Log: TC and Warp (Part 1)
Warp is emo. TC is emo. Somehow, two negatives manage to make a positive.
Skywarp: *Warp is curled up in his room, wrapped up around himself and gloomy as all hell. This isn't working. His mind's cycling through a pattern of "I hate myself - TC doesn't want me - I'm not good enough for him - I hate myself-" and so on. He's just waiting for the other foot to fall and crush him dead.*
Thundercracker: *And the door doesn't so much as knock*
Thundercracker: *as SLAM open*
Thundercracker: Skywarp.
Skywarp: *flinches*
Skywarp: *he's literally scared out of his mind right now, just staring up at TC like he's some sort of demon out of the Pit. His mouth is working, but there's no sound coming out at all.*
Thundercracker: Come here.
Thundercracker: Now.
Skywarp: *He's shaking, but he mechanically stands up and walks to TC, eyes focussed on everywhere except for TC's face*
Thundercracker: *He slides his hand s up to the other's face- and presses close*
Thundercracker: *Kissing quite hardly, and quite possessively*
Thundercracker: *And Skywarp is NOT moving away from him*
Skywarp: *But he's not responding either... or at least, he's trying not to.*
Skywarp: *he's standing still, hands clenched at his sides, and wings flipping wildly with agitation.*
Thundercracker: I. LOVE. You.
Thundercracker: And nothing will ever stop that.
Skywarp: *Warp shivers when he hears that, and a little whine makes its way out of his throat. He whispers.* But you can't...
Skywarp: *he turns his head to the side and averts his gaze.*
Thundercracker: ...Goddamn it, Warp. I can't not love you, why can't you understand that.
Thundercracker: Do you want me to leave Bee? Is that what you want?
Thundercracker: What do you WANT?
Skywarp: *clenches his hands and grits his teeth* No, don't leave Bee. I want you to be happy. HAPPY. I can't DO that. Bee and I will just keep pulling and pulling and you're gonna BREAK, TC. *his voice is rising because he honestly believes this* Look at what happened last night, TC. You needed to reboot! Over me and Bee! *hisses* One day...
Skywarp: One day both Bee and I are going to need you for real, you know. He'll need you, I'll need you, you'll have to choose and then everything will go down the pipes. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CHOOSE. *he wants so badly to pull TC to himself that his hands are clenching and relaxing*
Skywarp: So I'm choosing for you.
Thundercracker: Don't you think that's already come.
Thundercracker: I told you fucking once, Skywarp.
Thundercracker: I love Bee.
Thundercracker: But nine million years of history can't be thrown away just at once.
Thundercracker: I said I'd always stay with you.
Thundercracker: And I'm going to KEEP THAT.
Skywarp: IT CAN BE AND IT WILL BE. He's better than I could be, TC. I ... goddamnit, I already let you down.
Skywarp: LOOK at me! I'm slagging damaged goods!
Skywarp: Can't remember anything, sparking off at the least provocation!
Skywarp: How'm I supposed to keep you safe if I can't even function right?!
Thundercracker: YOU'RE MY FUCKING MATE.
Thundercracker: I'M NOT GIVING YOU UP. NOT EVER.
Thundercracker: *Nose to nose with this- and taking his face tightly in his hands- knocking helm together*
Skywarp: *winces when their helms knock, but he can't back down, not now*
Thundercracker: Please, Warp.
Thundercracker: For the love of Primus.
Thundercracker: Please.
Skywarp: *he's breaking down because of this choice between what he wants and what TC wants and it shows.*
Skywarp: *He's never been good at choosing between the two*
Skywarp: TC...
Thundercracker: *Slides to his knees, and leans against him*
Skywarp: *eyes widen and he goes down too.* No. Nonononono.
Skywarp: *gives in and wraps his arms around his mate because he can't keep resisting the urge.*
Skywarp: Oh Primus, don't do this...
Thundercracker: *He leans against him- hands coming up to hold him tightly, crushing him against himself*
Thundercracker: *Wings shaking faintly*
Skywarp: *hisses* It's so much harder to stop when you're right here. Damnit.
