(no subject)
Prime: *Comm*
Prime: //Skyfire? Respond.//
Skyfire:: ::.............::
Prime: //Respond, that is an ORDER.//
Skyfire:: ::....what do you want, Prime?::
Prime: //Talk to me. What happened.//
Skyfire:: :: ...what happened where? *stubborn* *not very willing to discuss this*::
Prime: //...scrap it, Skyfire! You know what I mean. Whatever guilt you're feeling, whatever doubt - it was not your fault.//
Skyfire:: :: *stiffens*::
Skyfire:: :: ...I...::
Prime: //Tell me what happened...please. *Is obviously worried about him*//
Skyfire:: ::*snarls with frustration through comm*::
Skyfire:: ::...Starscream contact you?::
Prime: //Skyfire...//
Skyfire:: ::...The Battle, Prime, the BATTLE! *roars*::
Skyfire:: ::The Primus slagging battle! The one where we retrived Megatron from the humans!::
Skyfire:: ::*loosing control of voice now* I killed and I killed and I enjoyed it all!::
Skyfire:: ::I ENJOYED smashing them to peices - I ENJOYED destroying everything I could get hands or weapons lock on!::
Prime: //...//
Skyfire:: ::I let my rage take control of me completely! I killed when I didn't NEED to - I did it because I wanted to!::
Skyfire:: ::WANTED TO, DAMN IT! Even when i knew it was wrong to enjoy it! To want it! To feel the NEED to destroy them so badly! I ENJOYED EVERY SLAGGING SECOND OF IT!::
Prime: //Skyfire.//
Skyfire:: ::*screaming rawly* AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!!::
Prime: //SKYFIRE.//
Skyfire:: :: *pants harshly - done yelling for the moment*::
Prime: //If you hate yourself for something you've done and cannot change...then make sure it does not happen again. The only way - the only justifyable reason that you have to hurt for this...is if you gladly go back and do it again.//
Skyfire:: ::....*silent*....::
Prime: //You're hurting more than just yourself with this.//
Skyfire:: ::...And thats EXACTLY what I fear will happen again, Prime. ::
Prime: //You - and no one else - are in control of your own actions. It is your choice whether or not it will.//
Skyfire:: ::...How can I truly be in control of myself if I wanted to destroy them? I felt so much hatred - STILL feel so much hatred towards them, for what they d-did... *voice shakes slightly* ...i simply didn't CARE at the time.. I. Didn't. CARE. I didn't care that I was going against every principle and value I have ever stood behind! Rules of exploration and Scientific conduct and 'the right of all sentient beings' just flew out the window! How can I control myself against that!? ::
Prime: //The same way I did.//
Prime: //By making a choice.//
Prime: //I am going to tell you something, Skyfire.//
Skyfire:: :: ...*doubtful, sullen silence*::
Prime: //When we went on that mission to save Megatron, the Nemesis virus was still with me, demanding I destroy everything. It was checked, but it was still with me. When I saw what they had done to him, I realized that they would continue to do so. And then, I wanted nothing so much as badly as to kill every last one of them. This wasn't the virus speaking - this was me.//
Prime: //I didn't care what would happen. I knew that we could easily hunt down every last one of them, and transform this planet into a new Cybertron if we wanted to.//
Prime: //We still could.//
Prime: //But I will have no part in it, because I choose not to.//
Prime: //I know what I am capable of. I know what will happen if I give in to those urges. But I will not.//
Prime: //And I know you won't, either.//
Skyfire:: ::....*rather awed and humbled silence*...::
Skyfire:: ::.......i don't know why you have such faith in me right now...when i don't even have faith in myself....::
Prime: //Because you are Skyfire of the Autobots. You are a strong mech, a friend to many, and a loved one to someone who is with you right now - who also has faith in you.//
Skyfire:: ::...........*guiltyGUILTYsilence*........::
Skyfire:: ::.......*feelslikeslagnow*.....::
Prime: //*Quietly* We'll be here when you're ready to come back to us, Skyfire. We miss you.//
Skyfire:: ::...I...*chokes slightly*....T-thank you, Optimus. I think....I needed to hear this... I don't know how much it will help...and for how long, but...Thank you. *softly*::
Prime: //You're welcome, my friend.//
Skyfire:: ::...I will be back...when i can. If...If it feels like something like this is...is going to happen again; if I feel like I am letting this...rage take control, may I...*voice breaks; hopeful sound*...?::
Prime: //*Kindly* Of course.//
Skyfire:: :: *relieved sounding sigh* ...Thank you, Optimus::
Prime: //You're welcome.//
Skyfire:: ::I think...i think I need to talk about this with someone else now, as I'm sure you know... *wry*::
Prime: //*Chuckles* Of course. If you need anything, let me or another know. Even if it's just to talk - anytime.//
Prime: //For anything.//
Skyfire:: :: *soft laugh* I will. Thank you again.::
Ironically, this was only a bit before Prime had a bad emotrip of his own, but we'll leave you wondering on that.
