so...
SO I woke up having a pit in my stomach....because I realized that I actually need some special person of the opposite sex who I can spend time with and just kind of be completely myself with. I think I need this because I have never experienced it before...I have always been too caught up in the moment and not really caring...or I felt like I didn't. In actuality, I care more than I ever have. Now is a time of great transition when I think it would be really good for me to start making bonds with people who are going to have a special place in my heart. Yes, there are more important things in life than having a significant other...but I think that finding someone who cares about me would make the transition a heck of a lot easier. I think I really need to find someone soon because I am becoming an incredibly unhappy person. I HATE feeling unhappy and so in the dumps....but I feel like I can't shake the feeling that I am going to end up alone in life and that TOTALLY sucks!
The fact that I haven't talked to the shorty from Maryland since Sunday really really bugs me. I know that I bashed him cuz he was an asshole to me....but he is sooo much fun to hang out with and I wish that we were at least friends...it's most definitely putting a cold over my emotional health. I canNOT have emotional problems because that will weaken my immune system and I canNOT get sick!
All my life I have kind of declared that boyfriends don't define me...but more and more lately they or the lacktherof have defined me. They define who I hang out with....where I go....who I talk to.....how I feel...and all the things like that. I don't understand how when all my life I have been perfectly happy being independent and now, seemingly all of a sudden, I feel that I need to have a boyfriend to be happy. I can't watch some movies without getting upset...and that goes for t.v. shows as well. Don't even get me started on cute couples who walk around campus holding hands and kissing! I almost cried this morning walking to class because there was a couple holding hands in front of me...and they just looked in each others eyes and kissed before they had to part and go their separate ways to class. I got the biggest lump in my throat. I used to feel angry and mad towards these people because I didn't think they deserved to be happy if I couldn't....but now it is more of an envious feeling. I wish that I could walk to class with someone holding hands and then get a kiss because they don't want to spend more than a minute away from me....and I would feel the same way. I really don't understand why I feel this way...but I do and it SUCKS!
Off to class.....
~KaT~
The fact that I haven't talked to the shorty from Maryland since Sunday really really bugs me. I know that I bashed him cuz he was an asshole to me....but he is sooo much fun to hang out with and I wish that we were at least friends...it's most definitely putting a cold over my emotional health. I canNOT have emotional problems because that will weaken my immune system and I canNOT get sick!
All my life I have kind of declared that boyfriends don't define me...but more and more lately they or the lacktherof have defined me. They define who I hang out with....where I go....who I talk to.....how I feel...and all the things like that. I don't understand how when all my life I have been perfectly happy being independent and now, seemingly all of a sudden, I feel that I need to have a boyfriend to be happy. I can't watch some movies without getting upset...and that goes for t.v. shows as well. Don't even get me started on cute couples who walk around campus holding hands and kissing! I almost cried this morning walking to class because there was a couple holding hands in front of me...and they just looked in each others eyes and kissed before they had to part and go their separate ways to class. I got the biggest lump in my throat. I used to feel angry and mad towards these people because I didn't think they deserved to be happy if I couldn't....but now it is more of an envious feeling. I wish that I could walk to class with someone holding hands and then get a kiss because they don't want to spend more than a minute away from me....and I would feel the same way. I really don't understand why I feel this way...but I do and it SUCKS!
Off to class.....
~KaT~