Skywarp: *rubs a hand over his spark because it /hurts/*
Thundercracker: *His own hurts, and he's just...he can't let Warp go*
Thundercracker: *Just curling against him, tiredly*
Skywarp: *he laughs harshly, then presses his lips to the crown of TC's head, resigned* Goddamnit. Why can't I quit you?
Thundercracker: Because I can't quit you.
Thundercracker: Do you want me to break this, Skywarp?
Skywarp: *Hearing something said out loud is a much different experience than thinking it to yourself. Skywarp moans a little deep in the back of his throat, the actual idea of breaking the bond physically painful when he's in this position.*
Skywarp: N-no...
Thundercracker: I don't mean with you, dumbaft.
Thundercracker: *soft whisper*
Thundercracker: I meant with him.
Skywarp: *rubs his hand over TC's back softly. It's uncertain who he's trying to comfort at this point: himself, or his mate.*
Skywarp: TC... I can't tell you what to do.
Thundercracker: Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me.
Skywarp: *Shivers and tightens his hold.* Alright. Alright, I won't leave you. I'll... I'll be with you 'til the day you go. *And it hurts, thinking about what this might lead to, but he can't say no. He really never could say no.*
Thundercracker: I won't leave you.
Thundercracker: I promise.
Thundercracker: Just....don't turn from me.
Skywarp: *He doesn't quite believe this, but he won't tell TC that.* Whatever you want, TC. I'll do whatever you want me to. I'd tear off my wings and never fly again if it would make you happy, TC. I would.
Thundercracker: *Which would be dandy- if Skywarp hadn't left the bond open*
Thundercracker: *So he can feel the doubt...and a flash of hurt flares before he can properly lock that away*
Thundercracker: *He's got a shitload of negative emotions under lock and key*
Skywarp: *Skywarp flinches and reaches through the bond. Where did that come from? Now that he knows that TC's hiding something... he wants to know what else he's missed.*
Skywarp: *Warp always was too curious for his own good*
Thundercracker: *No, Skywarp. No you don't*
Skywarp: *Oh? Why not? That just makes me want it /more/.*
Thundercracker: *Cause it will burn you, it will burn you like whoa*
Skywarp: *... he doesn't know that. And he'll always wonder until he finds out. Damn insecure Seeker.*
Thundercracker: *But it is leaking- like a dam with holes*
Skywarp: *He already expected TC to hate him, so whatever he finds can't be worse than that. He pokes at the holes, wanting to know what's going on here.*
Thundercracker: *And actually- there is no hate*
Thundercracker: *But there's a lot of hurt*
Thundercracker: *A veritable wall of lonlieness*
Thundercracker: *And a good bit of repressed anger*
Skywarp: *But why are you lonely? I love you!*
Thundercracker: *Because you've been pushing me away*
Thundercracker: *Because you left the first time*
Skywarp: *He's surprised because this is milder than he expected*
Thundercracker: *Because you were gone*
Thundercracker: *Because Flight left too, and all I had was Bee*
Skywarp: *There's guilt pouring out now, but he's back and Flight's back and Bee's obviously incapable of letting go, the little bitch...*
Skywarp: *he's apologetic about that bit, but it's Bee and he can't help but be predjudiced, really*
Thundercracker: *And besides that, he's still in love with Skywarp- and that's the biggest thing of all*
Thundercracker: *He's so in love with him its painful*
Skywarp: *And this is what ultimately knocks Skywarp over. Out of everything, he'd never expected this at all, this love.*
Skywarp: *A beat.*
Skywarp: *He'd also like to note that he's sheepishly apologetic about sleeping with Flight but really, you'd gone and he'd been lonely and Flight had been /there/. He likes Flight. Very cuddly, he is. No offense, TC, but you're a little pointy there.*
Thundercracker: *He's scared shitless Warp's going to leave him, and that's a prominant stab of fear through his spark- he can't imagine not being with the other*
Skywarp: *Now that hurts. He already promised that he wasn't going to go. Flight's cuddly, but that's not all there is to a relationship. This is a concerned outpouring of devotion right here. Apparently he has to repeat that TC has him by the manifolds. He's not going anywhere, really.*
Thundercracker: I love you.
