Server Jesus
So I stayed up too late again, big fat fucking deal! It always happens. I don't enjoy going home begins that is when the pain starts. I hate having to deal with it. It's like continuing to have people in my presence makes me forget the fact that I hurt so fucking much. I can't pinpoint the pain. I just know that I don't feel it when I'm not alone. It's a mix of dissapointment, longing, confusion, burnout, and all-around shitty-ness. I've said it before but I'll say it again...Who Am I?
The server at Shari's was who I was hoping it would be. His name is Jake and something about him strikes me as amazing. He reminds me of exactly what I have always thought a Bodhisattva would be. An absolutely gracious person who appears to the average human as just "another nice guy". But he isn't. I can't pinpoint it but there is something there. I believe in reincarnation fully and it seems to me as though he might be a good soul who has traveled many lifetimes. He has changed my life, either way.
I hate ending phone conversations with you on a negative note. I act the way I do because I feel awkward. I lose my point and then I become defensive. Fuck this. I don't really have to explain anything. I'm pretty sure I want to, though. Wow, what a mood swing. I just think that I am trying to say that this is who I am. Why I'm so angry, I'm not sure. I felt the lack of appreciation. But maybe it was me not appreciating. Fuck. I'm going to bed.
The server at Shari's was who I was hoping it would be. His name is Jake and something about him strikes me as amazing. He reminds me of exactly what I have always thought a Bodhisattva would be. An absolutely gracious person who appears to the average human as just "another nice guy". But he isn't. I can't pinpoint it but there is something there. I believe in reincarnation fully and it seems to me as though he might be a good soul who has traveled many lifetimes. He has changed my life, either way.
I hate ending phone conversations with you on a negative note. I act the way I do because I feel awkward. I lose my point and then I become defensive. Fuck this. I don't really have to explain anything. I'm pretty sure I want to, though. Wow, what a mood swing. I just think that I am trying to say that this is who I am. Why I'm so angry, I'm not sure. I felt the lack of appreciation. But maybe it was me not appreciating. Fuck. I'm going to bed.