Ricky Bobby’s Custom Squirrels
My mother-in-law HATES squirrels. She’s the type who likes every leaf and branch picked up in the yard and the squirrels - I swear on mah life y’all - THROW tree nuts at her while she’s out there. It’s like they know how upset she gets. Their little beady eyes light up when they see her.
Which is why I totally wanna get her one of these for her next birthday:
Oh not to be cruel, not in the least. I wouldn’t dream of upsetting my mother-in-law. But here’s the thing: since I quit smoking 3 years ago, she has to go outside alone to smoke. There’s no more gossiping about family members on the back deck for us. Now she’d have Charlie the Smoking Squirrel here to smoke with. As a bonus, he and his giant uzi* would scare off all the other squirrels that have tormented her for years!
Think she’d go for it?
Pah. Me neither. She’d probably never speak to me again. Maybe I should stick with the squirrel earrings. Nothing says I love you like Dead Tree Rat.
via A Smeddling Kiss - thanks Velma!
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* I have no idea if that’s an uzi, obviously. I’m pulling from very limited, very old G.I. Joe figurine knowledge.
Originally published at Craftastrophe. You can comment here or there.