felt I would be making a worthwhile contribution to society. Money has, however, come to matter to me more now I don't earn any myself. I don't feel kept - my partner refers to 'our' money and 'our' salary - but I do regret not being able to make more of a fiscal contribution.
So, you see, the saxophone has come to represent more than just a beautiful, well-kept reed instrument (with a case, strap, loads of reeds and stand for anyone interested ;)). It is a symbol of what once was and a token of my 'fiscal potential'. Once it has gone I don't know when I'll next be able to contribute so I think that having it around makes me feel better.
Will today be the day I work through all that and actually list the damned thing for auction? I suppose I really should get out of bed first.
I made the decision to sell it months ago. I can't play it any more as it's too heavy for my neck and uncomfortable for my hands and fingers. Of course there is a chance I might recover sufficiently to play it again but I'll be so out of condition it will take months to get my embouchure back. And there's every chance I'll have another flare and be back in the same boat. So for the last few months it has sat there looking unloved, mocking my weakened state whilst I have procrastinated about selling it.
Now there is another compelling reason for its sale; I bought a digital piano. A beautiful satin black Kawai CN24 for those interested. I used to play the electronic organ as a child (thanks for enforcing that, Mum!) so piano seemed a good option for musical outlet in my newly disabled state. I have a vague idea of how to play it and it's something I can do sitting down so all the better. Digital pianos are not inexpensive so part of the deal I made with myself is that the sax had to go. Six weeks later it is now seething in a jealous rage, plotting a slow and painful death for me and the piano.
As if the risk of death by saxophone wasn't enough of a reason, I also need to free up some cash to start my new leathercrafting initiative. It's not like we can't spare the money from my partner's salary but my pride dictates that I need to fund it myself. I've never really cared for or been very good with money. I've given up a well-paid career on matter of principle and chosen lower paid jobs because I felt I would be making a worthwhile contribution to society. Money has, however, come to matter to me more now I don't earn any myself. I don't feel kept - my partner refers to 'our' money and 'our' salary - but I do regret not being able to make more of a fiscal contribution.
So, you see, the saxophone has come to represent more than just a beautiful, well-kept reed instrument (with a case, strap, loads of reeds and stand for anyone interested ;)). It is a symbol of what once was and a token of my 'fiscal potential'. Once it has gone I don't know when I'll next be able to contribute so I think that having it around makes me feel better.
Will today be the day I work through all that and actually list the damned thing for auction? I suppose I really should get out of bed first.