Falwell at the Gates of Heaven

[cowofdoom]

hazenhammel said:
I'm a "universalist", so I believe everyone has been redeemed by Jesus and spends eternity with God.

Now that Jerry Falwell is dead, though, I realize that could be a cruel fate for some.

I might have to rethink this.

To which kungfupolarbear responded:
Somehow I'm sure there's worse people already up there... like butt rapists or Attila the Hun.
To which

Comments

A Sermon To The Butt Rapists

[cowofdoom]

To: Butt Rapists
Subject: Butt Rape
I am hereby addressing you, Butt Rapists. What you are doing is immensely uncool. You are probably aware of this already!

There is hope, though. Unlike (for instance) Messrs. Hitler & Falwell, very few of you are operating under the delusion that you are doing The Lord's Work in the course of your wickedness (i.e. rapin' butts). Furthermore, butt rape is awful, but generally a the rape of a single butt (or even many butts) is not the sort of thing that changes entire civilizations measurably for the worse.

So - if at all possible, stop raping butts. Immediately. You know what you are doing is not rad. Not rad at all! Realize this fact, and do some good with what remains of your mortal life. If you can do that, when you are called up to Heaven, you'll be welcomed home - with open arms and a cold beer.

You will be spared Rev. Falwell's fate - the crushing realization that your life's work did nothing but further unravel the compassion and love that Jesus worked so hard for. There will also be nachos.

So rejoice! Rejoice, and stop raping butts!

Re: A Sermon To The Butt Rapists

[zophos]

That butt was asking for it.

Re: A Sermon To The Butt Rapists

[cowofdoom]

But was it the will of God that you rape that butt? Or were you defying Him in doing so?

Was it not Jesus who said: "Thou shalt not put thine ding-dong in an unwilling poopy hoo-hoo, because seriously that is not at all cool"?