Skywarp: *blinks*
Skywarp: Oh.
Skywarp: *why this is so surprising is unknown, but it is*
Thundercracker: *He just leans against him*
Thundercracker: *He knows he has the other by the manifolds, but he's still so scared that he's not going to be enough for him*
Skywarp: *Warp is that abandoned stray puppy that followed you home from the park. Give him your left over scraps of affection every now and then and he'll be unconditionally yours forever. He's never expected any more than that, unworthy as he is.*
Thundercracker: *He finally sits up- and sighs. He slides his arms around Skywarp, and places his helm against his* I'm sorry for not being there, I'm sorry for being so crappy a mate right now. I'm just trying to straighten every thing out. I'm trying to make you happy cause I want you happy.
Thundercracker: I...I'm glad you've got Flight, cause....I...'m not enough.
Skywarp: *blinks once. twice. three times.*
Skywarp: *fzzt, sorry, does not compute*
Skywarp: Not enough?
Skywarp: Where'd /that/ come from?
Thundercracker: Yeah...'s how I feel sometimes.
Skywarp: ... Oh man, TC...
Skywarp: *gee, TC, I hope you weren't planning on using your mouth any time soon because Warp's busy crushing his own to it. He's never been good with words, but he figures that if he just tries hard enough, he'll be able to communicate this way.*
Thundercracker: *He blinks at that, startled by the kiss- but leans into it, hoping Warp's not gonna just rip away, and say no "You need to go"*
Skywarp: *Warp would love to be able to have the willpower to do that, but he really doesn't. He's the brawn of this operation, not the brains. He leaves the decisions to TC.*
Skywarp: *He settles for revving his turbines and wrapping his arms around TC, trying to somehow figure out a way to communicate unconditional love through actions instead of words.*
Skywarp: *Warp is curled up in his room, wrapped up around himself and gloomy as all hell. This isn't working. His mind's cycling through a pattern of "I hate myself - TC doesn't want me - I'm not good enough for him - I hate myself-" and so on. He's just waiting for the other foot to fall and crush him dead.*
Thundercracker: *And the door doesn't so much as knock*
Thundercracker: *as SLAM open*
Thundercracker: Skywarp.
Skywarp: *flinches*
Skywarp: *he's literally scared out of his mind right now, just staring up at TC like he's some sort of demon out of the Pit. His mouth is working, but there's no sound coming out at all.*
Thundercracker: Come here.
Thundercracker: Now.
Skywarp: *He's shaking, but he mechanically stands up and walks to TC, eyes focussed on everywhere except for TC's face*
Thundercracker: *He slides his hand s up to the other's face- and presses close*
Thundercracker: *Kissing quite hardly, and quite possessively*
Thundercracker: *And Skywarp is NOT moving away from him*
Skywarp: *But he's not responding either... or at least, he's trying not to.*
Skywarp: *he's standing still, hands clenched at his sides, and wings flipping wildly with agitation.*
Thundercracker: I. LOVE. You.
Thundercracker: And nothing will ever stop that.
Skywarp: *Warp shivers when he hears that, and a little whine makes its way out of his throat. He whispers.* But you can't...
Skywarp: *he turns his head to the side and averts his gaze.*
Thundercracker: ...Goddamn it, Warp. I can't not love you, why can't you understand that.
Thundercracker: Do you want me to leave Bee? Is that what you want?
Thundercracker: What do you WANT?
Skywarp: *clenches his hands and grits his teeth* No, don't leave Bee. I want you to be happy. HAPPY. I can't DO that. Bee and I will just keep pulling and pulling and you're gonna BREAK, TC. *his voice is rising because he honestly believes this* Look at what happened last night, TC. You needed to reboot! Over me and Bee! *hisses* One day...
