things were good.. what happened...
For the first time today i am feeling a different emotion....so i had to write.. well im actually starting to do things in my video production calss lol.. i thought i should just do it and pass the damn class.. whatever.. i dont care.. i dont care about many things anymore.. friends never really want to hang out or anything.. dont really talk to them in school.. except beca and tahts only during first block and rachel during lunch ya know... anyways... i think im just going to give up everything. stop trying to hang out iwht peole and do things stay at home all day after school by myself and not do anything... it will probably drive me crazy but oh well.. i usually only hung out with amber and paul and sam and juan *sighs* but now im not aloud to hang out with amber cuz my dads an asshole... and paul doesnt really want to hang out anymore.. i dont exactly know y.. still trying to pry it out of him.. although its not working to well.. and hmm lets see... juan well hell i know he doesnt want to see me.. even though we are "friends" if thats what he wants to call it.. i hurt him really bad he tell me everyday.. i didnt mean to at all.. it was all jsut a misunderstanding and everynight i cry myself to sleep.... im sorry to say this but it hurts round about as bad as it did when paul and i broke up last june... and hell that hurt pretty fucking bad.. like yeah i was like depressed to the max almost.. i know most yall are probably thinking yeah but you and paul were going out for mad longer and you and juan were only datin gfor like a week or something.. but theres something different bout him and it was weird when we met i was happy as can be.. like the first time we talked..before we even go tto really know eachother.. it was one of the greatestmoments of my life the day i started talking to him.. i wish i could go back in time and change it all over again.. get to know him a lot better then start dating him and never ever talk to paul bout juan and to juan about paul.. i fucked up reall bad and now im always crying, and depressed and i can neevr listen to anything love type.. or hear about it or see it or even read it.. ill go crazy.. i guess i wasnt meant for a relationship i dont know.. my heart hurts.. its been torn many times and i just made it worse.. heh.. come luck i have huh?? and i try ot pray and beileve but hell it never works so why bother half the time.. i dont know.. i hate being depressed.. i cant have fun anymore.. im always down .. and i can never be happy.. i dont know anything anymore.. *sighs* *tears*