Role Reversal....
I haven't posted anything in a really long time it feels like...I have been keeping a lot of things in...which can be all right...but not always....so I'm just gonna write a few things down..
First thing...the biggest thing that has been really bothering me as of late...is Nana...She had lung surgery, then was diagnosed with cancer, then feel and shattered her shoulder last week...good thing i was there on spring break to help her..but this idea of a role reversal is tough on me..and i find myself tearing up sometimes thinking about it...my Nana is such a strong person, always so strong willed and her not having a choice in having being cared for i can see it in her eyes that it kills her to have to do this....One moment in particular right after she fell she couldn't get her clothes on and i had to help her..she had her forehead on my shoulder and i had to put her shirt on and pull up her pants...she kept apologizing for this...i think it was tough for her to let me see her like that...and rely on me...although at the hospital that morning she started accepting it and looked scared when she had to go for x-rays and they wouldn't let me go w/her....she then looked happy the day after when i just walked in w/her for the bone surgeon appointment...but the role reversal is tough for us both...for years now..she has been the one that i would rely on...even when i got the discipleship award in my thank u speech i thanked her the most, saying she was 'the rock i stand on'...now i think she is looking forward to summer because she knows that i will take care of her...i don't really care if my social life is diminished because of it..my true friends (like allie and brett did this week) will come see me.
another thing is Farrah..we have grown very close...i think with Nana being out as support she has really been stepping it up and being so supportive. Something about coincendences really get me. I see different signs that i had seen with all my previous girlfriends...and at first it was a little unsettling..but now i'm starting to think that maybe its because i was attracted to those girls because maybe i was really waiting for Farrah?...that is possible..but she has been sweeter then sweet for me..and has been so supportive and there for me...she has been everything i have asked for and more...
Mom still bothers me so much...last week she drank and at one point accidentally hurt Nanas shoulder...she needs to get her life together....
First thing...the biggest thing that has been really bothering me as of late...is Nana...She had lung surgery, then was diagnosed with cancer, then feel and shattered her shoulder last week...good thing i was there on spring break to help her..but this idea of a role reversal is tough on me..and i find myself tearing up sometimes thinking about it...my Nana is such a strong person, always so strong willed and her not having a choice in having being cared for i can see it in her eyes that it kills her to have to do this....One moment in particular right after she fell she couldn't get her clothes on and i had to help her..she had her forehead on my shoulder and i had to put her shirt on and pull up her pants...she kept apologizing for this...i think it was tough for her to let me see her like that...and rely on me...although at the hospital that morning she started accepting it and looked scared when she had to go for x-rays and they wouldn't let me go w/her....she then looked happy the day after when i just walked in w/her for the bone surgeon appointment...but the role reversal is tough for us both...for years now..she has been the one that i would rely on...even when i got the discipleship award in my thank u speech i thanked her the most, saying she was 'the rock i stand on'...now i think she is looking forward to summer because she knows that i will take care of her...i don't really care if my social life is diminished because of it..my true friends (like allie and brett did this week) will come see me.
another thing is Farrah..we have grown very close...i think with Nana being out as support she has really been stepping it up and being so supportive. Something about coincendences really get me. I see different signs that i had seen with all my previous girlfriends...and at first it was a little unsettling..but now i'm starting to think that maybe its because i was attracted to those girls because maybe i was really waiting for Farrah?...that is possible..but she has been sweeter then sweet for me..and has been so supportive and there for me...she has been everything i have asked for and more...
Mom still bothers me so much...last week she drank and at one point accidentally hurt Nanas shoulder...she needs to get her life together....