Skywarp: One day both Bee and I are going to need you for real, you know. He'll need you, I'll need you, you'll have to choose and then everything will go down the pipes. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CHOOSE. *he wants so badly to pull TC to himself that his hands are clenching and relaxing*
Skywarp: So I'm choosing for you.
Thundercracker: Don't you think that's already come.
Thundercracker: I told you fucking once, Skywarp.
Thundercracker: I love Bee.
Thundercracker: But nine million years of history can't be thrown away just at once.
Thundercracker: I said I'd always stay with you.
Thundercracker: And I'm going to KEEP THAT.
Skywarp: IT CAN BE AND IT WILL BE. He's better than I could be, TC. I ... goddamnit, I already let you down.
Skywarp: LOOK at me! I'm slagging damaged goods!
Skywarp: Can't remember anything, sparking off at the least provocation!
Skywarp: How'm I supposed to keep you safe if I can't even function right?!
Thundercracker: YOU'RE MY FUCKING MATE.
Thundercracker: I'M NOT GIVING YOU UP. NOT EVER.
Thundercracker: *Nose to nose with this- and taking his face tightly in his hands- knocking helm together*
Skywarp: *winces when their helms knock, but he can't back down, not now*
Thundercracker: Please, Warp.
Thundercracker: For the love of Primus.
Thundercracker: Please.
Skywarp: *he's breaking down because of this choice between what he wants and what TC wants and it shows.*
Skywarp: *He's never been good at choosing between the two*
Skywarp: TC...
Thundercracker: *Slides to his knees, and leans against him*
Skywarp: *eyes widen and he goes down too.* No. Nonononono.
Skywarp: *gives in and wraps his arms around his mate because he can't keep resisting the urge.*
Skywarp: Oh Primus, don't do this...
Thundercracker: *He leans against him- hands coming up to hold him tightly, crushing him against himself*
Thundercracker: *Wings shaking faintly*
Skywarp: *hisses* It's so much harder to stop when you're right here. Damnit.
Skywarp: *rubs a hand over his spark because it /hurts/*
Thundercracker: *His own hurts, and he's just...he can't let Warp go*
Thundercracker: *Just curling against him, tiredly*
Skywarp: *he laughs harshly, then presses his lips to the crown of TC's head, resigned* Goddamnit. Why can't I quit you?
Thundercracker: Because I can't quit you.
Thundercracker: Do you want me to break this, Skywarp?
Skywarp: *Hearing something said out loud is a much different experience than thinking it to yourself. Skywarp moans a little deep in the back of his throat, the actual idea of breaking the bond physically painful when he's in this position.*
Skywarp: N-no...
Thundercracker: I don't mean with you, dumbaft.
Thundercracker: *soft whisper*
Thundercracker: I meant with him.
Skywarp: *rubs his hand over TC's back softly. It's uncertain who he's trying to comfort at this point: himself, or his mate.*
Skywarp: TC... I can't tell you what to do.
Thundercracker: Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me.
Skywarp: *Shivers and tightens his hold.* Alright. Alright, I won't leave you. I'll... I'll be with you 'til the day you go. *And it hurts, thinking about what this might lead to, but he can't say no. He really never could say no.*
Thundercracker: I won't leave you.
Thundercracker: I promise.
Thundercracker: Just....don't turn from me.
Skywarp: *He doesn't quite believe this, but he won't tell TC that.* Whatever you want, TC. I'll do whatever you want me to. I'd tear off my wings and never fly again if it would make you happy, TC. I would.