Prime: //Skyfire? Respond.//
Skyfire:: ::.............::
Prime: //Respond, that is an ORDER.//
Skyfire:: ::....what do you want, Prime?::
Prime: //Talk to me. What happened.//
Skyfire:: :: ...what happened where? *stubborn* *not very willing to discuss this*::
Prime: //...scrap it, Skyfire! You know what I mean. Whatever guilt you're feeling, whatever doubt - it was not your fault.//
Skyfire:: :: *stiffens*::
Skyfire:: :: ...I...::
Prime: //Tell me what happened...please. *Is obviously worried about him*//
Skyfire:: ::*snarls with frustration through comm*::
Skyfire:: ::...Starscream contact you?::
Prime: //Skyfire...//
Skyfire:: ::...The Battle, Prime, the BATTLE! *roars*::
Skyfire:: ::The Primus slagging battle! The one where we retrived Megatron from the humans!::
Skyfire:: ::*loosing control of voice now* I killed and I killed and I enjoyed it all!::
Skyfire:: ::I ENJOYED smashing them to peices - I ENJOYED destroying everything I could get hands or weapons lock on!::
Prime: //...//
Skyfire:: ::I let my rage take control of me completely! I killed when I didn't NEED to - I did it because I wanted to!::
Skyfire:: ::WANTED TO, DAMN IT! Even when i knew it was wrong to enjoy it! To want it! To feel the NEED to destroy them so badly! I ENJOYED EVERY SLAGGING SECOND OF IT!::
Prime: //Skyfire.//
Skyfire:: ::*screaming rawly* AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!!::
Prime: //SKYFIRE.//
Skyfire:: :: *pants harshly - done yelling for the moment*::
Prime: //If you hate yourself for something you've done and cannot change...then make sure it does not happen again. The only way - the only justifyable reason that you have to hurt for this...is if you gladly go back and do it again.//
Skyfire:: ::....*silent*....::
Prime: //You're hurting more than just yourself with this.//
Skyfire:: ::...And thats EXACTLY what I fear will happen again, Prime. ::
Prime: //You - and no one else - are in control of your own actions. It is your choice whether or not it will.//
Skyfire:: ::...How can I truly be in control of myself if I wanted to destroy them? I felt so much hatred - STILL feel so much hatred towards them, for what they d-did... *voice shakes slightly* ...i simply didn't CARE at the time.. I. Didn't. CARE. I didn't care that I was going against every principle and value I have ever stood behind! Rules of exploration and Scientific conduct and 'the right of all sentient beings' just flew out the window! How can I control myself against that!? ::
Prime: //The same way I did.//
Prime: //By making a choice.//
Prime: //I am going to tell you something, Skyfire.//
Skyfire:: :: ...*doubtful, sullen silence*::
Prime: //When we went on that mission to save Megatron, the Nemesis virus was still with me, demanding I destroy everything. It was checked, but it was still with me. When I saw what they had done to him, I realized that they would continue to do so. And then, I wanted nothing so much as badly as to kill every last one of them. This wasn't the virus speaking - this was me.//
Prime: //I didn't care what would happen. I knew that we could easily hunt down every last one of them, and transform this planet into a new Cybertron if we wanted to.//
Prime: //We still could.//
Prime: //But I will have no part in it, because I choose not to.//
Prime: //I know what I am capable of. I know what will happen if I give in to those urges. But I will not.//
Prime: //And I know you won't, either.//
Skyfire:: ::....*rather awed and humbled silence*...::
Skyfire:: ::.......i don't know why you have such faith in me right now...when i don't even have faith in myself....::
Prime: //Because you are Skyfire of the Autobots. You are a strong mech, a friend to many, and a loved one to someone who is with you right now - who also has faith in you.//
Skyfire:: ::...........*guiltyGUILTYsilence*........::
Skyfire:: ::.......*feelslikeslagnow*.....::
Prime: //*Quietly* We'll be here when you're ready to come back to us, Skyfire. We miss you.//
Skyfire:: ::...I...*chokes slightly*....T-thank you, Optimus. I think....I needed to hear this... I don't know how much it will help...and for how long, but...Thank you. *softly*::
Prime: //You're welcome, my friend.//
Skyfire:: ::...I will be back...when i can. If...If it feels like something like this is...is going to happen again; if I feel like I am letting this...rage take control, may I...*voice breaks; hopeful sound*...?::
Prime: //*Kindly* Of course.//
Skyfire:: :: *relieved sounding sigh* ...Thank you, Optimus::
Prime: //You're welcome.//
Skyfire:: ::I think...i think I need to talk about this with someone else now, as I'm sure you know... *wry*::
Prime: //*Chuckles* Of course. If you need anything, let me or another know. Even if it's just to talk - anytime.//
Prime: //For anything.//
Skyfire:: :: *soft laugh* I will. Thank you again.::
Ironically, this was only a bit before Prime had a bad emotrip of his own, but we'll leave you wondering on that.