For Gladness of You by kariye (NC-17/Explicit)
Fandom: STAR TREK REBOOT
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Length: 51k
Author on LJ: kariye
Author Website: kariye’s fic on AO3
Why this must be read:
This story is like a puzzle inside an enigma wrapped in the mystery that is Jim Kirk. It is a story of non-linear, Heller-esque proportions, that jumps around to different points of Jim’s life through the first five-year mission to tell the story of a complex man who holds himself up to the very highest of standards and the Vulcan who calls him on his bullshit.
As the story unfolds, it continually circles back on itself, each twist unveiling a bit more about Jim and Spock, but it’s much more than a relationship story or a mission fic - it’s almost impossible to categorize, actually. It is about the hell that is the responsibility of command. It is about questioning the very mission of your life and the choices you have made. It is about surviving life in general, and finding the people in it that make it bearable.
It’s a stunningly relentless yet touching work - I have so many FEELS for it. And it’s got everything this fangirl could ask for - hurt/comfort, romance (after a fashion), adventure, angst, emotional turmoil and, of course, rocks.
Give this story a read - you won’t regret it, or forget it.
----
He has the thought that he should ask Uhura or Pike about Spock, about this minute vibration of anger. “Was he always this - this?” and that’s where he’d run out of words.
“I don’t know, Jim. Were you always this fucked up?” Pike would say, sarcastically.
Nyota would look at him like a slug under her boot. In fact, she does. “Captain. You know that the Federation gave him the same award they gave you after Nero, right? Savior of the universe, preserver of life, et cetera.” She rolls her eyes.
“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Jim’s never really thought about it. His medal is shoved in some box deep in his closet. He was so thrilled with the idea of getting it, of getting an award instead of lockup in some dingy jail cell, but once he had it in hand it just felt heavy. He’d have shipped it off to Winona if he thought she would have done anything with it - tack it to the fridge - anything other than bury it with the stash of George’s medals.
“Did you also know that somewhere in some hidden Vulcan file, he’s got a commendation from the Vulcan High Council? For services rendered? Something about the preservation of Vulcan culture in the form of saving most of the Elders.”
“No?”
“Mmm,” she says, pursing her lips. She eyeballs him. “Don’t - do not - tell me I have to lay this out for you.”
“Yes?”
“Kirk. Jim, come on. They tell him all his life, in big and small ways, that he’s not Vulcan enough for them, so he does twice as well as any of them. He beats every test, breaks a dozen records, is off the charts on psi abilities, and they tell him he’s done remarkably well despite his disadvantages. And then he gets there too late to do anything but watch his planet, the one that he’s never been good enough for, get sucked into nothing. So he rushes to the surface to save his mother - and fails. He fails. And then, for the first time ever, they say ‘good job.’
“So I don’t know, Jim. Were you always this fucked up?”
Jim looks at her, standing there with her eyes flashing and her hands on her hips. “Why aren’t you with Spock, Uhura?”
She laughs. It’s a happy sound, the way water sounds bubbling over hard, quiet stones. “Spock’s badass, Captain. Me? I’m just a good girl.” She winks at him and saunters out of the officer’s mess.
For Gladness of You on AO3
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Length: 51k
Author on LJ: kariye
Author Website: kariye’s fic on AO3
Why this must be read:
This story is like a puzzle inside an enigma wrapped in the mystery that is Jim Kirk. It is a story of non-linear, Heller-esque proportions, that jumps around to different points of Jim’s life through the first five-year mission to tell the story of a complex man who holds himself up to the very highest of standards and the Vulcan who calls him on his bullshit.
As the story unfolds, it continually circles back on itself, each twist unveiling a bit more about Jim and Spock, but it’s much more than a relationship story or a mission fic - it’s almost impossible to categorize, actually. It is about the hell that is the responsibility of command. It is about questioning the very mission of your life and the choices you have made. It is about surviving life in general, and finding the people in it that make it bearable.
It’s a stunningly relentless yet touching work - I have so many FEELS for it. And it’s got everything this fangirl could ask for - hurt/comfort, romance (after a fashion), adventure, angst, emotional turmoil and, of course, rocks.
Give this story a read - you won’t regret it, or forget it.
----
He has the thought that he should ask Uhura or Pike about Spock, about this minute vibration of anger. “Was he always this - this?” and that’s where he’d run out of words.
“I don’t know, Jim. Were you always this fucked up?” Pike would say, sarcastically.
Nyota would look at him like a slug under her boot. In fact, she does. “Captain. You know that the Federation gave him the same award they gave you after Nero, right? Savior of the universe, preserver of life, et cetera.” She rolls her eyes.
“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Jim’s never really thought about it. His medal is shoved in some box deep in his closet. He was so thrilled with the idea of getting it, of getting an award instead of lockup in some dingy jail cell, but once he had it in hand it just felt heavy. He’d have shipped it off to Winona if he thought she would have done anything with it - tack it to the fridge - anything other than bury it with the stash of George’s medals.
“Did you also know that somewhere in some hidden Vulcan file, he’s got a commendation from the Vulcan High Council? For services rendered? Something about the preservation of Vulcan culture in the form of saving most of the Elders.”
“No?”
“Mmm,” she says, pursing her lips. She eyeballs him. “Don’t - do not - tell me I have to lay this out for you.”
“Yes?”
“Kirk. Jim, come on. They tell him all his life, in big and small ways, that he’s not Vulcan enough for them, so he does twice as well as any of them. He beats every test, breaks a dozen records, is off the charts on psi abilities, and they tell him he’s done remarkably well despite his disadvantages. And then he gets there too late to do anything but watch his planet, the one that he’s never been good enough for, get sucked into nothing. So he rushes to the surface to save his mother - and fails. He fails. And then, for the first time ever, they say ‘good job.’
“So I don’t know, Jim. Were you always this fucked up?”
Jim looks at her, standing there with her eyes flashing and her hands on her hips. “Why aren’t you with Spock, Uhura?”
She laughs. It’s a happy sound, the way water sounds bubbling over hard, quiet stones. “Spock’s badass, Captain. Me? I’m just a good girl.” She winks at him and saunters out of the officer’s mess.
For Gladness of You on AO3