Thundercracker: *Which would be dandy- if Skywarp hadn't left the bond open*
Thundercracker: *So he can feel the doubt...and a flash of hurt flares before he can properly lock that away*
Thundercracker: *He's got a shitload of negative emotions under lock and key*
Skywarp: *Skywarp flinches and reaches through the bond. Where did that come from? Now that he knows that TC's hiding something... he wants to know what else he's missed.*
Skywarp: *Warp always was too curious for his own good*
Thundercracker: *No, Skywarp. No you don't*
Skywarp: *Oh? Why not? That just makes me want it /more/.*
Thundercracker: *Cause it will burn you, it will burn you like whoa*
Skywarp: *... he doesn't know that. And he'll always wonder until he finds out. Damn insecure Seeker.*
Thundercracker: *But it is leaking- like a dam with holes*
Skywarp: *He already expected TC to hate him, so whatever he finds can't be worse than that. He pokes at the holes, wanting to know what's going on here.*
Thundercracker: *And actually- there is no hate*
Thundercracker: *But there's a lot of hurt*
Thundercracker: *A veritable wall of lonlieness*
Thundercracker: *And a good bit of repressed anger*
Skywarp: *But why are you lonely? I love you!*
Thundercracker: *Because you've been pushing me away*
Thundercracker: *Because you left the first time*
Skywarp: *He's surprised because this is milder than he expected*
Thundercracker: *Because you were gone*
Thundercracker: *Because Flight left too, and all I had was Bee*
Skywarp: *There's guilt pouring out now, but he's back and Flight's back and Bee's obviously incapable of letting go, the little bitch...*
Skywarp: *he's apologetic about that bit, but it's Bee and he can't help but be predjudiced, really*
Thundercracker: *And besides that, he's still in love with Skywarp- and that's the biggest thing of all*
Thundercracker: *He's so in love with him its painful*
Skywarp: *And this is what ultimately knocks Skywarp over. Out of everything, he'd never expected this at all, this love.*
Skywarp: *A beat.*
Skywarp: *He'd also like to note that he's sheepishly apologetic about sleeping with Flight but really, you'd gone and he'd been lonely and Flight had been /there/. He likes Flight. Very cuddly, he is. No offense, TC, but you're a little pointy there.*
Thundercracker: *He's scared shitless Warp's going to leave him, and that's a prominant stab of fear through his spark- he can't imagine not being with the other*
Skywarp: *Now that hurts. He already promised that he wasn't going to go. Flight's cuddly, but that's not all there is to a relationship. This is a concerned outpouring of devotion right here. Apparently he has to repeat that TC has him by the manifolds. He's not going anywhere, really.*
Thundercracker: I love you.
Skywarp: *blinks*
Skywarp: Oh.
Skywarp: *why this is so surprising is unknown, but it is*
Thundercracker: *He just leans against him*
Thundercracker: *He knows he has the other by the manifolds, but he's still so scared that he's not going to be enough for him*
Skywarp: *Warp is that abandoned stray puppy that followed you home from the park. Give him your left over scraps of affection every now and then and he'll be unconditionally yours forever. He's never expected any more than that, unworthy as he is.*
Thundercracker: *He finally sits up- and sighs. He slides his arms around Skywarp, and places his helm against his* I'm sorry for not being there, I'm sorry for being so crappy a mate right now. I'm just trying to straighten every thing out. I'm trying to make you happy cause I want you happy.
Thundercracker: I...I'm glad you've got Flight, cause....I...'m not enough.
Skywarp: *blinks once. twice. three times.*
Skywarp: *fzzt, sorry, does not compute*
Skywarp: Not enough?
Skywarp: Where'd /that/ come from?
Thundercracker: Yeah...'s how I feel sometimes.
Skywarp: ... Oh man, TC...
Skywarp: *gee, TC, I hope you weren't planning on using your mouth any time soon because Warp's busy crushing his own to it. He's never been good with words, but he figures that if he just tries hard enough, he'll be able to communicate this way.*
Thundercracker: *He blinks at that, startled by the kiss- but leans into it, hoping Warp's not gonna just rip away, and say no "You need to go"*
Skywarp: *Warp would love to be able to have the willpower to do that, but he really doesn't. He's the brawn of this operation, not the brains. He leaves the decisions to TC.*
Skywarp: *He settles for revving his turbines and wrapping his arms around TC, trying to somehow figure out a way to communicate unconditional love through actions instead of words.*